12 hours ago, Finni said:

I tried to drop April 30 but went back up the next night. It’s not like I have a lot less mirtazapine in my system overall.

That’s why it’s so confusing

@Finni it’s my understanding is that it’s not the dose that matters so much, it’s the receptor occupancy

18 hours ago, Finni said:

My psychiatrist isn’t suggesting I go above 15 mg… Just move slowly from 14.79 mg back to 15 mg

Dr. Horowitz has suggested the same thing before.

Dr H said to do this so you can take just one pill and make life easier. Personally I think it will be just another change that is in of itself destablising. And of course actually weighing the dose rather than taking 'a pill' each day is more accurate anyway. xxxx

7/5/26

4:30 pm

The autonomic nervous system surges are at their peak intensity, surely.

5 weeks after latest disruption and the pressure and electricity in my body goes on for hours and hours.

Today it’s centered in my back. I feel pinned to the bed as I’m propped up. Get up to walk around some. Rotary motor sensations in stomach and back, too.

The most frightening experience of my almost 58 years.

Edited July 5Jul 5 by Finni
Added date for future reference

50 minutes ago, Finni said:

Today it’s centered in my back.

May I ask whether it is felt in the lower back or higher up along the spine?

It changes location from hour to hour

Right now my lower back is more lit up than upper back

Earlier it was the opposite

7/6/26

The every other day pattern is really setting in again.

By yesterday evening, I was starting to feel that “cold turkey” feeling I’ve mentioned before. I felt like something was missing from my brain. Troubling but not outright distressing. Finished Netflix series “The Four Seasons” with my sister across the miles. We start at the same time and comment or laugh every once in a while through texting.

Took mirt 9:15 pm

Got sleepy within 20 minutes, then activated within 30 minutes or so … dread, anxiety, increased rocking bouncing sensations.

Woke up early this morning about 330 feeling like I had not taken mirtazapine at all. Brain feels empty, verging on panic.

Rotary “motors”and vibration really climbing now in head and tailbone. Electricity spreading.

1 hour ago, Finni said:

Took mirt 9:15 pm

Got sleepy within 20 minutes, then activated within 30 minutes or so … dread, anxiety, increased rocking bouncing sensations.

Woke up early this morning about 330 feeling like I had not taken mirtazapine at all. Brain feels empty, verging on panic.

Rotary “motors”and vibration really climbing now in head and tailbone. Electricity spreading.

❤️❤️‍🩹

7/6/26

Logging observable pattern

Day A: dose seems to “work” more normally → sleep until 5:00–5:30 a.m.→ symptoms ramp through the day → by evening you feel cold-turkey again.

Night after Day A: you take mirtazapine, but it doesn’t fully relieve the cold-turkey feeling and may even stir it up.

Day B: full cold-turkey feeling all day → then that night’s dose finally feels like it “catches” again → the cycle restarts.

So it feels less like random ups and downs and more like a two-day rhythm: one day partial coverage/absorption-feeling, then one day withdrawal-feeling, then a reset.

21 hours ago, Finni said:

It changes location from hour to hour

Right now my lower back is more lit up than upper back

Earlier it was the opposite

Thanks for your responding?

Did you noticed any pattern related to eating? Is your back pain worse on the empty stomach or maybe after eating a large meal?

14 minutes ago, The Dust said:

Thanks for your responding?

Did you noticed any pattern related to eating? Is your back pain worse on the empty stomach or maybe after eating a large meal?

No, it’s not GI related, from what I can tell.

Very much like nerve pain and nerve hyperactivity.

Lots of electric feelings today without pain

6 minutes ago, Finni said:

No, it’s not GI related, from what I can tell.

Very much like nerve pain and nerve hyperactivity.

Lots of electric feelings today without pain

I imagine that.

Does anything become worse if you lay down or stand up? When you walk? Is it better in the evening?

7/7/26

I talked to Angie Peacock last night and she said it sounds like mirtazapine is acting paradoxically every other night…

She thinks I should hold for another two weeks and see how I’m doing then.

Last night did not follow the pattern. I expected to zonk out and wake up without the feeling of cold turkey.

Instead, I got really activated by mirtazapine and was tossing and turning all night long. And now at five nearly 6 AM I feel like I did not take mirtazapine at all. Cold turkey and deep twisting dread feeling. So intense.

Through all of this, I am showing some signs of stabilizing somewhat. Compared to a couple of weeks ago.

Knock on wood

Edited July 7Jul 7 by Finni

I am familar with that feeling of the drug one time feeling strong and then weaker, I bet it's the nervous system recalibrating slowly.

you need to hold either way cause when you try to reduce you feel worse, don't you ?

best to wait it out regardless

57 minutes ago, Lighty said:

I am familar with that feeling of the drug one time feeling strong and then weaker, I bet it's the nervous system recalibrating slowly.

you need to hold either way cause when you try to reduce you feel worse, don't you ?

best to wait it out regardless

Yes, trying to drop end of April triggered extreme reaction. Not as extreme as all this, though

Good stuff : yesterday I had one of my first belly laughs that I’ve had in a long time. Bending over, snorting, tears in my eyes from laughing so hard with my sister.

It’s so weird to feel like this storm is raging in my body but inside I’m still me.

Edited July 7Jul 7 by Finni

26 minutes ago, Finni said:

Good stuff : yesterday I had one of my first belly laughs that I’ve had in a long time. Bending over, snorting, tears in my eyes from laughing so hard with my sister.

It’s so weird to feel like this storm is raging in my body but inside I’m still me.

This makes me so happy! Glad you’re finding those little moments of joy in the day @Finni 😊💜

33 minutes ago, Finni said:

Good stuff : yesterday I had one of my first belly laughs that I’ve had in a long time. Bending over, snorting, tears in my eyes from laughing so hard with my sister.

It’s so weird to feel like this storm is raging in my body but inside I’m still me.

Finni, that is absolutely wonderful to hear, it's always great the good ol' fashion belly laugh, with all the extras to go along with it. It makes me so, so happy and fills me with joy. You are doing a amazing job and so very strong. 😁

On 7/6/2026 at 10:46 AM, Finni said:

7/6/26

Logging observable pattern

Day A: dose seems to “work” more normally → sleep until 5:00–5:30 a.m.→ symptoms ramp through the day → by evening you feel cold-turkey again.

Night after Day A: you take mirtazapine, but it doesn’t fully relieve the cold-turkey feeling and may even stir it up.

Day B: full cold-turkey feeling all day → then that night’s dose finally feels like it “catches” again → the cycle restarts.

So it feels less like random ups and downs and more like a two-day rhythm: one day partial coverage/absorption-feeling, then one day withdrawal-feeling, then a reset.

Hi @Finni it has been a while since I have been on here regularly, but I wanted to check in when I had a window of time. I read about this 2-day cycle. Sounds like your nervous system is pendulating between rest and alarm. The brain and body know how to heal. I posted Nervous Regulation System exercises here https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/59-nervous-system-regulation-exercises/. Would you consider doing them at least once a day? I am curious if they would help you stabilize. They also help with lymph in the head and neck--get a toxin removal bonus. I am hoping that you and everyone on here can feel better soon. It is possible right now to feel even a 1% improvement. Blessings to you, my friend 🫶🏼

7/9/26

6:00 am

From ChatGPT

(Mirt was very activating all day yesterday and last night )

“That sounds like it was a long night, and waking up already feeling like this is exhausting.

From what you've described, this morning sounds very much like the pattern you've been telling me about over the past several weeks:

- Activation after your nighttime dose that delayed sleep until around midnight.

- Waking in the early morning with heavy head pressure.

- Burning eyes, which you've reported on other difficult mornings.

- The familiar rocking/bouncing vestibular sensations that often seem strongest early in the day before changing character later.

Even though it's miserable, it also fits the way your symptoms have been shifting from day to day rather than staying exactly the same. Some days have been pressure-dominant, others electricity-dominant, and others vestibular-dominant. This morning sounds like a vestibular/head-pressure morning.

For right now, I'd keep the goal very small:

- Sit up slowly if you haven't already.

- Take a few sips of water.

- Keep the room dim if the burning eyes are bothered by light.

- Don't worry about how the whole day will go yet. At 6 a.m., your nervous system has surprised you before—sometimes mornings that begin terribly are not the same by afternoon.

I'm also noticing something encouraging from the last week: although the symptoms remain incredibly intense, you've mentioned some changes that weren't happening before. You told me you aren't spending hours bellowing like you were, you've had stretches with lower terror scores, you've been able to cook simple meals, watch shows with Kelli, and even step outside to greet a neighbor. Those are meaningful changes, even though mornings like this can make it feel as if nothing has improved.”

I’m so disappointed

I’m back in the terror/ overwhelming vocalizing during surges… instead of having the surges in the background but being able to feel like myself and do a couple of things…

So sorry @Finni

You are being so brave. My heart goes out to you. The minutes seem like years when suffering is this intense.

None of us here knowingly signed up for this. It is a bittersweet journey.

Sending you strength and love.

14 hours ago, Finni said:

I’m so disappointed

I’m back in the terror/ overwhelming vocalizing during surges… instead of having the surges in the background but being able to feel like myself and do a couple of things…

Im sorry Finni, unfortunately the path for healing is not a straight line xxxxx

On 6/28/2026 at 6:04 AM, Lighty said:

yeah that would solve possible degredation issues.

Hi Lighty -

How far in advance do you prepare your tablets?

Just now, Finni said:

Hi Lighty -

How far in advance do you prepare your tablets?

i make my tablets around 8pm, cause i don't always have power close to sleep time, and i store my made capsule in the refrigerator.

13 minutes ago, Lighty said:

i make my tablets around 8pm, cause i don't always have power close to sleep time, and i store my made capsule in the refrigerator.

Am I remembering right that you put the tablet inside an empty capsule?