9 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Thank you @namastejen1 it was nice while it lasted but back to hell again.. feels like the wave has moved away only to return with a vengeance 😩 

@Fullhealing

I am sorry to hear your window just was a brief visitor. I had a new wave as well, but luckily it almost passed within a day. Not back to baseline, but tolerable. It will fade even though it is hard to believe in the midst of a wave. 

I know, but keep on keeping on, and if possible lean a bit into acceptance. That helped me this time.  We are on this journey together. 🙏💕

17 minutes ago, Haa said:

@Fullhealing

I am sorry to hear your window just was a brief visitor. I had a new wave as well, but luckily it almost passed within a day. Not back to baseline, but tolerable. It will fade even though it is hard to believe in the midst of a wave. 

I know, but keep on keeping on, and if possible lean a bit into acceptance. That helped me this time.  We are on this journey together. 🙏💕

Thank you @Haa luckily it's starting to calm a bit, I felt on such a bad trip all day and thought what the hell could make me feel like this.. well.. DRUGS.. I still don't get how I have any doubt.

So very glad it's subsided for you as well, even if a little is a lot, isn't it?.. hopefully it will get even better 💞 take good care!

Quick update 9:30pm

The storm is fading a bit, not much maybe 10% but a little is a lot.

Burning sensation, muscle stiffness, tinnitus, twitching, restlessness and racing mind, still, but as mentioned a little less.

We'll see how the night goes.

I hope the night goes well for you. It is a tricky thing, the ups and downs with these Rx. But you are close to the end in your tapering, and it can be more difficult at this point. Keep hope that symptoms will even out. Take it slow and stabilize for a while if need be with the taper--as this is the only way to go. Your brain and body will thanks for the snail's pace. 🐌

50 minutes ago, namastejen1 said:

I hope the night goes well for you. It is a tricky thing, the ups and downs with these Rx. But you are close to the end in your tapering, and it can be more difficult at this point. Keep hope that symptoms will even out. Take it slow and stabilize for a while if need be with the taper--as this is the only way to go. Your brain and body will thanks for the snail's pace. 🐌

🙏 good night 💤 

Update 8:30am

Yesterday, one of the worst by far, total dysfunction, sky-high terror with the feeling of fires and restlessness in a black, suicidal and frightening mind, shocking sleep with hallucinations that woke me up drenched in sweat, akathisia, no doubt, indescribable torture, balance seems light years away..

hoping for a turnaround, even a tiny one, all of it starting to get on my already very weak nerves.. trying to accept.. how the hell.. near impossible when the system is firing.. gloomy update, I know, sorry, just sharing with complete openness and honesty, the only place I can do that.

Praying we get out of this quagmire, sooner the better.

I am so sorry for the suffering you are in. My heart goes out to you. Right now you are doing the best you can and you are very courageous, just hanging in there is sometimes all we can do. 

Have you tried to call on Luke or any of the other @facilitator? They might have some suggestions on what and where you can find someting that can help carrying you thru this horrible state. 
Hang on, it will turn. 🙏💕💕

I can tag them for you if you dont have the energi to do so. 

 

3 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 8:30am

Yesterday, one of the worst by far, total dysfunction, sky-high terror with the feeling of fires and restlessness in a black, suicidal and frightening mind, shocking sleep with hallucinations that woke me up drenched in sweat, akathisia, no doubt, indescribable torture, balance seems light years away..

hoping for a turnaround, even a tiny one, all of it starting to get on my already very weak nerves.. trying to accept.. how the hell.. near impossible when the system is firing.. gloomy update, I know, sorry, just sharing with complete openness and honesty, the only place I can do that.

Praying we get out of this quagmire, sooner the better.

Sending you some love @Fullhealing I hate how hard you have this atm. This too shall pass! xxxx

Yes, to let it be until it fades, that's it, any other option would come with a risk that I don't intend to take.

Documentation, survival and a great hope that I will be able to stabilize at some point

Thanks you for the kind words and support @Haa & @Chippy that's mean a lot, often it's the only thing needed.

Edited February 13Feb 13 by Fullhealing

I am hoping that what I am to suggest can help you. Do what you can to focus on a positive memory or elicit a new positive experience and see how it feels in your body. Or splashing cold water on the face about 5-7 times can reset the nervous system. I know that these suggestions may seem strange to do. I might have already suggested them here; sorry to repeat myself, if I have. But either activity can work to shift the brain into a different state, to get some flexibility in the nervous system, and start the pendulation process of evening things out. 

 

I am praying for you. Be well, my friend.

1 hour ago, namastejen1 said:

I am hoping that what I am to suggest can help you. Do what you can to focus on a positive memory or elicit a new positive experience and see how it feels in your body. Or splashing cold water on the face about 5-7 times can reset the nervous system. I know that these suggestions may seem strange to do. I might have already suggested them here; sorry to repeat myself, if I have. But either activity can work to shift the brain into a different state, to get some flexibility in the nervous system, and start the pendulation process of evening things out. 

 

I am praying for you. Be well, my friend.

Thank you @namastejen1 

Edited February 14Feb 14 by Fullhealing

Update 11:30am

Sleep was more bearable, thankfully no hallucinations, although woke up with wild cortisol, heart palpitations, etc. currently a bit better, lower intensity physically and mentally unlike the last two days which hopefully indicates the end of akathisia.

Current symptoms:

Mild burning in upper body, loud tinnitus, stiff and slightly painful muscles in the shoulder area, poor digestion with the usual twitching.

Full blood work tomorrow to rule out deficiencies or other hidden issues, although it's likely withdrawal better to be on the safe side.

Edited February 14Feb 14 by Fullhealing

🙏🙏I see faith and courage in your words,  even though the darkness .

 I will reread in my dark times.

48 minutes ago, mars said:

🙏🙏I see faith and courage in your words,  even though the darkness .

 I will reread in my dark times.

Thank you @mars appreciate the reminder 🙏 at times it's just covered in a thick layer of symptoms but we all have it, we wouldn't have made it this far.

Hope you're doing well today.

Hi @Fullhealing. 

I am miserable.  Lol. Yet I can somehow,  so far, anyway,  always post and read. 

 

Not everything.  I feel bad there are so many people I haven't "met" yet. 

 

Bur I cannot think linearly. I end up replying quite randomly.  Lol this place is growing!

17 minutes ago, mars said:

I am miserable.  Lol. Yet I can somehow,  so far, anyway,  always post and read. 

Well, that's a lot, you express yourself eloquently which is almost impossible when my brain is in constant fog.. I'm with you in the misery tho 😵‍💫

17 minutes ago, mars said:

I feel bad there are so many people I haven't "met" yet. 

Long road for most unfortunately, you'll have time for that..

@Fullhealing. Thanks for such a nurturing reply. The gentleness and generosity around here quite humbles me. I find it difficult to always write in away that cannot be misunderstood or offensive.  But...lol , not possible.  But you model it well. Following!!!

37 minutes ago, mars said:

I find it difficult to always write in away that cannot be misunderstood or offensive.  But...lol , not possible.  But you model it well. Following!!!

@mars it's part of being too honest and direct which doesn't always go down people's throats smoothly, too familiar lol, it's perfectly fine, big heart behind it, I feel it, keep being you, it's great!

Edited February 14Feb 14 by Fullhealing

Short update 22:00pm

Semi-cloudy skies most of the day which means very little burning sensation and extreme restlessness, mind also a little clearer, akathisia out, little peace, hallelujah!!!

Still stiffness and muscle pain in neck/shoulder area, tinnitus still loud, digestion as usual awful but it is well tolerated.

Contradiction..

https://youtube.com/shorts/N_neF2IH7BQ?si=QfIzRSUjLQvZ3EEw

Too true! my last psychiatrist (fired) told me to stop googling looking for troubles. I told him that I was googling due to troubles.. lots of idiots out there..

 

I hope you’re feeling better today. Glad the akasthisia has subsided, I used to have that will sometimes get it. I have tinnitus and shoulder/neck stiffness too, but am so accustomed to them, sadly. A chiropractor is helping me with it, he also does muscle testing to make sure he’s targeting the right areas for adjustment.
We hold so much emotions in our body, so it’s not surprising that all of us have different areas that are fired up. 
Oh, I just watched the short clip on contradictions. Yes, it’s b.s. how the medical field operates. As a therapist, I’m looking to help people taper as I taper, it will be a new area of work for me. But I’m willing to try it and see what happens. I have to coin it as educating not prescribing. I know if at least one prescribing psychologist in the area who is reading up on how to hyperbolic taper – gives me hope!

Edited February 15Feb 15 by namastejen1

Update 18:00pm

Going badly, akathisia faded only to return with revenge from yesterday towards noon and has accompanied me until now along with atomic depression.. my grip on sane reality is loosening and I live in a delusional hell, barely functioning, stuck at home with small outings to work, the solitude that I loved at times, has become my great enemy, faith and hope, the driving and most critical force in this dark journey is beginning to fade as the days pass and there is no balance in sight

I have become a shadow of myself, unrecognizable.

Current symptoms:

Mental: fear, phobia, paranoia, depression, sleep hallucinations.

Physical: burning, stiff muscles, loud tinnitus, twitching, head pressure with dull ache.

Edited February 16Feb 16 by Fullhealing

5 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

faith and hope, t

Keep holding to it.   On day atxa time ..you are doing great.   Don't give up to this evilness....the light at the end of this journey will be brighter than ever....

 

Keep going....

3 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

the driving and most critical force in this dark journey is beginning to fade as the days pass and there is no balance in sight

I have become a shadow of myself, unrecognizable.

May God help.

Hi @Fullhealing Very sorry to be reading of your distress. I can relate 100%, I have had raised Akathisia today

and it's a living hell, not a seconds peace. I see you are on Paxil, the worst there is to get off, Mirt not far behind it.

So yes hard as it is holding is the only way until you balance out. Doable but very hard. Second, minute, hour and day,

Distracting in the best way you have learned how. We are with you ALL the way.

Take great care, and please stay safe,      B.🙏🙏🙏🤞

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Hi @Fullhealing Very sorry to be reading of your distress. I can relate 100%, I have had raised Akathisia today

and it's a living hell, not a seconds peace. I see you are on Paxil, the worst there is to get off, Mirt not far behind it.

So yes hard as it is holding is the only way until you balance out. Doable but very hard. Second, minute, hour and day,

Distracting in the best way you have learned how. We are with you ALL the way.

Take great care, and please stay safe,      B.🙏🙏🙏🤞

@NT1100B thank you so much, that means a lot! I'm truly sorry you suffering as well, Akathisia is pure hell!

we must survive, it just so incredibly hard.

I pray we will meet easier days very soon 🙏🙏

 

Edited February 16Feb 16 by Fullhealing