8 hours ago, gardengirl2 said:

I'll be anxious to see how you progress. I wish you the best!

xxoo Jamie

Same to you.   We will get out of this mess.

 

Go slow and specially below 5mg....

03/22/2026- better days recovery process...

 

Yesterday was another good day.  I was able to do few things around the house, went with older son to do errands, ate with four of my children outside while doing some supermarket shopping, and watch a movie with children and ate popcorn before went to bed.

 

This morning, I woke up around 620am.  I finally got to pass my 530am...no cortisol, no intrusive thoughts, nothing.   I just woke up...

 

It's being a week now since my sleep improved again and no cortisol rush or anxiety.   I feel little more energized in the mornings.  I do sometimes get little anxious for like two hours, but it goes away too.  

 

My morning fear kind of faded away a lot more so far.  Although, I sometimes feel it in the background, but not an intense feeling.  Its like telling me, I'm going to get you... 😂 But I just ignored it..

 

If I continue with good sleep in the next couple of weeks, I will consider dropping a tiny amount...

 

I also feel like I want to drop without being scared...

 

Again, I should just drop from .716g to .0714g just to test waters.   I don't think a .0002g drop will cost a difference in my CNS, but I don't want to be impatient.... 😂 Terrible to make decisions......

 

Also, in the last week for the first time in 15 months, despite of waking up 530am, I go back to sleep until 730 or more without cortisol spike or anxiety....one entire week so far......

 

So, I need few weeks before cutting again.... fingers crossed and a lot of prayers...

 

Symptoms that are gone for months now...

Headache 

Muscle stiffness and joint pain

Stomach issues - it comes and go but a lot less intense 

Anxiety on left side

Burning sensation 

 

Symptoms that I might experience on and off but a lot less intense...these symptoms are not every day.  I experienced them in different days and not all at once...

 

Morning fear

Lack of concentration 

Anxiousness 

Desire to constantly do something 

Lack of motivation 

Tinnitus 

Tiredness 

Numbness feelings 

Slowness...

 

 

I just need my psychological symptoms to fade away...I can handle the physical symptoms...

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will heal...

 

57 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/22/2026- better days recovery process...

 

Yesterday was another good day.  I was able to do few things around the house, went with older son to do errands, ate with four of my children outside while doing some supermarket shopping, and watch a movie with children and ate popcorn before went to bed.

 

This morning, I woke up around 620am.  I finally got to pass my 530am...no cortisol, no intrusive thoughts, nothing.   I just woke up...

 

It's being a week now since my sleep improved again and no cortisol rush or anxiety.   I feel little more energized in the mornings.  I do sometimes get little anxious for like two hours, but it goes away too.  

 

My morning fear kind of faded away a lot more so far.  Although, I sometimes feel it in the background, but not an intense feeling.  Its like telling me, I'm going to get you... 😂 But I just ignored it..

 

If I continue with good sleep in the next couple of weeks, I will consider dropping a tiny amount...

 

I also feel like I want to drop without being scared...

 

Again, I should just drop from .716g to .0714g just to test waters.   I don't think a .0002g drop will cost a difference in my CNS, but I don't want to be impatient.... 😂 Terrible to make decisions......

 

Also, in the last week for the first time in 15 months, despite of waking up 530am, I go back to sleep until 730 or more without cortisol spike or anxiety....one entire week so far......

 

So, I need few weeks before cutting again.... fingers crossed and a lot of prayers...

 

Symptoms that are gone for months now...

Headache 

Muscle stiffness and joint pain

Stomach issues - it comes and go but a lot less intense 

Anxiety on left side

Burning sensation 

 

Symptoms that I might experience on and off but a lot less intense...these symptoms are not every day.  I experienced them in different days and not all at once...

 

Morning fear

Lack of concentration 

Anxiousness 

Desire to constantly do something 

Lack of motivation 

Tinnitus 

Tiredness 

Numbness feelings 

Slowness...

 

 

I just need my psychological symptoms to fade away...I can handle the physical symptoms...

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will heal...

 

I am so pleased to read that you are continuing to improve @Raymond your determination and strength are paying off, wonderful.

I wish you the easiest possible reduction when you decide it is time!

3 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

I am so pleased to read that you are continuing to improve @Raymond your determination and strength are paying off, wonderful.

I wish you the easiest possible reduction when you decide it is time!

Thanks and definitely you are my inspiration.  With all of the things you have to deal with and able to continue Tapering....wow...that's amazing!!!!

 

 

03/23/2026- a week with better sleep and no cortisol recovery process...

 

Yesterday was another good day with only psychical little symptoms.  I felt like slow toward the end of the late afternoon and the desire to move and do things.  Overall, it's being a week or more since I started to feel a lot better...

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up one time and two dreams.  Then, I woke up as usual 530am to get ready to take my dose, and back to bed until time to start working..

 

What I noticed in the last week, is that I can continue in bed with no rush or cortisol issues and fall asleep again many times.  I sometimes just feel relax.  Yet, I can stay in bed.

 

I slept 7 hours, so it's good to have that back and I can take naps too, but unfortunately, my two year old daughter continues to wake me up every time... 😆 

 

I still feel a tiny burning sensation during my few morning hours, but not bad.  Once I move around it goes away.  However, it's very very tiny sensation.  Also, the fear sensation it's like tiny sensation in the background....it also goes away quickly...

 

Main symptoms are 

Tinnitus in the morning.  Sometimes I don't even feel it if I don't pay attention...

Feeling unmotivated in the morning or tired

No enjoyment once in a while even though I do things 

 

Let see about my concentration at work ..

 

Stomach is being better but still few gasses...

 

Let's continue holding for few more weeks.  However, I feel like doing my Tapering...

 

I'm trying to give few more weeks before doing it....

11 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/23/2026- a week with better sleep and no cortisol recovery process...

 

Yesterday was another good day with only psychical little symptoms.  I felt like slow toward the end of the late afternoon and the desire to move and do things.  Overall, it's being a week or more since I started to feel a lot better...

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up one time and two dreams.  Then, I woke up as usual 530am to get ready to take my dose, and back to bed until time to start working..

 

What I noticed in the last week, is that I can continue in bed with no rush or cortisol issues and fall asleep again many times.  I sometimes just feel relax.  Yet, I can stay in bed.

 

I slept 7 hours, so it's good to have that back and I can take naps too, but unfortunately, my two year old daughter continues to wake me up every time... 😆 

 

I still feel a tiny burning sensation during my few morning hours, but not bad.  Once I move around it goes away.  However, it's very very tiny sensation.  Also, the fear sensation it's like tiny sensation in the background....it also goes away quickly...

 

Main symptoms are 

Tinnitus in the morning.  Sometimes I don't even feel it if I don't pay attention...

Feeling unmotivated in the morning or tired

No enjoyment once in a while even though I do things 

 

Let see about my concentration at work ..

 

Stomach is being better but still few gasses...

 

Let's continue holding for few more weeks.  However, I feel like doing my Tapering...

 

I'm trying to give few more weeks before doing it....

You are progressing really well here Raymon! I think you are right, hang there just a bit more and see how stable you can get. 🙂 

29 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/23/2026- a week with better sleep and no cortisol recovery process...

 

Yesterday was another good day with only psychical little symptoms.  I felt like slow toward the end of the late afternoon and the desire to move and do things.  Overall, it's being a week or more since I started to feel a lot better...

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up one time and two dreams.  Then, I woke up as usual 530am to get ready to take my dose, and back to bed until time to start working..

 

What I noticed in the last week, is that I can continue in bed with no rush or cortisol issues and fall asleep again many times.  I sometimes just feel relax.  Yet, I can stay in bed.

 

I slept 7 hours, so it's good to have that back and I can take naps too, but unfortunately, my two year old daughter continues to wake me up every time... 😆 

 

I still feel a tiny burning sensation during my few morning hours, but not bad.  Once I move around it goes away.  However, it's very very tiny sensation.  Also, the fear sensation it's like tiny sensation in the background....it also goes away quickly...

 

Main symptoms are 

Tinnitus in the morning.  Sometimes I don't even feel it if I don't pay attention...

Feeling unmotivated in the morning or tired

No enjoyment once in a while even though I do things 

 

Let see about my concentration at work ..

 

Stomach is being better but still few gasses...

 

Let's continue holding for few more weeks.  However, I feel like doing my Tapering...

 

I'm trying to give few more weeks before doing it....

Fantastic @Raymond seems like you're getting closer and closer to your next cut!

So pleased for you.

keep up your great work!

Edited March 23Mar 23 by Fullhealing

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

You are progressing really well here Raymon! I think you are right, hang there just a bit more and see how stable you can get. 🙂 

@Chippy....you are totally right...I need to have patience and continue holding...

 

Sometimes, I think to just go from .0716g to .0714g.  only .0002g reduction.....

 

I will ignore my mind.... patience is the key.   If I get, at least, five to six weeks feeling the same with no major changes, then, I will consider the reduction...

 

I don't think that tiny amount will cause major issues, but better to wait just a little bit....

 

Can't wait to be at 2mg....

2 minutes ago, Raymond said:

@Chippy....you are totally right...I need to have patience and continue holding...

 

Sometimes, I think to just go from .0716g to .0714g.  only .0002g reduction.....

 

I will ignore my mind.... patience is the key.   If I get, at least, five to six weeks feeling the same with no major changes, then, I will consider the reduction...

 

I don't think that tiny amount will cause major issues, but better to wait just a little bit....

 

Can't wait to be at 2mg....

That’s it mate. Don’t risk all your hard work. 

I used to be like that in such a hurry to get to the end and be off and I get it its what we all want .Then after several crashes and all the pain and suffering I began to think that is it worth the hurry. I  would get stable for a little while and drop again to be followed by horrendous symptons so not being able to capatilise on the stability and considered what it was doing to my body . So my thinking now is when I'm stable I'm going to remain here and actually start to enjoy my life and do things in other words function and make the most of it ,ok I'm still on the drug but I will be able to engage in life and make plans and not think about the end game .Obviously I'm still going for zero but not in a hurry to get there .Maybe for some the goal to get to zero makes you forget there is a life out there to be lived and it can be enjoyed if you just hold that stability and not rock the boat .sorry just rambling and probably just talking to myself lol 😊

11 minutes ago, Beehive said:

I used to be like that in such a hurry to get to the end and be off and I get it its what we all want .Then after several crashes and all the pain and suffering I began to think that is it worth the hurry. I  would get stable for a little while and drop again to be followed by horrendous symptons so not being able to capatilise on the stability and considered what it was doing to my body . So my thinking now is when I'm stable I'm going to remain here and actually start to enjoy my life and do things in other words function and make the most of it ,ok I'm still on the drug but I will be able to engage in life and make plans and not think about the end game .Obviously I'm still going for zero but not in a hurry to get there .Maybe for some the goal to get to zero makes you forget there is a life out there to be lived and it can be enjoyed if you just hold that stability and not rock the boat .sorry just rambling and probably just talking to myself lol 😊

Hello @Beehive!   

 

You are totally right.   There is a podcast from Chris Paige that he mentioned the same thing.  It's about reinstated and holding until almost all symptoms are gone.  It took him three and years and he still on one medication after three meds.  It's being 9 years now, but he enjoys life too.

 

He said that when CNS is very stable, going down it's a lot easier.  You might get mild symptoms for like a day, but it resolves quickly too.

 

I am fortunate that I have been enjoying life even when my emotions are just numb....yet, I can't complain since there are people in worst position...

 

I hope you stabilize enough and enjoy life as well...

 

Thanks for your encouragement to hold and to enjoy life even with the drug....

Oh well I'm not so daft after all 😂I'm glad you are able to enjoy life . Yes I was thinking of the many that are so focused on getting off that there not participating in life . 

@Raymond @Beehive  Your discussion above rings true with what my thinking has been lately. I’m 76 and I’m closer to the end of the road than the beginning. Unfortunately I’m on 2 meds due to the ignorance of my psych provider and my stupidity for allowing it. But here I am. I’m tapering off the doxepin and it’s been hell so far. Probably because I have a history of being on & off these kinds of meds, thus I’m likely having so much trouble due to kindling. I was put on 50mg of doxepin a year ago and I’m now at 29.6. I’ve decided that my goal is to get to 25mg and call it quits there. I don’t want to spend the next couple years at least going through the agony of trying to get to zero. I want some peace. I shared this with Horowitz and he concurred it was a reasonable thing to do. He did recommend however that I try to get my mirtazapine down from 7.5 to 3.75mg. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. The main point being I’m not trying to get to zero anymore , and there’s some relief in knowing that. The road ahead doesn’t seem as long and dark anymore. 

I believe you have done the right thing for you. We can get so caught up with this getting to zero ,obviously some people need to if they are not tolerating the medication, but if you get to a stable point enjoy it make the most of it and then later continue to taper but not at the detriment of your health .I suppose you weigh up what's more important to you .

This sounds like great progress, I’m happy for you @Raymond!

People might be interested in the podcast you were talking about. I think I found it. It’s a very good conversation. 
https://youtu.be/XYs7T3UilpA?is=ykTTWixJZqXmqUmf

 

 

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/23/2026- a week with better sleep and no cortisol recovery process...

 

Yesterday was another good day with only psychical little symptoms.  I felt like slow toward the end of the late afternoon and the desire to move and do things.  Overall, it's being a week or more since I started to feel a lot better...

 

I went to sleep around 10pm, woke up one time and two dreams.  Then, I woke up as usual 530am to get ready to take my dose, and back to bed until time to start working..

 

What I noticed in the last week, is that I can continue in bed with no rush or cortisol issues and fall asleep again many times.  I sometimes just feel relax.  Yet, I can stay in bed.

 

I slept 7 hours, so it's good to have that back and I can take naps too, but unfortunately, my two year old daughter continues to wake me up every time... 😆 

 

I still feel a tiny burning sensation during my few morning hours, but not bad.  Once I move around it goes away.  However, it's very very tiny sensation.  Also, the fear sensation it's like tiny sensation in the background....it also goes away quickly...

 

Main symptoms are 

Tinnitus in the morning.  Sometimes I don't even feel it if I don't pay attention...

Feeling unmotivated in the morning or tired

No enjoyment once in a while even though I do things 

 

Let see about my concentration at work ..

 

Stomach is being better but still few gasses...

 

Let's continue holding for few more weeks.  However, I feel like doing my Tapering...

 

I'm trying to give few more weeks before doing it....

Morning update...

Little body anxiousness that kind of trying to throw off my concentration, but manageable...

 

I have been getting like five days good and two days little off so far...

 

I need longer days.  I'm getting there.

 

 

Looking back 15 months, I have had a lot more good days than bad ones...of course, after my first three to four months of hell...

 

Despite the anxious body, I feel more energy and ready for a walk during my break....

 

1 hour ago, Pokey449 said:

@Raymond @Beehive  Your discussion above rings true with what my thinking has been lately. I’m 76 and I’m closer to the end of the road than the beginning. Unfortunately I’m on 2 meds due to the ignorance of my psych provider and my stupidity for allowing it. But here I am. I’m tapering off the doxepin and it’s been hell so far. Probably because I have a history of being on & off these kinds of meds, thus I’m likely having so much trouble due to kindling. I was put on 50mg of doxepin a year ago and I’m now at 29.6. I’ve decided that my goal is to get to 25mg and call it quits there. I don’t want to spend the next couple years at least going through the agony of trying to get to zero. I want some peace. I shared this with Horowitz and he concurred it was a reasonable thing to do. He did recommend however that I try to get my mirtazapine down from 7.5 to 3.75mg. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. The main point being I’m not trying to get to zero anymore , and there’s some relief in knowing that. The road ahead doesn’t seem as long and dark anymore. 

@Pokey449.   If I was in the same boat as you, I will just do what you are doing.  I think it's the right choice for you.  No body should be on this painful journey.  However, since we are on this journey, it's best to find stability and enjoy life.

 

I'm 50 yrs and still with small children and definitely need to continue working...I am at 4.79mg from 20mg and feeling better despite the ups and down.  It might take me another five years to come off, and planning to go slow so I can enjoy life too.  

 

I totally agree with you.  

03/24/2026- recovery process continues...

 

Yesterday, I had body anxiousness during the day that kind of took away little concentration.  Then, it got better in the afternoon as always.   Although I did not feel mind and body relaxed the way I will love to, it was a good day...

 

I went to sleep around 11pm and woke up around 340am, but I think I went back to sleep until like 540 when I wake up to start my day.

 

No cortisol, but little intrusive thoughts and little head pressure.  No major issues.

 

Let see how my day end up as morning passes by.   

 

I still get little morning fear.   I hope morning motivation come back again...

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will all heal 

Sounds like you are moving forward , that's brilliant! I do wonder sometimes about this morning fear ,is it a learned behaviour? Also my thinking for me about bad mornings and good evenings is that in the evening everything kind of shuts down as in less responsibility and knowing you are not accountable for everything it all feels safe but the mornings are the start of a new day ,not sure what's ahead full of doing things and responsibilities work shopping etc time when we need to face up to things ..again this is just relatable to myself 🤔 and yes I do know cortisol is highest in the morning and lowers as the day goes on .

51 minutes ago, Raymond said:

03/24/2026- recovery process continues...

 

Yesterday, I had body anxiousness during the day that kind of took away little concentration.  Then, it got better in the afternoon as always.   Although I did not feel mind and body relaxed the way I will love to, it was a good day...

 

I went to sleep around 11pm and woke up around 340am, but I think I went back to sleep until like 540 when I wake up to start my day.

 

No cortisol, but little intrusive thoughts and little head pressure.  No major issues.

 

Let see how my day end up as morning passes by.   

 

I still get little morning fear.   I hope morning motivation come back again...

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will all heal 

Sounds good except for some remaining symptoms that you are dealing with excellently, they will fade.

Hope your day goes smoothly and pleasantly.

21 minutes ago, Beehive said:

Sounds like you are moving forward , that's brilliant! I do wonder sometimes about this morning fear ,is it a learned behaviour? Also my thinking for me about bad mornings and good evenings is that in the evening everything kind of shuts down as in less responsibility and knowing you are not accountable for everything it all feels safe but the mornings are the start of a new day ,not sure what's ahead full of doing things and responsibilities work shopping etc time when we need to face up to things ..again this is just relatable to myself 🤔 and yes I do know cortisol is highest in the morning and lowers as the day goes on .

Yes, morning fear sensation is one symptom that it's improving slowly again.  It was gone between my month 5 to 8 on this journey, but came back around month 10 badly.  Around month 13, it started fading away.  Now it just like a background noise but not every day.  I am seeing improvement.

 

Unfortunately, it's a slow process.  However, I am in a lot better position now then my first 8 months.   I seeing improvement, but I'm still not there yet.

 

I am hoping this will fade away eventually...

3 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Sounds good except for some remaining symptoms that you are dealing with excellently, they will fade.

Hope your day goes smoothly and pleasantly.

Thanks...

 

I just need my morning fear sensation that it's being better but still shows up once in a while to go away.   It's one symptom that I don't like at all.  Sometimes, it takes my concentration away....

 

It's being better but I'm not there yet.   It usually goes around in just two hours as time passes by until it is gone ...but wow, two hours feeling like this is still bothering....

 

How is your day or night going so far?

It will and remember it's not about the Destination its about the Journey 

28 minutes ago, Raymond said:

Thanks...

 

I just need my morning fear sensation that it's being better but still shows up once in a while to go away.   It's one symptom that I don't like at all.  Sometimes, it takes my concentration away....

 

It's being better but I'm not there yet.   It usually goes around in just two hours as time passes by until it is gone ...but wow, two hours feeling like this is still bothering....

 

How is your day or night going so far?

Yes Raymond, I'm get your on the fear, it can be consuming and steal all the focus but it will pass no doubt, you are showing great improvement!

And I'm fine, there's relief from yesterday but everything is valid for now, will see how the day goes by (noon here), thanks for asking 🙂

46 minutes ago, Beehive said:

It will and remember it's not about the Destination its about the Journey 

Amen to that.....thanks for the encouragement.  

 

I hope your journey gets better and better too.