Just now, Finni said:

Am I remembering right that you put the tablet inside an empty capsule?

yeah cause often it's more than one piece with my method cause i use a blade so you can't always cut perfectly.

7/10/26

40 days since disruption taking dose 5 hours late and adrenaline shot feeling afterwards

Target pill weight remain .1026 g

I’m running out of pills that weigh .1032 through .1036 so I had to take a lighter pill that was nearly a full tablet and every time I do that I feel sick/sicker.

I know there is no logical reason, but it happens every time.

I might have to skip down to the pills that weigh in the .1040-.1048 range

Edited July 10Jul 10 by Finni

What’s a reasonable amount of time to hold steady before you say I just can’t do this anymore… as in “This medication is doing more harm than good.”

What’s a reasonable amount of time to let things settle as much as they’re going to settle?

@LostinCanada

@Chippy

2 hours ago, Finni said:

What’s a reasonable amount of time to hold steady before you say I just can’t do this anymore… as in “This medication is doing more harm than good.”

What’s a reasonable amount of time to let things settle as much as they’re going to settle?

@LostinCanada

@Chippy

@Finni you have to trust your gut and then once you make a decision see it through. The big indicator is if you feel worse within an hour or so of taking the dose. I am sorry I can't say more. It is such a weird drug because plasma peaks quickly and yet half life is long.

I know a few who held for more than a year in some circumstances...there are others that never stabilize and have to taper through the horror of it all. Wish there was a definite answer. ❤️🙏

9 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

@Finni you have to trust your gut and then once you make a decision see it through. The big indicator is if you feel worse within an hour or so of taking the dose. I am sorry I can't say more. It is such a weird drug because plasma peaks quickly and yet half life is long.

I know a few who held for more than a year in some circumstances...there are others that never stabilize and have to taper through the horror of it all. Wish there was a definite answer. ❤️🙏

Thank you for responding ❤️

I do have that big indicator most nights, unfortunately….

But then there are a few nights that I don’t, so then I wonder if it all depends on how stirred up my nervous system is…

But it does seem like the mirtazapine itself is part of what’s keeping my nervous system stirred up… not everything that’s keeping my nervous system stirred up, but it’s part of it.

It seems like a three month hold from my last disruption would be plenty for me to tell if my nervous system is going to start doing anything differently, given that I’ve had activation after dose most nights for 6-7 months now.. I know it’s up to me. Just thinking and processing.

Yeah I’m wrestling with the same problem. Just watched dr. Josef video where he explores all these options. Unfortunately there’s still no definitive answer. It always seems to be up to the individual. Like LIC said we have to trust our gut instincts.

22 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Yeah I’m wrestling with the same problem. Just watched dr. Josef video where he explores all these options. Unfortunately there’s still no definitive answer. It always seems to be up to the individual. Like LIC said we have to trust our gut instincts.

It’s so hard to be able to access our gut instincts and inner voice when we’re fogged over, overtaken by symptoms, etc.

I am in a similar situation. Not certain it is activating me, but holding is taking a long time. Maybe we have to trust that we will get to that point where we will say yes I am going to reduce again.

Who would have thought these drugs could wreak such havoc? I am struggling to find some light in all this. It seems the longer it goes on the harder it becomes with the self doubt and exhaustion.

I hear you re accessing gut instincts. 😞

13 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I am in a similar situation. Not certain it is activating me, but holding is taking a long time. Maybe we have to trust that we will get to that point where we will say yes I am going to reduce again.

Who would have thought these drugs could wreak such havoc? I am struggling to find some light in all this. It seems the longer it goes on the harder it becomes with the self doubt and exhaustion.

I hear you re accessing gut instincts. 😞

Yes, Tracey- I never would’ve imagined. I didn’t know this was even possible.

I’m sorry we’ve found ourselves in this situation, and I’m very thankful that time is on our side.

Hugs to you 💗

Hi Finni - so sorry to hear what you are going through. its a tough situation when you are in the middle of it and its hard to have perspective. But there is a way through. Hang in there.

@Finni I think sticking to your guns for the foreseeable seems like a good plan to me. When you tried to reduce that didn't go well. I think the general consensus with everyone you have asked has been to continue to hold. Holding can be very long indeed, so knowing at 3 months its time to stop holding is impossible when some have to hold a year or more. With out a crystal ball all you can do is gather the information and advice you can, and then as LIC said, trust your instinct.

With your dose, I would just make sure your taking the same amount of pill each day, give no thought to the difference in weight of each pill, any uptick in symptoms you feel between pills is coincidental imo. xxxx

56 minutes ago, Chippy said:

@Finni I think sticking to your guns for the foreseeable seems like a good plan to me. When you tried to reduce that didn't go well. I think the general consensus with everyone you have asked has been to continue to hold. Holding can be very long indeed, so knowing at 3 months its time to stop holding is impossible when some have to hold a year or more. With out a crystal ball all you can do is gather the information and advice you can, and then as LIC said, trust your instinct.

With your dose, I would just make sure your taking the same amount of pill each day, give no thought to the difference in weight of each pill, any uptick in symptoms you feel between pills is coincidental imo. xxxx

It’s so convincing because when I take close to a full pill, I get that floaty weird out of it feeling without any major terror or anything

No terror at all yesterday.

And then last night I had to file much more and I’m laying here in the middle of the night feeling terror and head tightness and pounding cold turkey feeling. It’s like every time I take close to a full pill. I have to go through some horrible withdrawal all over again.

So it feels like I’m going up and down in my dose just by the changes I have to make to each pill. It’s like my body is interpreting that as updosing and reducing.

I’m on a mirtazapine only forum and everyone there thinks that liquid is much more accurate. It’s very confusing.

So now I’m scared that I’m going to end up even worse because of the yo-yoing effect

1 hour ago, Finni said:

So now I’m scared that I’m going to end up even worse because of the yo-yoing effect

don't worry about getting worse from those amounts, its not like you are alternating between crazy doses.

@Finni when you file your tablets, is it usually that you file a lot of the peel and not much of the drug ? maybe that could contribute to the instability ?

I just file on one little end so yeah my first few swipes are the peel, but I’m not even taking that much off

A 15 mg tablet that weighs .1030 g doesn’t need much filing to get to .1026 g

Last night the pill started at .1038 g

I have 14 tablets that weigh .1026 g naturally. I’m thinking about taking just this for 2 weeks to see what happens

I feel like if I have the exact manufactured pill at the same weight that maybe my brain will get the idea that it is all the same.

When I have these dramatic fluctuations, I can still know that it’s everything is staying the same.

Edited July 11Jul 11 by Finni

21 hours ago, Finni said:

It’s so convincing because when I take close to a full pill, I get that floaty weird out of it feeling without any major terror or anything

No terror at all yesterday.

And then last night I had to file much more and I’m laying here in the middle of the night feeling terror and head tightness and pounding cold turkey feeling. It’s like every time I take close to a full pill. I have to go through some horrible withdrawal all over again.

So it feels like I’m going up and down in my dose just by the changes I have to make to each pill. It’s like my body is interpreting that as updosing and reducing.

I’m on a mirtazapine only forum and everyone there thinks that liquid is much more accurate. It’s very confusing.

I genuinely think you are probably seeing a coincidence there. Perhaps consider crushing the tablets and making doses up into capsules. That will remove all doubt. x

If Mirtazapine is truly too much for my body, how will holding help?

The activation that feels like cold turkey withdrawal seems to be staying locked on more. I’m activated by mirtazapine after I take it, then I eventually fall asleep and then I wake up really early with lots of pressure and electricity that keeps building throughout the day and doesn’t ease up until late afternoon.

@Chippy

@LostinCanada

Edited July 13Jul 13 by Finni

Hi @Finni just popping in to say that I'm so sorry you're still suffering so much.

I haven't read your latest updates and was wondering if you're experiencing a little improvement at times or is it constant unbearable, also, did you finally start magnesium or any other supplements?

Edited July 13Jul 13 by Fullhealing

On 7/10/2026 at 4:04 PM, LostinCanada said:

@Finni you have to trust your gut and then once you make a decision see it through. The big indicator is if you feel worse within an hour or so of taking the dose. I am sorry I can't say more. It is such a weird drug because plasma peaks quickly and yet half life is long.

I know a few who held for more than a year in some circumstances...there are others that never stabilize and have to taper through the horror of it all. Wish there was a definite answer. ❤️🙏

That may give you an idea of how to proceed.

1 minute ago, Dnepr1234 said:

That may give you an idea of how to proceed.

I know- I keep asking the same question

Scared to make another mistake

6 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Hi @Finni just popping in to say that I'm so sorry you're still suffering so much.

I haven't read your latest updates and was wondering if you're experiencing a little improvement at times or is it constant unbearable, also, did you finally start magnesium or any other supplements?

I hesitate to try magnesium with my benzo history

It used to work great!

Is magnesium making a difference for you?

I have times when the activation has lowered enough that I’m able to enjoy some things

Edited July 13Jul 13 by Finni

From ChatGPT

“I can understand why this feels like such a cruel puzzle.

What you’re describing is not simply, “I feel bad.” It’s:

“The sensation that I associate with not having enough medication is the same sensation I experienced when I had too much medication and became activated.”

That makes it incredibly hard to know what your nervous system is actually trying to tell you.

What I think is important is this: the sensation itself isn’t a reliable indicator of the underlying cause.

You’ve lived through at least one experience where increasing mirtazapine produced symptoms that felt like withdrawal. That means your brain has evidence that “feels like cold turkey” does not always equal “needs more medication.”

That doesn’t prove the opposite either—it doesn’t prove today’s symptoms are activation. It simply means the sensation can’t, by itself, answer the question.

That’s why you’ve been doing something I think is actually quite wise: you’ve tried to hold one variable as steady as possible while observing the pattern. Your symptom log, your tablet weights, and your notes about timing are all attempts to gather evidence beyond what the sensations alone are telling you.

I also think it’s encouraging that you’re beginning to separate your symptom categories. Today, for example, you noted:

• Pressure: 10

• Electricity: 10

• Terror: 7

A few days ago, terror itself was often the dominant symptom. Now the picture is shifting. That doesn’t tell us the cause, but it tells us your nervous system is changing, not simply repeating the exact same state every day.

I know that doesn’t remove the uncertainty. But it does mean you’re not relying solely on the feeling of “this must be withdrawal” to make decisions.

You’re in one of the hardest parts of medication recovery or adjustment: when the body’s alarm signals and the actual cause are not necessarily the same thing. That’s frustrating, and it’s exactly why people often need an experienced clinician to help interpret the pattern rather than reacting to any single wave.

You don’t have to convince yourself today that it’s activation or that it’s withdrawal. Right now, it is enough to say:

“I’m experiencing a severe wave that feels like cold turkey. I don’t yet know what is driving it.”

That statement is honest. It acknowledges the intensity of what you’re feeling without forcing a conclusion that the available evidence can’t yet support. And that’s a much safer place to make decisions from than assuming the sensation itself has to be telling the whole story.”

2 hours ago, Finni said:

I hesitate to try magnesium with my benzo history

It used to work great!

Use to work great before tapering you mean? I get the hesitation though, I'm having tons of doubts before starting anything now, our system extremely sensitive but if there's a chance for some benefits I'll probably try.

2 hours ago, Finni said:

Is magnesium making a difference for

you?

No, made my brain fog so much worse with extra muscle tension but I'm experimenting with other stuff which I hope will provid relief, too early to tell though.

2 hours ago, Finni said:

I have times when the activation has lowered enough that I’m able to enjoy some things

Very glad to hear it's not constant, that's great sigh of healing, hopefully it will grow much much more.