1 hour ago, Raymond said:

This morning, I texted my boss telling her that I don't feel good and won't be able to work today. She just said , message received....my mind went up thinking that I'm in trouble and I might get fired causing me all these anxiety, fear sensation.  When I usually text her, sometimes, she said , ok thanks and take care.  This time she said message received and my mind goes out the window

Hi @Raymond, My heart goes out to you on this. I've been there many times! I took every email at work as criticism and that I would be fired during my CT big drop. Emails like "message received" or "noted" I could normally could shrug off.  I would now perceive them as harsh and cold as there was no acknowledgement of my feelings like "I'm sorry you're feeling that way..." 

The truth is in the corporate world, everyone is too busy, just trying to get things done, so emails are short and to the point. Honestly, looking back I realize many of them are probably on these drugs too to get through the 80 hour work weeks they do! They are just trying to get jobs done. In my past, I would have rolled my eyes if someone was sensitive to these blunt emails. I now look at it through a different lens. That is also why I prefer talking to people instead of texting or emails as tones can be misperceived.

 

I believe you have stated that your work has been understanding. Are you able to share with her that you are at a challenging level with your withdrawal? Would you be able to work at home more?

 

Another thing to pray about is when to taper next. You were doing good at this dose for awhile. Is it possible you reached homeostasis with it and it's now time to drop? Maybe PM to others who successfully lowered this drug for suggestions.

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

.I might go for a walk to let myself cry out to God...

This is always a good idea. He may reveal some things, or just provide needed peace.

 

My heart really goes out to you in this Raymond. I pray that your workplace will work with you. You seem like a great employee with alot of integrity. If I was your manager, I would work with you on this situation! Unfortunately, many workplaces will never understand this until it happens to them. Hopefully yours will be empathetic to your situation.🙏🕊

51 minutes ago, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

Hi @Raymond, My heart goes out to you on this. I've been there many times! I took every email at work as criticism and that I would be fired during my CT big drop. Emails like "message received" or "noted" I could normally could shrug off.  I would now perceive them as harsh and cold as there was no acknowledgement of my feelings like "I'm sorry you're feeling that way..." 

The truth is in the corporate world, everyone is too busy, just trying to get things done, so emails are short and to the point. Honestly, looking back I realize many of them are probably on these drugs too to get through the 80 hour work weeks they do! They are just trying to get jobs done. In my past, I would have rolled my eyes if someone was sensitive to these blunt emails. I now look at it through a different lens. That is also why I prefer talking to people instead of texting or emails as tones can be misperceived.

 

I believe you have stated that your work has been understanding. Are you able to share with her that you are at a challenging level with your withdrawal? Would you be able to work at home more?

 

Another thing to pray about is when to taper next. You were doing good at this dose for awhile. Is it possible you reached homeostasis with it and it's now time to drop? Maybe PM to others who successfully lowered this drug for suggestions.

This is always a good idea. He may reveal some things, or just provide needed peace.

 

My heart really goes out to you in this Raymond. I pray that your workplace will work with you. You seem like a great employee with alot of integrity. If I was your manager, I would work with you on this situation! Unfortunately, many workplaces will never understand this until it happens to them. Hopefully yours will be empathetic to your situation.🙏🕊

Thanks for your comments.  I think my body still adjusting from last years cold turkey.  It just interesting that those work fear sensation were gone from month 5 to 8, but came back at month 12 and now it just up and down.  It gets better in the afternoons.  The mornings continue to be bad after feeling good most of the time.

 

However, I heard many stories were old symptoms come back one more time until they are gone.  Many people start feeling better after month 15 or so....I'm at month 13.

 

Also, it seems that I'm still triggered by few stressors which my CNS still sensitive.

 

I don't think I'm on homeostasis.  It seems long since I started new and old symptoms, but it's only being like 9 weeks...

 

I'm holding on my Tapering at this point.  Chris Paige said that many people had hold including him until mostly or all symptoms disappeared.  Once my mornings are back to normal, I will start reducing a very small amount first.  

 

Let see and I hope weather becomes better since it is affecting me too.  I have noticed yesterday that I was feeling little bad yesterday, so today I am on my peak.  If this is the case, I should start feeling better tomorrow...ups and downs ..

 

I'm glad I'm working with a psychotherapist.   If I feel I can't manage work as I should, then, I will fill out FMLA papers and give to my therapist...it will cover me.

 

Also, I told my boss, but I don't think she understands.   Waves means healing and it's the part I don't like to accept..

 

In the name of Jesus ..

10 hours ago, Raymond said:

01/22/2026- cortisol spike, morning fear sensation....

 

Definitely, it's being a little rollercoaster with many ups and down.  Having morning fear is crazy and when I call sick, my mind goes off thinking I'm going to be fired...

 

This morning, I texted my boss telling her that I don't feel good and won't be able to work today. She just said , message received....my mind went up thinking that I'm in trouble and I might get fired causing me all these anxiety, fear sensation.  When I usually text her, sometimes, she said , ok thanks and take care.  This time she said message received and my mind goes out the window.  

 

When I was at month 4,,5,6,7, this morning fear was gone.  My job did not cause me anything and I have as waking up motivated to work and concentrate.  

 

I really want my mornings to be back to normal.  I'm holding at 4.79mg and thinking if I will ever feel better again....

 

I feel like I'm trapped on a nightmare with no hope...

 

These exaggerating symptoms being on and off.   

 

I'm trying my best to be responsable at work. Since nov 2025, I have called like three times.  Before medication, I was never feeling this fear sensation when calling sick.  

 

I just want this to be resolved.  It seems that my holding will be for a long time.  I feel trapped on my own nightmare and this weather doesn't help me.....

 

Muscle stiffness and pain mostly on my left side of body...

 

Well I accept any words of encouragement 

 

 

Ok... today was not a good day.  My bones, muscle stiffness, fatigue, hot, feeling like depress or sad...

 

I hope today was just my peak and tomorrow continues minimizing again.  

 

Definitely rollercoaster.... I'm always looking for the night time because it's when I feel some relief from all of it..

 

I hope a great window comes. Soon..

Hey @Raymond

 

Glad to see you’ve moved over from SA. Sorry to hear you’re struggling today, it’s a terrible rollercoaster we’re on. 
Fingers crossed that things ease up for you soon. 

58 minutes ago, NBJ71 said:

Hey @Raymond

 

Glad to see you’ve moved over from SA. Sorry to hear you’re struggling today, it’s a terrible rollercoaster we’re on. 
Fingers crossed that things ease up for you soon. 

@NBJ71. Thanks to @Luke and @Chippyfor building this site in a short period of time.  It's important to have on going communication while going through this journey.  

 

The encouragement is totally supportive for all of us.

 

Yes, these last two days being bad for me. No emotions, brain is calmed but body is anxious, hot, stomach gasses again, etc.

 

Last year, I got these same symptoms but totally highly intense.  It seems that after a year, the body comes back to repair even more.   Hoping for a long window so I can continue Tapering slowly...

 

Take care yourself too.  We will eventually get out of it or at least improved more...

01/23/2026- cortisol spike again with head pressure, muscle stiffness in different areas of body, pain, cracking bones, little body anxiousness, little fear sensation, little work anxiety, little chest fatigue and emptiness feeling, stomach gases again after being good for weeks.

 

My muscles stiffness and pain on and off.  I have to be laying down to feel better.  If I sit, I start feeling the stiffness in my left arm.  Like a muscle pulling out.  I also feel muscle stiffness on my right leg too, but not intense.  I'm just waking like if I truck hit me or something...all my fingers in left hand and left foot cracking.

 

Motivation feels little improved, but not much.  I think I'm just a tiny little better today than yesterday, but feeling blah and unmotivated.

 

It's like one area of me is motivated, but another area feel sad or no emotions...

 

This is a crazy journey.....

 

I'm continuing to hold my taper.  It's being three months holding.  

 

Months, 10 12, and now 13 being a rollercoaster were I get ups and down constantly.  

 

Getting ready to go for a little walk..

54 minutes ago, Raymond said:

Thanks to @Luke and @Chippyfor building this site in a short period of time.  It's important to have on going communication while going through this journey.  

Pleasure Raymon happy to help the community and give back the help it’s given me. 
 

Sorry you’re having a rough couple or days my friend. You do a great job riding those waves. I hope things ease in the coming days. Time is the key isn’t it. 

27 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Pleasure Raymon happy to help the community and give back the help it’s given me. 
 

Sorry you’re having a rough couple or days my friend. You do a great job riding those waves. I hope things ease in the coming days. Time is the key isn’t it. 

@Chippy, I'm glad about this site definitely.  More people should be joining.

 

Currently, I feel little better.  I think I'm able to follow a pattern here.  Two days ago, I started to feel like little bad.  Then, next day I was bad.  I think that was my peak of symptoms.  And today, I feel is slowly improving...if I'm correct, tomorrow should be a little better day... before I see that up and down pattern again...

 

Let see

31 minutes ago, Raymond said:

 

Currently, I feel little better.  I think I'm able to follow a pattern here.  Two days ago, I started to feel like little bad.  Then, next day I was bad.  I think that was my peak of symptoms.  And today, I feel is slowly improving...if I'm correct, tomorrow should be a little better day... before I see that up and down pattern again...

 

Let see

Got it crossed mate! Hope tomorrows a good one!

I have been praying the Liturgy of the Hours as much as I can in one day...maybe it would help you when you are feeling crummy. You can see that there are 1000s of people praying at the same time. Plus, if you are available, we might see you on Monday for the SA support group. Let me know your status about it. I am hosting two on 1/26. 

 

Getting outside, but probably not today if you are having the weather we are having here (feels like -14 F at 2pm/-10 C for our non US friends), is good medicine!

47 minutes ago, namastejen1 said:

I have been praying the Liturgy of the Hours as much as I can in one day...maybe it would help you when you are feeling crummy. You can see that there are 1000s of people praying at the same time. Plus, if you are available, we might see you on Monday for the SA support group. Let me know your status about it. I am hosting two on 1/26. 

 

Getting outside, but probably not today if you are having the weather we are having here (feels like -14 F at 2pm/-10 C for our non US friends), is good medicine!

Hello, yes I pray the liturgy of the hour and a rosary every morning when I wake up and it's what's giving me the strength to continue.  I need to build confidence in this situation and ignore my feelings.  The liturgy of the hours great prayer .  I usually do the divine office, Nona, vispers....

 

In Jesus name....

Wow, you do a lot of prayers--keeps you connected and in a good light. I do what I can with my work schedule and find it is nice with the recordings the divine office website has. 

I thought of a technique that may help--hopefully I am not repeating myself: shrink your thoughts into the corner of the room, making it so small, it's hard to "see" or "hear" in a sense...this is an imagery technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Just wanted to share that with you. I know it can be difficult when are thoughts are loud or loop. I hope that you can find peace with prayers and your counselor through this; perhaps attachment theory work would also be a good avenue. It will get easier. ✝️

On 1/22/2026 at 10:32 AM, Raymond said:

I'm holding on my Tapering at this point.  Chris Paige said that many people had hold including him until mostly or all symptoms disappeared.  Once my mornings are back to normal, I will start reducing a very small amount first.

@Raymond, I think you have a good plan. You know your body and responses best. Always go for your gut and intuition! Prayers for less symptoms and more stabilization.🙏

16 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

Wow, you do a lot of prayers--keeps you connected and in a good light. I do what I can with my work schedule and find it is nice with the recordings the divine office website has. 

I thought of a technique that may help--hopefully I am not repeating myself: shrink your thoughts into the corner of the room, making it so small, it's hard to "see" or "hear" in a sense...this is an imagery technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Just wanted to share that with you. I know it can be difficult when are thoughts are loud or loop. I hope that you can find peace with prayers and your counselor through this; perhaps attachment theory work would also be a good avenue. It will get easier. ✝️

These medications are so evil that I sometimes feels even afraid of reading the Bible....the Bible is the book enjoy the most, but sometimes, I get this fear once in a while.... crazy...

9 hours ago, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

@Raymond, I think you have a good plan. You know your body and responses best. Always go for your gut and intuition! Prayers for less symptoms and more stabilization.🙏

Indeed, there is no point to taper while still stabilizing.   Chris Paige stated that for someone who was able to reinstate, it's best to stabilize before Tapering again.  Then, taper will be better and less intense.

 

I hate this medication, but ibthink it's wise to hold until my fear sensation and other bothering symptoms are gone.  13 months in this journey is not really long and my body probably still dealing with last year cold turkey.  

 

In the name of Jesus, we will get off this and heal soon..

01/24/2026 cortisol, fear, anxious, motivation recovery process 

 

Yesterday, I started to feel better around 10am.  I noticed my motivation was increasing slowly.  End up having a good day.   

 

This morning, I woke up again due to my alarm at 530am, took my dose, and I was about to start my prayer but felt back to sleep until 800am.  The longest sleep after I woke up.

 

Muscle stiffness on and off.  

Stomach seems to be improving again 

Motivation seems better 

Little body anxiousness 

Few intrusive thoughts, but not causing me fear sensation.  

 

Overall, so far better than last two days.

 

I have noticed a pattern like one day I feel 

Good, good, start feeling bad, little bad, peak bad, little good, little good, and good before starting the cycle again.  

 

It might be a good sign because I can pretty much predict the bad peak day ..

 

In the name of Jesus,we will all heal..keep faith, and hope

11 hours ago, Raymond said:

Those obstacles in life are part of our journey, but when we make it to the other side of our Grand canyon, we will all be able to look back and say, I made out of the canyon.....

Hi Raymond, I enjoyed reading about your Grand Canyon backpacking trip. It is inspirational and demonstrates our ups and downs and that we will make it out from our "canyon of issues." And what a beautiful place to visit--just breathtaking. I hope you have a great evening and tomorrow. 

Be well my friend.

01/26/2026 - first day of work always the hardest part of the week....

 

Yesterday, I had a good day.  I slept even more than any of my previous months.  I had two consecutive days where I woke up 530am and after my dose, I felt back to sleep until like 8am.

 

This morning, I woke up at 520am.  I couldn't go back to sleep after my dose.  My brain started to have annoying intrusive thoughts about work.  It made me feel little anxious which I don't know why always morning hours.  It's like the symptoms know when to get me ..

 

I guess, I'm still work anxious with no reasons..I hope this exaggerating anxiety and thoughts during work days fades away.  I usually get better at work from Tuesday or Wednesdays...I was doing fine during month 4 to 9, but this work anxiety came back around month 10.  Its a little bit better but I'm still not where I should be 

 

Muscle stiffness and shoulder back pain ...seems better at this moment, but still hurts..

 

Mind feels relaxed, but body anxiousness on chest area mostly...

 

Intrusive thoughts mostly in the mornings and on and off too.

 

I feel few crawling sensation on top of skull on and off...

 

I think is being 11 weeks with these symptoms on and off.  

 

Total of 13 months journey so far.   Last three months being the longest month ever....

 

In the name of Jesus, let's continue..we will all heal...

01/28/2026- recovery process...

 

Cortisol spike - slowly improving.  I have woken around 540am to 530am and mostly due to my alarm during the last few days.  I still get intrusive thoughts with little head pressure but not every day.  I have pushed my taken dose to 545am instead of 539am because at months 13, I am mostly experiencing longer sleep...of course once the time changes in USA, I will be waking up at 630am instead....

 

Muscle stiffness - it continues to be on and off and specially on my left arm and left back shoulder.  I feel like a pitch nerve or something that goes from back to upper left arm.  Also, sometimes, my muscles on that side jerks a little bit.  I also experienced muscle stiffness on my right back legs, but not intense.  Also some bones cracking symptoms.

 

Head feels light and relaxed, but sometimes I do get a little feeling of dizziness or off.  

 

Fear sensation to work - it is being slowing down.  

 

Motivation is littler better, but enjoyment to do things lost.

 

Positiveness continues to improve...

 

Overall, month 13, I have slept better than any other months, and muscle stiffness continues to be the mayor issue and few old symptoms on and off resolving little quicker too.

 

I am holding for few more months until mornings feels more normal and I'm sure the fear of my work is completely gone...

 

In the name of Jesus, I will healed.

01/29/2026- sleep pattern, cortisol, muscle stiffness, and many other symptoms recovery process.....

 

Yesterday, I felt fine all day, but I continued with my muscles stiffness and shoulder back pain.   I had a headache on my left side of headache that came back with muscle stiffness on my back neck area.

 

This morning, I woke up again due to my alarm to take my dose.  I am increasing my taken dose 15 minutes due to the fact that this last month, I have been experiencing more sleep.   Hopefully, I will be able to sleep until 7am without cortisol spike.  But, in my month 13 of this journey, I have had more sleeping time than my last 12 months.  I'm hoping to fully recover soon. 

 

My main symptom now in my second month is muscle stiffness and pain and specially on my left side of body on my shoulder and arm.   Last year I had this muscle stiffness and pain on my right upper arm that last me 7 months until I realized I did not have it anymore.  Now, on my second year, it's all my left arm upper muscles and left back and shoulders...

 

I really don't know how this healing works, but the muscle pain it's bothering me.  I have to work with laptop on my legs and semi laying down to feel it less.

 

Morning motivation is slowly improving again.

 

My brain seems relax, but body still feels anxious.  I can tell my CNS is not relaxed but not intense....

 

Let's continue moving forward in the name of Jesus who can still heal us ...

01/30/2026- month 13 better sleeping patterns, but muscle stiffness and pain ..

 

In the past few days, I have seeing better sleep than any of my previous 12 months. I have been waking up due to the alarm and falling asleep again until time to work. So, I started to take my dose 15 minutes after until I reach 7am or so. The only reason, I gave been waking up 530am is due to cortisol and the one hour lost in USA. Now, when we change back the hour, I should be waking up closer to 7am.

 

I'm definitely improving slowly in my second year on this journey.

 

Also, my mornings are becoming less scary and more motivated again. I still have few symptoms, but I have seeing that I wake up again motivated to start the day and less fear about work or emails...

 

I also noticed that my old loving person I was, is coming back. I noticed that I have being more loving toward my wife. I did not realized that those medications numb my feelings. I still did good things with my wife, but I just noticed that I feel totally different and I can feel it. It's like an old me coming out ... WOW! All this time feeling nothing even though I am in love....

 

My brain. Continues to be relaxed, but body still with lingering symptoms...

 

At month 13, i have definitely seeing more improvement. I can't describe but I just feel it.

 

I am still holding for few more months as I still need to have more longer motivation, and no fear sensation at all to continue Tapering off....I think, I'm getting closed to it...

 

So let's continue this journey and in the name of Jesus, we will all heal....

 

NOTE: I just can't imagine how many people out there are probably divorced due to the numbness these medications causes...Crazy...

8 hours ago, Raymond said:

I also noticed that my old loving person I was, is coming back. I noticed that I have being more loving toward my wife. I did not realized that those medications numb my feelings.

 

So let's continue this journey and in the name of Jesus, we will all heal....

 

NOTE: I just can't imagine how many people out there are probably divorced due to the numbness these medications causes...Crazy...

Yes. It’s crazy how these Rx shut off a lot of feelings. Manna for Marriage is a couple’s experience with faith that you might find helpful. And you might like this too https://youtu.be/r0vGo98QHWA

How God Heals Through Marriage podcast.

Be well, my friend

01/31/2026- more sleep improvement....

 

Oh my goodness, months 13 is being better sleep than any of my last 12 months.   This morning, I woke up almost at 6am and had to rush to take my dose, and felt back to sleep with no cortisol spike or anxiety or head pressure...

 

On my second year on this journey, and I finally see more improvement in my sleeping patterns...im still not there, but this is a plus for me .

 

I'm also starting to slow feel more morning motivation and less morning fear.

 

I still feel the body a little anxious but mind still feels relax...

 

Burning sensation, anxiety sensation, crawling sensation on my left arm and left side body gone or sometimes is just very minimal.    This is improving again...

 

My stomach issues being normal for weeks now.  The last time I had this issues, it resolved quickly too.

 

Appetite improved again and I no longer feel the rush to eat.   I can tell you that thanks God, eating any kinds of food never messed me up.  I have eaten many things including donuts, and sweets.

 

One thing that I noticed which was part of the symptoms was the desire of eating sweet, but this symptom was on and off during my entire journey.   Food was never an issue for me ..

 

I am still sensitive to normal stress and there are things that I am still not motivated to do, but I am hoping things will continue improving and the things I enjoyed most will come back to me....

 

I will continue holding until I see my mornings continue to improve and stay longer time before I start tapering again.  It might take me couple of more months, but Tapering from a stronger CNS will make the journey smoother going down.   This is what I'm looking for....

 

In the name of Jesus, we will all heal from this...

Dear @Raymond, this sounds extremely encouraging! I’m happy that so many of your symptoms are improving or disappearing. I hope this trajectory will continue…

May I ask you a question? Why are you taking your dose at 5:30 when you can obviously sleep longer? It always seems to interrupt your sleep.

 

anyway, I’m very happy for you that you are making progress 🙂

02/02026- little anxious today.....

 

Well, last night, I went to bed earlier than usual since I was so tired.  During the night, I woke up two times, but felt back to sleep right away.  I woke up again due to my alarm at 545am, but I couldn't go back to sleep again.  I felt little anxious on my head.  I was able to stay in bed, but no sleep...

 

This morning, I'm a little bit anxious too, and feel little tired too.  I kind of feel little off and motivated at the same time.

 

My muscles stiffness seems to be improving very slowly. Overall, feels little better.

 

Intrusive thoughts - little intrusive thoughts on and off again, but little intense..

 

Basically, I'm feeling blah, little light headed, little body anxiousness.  I feel like doing things but no feelings of excitement.  

 

Overall, feeling ok, but not where I will love too.  It's ok today so far.

 

I think one reason is because I am working on a project and even good things can exaggerate anxiety symptoms.   However, it's not intense like last year...