10 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/05/2026- up and down recovery process...

 

Yesterday was ok in the morning hours.  I lacked of concentration, but I managed to work as I could.  The afternoon was better and around 530pm, I had the little headache on my left side, but it only took 30 minutes to fade away...

 

I went to sleep at my normal time 1030pm again...I woke up one time and then woke at 5:06am.   

 

Cortisol with intrusive thoughts and little pressure on head that went away the minute I opened my eyes.  

 

My stomach feels little anxious and loose.

 

No burning sensation or crawling sensation so far in the last couple of days.

 

I feel with little more energy but still have little morning fear on and off...

 

I continue to hold my dose until I feel better.  There are few personal stressors that might prevent me from cutting my dose little more.   

 

Let's continue on my 14 months journey...I hope things feels more normal soon and mornings becomes normal again....

 

In the name of Jesus Christ, we will all heal.  I pray every day for the miracle...

Update...

I continue to be little anxious today and after talking to my intense boss.  

 

I might consider just finding something that I can do on my own to avoid anxiety as I heal....

03/06/2026- not good and feeling going backwards.....

 

Yesterday was ok, but I had an issue with my controlling boss.  Since month 12, I am experiencing old symptoms and mainly anxiety and burning sensation on and off.  My cortisol continue to wake me up at 4am these few days.  I have the intrusive thoughts about my boss.   It's like feeling paranoid about her.   I was never like this before medication and I was able to feel good in stressful situations.

 

When this nonsense will stop, I don't know but I feel like I'm going backwards...

 

I really don't know what to do.  I'm glad that I work from home, but even at home, I have to deal with the controlling boss.  I hope the new hire comes in so she can focus on that person and not me.

 

Today, I woke up with brain anxiety and burning sensation at 4am.   I wasn't able to sleep again....

 

To many stressors and I most try to continue to provide my family....I wish I really didn't has to work so I can deal with it better ..

 

Let see if I end up finding something that doesn't require to much thinking and from home....

 

Let see....I hope I cry a little today so I can release all this energy....

Hey @Raymond

 

Im so sorry you are having a hard time atm!

 

Work stress isn't nice. People can be so difficult sometimes and those toxic relationships are not nice normally to deal with but in WD really not good.

 

It may feel as though you are going backwards but that is unfortunately the nature of all this as you know! And then of course the wave brain doesn't help matters!

 

Are you looking for a different job? Be good if you could find something less stressful.

 

Hope this wave passes soon!

 

Chippy

 

 

17 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Raymond

 

Im so sorry you are having a hard time atm!

 

Work stress isn't nice. People can be so difficult sometimes and those toxic relationships are not nice normally to deal with but in WD really not good.

 

It may feel as though you are going backwards but that is unfortunately the nature of all this as you know! And then of course the wave brain doesn't help matters!

 

Are you looking for a different job? Be good if you could find something less stressful.

 

Hope this wave passes soon!

 

Chippy

 

 

Thanks @Chippy....in the afternoons, I feel a lot better but my mornings are just insane...like being paranoid about my boss...

 

If I can find something to work from home and just simple, I might consider it.   I currently work from home and it's very stupid the things about my boss, but a mess CNS makes things complicated....

 

The burning sensations and anxiety is on and off.   Like in the mornings I feel no control of my thoughts, but afternoons are better and I'm more in control....

 

I hope my cortisol comes back to normal again.   Who know what the body is doing....

5 minutes ago, Raymond said:

Thanks @Chippy....in the afternoons, I feel a lot better but my mornings are just insane...like being paranoid about my boss...

 

If I can find something to work from home and just simple, I might consider it.   I currently work from home and it's very stupid the things about my boss, but a mess CNS makes things complicated....

 

The burning sensations and anxiety is on and off.   Like in the mornings I feel no control of my thoughts, but afternoons are better and I'm more in control....

 

I hope my cortisol comes back to normal again.   Who know what the body is doing....

I hope it eases soon my friend. You are seeing that typical pattern of worse morning better afternoons aren't you! I hope you can find something easier on your nervous system. This would be a good move IMO if possible. 🤞

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

You are seeing that typical pattern of worse morning better afternoons

Yes, it's being like this for a while.  There were few months in the beginning of this journey that I felt better than now, but I hit a bump at month 12 of this journey and it's being mostly paranoid about my boss, the burning sensation is only in few parts of body, and anxiety on different parts on and off .

 

I don't know if this paranoid symptom is a new one....then, in the afternoons, I feel better to a point that I can handle my boss without feeling anxious.....

 

What these medications do to our mind and body is insane.  I hope it lessen.  It's being few days now with this issue....

 

I'm trying to keep calm as much as I can ..

22 minutes ago, Raymond said:

don't know if this paranoid symptom is a new one....then, in the afternoons, I feel better to a point that I can handle my boss without feeling anxious.....

Sounds like it doesn’t it. 
 

22 minutes ago, Raymond said:

What these medications do to our mind and body is insane.  I hope it lessen.  It's being few days now with this issue....

I hope so too. I suspect it will. It’s so unpredictable but in time I think I will. Getting the stress levels down, for me, is important in wd. Hard to do I know but anything you can do will help for sure. 
 

Be thinking of you mate. 

16 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Sounds like it doesn’t it. 
 

I hope so too. I suspect it will. It’s so unpredictable but in time I think I will. Getting the stress levels down, for me, is important in wd. Hard to do I know but anything you can do will help for sure. 
 

Be thinking of you mate. 

Thanks @Chippy...

 

I will try my best to deal with this .  It's Friday, so I'm hoping to get better...

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/06/2026- not good and feeling going backwards.....

 

Yesterday was ok, but I had an issue with my controlling boss.  Since month 12, I am experiencing old symptoms and mainly anxiety and burning sensation on and off.  My cortisol continue to wake me up at 4am these few days.  I have the intrusive thoughts about my boss.   It's like feeling paranoid about her.   I was never like this before medication and I was able to feel good in stressful situations.

 

When this nonsense will stop, I don't know but I feel like I'm going backwards...

 

I really don't know what to do.  I'm glad that I work from home, but even at home, I have to deal with the controlling boss.  I hope the new hire comes in so she can focus on that person and not me.

 

Today, I woke up with brain anxiety and burning sensation at 4am.   I wasn't able to sleep again....

 

To many stressors and I most try to continue to provide my family....I wish I really didn't has to work so I can deal with it better ..

 

Let see if I end up finding something that doesn't require to much thinking and from home....

 

Let see....I hope I cry a little today so I can release all this energy....

Morning update....

 

Lost concentration.  I can't focus on my work...

Stomach feels like tide

Chest feels anxious 

Brain on and off anxious 

Legs feels little tired again after long time being good..

 

It's like a desperation feeling....today is the worst morning....

 

One thing I noticed is that when I was talking to my boss yesterday after 2pm, I was feeling normal and no anxiousness and able to speak calmly.

 

Im trying to ignore and keep it cool....

Dear @Raymond, I really hope you find some rest and joy on the weekend. You are so strong, supporting your family while going through withdrawal. I am sure it is hard. You can be proud of yourself. 

4 minutes ago, Nemina said:

Dear @Raymond, I really hope you find some rest and joy on the weekend. You are so strong, supporting your family while going through withdrawal. I am sure it is hard. You can be proud of yourself. 

Thanks @Nemina.  I really appreciate your support and words of encouragement...

 

Hard day for me today...

12 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/06/2026- not good and feeling going backwards.....

 

Yesterday was ok, but I had an issue with my controlling boss.  Since month 12, I am experiencing old symptoms and mainly anxiety and burning sensation on and off.  My cortisol continue to wake me up at 4am these few days.  I have the intrusive thoughts about my boss.   It's like feeling paranoid about her.   I was never like this before medication and I was able to feel good in stressful situations.

 

When this nonsense will stop, I don't know but I feel like I'm going backwards...

 

I really don't know what to do.  I'm glad that I work from home, but even at home, I have to deal with the controlling boss.  I hope the new hire comes in so she can focus on that person and not me.

 

Today, I woke up with brain anxiety and burning sensation at 4am.   I wasn't able to sleep again....

 

To many stressors and I most try to continue to provide my family....I wish I really didn't has to work so I can deal with it better ..

 

Let see if I end up finding something that doesn't require to much thinking and from home....

 

Let see....I hope I cry a little today so I can release all this energy....

Update.....

 

As usual, I get better mentally and physically in the afternoon hours....im tired and chest feels little pressure.....but better than this morning....

On 3/6/2026 at 5:37 AM, Raymond said:

03/06/2026- not good and feeling going backwards.....

 

Yesterday was ok, but I had an issue with my controlling boss.  Since month 12, I am experiencing old symptoms and mainly anxiety and burning sensation on and off.  My cortisol continue to wake me up at 4am these few days.  I have the intrusive thoughts about my boss.   It's like feeling paranoid about her.   I was never like this before medication and I was able to feel good in stressful situations.

 

When this nonsense will stop, I don't know but I feel like I'm going backwards...

 

I really don't know what to do.  I'm glad that I work from home, but even at home, I have to deal with the controlling boss.  I hope the new hire comes in so she can focus on that person and not me.

 

Today, I woke up with brain anxiety and burning sensation at 4am.   I wasn't able to sleep again....

 

To many stressors and I most try to continue to provide my family....I wish I really didn't has to work so I can deal with it better ..

 

Let see if I end up finding something that doesn't require to much thinking and from home....

 

Let see....I hope I cry a little today so I can release all this energy....

Update.....

 

As usual, I get better mentally and physically in the afternoon hours....im tired and chest feels little pressure.....but better than this morning....

03/07/2025- recovery process....

 

Yesterday was a bad morning and ok afternoon...

 

This morning I woke up with no cortisol at 6am to take my dose....

 

Intrusive thoughts manageable...

 

Let see if I can continue sleeping a little bit more and see how my morning goes.....

 

Also loose stools....

2 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/07/2025- recovery process....

 

Yesterday was a bad morning and ok afternoon...

 

This morning I woke up with no cortisol at 6am to take my dose....

 

Intrusive thoughts manageable...

 

Let see if I can continue sleeping a little bit more and see how my morning goes.....

 

Also loose stools....

Update.....

 

I stayed in bed longer.  I'm just getting intrusive thoughts that creates little fear sensation in the background.  Intrusive thoughts about work continues but its on and off.  When I shift my mind, it changes. It seems that I am able to control my mind a little more.  This is positive because during withdrawal, it's like impossible to control our mind.

 

the afternoons is when these thoughts doesn't bother me ...

 

Symptoms so far...

Morning fear sensation on and off 

Morning Intrusive thoughts 

Feeling tired 

Feeling little unmotivated 

Right eyelid twitching again, but minimal 

Stomach feels loose

 

I'm going for a morning walk and wait until the afternoon comes when I actually feels better and clean up my entire property if weather permits...

 

Lets stop being afraid of these symptoms.  God is with us.....

 

Saint Catherine of Genova had same issues for four years and half until one night, she God released her from this suffering.  After that, she knew her purpose in life and decided herself the following years to care for the sick people......

 

She wrote the treaty of purgatory and what the body and soul needs to go through to be free and connect with God.  I haven't finished her book, but interesting what she went through.   She experienced burning sensation, insomnia, anxiety, fear sensation, confusion, and many of the symptoms we go through.....

 

 

Hi Raymond,

 

Achh, I'm sorry you seem to be struggling again. You did well for a good while. You've inspired me to get St. Catherine of Genoa's book. I'll be starting it tomorrow. Thanks for spreading the good cheer. I will pray for your guidance and healing from the Good Jesus. He knows all. And He knows you are faithful. You will be rewarded, my friend.

xxoo Jamie

11 minutes ago, gardengirl2 said:

Hi Raymond,

 

Achh, I'm sorry you seem to be struggling again. You did well for a good while. You've inspired me to get St. Catherine of Genoa's book. I'll be starting it tomorrow. Thanks for spreading the good cheer. I will pray for your guidance and healing from the Good Jesus. He knows all. And He knows you are faithful. You will be rewarded, my friend.

xxoo Jamie

Thank you.    Today is being better.  I have noticed a lot of ups and downs.   

 

I haven't completed her book yet because sometimes I don't feel like reading.  I kind of lost it again.    My symptoms are changing constantly and kind of faster too instead of having same symptom for long period of time.  

 

I'm a lot better than last year but still not there yet.  This year, symptoms are less intense and fluctuates on a day to day basis so far...and mornings always the bad part of the day....

Hi @Raymond

 

have you had your cortisol tested? The morning anxiety can also be related to the toxic naps we have in the day time. My cortisol isnt high anymore and if I sleep past a certain time in the morning I get the same anxiety/adrenaline surge symptoms. 
only way to beat this is to find out what time it happens and get up before it. 

47 minutes ago, Richie said:

Hi @Raymond

 

have you had your cortisol tested? The morning anxiety can also be related to the toxic naps we have in the day time. My cortisol isnt high anymore and if I sleep past a certain time in the morning I get the same anxiety/adrenaline surge symptoms. 
only way to beat this is to find out what time it happens and get up before it. 

It's happening like every other day... yesterday no cortisol and today cortisol again.  I don't mind to wake up but the anxiety in chest and head it comes kind of bothering.   

 

When I open my eyes, it's gone.   This issue was resolved between month 5 to 9 of journey, but at month 10, it came back.  It's less intense than last year, but still bothering symptoms.   Sometimes it comes with no other symptoms, sometime it comes with chest anxiety or head anxiety, sometimes it comes with intrusive thoughts and fear sensation.   After month 12, every day it's different....

03/08/2026- cortisol spike again.....

 

Yesterday, I had no cortisol and woke up around 6am again and stayed in bed like until 9am which I think I slept little more.

 

I also experienced this fear sensation on and off for seconds.  Like, it came in the morning and then gone.  Then every line four hours will come to be gone again with intrusive thoughts and specially my work....

 

Today, I woke up again with the cortisol issue at 5am with the hour change in USA. And with chest anxiety and head anxiety.  

 

I sometimes have cortisol with no symptoms.   Other days, cortisol with chest and head anxiety.  Other times, cortisol with fear and intrusive thoughts.    Other days no issues....it's being an up and down for me since I entered month 12 of this journey.....

 

All I can do is to hold and wait until everything resolves again.  I'm almost entering month 15 on this journey.   I have read others that had the same issues and mostly resolved between 15 to 18 months journey....

 

It's not strong as it was during the beginning of this journey but it is a symptom that I need it gone so I can taper again....

 

Hoping God will help me and heal me...

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/08/2026- cortisol spike again.....

 

Yesterday, I had no cortisol and woke up around 6am again and stayed in bed like until 9am which I think I slept little more.

 

I also experienced this fear sensation on and off for seconds.  Like, it came in the morning and then gone.  Then every line four hours will come to be gone again with intrusive thoughts and specially my work....

 

Today, I woke up again with the cortisol issue at 5am with the hour change in USA. And with chest anxiety and head anxiety.  

 

I sometimes have cortisol with no symptoms.   Other days, cortisol with chest and head anxiety.  Other times, cortisol with fear and intrusive thoughts.    Other days no issues....it's being an up and down for me since I entered month 12 of this journey.....

 

All I can do is to hold and wait until everything resolves again.  I'm almost entering month 15 on this journey.   I have read others that had the same issues and mostly resolved between 15 to 18 months journey....

 

It's not strong as it was during the beginning of this journey but it is a symptom that I need it gone so I can taper again....

 

Hoping God will help me and heal me...

@Raymond It's great that you're able to see the small improvements amidst all of this, we know it's a brutal and unpredictable journey but you've got this!

Hold on and stay strong, it's not forever!

5 hours ago, Raymond said:

03/08/2026- cortisol spike again.....

 

Yesterday, I had no cortisol and woke up around 6am again and stayed in bed like until 9am which I think I slept little more.

 

I also experienced this fear sensation on and off for seconds.  Like, it came in the morning and then gone.  Then every line four hours will come to be gone again with intrusive thoughts and specially my work....

 

Today, I woke up again with the cortisol issue at 5am with the hour change in USA. And with chest anxiety and head anxiety.  

 

I sometimes have cortisol with no symptoms.   Other days, cortisol with chest and head anxiety.  Other times, cortisol with fear and intrusive thoughts.    Other days no issues....it's being an up and down for me since I entered month 12 of this journey.....

 

All I can do is to hold and wait until everything resolves again.  I'm almost entering month 15 on this journey.   I have read others that had the same issues and mostly resolved between 15 to 18 months journey....

 

It's not strong as it was during the beginning of this journey but it is a symptom that I need it gone so I can taper again....

 

Hoping God will help me and heal me...

Afternoon update..... feeling going backwards....

 

Chest fatigue and emptyness 

Slow and down

Fear sensation on and off about work continues...... insane when it's something I love...

Little tire legs again...

 

Just feeling like sad or depressed...

 

I just came back from walking and going for few errands to distract mind....

 

Jesus, I trust in you

7 hours ago, Raymond said:

Afternoon update..... feeling going backwards....

 

Chest fatigue and emptyness 

Slow and down

Fear sensation on and off about work continues...... insane when it's something I love...

Little tire legs again...

 

Just feeling like sad or depressed...

 

I just came back from walking and going for few errands to distract mind....

 

Jesus, I trust in you

Today is between mid bad to mid ok...

 

One thing that I noticed positive is that I felt the anxiety sensation raising this afternoon in my head due to a bothering issue, but it faded away in seconds and did not stay..this is an indication that my CNS is almost settled down.   

 

However, I have been feeling blah, sad, unmotivated all day long and weather not helping....

I know that depressed blah feeling well, Raymond. Nothing gives you enjoyment. It's a tough one to deal with. I definitely experience that when in withdrawal. Let's hope and pray it is a sign of serotonin changes and healing. Mornings are my toughest time too. Jesus, we trust in you! We ask you to take care of us. 🙏

03/09/26 😞 woke up 245 and unable to sleep again......

 

I went to sleep at 10pm and woke up 245am and unable to sleep again...

 

I just turn 15 months journey and cortisol is worse again...... frustrating....

 

Head anxiety and pressure just woke me up and feeling desperate to sleep and I can't....