2 hours ago, Raymond said:

Morning update...

Feeling blah

My head on left side feels Heavy.  Then it Shift to Righ side.

Fear symptoms in the background on and off but not intense..

Little sound crystals in my ears but not intense 

Feel energized 

Stomach feels like loose or fatigue

Muscle pain moving around but not intense.

The headache is back on my left back side but not intense.   It's on and off.  Like telling me, I'm going to get you.....

Concentration is lower today...

 

Let's continue this journey with hope and faith.  

 

Afternoon update...

 

Headache move tonlike middle back of head and kneck..

Definitely seems like some work is being done in your head .Maybe think of it as some renovation work you are having done .whilst the workers are there it's disruptive noisy ,mess everywhere and stressful.  Takes a few days to complete but once they have finished you relax slightly and enjoy your new space ...sorry for this last bit but until the next renovation . Well you do have a lot of rooms in your head / house 🙃😄

55 minutes ago, Beehive said:

Definitely seems like some work is being done in your head .Maybe think of it as some renovation work you are having done .whilst the workers are there it's disruptive noisy ,mess everywhere and stressful.  Takes a few days to complete but once they have finished you relax slightly and enjoy your new space ...sorry for this last bit but until the next renovation . Well you do have a lot of rooms in your head / house 🙃😄

😊😄 this how I look at it...I sometimes don't know if complain or just be thanksful that my brain is healing more...

 

Headache is gone again...

None of us know ,it doesn't come with an instruction book . If we had a broken limb we would be in plaster and told maybe 6 to 8 weeks you will be good to go.  The brain is the unknown yes we know neuroplasicity exists but its not like mending a broken bone . We have neurotransmitters ,synapses, neural pathways ,gaba ,glutamate getting into a balancing act ,receptors being grown downregulated as well as its daily chores of keeping us functions on a basic level .I suppose we have our work cut out coming off these tablets and the best way I suppose is to support the brain as much as possible and ourselves until it reaches homeostasis.  Might sound silly but I quite often thank my body for all the work it does keeping me going . Sorry for my ramblings it just flows sometimes 🤣

17 minutes ago, Beehive said:

quite often thank my body for all the work it does keeping me going

I think this is important. Our brain, body, CNS is doing amazing work despite these drugs. ❤️🙏

03/28/2026- cortisol again, pressure head with bunch of different thoughts, but no panic.....

 

Yesterday, I had somehow a good day, but the brain was on constant pressure and anxious moving from side to side of head.  Also, muscle stiffness and pain doing some moving around as well... muscle pain mainly shoulder and neck area.

 

This morning, I woke up again with cortisol around 5am with pressure on head and different kind of intrusive thoughts but no panic or jumping symptoms.   The minute I opened my eyes, walked for few minutes, it was gone.   Yet, I don't think I can go back to sleep, but I can stay in bed...

 

My issues usually are between 7am to 10 am.  Then, I get better.....l am hoping I can accomplish a lot.  My house is a mess and I lost the enjoyment of even cleaning and feel like staying in bed or in my couch doing anything, but I have to start cleaning and today will be a cleaning day....

 

Let see how it goes today and hopefully, I get my motivation back....

 

Also, it's being more than 12 days, I don't get the burning and anxiety sensation in my left side of body.

 

Main symptoms are sometimes fatigue or anxiety chest area, sometimes fear sensation in stomach area, headache, emotionally numbness, tinnitus very minimal, lack of motivation, brain fog minimal......these symptoms are not all at once randomly come on and off..

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will heal...

Edited March 28Mar 28 by Raymond
Adding comments

25 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/28/2026- cortisol again, pressure head with bunch of different thoughts, but no panic.....

 

Yesterday, I had somehow a good day, but the brain was on constant pressure and anxious moving from side to side of head.  Also, muscle stiffness and pain doing some moving around as well... muscle pain mainly shoulder and neck area.

 

This morning, I woke up again with cortisol around 5am with pressure on head and different kind of intrusive thoughts but no panic or jumping symptoms.   The minute I opened my eyes, walked for few minutes, it was gone.   Yet, I don't think I can go back to sleep, but I can stay in bed...

 

My issues usually are between 7am to 10 am.  Then, I get better.....l am hoping I can accomplish a lot.  My house is a mess and I lost the enjoyment of even cleaning and feel like staying in bed or in my couch doing anything, but I have to start cleaning and today will be a cleaning day....

 

Let see how it goes today and hopefully, I get my motivation back....

 

Also, it's being more than 12 days, I don't get the burning and anxiety sensation in my left side of body.

 

Main symptoms are sometimes fatigue or anxiety chest area, sometimes fear sensation in stomach area, headache, emotionally numbness, tinnitus very minimal, lack of motivation, brain fog minimal......these symptoms are not all at once randomly come on and off..

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will heal...

It's hard when the desire doesn't come naturally @Raymond but "with food comes the appetite", If you can push yourself to tidy up a bit, it might give you some relief, at least during the activity itself, when your mind is busy with tasks things take on a different proportion.

I hope the rest of the symptoms go away soon, they're suck and yet you're making such a great progress.

Edited March 28Mar 28 by Fullhealing

03/29/2026- cortisol again recovery process...

 

Yesterday was a good day.  I was able to accomplish few things around the house and prepared my garden for planting my own fruits and vegetables.   I did have minor ups and downs during morning hours between 7am to 9am, but it was ok...

 

This morning, I woke up around 4am with the cortisol feeling  little head pressure caused by intrusive thoughts.  I also experienced little anxiety/burning sensations but not as I used to feel it all  around certain parts of my body.  I used to feel it, for instance, all around upper left arm, or upper head area.  Now, it was more like little patches of anxiety/crawling sensation in different areas and not the entire area as I used to feel it.  For example, instead of the entire face, I small area of right cheek, small area of my left upper arm, small area top left head...only for few minutes....

 

Although I woke up earlier than usual, I went back to sleep.  I was just relaxing but I believe I slept more.

 

Body feels little anxious and head feels little pressure with few thoughs.

 

Let see how I end up today as I continue to move forward.....

 

In the name of Jesus Christ who can still heal us today......

10 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/29/2026- cortisol again recovery process...

 

Yesterday was a good day.  I was able to accomplish few things around the house and prepared my garden for planting my own fruits and vegetables.   I did have minor ups and downs during morning hours between 7am to 9am, but it was ok...

 

This morning, I woke up around 4am with the cortisol feeling  little head pressure caused by intrusive thoughts.  I also experienced little anxiety/burning sensations but not as I used to feel it all  around certain parts of my body.  I used to feel it, for instance, all around upper left arm, or upper head area.  Now, it was more like little patches of anxiety/crawling sensation in different areas and not the entire area as I used to feel it.  For example, instead of the entire face, I small area of right cheek, small area of my left upper arm, small area top left head...only for few minutes....

 

Although I woke up earlier than usual, I went back to sleep.  I was just relaxing but I believe I slept more.

 

Body feels little anxious and head feels little pressure with few thoughs.

 

Let see how I end up today as I continue to move forward.....

 

In the name of Jesus Christ who can still heal us today......

Managed to achieve things despite.. great stuff @Raymond you're doing great as usual, hope it gets clearer for you as the day goes on.

Edited March 29Mar 29 by Fullhealing

All sounds good to me ,you are definitely on the right path ,few obstacles along the way but nothing you can't handle . Pleased for you keep going you are doing great ! 

3 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/29/2026- cortisol again recovery process...

 

Yesterday was a good day.  I was able to accomplish few things around the house and prepared my garden for planting my own fruits and vegetables.   I did have minor ups and downs during morning hours between 7am to 9am, but it was ok...

 

This morning, I woke up around 4am with the cortisol feeling  little head pressure caused by intrusive thoughts.  I also experienced little anxiety/burning sensations but not as I used to feel it all  around certain parts of my body.  I used to feel it, for instance, all around upper left arm, or upper head area.  Now, it was more like little patches of anxiety/crawling sensation in different areas and not the entire area as I used to feel it.  For example, instead of the entire face, I small area of right cheek, small area of my left upper arm, small area top left head...only for few minutes....

 

Although I woke up earlier than usual, I went back to sleep.  I was just relaxing but I believe I slept more.

 

Body feels little anxious and head feels little pressure with few thoughs.

 

Let see how I end up today as I continue to move forward.....

 

In the name of Jesus Christ who can still heal us today......

Afternoon update....

 

A little more anxious than yesterday.....

Mind all over today....

03/30/2026- 4 days cortisol back and recovery process...

 

Yesterday was good day with few little and minor issues.  

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up around 4am again with the cortisol and the anxiety.  What I have noticed in the last four days is that the anxiety is coming in different spot area of body and not an entire feeling in an specific area.   

 

I also feel hot.

Tinnitus on and off

I'm able to do things but with no enjoyment mostly.   

Concentration is on and off.

I can't meditation as I was doing.  It also changes constantly.

 

Yesterday, I ate more than usual.  

 

I have to move around in order to go back to sleep and relax a little bit more..

Edited March 30Mar 30 by Raymond
Adding comments

11 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/30/2026- 4 days cortisol back and recovery process...

 

Yesterday was good day with few little and minor issues.  

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up around 4am again with the cortisol and the anxiety.  What I have noticed in the last four days is that the anxiety is coming in different spot area of body and not an entire feeling in an specific area.   

 

I have to move around in order to go back to sleep and relax a little bit more..

daily reminder to focus on the good things and only focus on the symptoms when you need to do stuff to ease them or they are too strong, in that case you surrender to your body and ride the wave.

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/30/2026- 4 days cortisol back and recovery process...

 

Yesterday was good day with few little and minor issues.  

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up around 4am again with the cortisol and the anxiety.  What I have noticed in the last four days is that the anxiety is coming in different spot area of body and not an entire feeling in an specific area.   

 

I also feel hot.

Tinnitus on and off

I'm able to do things but with no enjoyment mostly.   

Concentration is on and off.

I can't meditation as I was doing.  It also changes constantly.

 

Yesterday, I ate more than usual.  

 

I have to move around in order to go back to sleep and relax a little bit more..

Note.....

 

Not to long ago, I spoke to the team of Dr. Hortbiz about Tapering.   They are in Texas which it is good for me.  I had few questions about tapering and when I should be ready.

 

Since, I still get fear, anxiety, burning sensations, not strong, but still showing up, and this symptoms are in the early mornings that I should wait until those symptoms fade away and gone for at least 6 weeks.

 

I have never gotten six weeks straight without those symptoms.  The most probably like 10 to 15 days before they repeated again.  The afternoons are a lot better for me.  I start getting better mostly after 9am.  

 

But for tapering, I need to have a consistency  mornings and afternoons feeling manageable without those fear, anxiety, burning sensations symptoms.  

 

Therefore, I need to continue holding and hopefully, all it's gone again and longer.

 

Do I feel better than my first months on this journey, yes, but I am not there yet ..

 

Let see if I get better in the name of Jesucrist.......

7 hours ago, Raymond said:

Note.....

 

Not to long ago, I spoke to the team of Dr. Hortbiz about Tapering.   They are in Texas which it is good for me.  I had few questions about tapering and when I should be ready.

 

Since, I still get fear, anxiety, burning sensations, not strong, but still showing up, and this symptoms are in the early mornings that I should wait until those symptoms fade away and gone for at least 6 weeks.

 

I have never gotten six weeks straight without those symptoms.  The most probably like 10 to 15 days before they repeated again.  The afternoons are a lot better for me.  I start getting better mostly after 9am.  

 

But for tapering, I need to have a consistency  mornings and afternoons feeling manageable without those fear, anxiety, burning sensations symptoms.  

 

Therefore, I need to continue holding and hopefully, all it's gone again and longer.

 

Do I feel better than my first months on this journey, yes, but I am not there yet ..

 

Let see if I get better in the name of Jesucrist.......

Afternoon update....

I was falling asleep for a nap and suddenly, I jump into little panic and fear for a second...this was gone but I guess came back less intense....

03/31/2026- cortisol and little mess recovery process.....

 

This morning, I slept a little bit better than yesterday.  I woke up around 4am, but I went back to sleep until 530am when I felt my brain on anxiety.  Then, I woke up, took my dose, stayed in bed relaxing until time to start working.

 

I thought that after the hour changes, I was going to sleep until 7am, but I guess not.  It doesn't matter the time changes, I still wake up same time.  Sometimes, I can wake up early with no head anxiety or pressure and I will be fine as I feel good, but when cortisol hit me with anxiety or pressure, it's when it throws me off a little bit.

 

This morning is a little better than yesterday.   It seems that my major problems are from 6am to 9am.  After that, I start to feel better.  Yet, I haven't had a window where I can feel my body relax.  After I entered month 10 with old symptoms , I am pretty much feeling same symptoms as my terrible first months, but a lot less intense.  I am greatful for this.

 

Currently, I'm feeling little better than yesterday.  Now, my upper right hand muscle pain and stiffness.  Back of neck stiffness on and off.  Chest area feels little fatigue, but I feel energized.   I don't have work fear sensation, but still little anxious.

 

I little head pressure but able to work and ignore my thoughts...

 

I still get morning fear but less intense.   Like minimal, but I'm not there yet ..

 

Napping - I'm getting those panic, jolt fear symptoms again, but only last a second and does not create anxiety which it is good sign of healing.   Last year, it used to leave me with fear and anxiety for hours.  Now, it just a second and no anxiety...

 

Overall, I'm fine and trying to move on and concentrate at work....

 

In Jesus name, we will heal..

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

03/31/2026- cortisol and little mess recovery process.....

 

This morning, I slept a little bit better than yesterday.  I woke up around 4am, but I went back to sleep until 530am when I felt my brain on anxiety.  Then, I woke up, took my dose, stayed in bed relaxing until time to start working.

 

I thought that after the hour changes, I was going to sleep until 7am, but I guess not.  It doesn't matter the time changes, I still wake up same time.  Sometimes, I can wake up early with no head anxiety or pressure and I will be fine as I feel good, but when cortisol hit me with anxiety or pressure, it's when it throws me off a little bit.

 

This morning is a little better than yesterday.   It seems that my major problems are from 6am to 9am.  After that, I start to feel better.  Yet, I haven't had a window where I can feel my body relax.  After I entered month 10 with old symptoms , I am pretty much feeling same symptoms as my terrible first months, but a lot less intense.  I am greatful for this.

 

Currently, I'm feeling little better than yesterday.  Now, my upper right hand muscle pain and stiffness.  Back of neck stiffness on and off.  Chest area feels little fatigue, but I feel energized.   I don't have work fear sensation, but still little anxious.

 

I little head pressure but able to work and ignore my thoughts...

 

I still get morning fear but less intense.   Like minimal, but I'm not there yet ..

 

Napping - I'm getting those panic, jolt fear symptoms again, but only last a second and does not create anxiety which it is good sign of healing.   Last year, it used to leave me with fear and anxiety for hours.  Now, it just a second and no anxiety...

 

Overall, I'm fine and trying to move on and concentrate at work....

 

In Jesus name, we will heal..

I definitely relate to the feeling of it's not quite there...

You're doing so well but the system has its rhythm, eventually the gaps will connect and maybe then you'll feel ready to move on.. you're very attentive to your body so only you know when it's right.

Keep fighting bravley.

Edited March 31Mar 31 by Fullhealing

Cheering you own @Raymond you have got this. Your commiment to stablity is commendable. It will help your taper, not doubt!

As others have said you really seem to have a handle on all this and you don't sound like you are letting that second fear get anywhere near you ,that's great .You may be having the same old symptoms but it seems your baseline is definitely getting stronger . Carry on the good work you are doing great 😊

5 minutes ago, Beehive said:

As others have said you really seem to have a handle on all this and you don't sound like you are letting that second fear get anywhere near you ,that's great .You may be having the same old symptoms but it seems your baseline is definitely getting stronger . Carry on the good work you are doing great 😊

@Beehive....thanks!  I am definitely seeing improvement and I hope for the next weeks or months, I get to a point where I feel strong enough to continue my taper. 

 

I have other mild symptoms that I don't mention because they don't bother me.  The ones that bothers me are anxiety sensations, fear sensation, cortisol issues, burning sensation.    These are the ones that I need them to fade away for long period before I can resume my taper.  They are a lot better of course, but not where I need to be.   

 

When I spoke to dr. Hortbiz taper team, they recommended to wait until those symptoms fades away for at least 6 weeks.  I have been up and down and never had More than ten days without those symptoms.

 

What I have noticed is that the waves are more like for three hours in the morning with those symptoms.   It seems they are getting shorter and fading away slowly...

 

I hope in the next months, I get I better stability and stronger system to taper again...

 

Let's hope..... patience 

The symptoms that bother you the most do seem cortisol related . I believe if we can get the cortisol regulated and not misfiring we are well on our way...hope for easier times for us all 🙏

Just now, Beehive said:

The symptoms that bother you the most do seem cortisol related . I believe if we can get the cortisol regulated and not misfiring we are well on our way...hope for easier times for us all 🙏

Definitely, they are cortisol related.

I'm trying to take one day at a time...

I'm in the thick of it at the moment definitely giving into second fear not mastered it yet ...woke up in tears and sadness felt slightly better then got hit with the cortisol shake up the type no amount of Epsom salt baths and breathing exercises will conquer I know I'm my own worst enemy regarding second fear it dangles its bait and yes I tend to bite ...must do better and accept it may take a while.  One day at a time that's all we can do 🙏

19 minutes ago, Beehive said:

I'm in the thick of it at the moment definitely giving into second fear not mastered it yet ...woke up in tears and sadness felt slightly better then got hit with the cortisol shake up the type no amount of Epsom salt baths and breathing exercises will conquer I know I'm my own worst enemy regarding second fear it dangles its bait and yes I tend to bite ...must do better and accept it may take a while.  One day at a time that's all we can do 🙏

it takes a while to master the art of dealing with symptoms, even when i talk about accepting, it took me a long time to accept, a year+, it's just at some point your brain gets used to withdrawal in a way (as well as your spirit), so it doesn't affect you as badly.

Definitely with me its the lack of control that's hard to accept . If I could just accept uncertainty and the feeling of losing control I will be sorted 😊