02/01/2026- cortisol again, sleeping patterns, stomach and little fear and anxious...

 

Yesterday, I had little cortisol feeling again.  I couldn't sleep as I was doing in the last few days where I was sleeping more with no fear or anxious feelings.  I had an off day yesterday.

 

This morning I woke up few times during night and after 430am, I just couldn't sleep.   I woke up with little worst cortisol issues than yesterday.  I knew it was coming since yesterday I felt off all morning until late afternoon.  

 

I feel little fear in the stomach area.  My left  upper arm muscles are jerking a little bit.  I feel little anxious again and little burning sensation in few parts of my body, like face, chest, and shoulder.

 

I feel like I want to continue sleeping but I just can't...so I'm just trying to wake up and motivation myself.

 

I also have muscle stiffness and pain in few areas of body.

 

In the name of Jesus, I hope to get better again.....

It will subside--it is just a blip. Slow deep belly breaths to calm the nervous system, Raymond. Take care my friend.

51 minutes ago, namastejen1 said:

It will subside--it is just a blip. Slow deep belly breaths to calm the nervous system, Raymond. Take care my friend.

Thanks....it's interesting that between Sundays and Mondays is when I get symptoms...

 

Thank you for your support...

Do you work? Or are Mondays associated with anxiety for some reason? They used to be for me when I was not feeling well after different cocktails of Rx. It's as if I did not want to be alone--hard to regulate my nervous system. It was beneficial for me to have that social engagement and mirror neurons of a more regulated person around me. Just some thoughts here.

Edited February 2Feb 2 by namastejen1

27 minutes ago, namastejen1 said:

Do you work? Or are Mondays associated with anxiety for some reason? They used to be for me when I was not feeling well after different cocktails of Rx. It's as if I did not want to be alone--hard to regulate my nervous system. It was beneficial for me to have that social engagement and mirror neurons of a more regulated person around me. Just some thoughts here.

It's weird that Sundays, I kind of feel off.  Then, Mondays I get the cortisol and usually on Tuesdays forward, I start getting better.

 

I do work from home.  I am supposed to go office two times a week, but not enough parking spaces..... 😂 

 

Usually, I get this pattern.  Saturday feels ok, Sundays, feels little off, Mondays feels off, Tuesdays feels little off, Wednesday feels good, Thursday feels good, Fridays feels good, then Saturday ok and cycle repeats.  However, this time I was feeling good on Saturday...

8 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

Do you work? Or are Mondays associated with anxiety for some reason? They used to be for me when I was not feeling well after different cocktails of Rx. It's as if I did not want to be alone--hard to regulate my nervous system. It was beneficial for me to have that social engagement and mirror neurons of a more regulated person around me. Just some thoughts here.

Absolutely! It is one of reasons I am trying to push through and keep working. I feel less worse on days I am in the office: distracted from my symptoms but also I get a little bit of co-regulation from my colleagues.

9 hours ago, Raymond said:

I am supposed to go office two times a week, but not enough parking spaces.

@Raymond, this works in your favor! Love it!

 

10 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

It's as if I did not want to be alone--hard to regulate my nervous system. It was beneficial for me to have that social engagement and mirror neurons of a more regulated person around me

Agree with @namastejen1 on this! I do so much better with coregulation. Since I am not working anymore, I try and stack plans during the weekday now. Even if I'm in a wave I show up. I think being able to work does help, as long as the environment is supportive and not stressful. You're doing great @Raymond! Keep following your instincts.

7 hours ago, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

I think being able to work does help

It's depends in the symptoms.  Last year, when I had to go office, it didn't help me because I had fear sensation even to be at work surrounded by people.   It was crazy for me and I had high rocket anxiety and brain fog.  It was terrible.  The days felt like years....thanks God that's over for now....

02/03/2026- recovery process continues...

 

In the last two days, I have the cortisol again mostly with head pressure and while eyes closed.  Once I stand up, it's all gone.  However, I continue to wake up passing my 530am mark.  I have woken due to alarm in many of the past few days so far.  Some days, I can continue sleeping but other days,, I just can't sleep anymore.  It doesn't bother me since I go to sleep around 1030pm most nights.

 

I have seen morning fear fading away slowly even though I sometimes experience fear sensation during the morning hours.

 

Muscle stiffness - continues to bother me but it's little better than last month.  I think it's the symptom that is more intense compared to other ones.

 

Month 13 - sleep improved, and my waves are ups and down in the morning hours.  By the afternoon, i feel better.  I have ups and down emotion numbness, but manageable and not every day. 

 

Basically, months 13 is an on and off symptoms, but not intense.   

 

Wave and windows patterns since month 13..

 

Sunday feel little off, monday I feel more off, Tuesday I feel off, Wednesday I feel little off to feel ok, Thursday feels ok, Friday better and Saturday good, then cycle starts...I really don't know why but it seems that I'm on a healing pattern...

 

Mornings between off to ok, and afternoons ok to good...

 

I continue holding until further notice.  I might hold for another four months before evaluating my situation to taper again 

 

Looking for stability first and I have seen people doing better even with paraxotine after body stabilize better with stronger CNS....

 

In the name of Jesus...

02/04/2026- recovery process 

 

Yesterday was good in the afternoon hours with few stomach issues and feeling off, but I had at the same time energy to go for a long walk and enjoyed the country side of Texas.  I also felt like doing pushups which I did with my son.  I felt happy but sti experienced few emotional numbness.  

 

My muscles stiffness and pain got better.  I was able to sit down a little bit better.

 

Last night, I went to sleep around 9pm.  I was tired or exhausted from all of this.  I woke up around 3am with few thoughts but felt back to sleep until like 550am.  Took my dose and stayed in bed until time to start working.

 

I feel off and slow this morning as usual. I am trying to avoid any stress as much as possible.  Just feeling blah, off, and stomach light or empty, light headed, muscle stiffness and pain now mostly in shoulder area, but less intense, little lack of concentration, like flu symptoms sensation, but mind feels relaxed.  Morning fear sensation on and off on daily basis but less intense.

 

Since November, it's being only about 3 months since I experienced old symptoms.  It might take another three months for everything to settle down again.  Last year, I had same symptoms but totally intense and living hell on earth.  This time is not intense but it bothers me, but thanks God, I'm managing everything as much as I can.

 

I feel one of these days, I will reach my baseline and feel a lot better.

 

After 12 years on 20mg paraxotine, I thanks God I have my 13 months on 4.79mg.  it's fair to say that my body still dealing with my December 2024 cold turkey.....only 13 months journey and many see improvement after 18 months or more....

 

Long journey, but worth it and hope in Jesus Christ to be free....

 

I will do my best at my work and see if I just slow down today a little bit...

17 minutes ago, Raymond said:

02/04/2026- recovery process 

 

Yesterday was good in the afternoon hours with few stomach issues and feeling off, but I had at the same time energy to go for a long walk and enjoyed the country side of Texas.  I also felt like doing pushups which I did with my son.  I felt happy but sti experienced few emotional numbness.  

 

My muscles stiffness and pain got better.  I was able to sit down a little bit better.

 

Last night, I went to sleep around 9pm.  I was tired or exhausted from all of this.  I woke up around 3am with few thoughts but felt back to sleep until like 550am.  Took my dose and stayed in bed until time to start working.

 

I feel off and slow this morning as usual. I am trying to avoid any stress as much as possible.  Just feeling blah, off, and stomach light or empty, light headed, muscle stiffness and pain now mostly in shoulder area, but less intense, little lack of concentration, like flu symptoms sensation, but mind feels relaxed.  Morning fear sensation on and off on daily basis but less intense.

 

Since November, it's being only about 3 months since I experienced old symptoms.  It might take another three months for everything to settle down again.  Last year, I had same symptoms but totally intense and living hell on earth.  This time is not intense but it bothers me, but thanks God, I'm managing everything as much as I can.

 

I feel one of these days, I will reach my baseline and feel a lot better.

 

After 12 years on 20mg paraxotine, I thanks God I have my 13 months on 4.79mg.  it's fair to say that my body still dealing with my December 2024 cold turkey.....only 13 months journey and many see improvement after 18 months or more....

 

Long journey, but worth it and hope in Jesus Christ to be free....

 

I will do my best at my work and see if I just slow down today a little bit...

Stay strong my friend. You are doing great! Seeing some improvement there for sure! Still rough though right! I think your hold is paying off. 👍

 

More time needed but you’ll get there. 
 

Chippy

Oh, Raymond, it is so long 18 months in this Hell... No light, no oxygen.

Svetla

 

10 minutes ago, skamen said:

Oh, Raymond, it is so long 18 months in this Hell... No light, no oxygen.

Svetla

 

Wow, this is insane.  It's crazy how our body works and the slow healing process it takes.  I have heard many stories that people suffered for long until one day, everything just disappeared like nothing happened....

 

You will get there...you are strong.  If you made it 18 months, you will make it through.

 

I am reading again successful stories to motivate myself....

23 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Stay strong my friend. You are doing great! Seeing some improvement there for sure! Still rough though right! I think your hold is paying off. 👍

 

More time needed but you’ll get there. 
 

Chippy

It's crazy how this journey affects us psychologically..

02/05/2026- bad night recovery process 

 

Well, last night, I went to sleep earlier, and around 1130pm, I woke up with another panic attack.  It last me few seconds.  After that, I went back to sleep, but around 3am, I got this brain jolt. I woke up again.  When I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, I felt like my brain relaxing or dizzy feeling and then brain jolt again and woke me.  I'm tired but unable to sleep.  If I closed eyes, I will wake up again. I also feels this crawling/anxiety sensitive on top of head.  

 

14 months journey and experiencing this.  Let see how can I manage this symptom which I hope it gets better.  Since yesterday, I haven't able to sleep as I was doing.  I still got five hours of sleep..

 

Does anyone have had this issue?

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

02/05/2026- bad night recovery process 

 

Well, last night, I went to sleep earlier, and around 1130pm, I woke up with another panic attack.  It last me few seconds.  After that, I went back to sleep, but around 3am, I got this brain jolt. I woke up again.  When I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, I felt like my brain relaxing or dizzy feeling and then brain jolt again and woke me.  I'm tired but unable to sleep.  If I closed eyes, I will wake up again. I also feels this crawling/anxiety sensitive on top of head.  

 

14 months journey and experiencing this.  Let see how can I manage this symptom which I hope it gets better.  Since yesterday, I haven't able to sleep as I was doing.  I still got five hours of sleep..

 

Does anyone have had this issue?

So sorry Raymond, unpredictable all of it but you're doing great handling this & supporting others as well, amazing really, I'm still grilling but we get through it. stay strong.

 

3 hours ago, Raymond said:

02/05/2026- bad night recovery process 

 

Well, last night, I went to sleep earlier, and around 1130pm, I woke up with another panic attack.  It last me few seconds.  After that, I went back to sleep, but around 3am, I got this brain jolt. I woke up again.  When I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, I felt like my brain relaxing or dizzy feeling and then brain jolt again and woke me.  I'm tired but unable to sleep.  If I closed eyes, I will wake up again. I also feels this crawling/anxiety sensitive on top of head.  

 

14 months journey and experiencing this.  Let see how can I manage this symptom which I hope it gets better.  Since yesterday, I haven't able to sleep as I was doing.  I still got five hours of sleep..

 

Does anyone have had this issue?

Morning update...

Diarrhea and peeing a lot.  I think the peeing part might be due to to much drinking juice, milk, water..

 

Last year at this time during my terrible hell, I had the same....

 

My stomach was good for months now..

Edited February 5Feb 5 by Raymond
Adding comments

02/06/2026- another struggle night..

 

Last night, I went to sleep around 8pm. My body felt tired, so I went to sleep earlier than usual.  I woke up few times but went back to sleep until I started my battle of intrusive thoughts, burning sensation in stomach and chest area, little head pressure on and off at 430am.  I feel like I want to sleep but every time I closed my eyes, I feel all these things which do not allow me to go back to sleep.

 

In the last few days, it's being a struggle in the morning.   My emotions are gone again.  I do things in the afternoon hours when I start feeling better, but without enjoyment.  I hug my family but don't feel the love sensation.  I lost the enjoyment of music that I had previously.  

 

Again, I was like this last year same month but worst.  I should not complain about it, but I am hoping when my next window comes, it will be better than my previous one.

 

I hope I find stability soon.  

 

Work stress make it hard in the morning hours.  In the afternoon, I can handle anything....

 

Let's continue praying together for strength, peace and healing.

 

Entering month 14 on this journey.   

3 minutes ago, Raymond said:

02/06/2026- another struggle night..

 

Last night, I went to sleep around 8pm. My body felt tired, so I went to sleep earlier than usual.  I woke up few times but went back to sleep until I started my battle of intrusive thoughts, burning sensation in stomach and chest area, little head pressure on and off at 430am.  I feel like I want to sleep but every time I closed my eyes, I feel all these things which do not allow me to go back to sleep.

 

In the last few days, it's being a struggle in the morning.   My emotions are gone again.  I do things in the afternoon hours when I start feeling better, but without enjoyment.  I hug my family but don't feel the love sensation.  I lost the enjoyment of music that I had previously.  

 

Again, I was like this last year same month but worst.  I should not complain about it, but I am hoping when my next window comes, it will be better than my previous one.

 

I hope I find stability soon.  

 

Work stress make it hard in the morning hours.  In the afternoon, I can handle anything....

 

Let's continue praying together for strength, peace and healing.

 

Entering month 14 on this journey.   

Oh Raymond, I'm so sorry, you know this is another bump in the road that will pass, but the difficulty of dealing with it every time is so real.

You're doing so great, brighter days are just around the corner.

Sending hugs. I am here for you. ❤️🙏

3 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Oh Raymond, I'm so sorry, you know this is another bump in the road that will pass, but the difficulty of dealing with it every time is so real.

You're doing so great, brighter days are just around the corner.

Thank you for the support.....it's weird how my struggles are from 5am to 10am mostly.  Then, I get better despite of few things...

 

Who knows how this healing works..

41 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

Sending hugs. I am here for you. ❤️🙏

Thanks my friend.....it's weird that my struggles now are from 5am to 10am.  Then, things improved better in the afternoon hours.

 

I just can't understand why at the same time.

 

Interesting and annoying at the same time.... holding until further notice.

 

If I was like this last year but in hell.  I think, it might settles again in few more months...let's see if my predictions are correct...

5 hours ago, Raymond said:

02/06/2026- another struggle night..

 

Last night, I went to sleep around 8pm. My body felt tired, so I went to sleep earlier than usual.  I woke up few times but went back to sleep until I started my battle of intrusive thoughts, burning sensation in stomach and chest area, little head pressure on and off at 430am.  I feel like I want to sleep but every time I closed my eyes, I feel all these things which do not allow me to go back to sleep.

 

In the last few days, it's being a struggle in the morning.   My emotions are gone again.  I do things in the afternoon hours when I start feeling better, but without enjoyment.  I hug my family but don't feel the love sensation.  I lost the enjoyment of music that I had previously.  

 

Again, I was like this last year same month but worst.  I should not complain about it, but I am hoping when my next window comes, it will be better than my previous one.

 

I hope I find stability soon.  

 

Work stress make it hard in the morning hours.  In the afternoon, I can handle anything....

 

Let's continue praying together for strength, peace and healing.

 

Entering month 14 on this journey.   

Morning update....

 

As usual, I get better after 10am.

 

By the way, I also lost napping times few weeks now...

 

Overall, I can handle things after 10am.  5am to 10am are my struggles in the last three days or few days....

02/07/2026- better night recovery process...

 

Yesterday after 10am was better as usual.  I even felt better than the last two days.  I was able to relax in my hammock and listen to the birds getting ready for spring.  

 

In the late afternoons around 4pm, I got the feeling of doing a nap.  I kind of lost nap time in the last couple of weeks.  Yesterday, as I felt to sleep to nap, I had a panic/ fear sensation that woke me again.  It only lasted like a second, but then I couldn't nap.  I had this symptom during the beginning of the journey and I just experienced it again yesterday but a lot less shorter and quicker..

 

During the night, I went to sleep earlier again as my body was falling to sleep in my couch.  I think it was like 930pm when I felt asleep.  I woke up like two times but back to sleep right away.  I woke up at 540am due to the alarm for my dose. Then, I stayed in bed and had a light sleep until 750am.  

No cortisol, only little intrusive thoughts that I did not pay attention with little anxious sensation that were on and off but nothing like in the last two days.  Definitely, a lot better than yesterday.

 

I also noticed that my muscles stiffness and pain are a lot less.  I think I even did not notice it that pain is low so far.

 

This morning, I'm better than yesterday and my stomach has gasses but it seems that it's also getting better.

 

Overall, there is a lot I need to accomplish today.  Due to my symptoms and feeling blah, I wasn't able to clean the house.  My wife is also busy with 7 children.  So, everyone will need to help out..

 

Let see how I continue my day...

 

 

Good to hear you're doing better today!