Hi @Raymond

 

so Glad to hear your improvements! 
Im rooting for you 

 

👌👊❤️

3 hours ago, Raymond said:

Time passing by quickly, so I must feel good ...

 

Also I have noticed that lately, I have not think about withdrawal as I used too.  I just do normal things and just don't pay to much attention about my symptoms.   I don't know if this is also due to CNS stabilizing more.

 

Also, my desire to listen to music again came back again.  

 

Also, since I was a child, I loved to do many long hot bath.  It is something I have enjoyed since I was 5:years old.  I literally spent two hours just in a hot bath tub relaxing.   This is something I have enjoyed all my life.  However, when I got into this journey, I lost that feeling for this entire 14 months.  Yesterday, I woke up feeling the desire to do a hot bath again.  This morning, I experienced same thing.  I was wow, I lost it all this time and it just came back ..

 

Definitely, despite all the ups and down, I having the old me coming back slowly.....

 

This sounds fantastic @Raymond, I am very happy for you!  We are all praying and hoping for our old selves coming back. Please keep us posted. 😊

10 hours ago, Raymond said:

Morning update....

 

Time passing by quickly, so I must feel good ...

 

Also I have noticed that lately, I have not think about withdrawal as I used too.  I just do normal things and just don't pay to much attention about my symptoms.   I don't know if this is also due to CNS stabilizing more.

 

Also, my desire to listen to music again came back again.  

 

Also, since I was a child, I loved to do many long hot bath.  It is something I have enjoyed since I was 5:years old.  I literally spent two hours just in a hot bath tub relaxing.   This is something I have enjoyed all my life.  However, when I got into this journey, I lost that feeling for this entire 14 months.  Yesterday, I woke up feeling the desire to do a hot bath again.  This morning, I experienced same thing.  I was wow, I lost it all this time and it just came back ..

 

Definitely, despite all the ups and down, I having the old me coming back slowly.....

 

Keep moving forward.....push the devil out in the name of Jesus...

You’re getting there Raymon! 😀

17 hours ago, Nemina said:

This sounds fantastic @Raymond, I am very happy for you!  We are all praying and hoping for our old selves coming back. Please keep us posted. 😊

Thanks....if things go well so far and manageable, I might do a tiny drop to test the waters...🙃

02/13/2025- recovery process continues 🙃...

 

Yesterday was another great day all day ..I only had manageable symptoms and the nerve pain which it is the number one symptom, but it doesn't bothers me..

 

I went to sleep earlier than usual.  I think I felt to sleep around 930pm.  I woke up one time during the night and felt back to sleep until 540am to take my dose.  

 

I am currently pushing my dose to 6am now since my sleep has improved since January 2026.  I am getting to stay in bed longer.  When the clock changes in USA again, I should be walking up at 7am...

 

My sleep is starting to improve slowly after an entire year waking up 5am.  However, it did not bother me much because I have developed a routine that I got used to now... 😂 

 

Positive symptoms that came back in end of month 13....I'm able to enjoy hot bath tubs.....

 

I continue to be motivated, energized, peace mind, minor issues so far.  Fear sensation is gone so far, no terrible emotional symptoms..no burning, no anxiety, ...

 

If things be good until the end of this month, I will do another tiny drop of .0002g to test the waters  and hold for five weeks.  If things are fine.  Then, I will drop another .0004g and so forth until I reach my 3% to 5% cut.  I probably stay at 3% longer time ..

 

So from .0716g, in March, I will go to .0714g for now ...

 

In Jesus name.....

3 hours ago, Raymond said:

Yesterday was another great day all day ..I only had manageable symptoms and the nerve pain which it is the number one symptom, but it doesn't bothers me..

Oh, wonderful, I am so happy to  hear this. 

11 hours ago, Raymond said:

So from .0716g, in March, I will go to .0714g for now

Oooh good luck my friend. Things moving along well here for you!

02/14/2026- recovery process continues 

 

Slept well with one dream.  Woke up around 550am for my dose.  Then, I felt that I was not going to fall asleep again, but eventually I did and woke around 8am and still in bed longer...

 

I feel good so far..

 

I was analyzing my journey since a hold I did in October 2025 without reduction due to old symptoms that came back 4 or 5 weeks after October reduction.   My conclusion is that the October reduction might not have caused the withdrawal symptoms.   I think it was just that the body around months 9, decided to visit old areas of body to do deeper healing.  I have read many others that had old symptoms returning around same time but then felt better after 14 to 15 months journey which it is my pattern.

 

I know when I was doing my small reductions I was actually feeling better.  My body felt better on those reduction.  On my first reduction, I did not had withdrawal.  On my second reduction, I felt better and minimal withdrawal that lasted like one day.  Third reduction, I felt better but old symptoms came back 4 to 5 weeks after.

 

Therefore, I am pretty sure it was just a wave that returned with old symptoms because it was adjusting and healing deeper areas....

 

If I'm correct, by next month, I should feel even better....

 

I'm still holding this month and see if I'm stable enough to reduce again.

 

I am hoping that I will be one of those people who after a reduction feels better.  I'm only reducing.28% for now and test waters first before bigger reduction..

 

 

02/15/2026- 🙂 recovery process continues...

 

Yesterday was another great day.  I only had like an hour where my body felt anxious due to rainy day, but it resolved quickly.  I guess I'm still sensitive to rainy days.  However, it was a lot better than previous issues with weather.

 

I went to see for the second time the movie, solo Mio with wife.  I spent all day long for the first time in the longest with my wife having fun.  At night, we went for hot tea and smoothie.   I felt relaxed and enjoyed everything.  

 

This morning, I woke up again almost 6am for my dose.  I did woke few times between 11pm to 6am, but went back to sleep.  After 6am, I stayed in bed and I think I felt to sleep again.  I woke up again around 745am.  Im still in bed...

 

No cortisol 

No burning 

No anxiety 

No fear 

I can handle a lot better the stressful situations so far.  The anxiety symptoms during stress it's a lot better and resolved quick too.  Thanks God.....

Muscle stiffness faded away 

Nerve pain only on and off minimal 

The left back shoulder pain, now it's in the right side but it's not really painful 

I can enjoy few activities, but still can enjoy others, but it's ok.  I still do them..

 

I might have other symptoms that I cannot describe, but it does really bothers me...

 

If I continue like this for the next few weeks, by next month, I will drop .0002g from .0716g to .0714g to test the waters...

 

Again, my goal is to cut no more than 3% to 5% per five weeks....or depending on reactions...

 

In the name of Jesus, let's continue this journey and hope for the miracle...

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

but still can enjoy others, but it's ok.  I still do them..

I meant to say can't enjoy other activities, but I still do them and try to enjoy as much as I can.....

02/17/2026- 🤔 recovery process continues....

 

Yesterday, I went to sleep earlier than usual again.  I woke up few times during the night but went back to sleep.  I woke up around 530am, took my dose ,and stayed in bed doing my prayer.

 

I have little body anxiousness due to the fact that my mother in law is finally leaving tomorrow back to her county after being with us for 20 years.  Well, she has only lived with us like few years only and turned out bad for us, but she finally leaving 4500 miles away....So, I woke up anxious and wife anxious about that too.  

 

So, it's also Monday which I get like this.  However, it's not bad...it just a bothering symptom....

Edited February 16Feb 16 by Raymond
Adding comments

On 2/15/2026 at 4:00 PM, Raymond said:

02/15/2026- 🙂 recovery process continues...

 

Yesterday was another great day.  I only had like an hour where my body felt anxious due to rainy day, but it resolved quickly.  I guess I'm still sensitive to rainy days.  However, it was a lot better than previous issues with weather.

 

I went to see for the second time the movie, solo Mio with wife.  I spent all day long for the first time in the longest with my wife having fun.  At night, we went for hot tea and smoothie.   I felt relaxed and enjoyed everything.  

 

This morning, I woke up again almost 6am for my dose.  I did woke few times between 11pm to 6am, but went back to sleep.  After 6am, I stayed in bed and I think I felt to sleep again.  I woke up again around 745am.  Im still in bed...

 

No cortisol 

No burning 

No anxiety 

No fear 

I can handle a lot better the stressful situations so far.  The anxiety symptoms during stress it's a lot better and resolved quick too.  Thanks God.....

Muscle stiffness faded away 

Nerve pain only on and off minimal 

The left back shoulder pain, now it's in the right side but it's not really painful 

I can enjoy few activities, but still can enjoy others, but it's ok.  I still do them..

 

I might have other symptoms that I cannot describe, but it does really bothers me...

 

If I continue like this for the next few weeks, by next month, I will drop .0002g from .0716g to .0714g to test the waters...

 

Again, my goal is to cut no more than 3% to 5% per five weeks....or depending on reactions...

 

In the name of Jesus, let's continue this journey and hope for the miracle...

Wonderful & encouraging! may the next cut go easily on you!

02/18/2026- 🫠- recovery process

 

Yesterday was good, but I had intrusive thoughts, chest emptiness sensation and chest pressure that fluctuated in the morning hours.  I also had the headache in the afternoon hours that lasted about an hour or so.   I also had appetite issues where I ate and still felt hungry.   

 

I had a personal stressors which complicated my recovery process.  Even though it's better, I'm still not there to do cuts.  I definitely need longer time and see if these symptoms resolved to a better position.

 

I went to sleep a lot earlier yesterday and slept until 515am when I woke up with the intrusive thoughts and like head pressure.  I also started to feel hungry too and little chest pressure as well.

 

Let see how am I going to be today.   So far, I feel both good and little bad.  

 

In the name of Jesus, let see if this resolve again.....

 

 

 

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

02/18/2026- 🫠- recovery process

 

Yesterday was good, but I had intrusive thoughts, chest emptiness sensation and chest pressure that fluctuated in the morning hours.  I also had the headache in the afternoon hours that lasted about an hour or so.   I also had appetite issues where I ate and still felt hungry.   

 

I had a personal stressors which complicated my recovery process.  Even though it's better, I'm still not there to do cuts.  I definitely need longer time and see if these symptoms resolved to a better position.

 

I went to sleep a lot earlier yesterday and slept until 515am when I woke up with the intrusive thoughts and like head pressure.  I also started to feel hungry too and little chest pressure as well.

 

Let see how am I going to be today.   So far, I feel both good and little bad.  

 

In the name of Jesus, let see if this resolve again.....

 

 

 

Morning update....

 

Well after long time, I'm experiencing little emotions again.   It's probably being months and like emptiness on chest area....

 

I noticed the decline yesterday so expected this today.  I feel tingling sensation on top skull.  

@Raymond. I totally get SUNDAY NIGHT ANXIETY.  It's a pattern in my nervous system from decades of school and work on that drat 40 hour a week system. And I haven't worked in many years. 

But I pick up on the energy of the community...the traffic patterns, the kids not out playing.  Society changes on Sunday night. 

Not as much as it used to since we are pretty post-Christian in the USA and many people work on Sundays too. 

I user to love to work nights and weekends just so when I went to work, people were happy for Friday,  the sun was setting,  and the office was more relaxed in general. Lol.

Thanks for sharing. 

30 minutes ago, mars said:

@Raymond. I totally get SUNDAY NIGHT ANXIETY.  It's a pattern in my nervous system from decades of school and work on that drat 40 hour a week system. And I haven't worked in many years. 

But I pick up on the energy of the community...the traffic patterns, the kids not out playing.  Society changes on Sunday night. 

Not as much as it used to since we are pretty post-Christian in the USA and many people work on Sundays too. 

I user to love to work nights and weekends just so when I went to work, people were happy for Friday,  the sun was setting,  and the office was more relaxed in general. Lol.

Thanks for sharing. 

It's interesting the pattern we get from this journey.

 

I think this is the first time in the journey that my Mondays felt normal again this week.

 

I was getting this pattern were Sundays I was starting to come down and Mondays the cycle repeats...

 

This week nothing on Sunday and Monday, but today.... interesting......

 

I won't complain because I'm in a lot better position than last year.  

02/19/2026- recovery process 🫠...

 

Yesterday was an somehow bad and good morning.   I woke up earlier than usual and couldn't go back to sleep.  The day before, I noticed I was declining, so I expected this yesterday.

 

I also had this headache that came around 630pm but instead of the left side headache I was having, it was now on the back of head toward th neck area.  It shifted to that area.  Then, when I moved my head side to side, it was cracking like my neck was stiff too.  It was mild symptom and faded away around 830pm as usual.

 

This morning, I woke up almost at 6am again, with fear sensation on the Left side of body coming from the stomach area, so I'm drinking Ginger tea.  From 1/10, it's about 1 which it is low symptom but still bothers me.  This the number one symptom I don't like a all because it takes my concentration away too.  It usually goes away as morning passes by.

 

One thing I have noticed this week is that the anxiety sensation or crawling sensation on top of skull, it change to like tingling sensation moving around.  The feeling that we get when someone play with our hair or those feelings you get when getting a massage.  It feels good and moving around my skull.

 

I had to take a day off to relax.  It's difficult when you have to work and go through this journey.  So, I'm playing with my time off at work to allow time to pass by and avoid stress as much as I can to allow system to heal.  This week was a stressful journey for me due to personal issues.  On the bright side, I have noticed that I can handle stress a lot better.  I still get this chest pressure and head pressure during stress but they tend to fade away quickly and it is not strong as it used to be.

 

14 months on this journey and I have seeing improvement, but I'm not there yet.  The main symptom that I need to fade away and gone it's fear sensation...once that resolves, I will consider tapering off again....

 

To be fair for my system, 12 years on medication with 20mg paraxotine and only my first 14 months at 5mg after those many years in higher dose, my system definitely needs time to adjust to this lower dose...

 

Do I feel better despite symptoms, yes

Do I feel more human at this dose, yes

Do I feel my brain is lighter than with medication, yes

Do I have enjoyed my life a lot better when I feel better, yes

 

So despite the bad days, I have more good and better days where I feel more like me.  I don't feel numb many days now.  

 

I will continue to hold at 4.79mg (.0716g) long.  I have had a out more days feeling better but I'm still not there yet.  I will play month by Month and see how I feel before considering a small reduction.

 

Like I said, fear sensation is the one symptom that needs to be gone...once that symptom is gone for weeks, I will taper.  

 

I know when I started this journey 14 months ago, it was a terrible symptom.  At this time  last year, I was in a terrible situation and fear sensations was crazy.   Now, it's a lot less and I will say, it's a background noise, but it is still there...

 

I can't wait to continue unlocking my brain as I go low in my dose...

 

At 4.79mg, I feel more like me.  

 

I took the day off again.  Who cares at this point.  I am thinking more about my recovery and allowing time to pass by...

 

In the name of Jesus, we will all heal from it.  Time and patience will let us be there.

 

There is no day that passes by that I think about being myself again and free from this journey.....

 

Keep moving forward.....time and patience our best friends....

Edited February 19Feb 19 by Raymond
Adding comments

02/20/2026- 🤒 cortisol spike, burning sensation back, nerve pains, chest fatigue, recovery process.....

 

Yesterday, I was feeling like sad all day without the desire to do anything.  I haven't had this feeling for months, but it returned yesterday all day.  By the late afternoons, I did feel better as usual, but with nerve pain in few parts of body and no headache. Little fear sensation as a background noise...

 

This morning, I woke up again at 440am with cortisol spike.  Few intrusive thoughts, feeling little burning sensation in right side of my back, too left shoulder, right side of Chest, right side of cheek, feeling crawling sensation on right side of skull, right foot pain, left side arm muscles jumping...

 

All symptoms are on and off again and when eyes open and I stand up, mostly are gone ..

 

I guess another back step to move forward again....

 

Holding cut longer.  Who knows when am I going to be able to cut again...

 

Im hoping in the name of Jesus that I will heal soon and longer windows or the miracle to be completely heal and back to be normal...

49 minutes ago, Raymond said:

02/20/2026- 🤒 cortisol spike, burning sensation back, nerve pains, chest fatigue, recovery process.....

 

Yesterday, I was feeling like sad all day without the desire to do anything.  I haven't had this feeling for months, but it returned yesterday all day.  By the late afternoons, I did feel better as usual, but with nerve pain in few parts of body and no headache. Little fear sensation as a background noise...

 

This morning, I woke up again at 440am with cortisol spike.  Few intrusive thoughts, feeling little burning sensation in right side of my back, too left shoulder, right side of Chest, right side of cheek, feeling crawling sensation on right side of skull, right foot pain, left side arm muscles jumping...

 

All symptoms are on and off again and when eyes open and I stand up, mostly are gone ..

 

I guess another back step to move forward again....

 

Holding cut longer.  Who knows when am I going to be able to cut again...

 

Im hoping in the name of Jesus that I will heal soon and longer windows or the miracle to be completely heal and back to be normal...

Sorry Raymond. You are doing great, Just another bump in the road. Youll get there mate you are the pinup of perseverance during a hold my friend.

10 hours ago, Raymond said:

02/20/2026- 🤒 cortisol spike, burning sensation back, nerve pains, chest fatigue, recovery process.....

 

Yesterday, I was feeling like sad all day without the desire to do anything.  I haven't had this feeling for months, but it returned yesterday all day.  By the late afternoons, I did feel better as usual, but with nerve pain in few parts of body and no headache. Little fear sensation as a background noise...

 

This morning, I woke up again at 440am with cortisol spike.  Few intrusive thoughts, feeling little burning sensation in right side of my back, too left shoulder, right side of Chest, right side of cheek, feeling crawling sensation on right side of skull, right foot pain, left side arm muscles jumping...

 

All symptoms are on and off again and when eyes open and I stand up, mostly are gone ..

 

I guess another back step to move forward again....

 

Holding cut longer.  Who knows when am I going to be able to cut again...

 

Im hoping in the name of Jesus that I will heal soon and longer windows or the miracle to be completely heal and back to be normal...

Afternoon update...

 

The right foot pain that I had yesterday is gone out of nowhere..

 

I was a pain that when I moved my right foot up and down or to side, I was feeling like pain in my bones or joints....now gone..

02/21/2026- 🙂 recovery process....

 

Yesterday, I had minor issues again, but better than the day before.  My right foot bone or joint pain gone so far.  I had this foot pain where I was walking like if I truck ran over my foot. 

 

I went to sleep earlier than usual.  I think it was like 9pm.  I felt asleep and woke up like two times but felt back to sleep right away.

 

Today, I woke up due to the alarm for my dose at 550am.  At month 12, I have experienced more sleeping and waking up almost at 6am after 12 months of waking up between 5am to 530am.  When the time changes, I should be able to sleep until 7am.  

 

No cortisol 

No burning sensation 

No anxiety sensation 

 

Only minor intrusive thoughts about people from the past which it's weird because I did not even remember them.  Now, I even had dreams about them too....who knows what.

 

Currently, I'm still in bed and see if I can sleep more.  I hope to have a better morning since I have to do a lot of things today....

 

Let hope in Jesus Christ that I we will all heal....he still heals, but he takes his time.  Member the scripture where the paralytic was waiting for over 30 years to heal.  He got healed by Jesus...

7 hours ago, Raymond said:

No cortisol 

No burning sensation 

No anxiety sensation 

 

I am so happy for you! This sounds just great.
 

7 hours ago, Raymond said:

Only minor intrusive thoughts about people from the past which it's weird because I did not even remember them.  Now, I even had dreams about them too....who knows what.

That is really interesting . My theory is, that your brain has been doing major renovations. Now it has reached really far hidden and dusty corners and it’s cleaning out everything now since it is already on this huge project. 
 

it’s funny, quite a while ago We have both had the impression that we are on a similar journey, considering the Months we have been on this and we have been better and worse in the same months.  Now it seems you are doing better and I have had four or five really better days just parallel times again.
let’s go, @Raymond we will break free ! And Jesus is with us always - if we suffer, if we wait or if we  rejoice, he is here. ❤️

5 hours ago, Nemina said:

I am so happy for you! This sounds just great.
 

That is really interesting . My theory is, that your brain has been doing major renovations. Now it has reached really far hidden and dusty corners and it’s cleaning out everything now since it is already on this huge project. 
 

it’s funny, quite a while ago We have both had the impression that we are on a similar journey, considering the Months we have been on this and we have been better and worse in the same months.  Now it seems you are doing better and I have had four or five really better days just parallel times again.
let’s go, @Raymond we will break free ! And Jesus is with us always - if we suffer, if we wait or if we  rejoice, he is here. ❤️

Amen,

 

This journey is no joke and you might be right.  My system might be doing some deep healing which might have brought people from the past.

 

It also interesting how two different people gets same similarities on this journey.

 

I also have few personal situation and it is not giving me high stress or anxiety.   

 

I guess, I'm getting to be more normal 

which I hope to get even better to start my tapering again ...

 

I Hope once my system gets stronger that my journey down will be smoother.

 

Let see in few more weeks in the name of Jesus..

02/22/2026- 🙂 recovery process...

 

Yesterday was a good day.  I went to a little birthday party and enjoyed.  I was able to do few things in the morning as well. Just very minimal symptoms.

 

This morning, I woke up a little bit earlier than normal, but no cortisol, n head pressure, no burning sensation, no anxiety sensation, only little bit of intrusive thoughts about old friends.  It's weird that I have being having these old school friends thoughts.....but it's probably part of the brain healing process...

 

Other than that, I will continue in bed until who knows when I will stand up.  Im planning just to relax and probably go fishing or something...

 

Let see what the day will bring me today...

Loving the upwards trend @Raymond

 

you got this bro 

 

🙏❤️👊