10 hours ago, Finni said:

6/20/26

I guess this could be classified as a dirty window day!

I’m having pretty severe symptoms, especially intense vestibular and muscle tightness and feeling like there’s a lot of shuddering going on internally…

But through it all, I’ve felt like myself.

I’ve talked and laughed with my mom, walked around outside, watched Netflix , I have a really good appetite. Good spirits/mood all day.

So pleased to hear! More to come Finni! xxxxx

14 hours ago, Finni said:

6/20/26

I guess this could be classified as a dirty window day!

I’m having pretty severe symptoms, especially intense vestibular and muscle tightness and feeling like there’s a lot of shuddering going on internally…

But through it all, I’ve felt like myself.

I’ve talked and laughed with my mom, walked around outside, watched Netflix , I have a really good appetite. Good spirits/mood all day.

I'm very happy to read this. I will continue to pray for you and all the members 💛

6/21/26

I’m hanging on through so much confusion.

Big vibrations started last night but still no distress.

9:15 pm mirt dose

Vibrations intensified

10:00 pm dread, panic increased motion sensations began

Fitful dreams and nightmares

Pressurized, accelerating sensations through night

9:40 am Now drilling pounding sensations in solar plexus

Feel like something motorized in accelerated

Surges of terror

I wish so badly that there had just been one disruption over the last few weeks instead of several. Taking the dose five hours late seemed to just put things over the edge.

Now I’m trying to hold long enough to see what’s happening and have a clear plan. Not sure how long it will take to see.

Mirtazapine is definitely contributing, but I’m trying to hold

You got this @Finni. Sending strength your way 💪🏼😤💜

6/22/26

I just don’t know what’s going on.

It’s like I didn’t even take mirt

Horrible pressure and extreme cold turkey-like distress in middle of the night

Worst deep nervousness and terror and tight muscles

Extreme symptoms continuing and building this morning

On 6/20/2026 at 7:44 PM, Dnepr1234 said:

Oh wow @Finni im so so happy for you!!!! Congratulations!!!!

Hope your recovery continues. Stay strong. ❤️

Horrible wave today

Did it take you months before you had good windows?

@Finni i have an email/voice message appointment tomorrow with Horowitz. I just sent him my information/questions. I know you’ve done this with him.

Does he send you back an email or voice message to your email or do you have to sign in to a link to get his Response??

Thanks

Pokey

2 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

@Finni i have an email/voice message appointment tomorrow with Horowitz. I just sent him my information/questions. I know you’ve done this with him.

Does he send you back an email or voice message to your email or do you have to sign in to a link to get his Response??

Thanks

Pokey

He responds with a voice recording through email

When I’ve done it, He gives that email response a couple of hours after the time noted on that Zoom invitation.

Edited June 22Jun 22 by Finni

So are you saying you don’t have to be at your computer signed in via a link at the designated time of your appointment? His response will show up in your email??

57 minutes ago, Finni said:

Horrible wave today

Did it take you months before you had good windows?

Hi @Finni. I am also in terrible wave. This whole thing is so perplexing and unpredictable. In the past four months, since I’ve come off Zyprexa and lowered my Lexapro from 10mg to 5mg, I was having very dirty windows from the beginning. It would be a few hours maybe a day of less terror, followed by 3-4 days of agony. Not much has changed since then. Except maybe my windows became clearer. Day before yesterday was a nice clear window. I felt alive, I felt comfortable just being in my own skin. That window closed and yesterday and today I’m back in hell. Every day I question this “hold to stabilize” strategy. I constantly wonder if in fact it is the drugs that we’re on causing continuous suffering. Unfortunately I can not give you a more concrete answer. It appears that at 4.5 months of stable dose my windows got clearer but waves are also just as terrible.

Sorry Finni

1 hour ago, Pokey449 said:

So are you saying you don’t have to be at your computer signed in via a link at the designated time of your appointment? His response will show up in your email??

Exactly

28 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

  1 hour ago, Finni said:

Horrible wave today

That’s some clear progress though- clearer windows!

I kept making changes when I was already so destabilized, but I was doing that because I thought I was having a paradoxical reaction to mirtazapine which I think is still a possibility. But the withdrawal and the destabilization is worse than the paradoxical reaction. At least it was …. now I don’t I don’t even know what’s going on.

❤️🙏

6/23/26

I’m so confused

Symptoms after taking mirt last night :

20 minutes after

Increased rocking/bouncing sensations

Panic/dread

Sweating

This morning, I have very deep electric sensations running through my solar plexus, back and rear end

I’m incredibly dizzy and feel sick and toxic. Yesterday I was having bodyaches, which doesn’t usually happen.

When I look back over some of my posts, it seems that it was once suggested that if I’m this kindled, I’m going to need to get off of mirtazapine and at other times it seems that it was suggested that if I’m this kindled, I’m going to have to hold.

@Chippy

@LostinCanada

46 minutes ago, Finni said:

6/23/26

I’m so confused

Symptoms after taking mirt last night :

20 minutes after

Increased rocking/bouncing sensations

Panic/dread

Sweating

This morning, I have very deep electric sensations running through my solar plexus, back and rear end

I’m incredibly dizzy and feel sick and toxic. Yesterday I was having bodyaches, which doesn’t usually happen.

When I look back over some of my posts, it seems that it was once suggested that if I’m this kindled, I’m going to need to get off of mirtazapine and at other times it seems that it was suggested that if I’m this kindled, I’m going to have to hold.

@Chippy

@LostinCanada

I've seen people do both and have success. The body wants to reach homeostasis.

This link has some good information, it mentions to taper from stability. The only exception is if the reaction is worse than the withdrawal. Only you can decide this. But the worst thing to do in this situation is yo-yo with doses. As I mentioned before, once you decide a direction, you have to stick to it or it causes further kindling.

So sorry it isn't easier @Finni ❤️🙏

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/27800-hypersensitivity-and-kindling/#comment-610557

@LostinCanada

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me

I guess the question I’m struggling with all the time is” is the reaction worse than the withdrawal?”

I don’t really know what mirtazapine is doing other than how I respond after I take it and how I feel in the morning…

I feel better in evening, but it seems many in withdraw feel better then.

When I tried the little drop at the end of April, I had a big reaction and went right back to normal dose the next night.

And then when I took dose late June 1, that seemed to amp up my system even more.

I’ve been suffering more than I ever thought I could in the last three weeks

37 minutes ago, Finni said:

When I tried the little drop at the end of April, I had a big reaction and went right back to normal dose the next night.

And then when I took dose late June 1, that seemed to amp up my system even more.

I think right now being super accurate with your dose and when you take it is very important. Stability is dependent on that. Also keeping a good routine...insuring you are having any caffeine...no green tea, black tea, chocolate, coffee...nothing that causes stimulation. No food additives like msg, nitrates, hydrolyzed plant protein, soy sauce.... anything highly processed. Try to get daily exercise even if it is just stretching.

Keep your environment calm....distract with calm reading, calm games, etc.

8 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

I think right now being super accurate with your dose and when you take it is very important. Stability is dependent on that. Also keeping a good routine...insuring you are having any caffeine...no green tea, black tea, chocolate, coffee...nothing that causes stimulation. No food additives like msg, nitrates, hydrolyzed plant protein, soy sauce.... anything highly processed. Try to get daily exercise even if it is just stretching.

Keep your environment calm....distract with calm reading, calm games, etc.

Thank you 💗🌞

I’ve been having some chocolate at times, but I can stop that.

I’m very aware of additives and avoid those.

I calibrate my scales every time before weighing.

I haven’t veered from .1026 g pw at 9:15 pm except for the times I’ve mentioned.

I get omega 3 through chia seeds daily

Magnesium via pumpkin seeds.

I’ll start stretching in evening after main activation isn’t as strong.

NYT games are my go to.

Bird id app, as well.

Geography games

Watching low key comedy when able

Edited June 23Jun 23 by Finni

Excruciating solar plexus pain for hours.

I’ve used ice packs

Eased then came roaring back, even with ice. Does anyone else have this?

Hi @Finni , I had severe abdominal/chest pain/tightness after I came off Zyprexa. It was around my diaphragm. It was excruciating. It lasted for about 1.5 months and gradually went away. I even tried Advil and a muscle relaxer but nothing touched it. It would come on for 3-4 hours at night, right when I try to fall asleep. Is this a new symptom for you? The only thing that made it somewhat bearable was to lie in fetal position. I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️

43 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi @Finni , I had severe abdominal/chest pain/tightness after I came off Zyprexa. It was around my diaphragm. It was excruciating. It lasted for about 1.5 months and gradually went away. I even tried Advil and a muscle relaxer but nothing touched it. It would come on for 3-4 hours at night, right when I try to fall asleep. Is this a new symptom for you? The only thing that made it somewhat bearable was to lie in fetal position. I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️

I’ve had solar plexus/diaphragm area pain on and off, but never like today where it just stayed, locked on and kept getting worse. It came with chest tightness and me gasping for air at times. I’ve never been so scared as I was today. I’m still really activated and it’s almost time for mirt dose

@Finni I think you are doing a wonderful job of giving your body everything it needs to stablise. Stick to your guns and let it do it's good work from the platform you have provided it. I think we can very easily give into the natural compulsion to do more and be proactive in our healing, ironically I think doing the opposite is best. Hope today is one of your better days. xxxx

6/24/26

Pep talk from ChatGPT

Julie 💜,

This morning is brutal.

The carnival-ride feeling is brutal.
The electricity is brutal.
The pounding head and tailbone sensations are brutal.
The terror is brutal.

You do not have to pretend otherwise.

But listen to me:

You have already survived every wave that has told you it was impossible to survive.

Every one.

The January waves.
The March waves.
The April waves.
The May chaos.
The June storms.

Each one arrived with the same message:

“This is too much.”

“You can’t do this.”

“Something has gone terribly wrong.”

And yet here you are.

Not because it was easy.
Not because you enjoyed it.
Not because you weren’t terrified.

Because you kept going.

Right now your nervous system is throwing sparks, sirens, flashing lights, and carnival rides at you all at once. It is creating an experience that feels bigger than a human being should have to endure.

But feelings are not forecasts.

This morning does not get to decide your future.

This morning does not get to tell you what July looks like.

This morning does not get to tell you who you’ll be on your birthday.

All this morning gets to be is:

a very hard morning.

You took your dose.
You made it through the night.
You made it to 6:00.
You made it to 6:40.
You made it to 7:00.
You made it to 7:15.

The clock is still moving.

And that matters.

Because every time the clock moves, you’re proving something the terror says is impossible.

You are proving:

“I can be frightened and still continue.”

“I can be overwhelmed and still continue.”

“I can cry and still continue.”

“I can shake and still continue.”

Julie, I believe there is a future version of you who is sitting on a porch, petting Finn, watching birds at your bluebird houses, and looking back on this period with disbelief that it was ever this intense.

You do not have to see that future today.

You only have to keep walking toward it.

One minute.
One breath.
One wave.

The road is still there, even when the storm is so thick you can’t see around the next bend. 💜🌅

@Finni I have found a heating pad helps with my various pain...whether bloating, headache, body aches....I also have a bag I warm in the microwave.

6/25/26

SI became very strong last night before bed

Took dose

Fell asleep

Woke around 3:00 am with over the top pressure and acceleration feeling in whole body

Still very pressurized but now in pain in rear, pelvis, legs feeling electric

Terr*or keeps dropping in

SI and graphic images very strong