@Finni i can completely empathize with your not knowing what’s happening for sure or what to do about it and being miserable in the mean time. I’ve got my own what I call an idiosyncratic reaction going on. I’m waking 2-3x every night in utter misery. Once I get up, move around & have breakfast I feel so much better & im not really having many sxs during the day. Then the next night same misery all over again. The poor sleep alone is wearing me out. Not sure what’s going on but I don’t think it’s garden variety WD.

Are you on any other meds that the mirtazapine might be adversely reacting with?

I appreciate your frustration. I hope you can figure it out and resolve it.

33 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

@Finni i can completely empathize with your not knowing what’s happening for sure or what to do about it and being miserable in the mean time. I’ve got my own what I call an idiosyncratic reaction going on. I’m waking 2-3x every night in utter misery. Once I get up, move around & have breakfast I feel so much better & im not really having many sxs during the day. Then the next night same misery all over again. The poor sleep alone is wearing me out. Not sure what’s going on but I don’t think it’s garden variety WD.

Are you on any other meds that the mirtazapine might be adversely reacting with?

I appreciate your frustration. I hope you can figure it out and resolve it.

No other meds

Took tiny bit of propranolol Saturday

A month ago before I tried to reduce mirtazapine, I was miserable at times, but I was still enjoying things in the day like I could go for rides in a car or on the golf cart many days. I enjoyed my food. I didn’t live with constant terror.

I could play games and watch things on Instagram and now I feel like I’m an absolute hell and I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’ve just I’ve never felt this awful.

17 hours ago, Finni said:

A month ago before I tried to reduce mirtazapine, I was miserable at times, but I was still enjoying things in the day like I could go for rides in a car or on the golf cart many days. I enjoyed my food. I didn’t live with constant terror.

I could play games and watch things on Instagram and now I feel like I’m an absolute hell and I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’ve just I’ve never felt this awful.

You're gonna make it Finni, hold on tight, as you said here, reducing your dose made all this worse. That perhaps confirms holding is best.

5/29/26

Yesterday morning and midday were absolutely brutal, but I had a dirty window yesterday evening! I was still very floaty and rocking feeling, but my mind felt like my own. I enjoyed feeling all the feels for my cat and my mom. I could notice the birds and really enjoy my food. I played games with my daughter over the New York Times app.

I slept 8 hours last night. 😴

Edited May 29May 29 by Finni

20 minutes ago, Finni said:

I had a dirty window yesterday evening! I was still very floaty and rocking feeling, but my mind felt like my own. I enjoyed feeling all the feels for my cat and my mom. I could notice the birds and really enjoy my food. I played games with my daughter over the New York Times app.

I slept 8 hours last night. 😴

Hi @Finni! We haven’t chatted yet, but I’ve been following your thread and I just wanted to say I’m so so happy to hear about your window yesterday 😊 You are so strong and it’s been such a long time coming. Sounds like you really made the most of it too. I hope this is a sign that progress is coming for you.

31 minutes ago, Finni said:

5/29/26

Yesterday morning and midday were absolutely brutal, but I had a dirty window yesterday evening! I was still very floaty and rocking feeling, but my mind felt like my own. I enjoyed feeling all the feels for my cat and my mom. I could notice the birds and really enjoy my food. I played games with my daughter over the New York Times app.

I slept 8 hours last night. 😴

That's incredible @Finni as Chippie noted perhaps better holding for now, seems like your system starting to find some balance.

So pleased for you xx

Horrible inner agitation today. I’m noticing a pattern. ChatGPT helped me explain it.

…after the night where you slept relatively well but then woke into the really weird floaty, electric, “rip my skin off” kind of day?

If that’s what you’re saying, then I think you’re noticing two different types of bad days, not one.

Something like:

Pattern A

• Sleep fairly well.

• Next day: floaty, spongy, unreal, bouncing, electric, vestibular, “I want to scream out of my skin” feelings.

Pattern B

• More activated night.

• Next day: cold-turkey distress, terror, pounding, desperate, deeply uncomfortable nervous-system symptoms.

• Then some easing later in the day.

And what you’re trying to tell me is:

“These don’t feel like the same thing.”

Is that right?

Because if so, that’s actually a more nuanced observation than simply “the dose is causing everything” or “it’s all withdrawal.” You’re noticing that your nervous system seems to flip between different states.

I can see why you’re paying such close attention to it. If I were experiencing alternating days that felt radically different, I would be trying to understand the pattern too.

The part I’d be careful about is assuming we know the cause from the pattern alone. The pattern is real. Your observations are real. But whether it means:

• activation,

• withdrawal,

• interdose fluctuations,

• nervous-system oscillation,

• vestibular instability,

• or some combination,

is harder to know from symptoms by themselves.

What I do hear is that you’ve been watching this closely enough to distinguish:

“This is the floaty-electric day.”

from

“This is the cold-turkey-terror day.”

That’s a specific observation, and I think that’s what you’ve been trying to get me to understand.

where my mind still goes…

From ChatGPT

Jules, I think what hurts so much is that you’re trying to make sense of a story that suddenly became more complicated.

If you had reduced and then felt awful, the narrative would be simpler:

“I reduced. My nervous system reacted.”

Instead, you reduced, went back to your usual dose the next night, and then things became much more intense afterward. So now your mind keeps circling:

“Was it the reduction?”
“Was it going back up?”
“Did going back up stir everything up even more?”
“Did I make a mistake?”

I can absolutely see why you’re asking those questions.

And I think what you’re telling me is that this isn’t just about fear. It’s about the fact that before all this, you already felt that mirtazapine was becoming too activating for you. The reduction wasn’t coming out of nowhere. It came after months of feeling like your body wasn’t happy with the dose.

So from your perspective, it isn’t crazy to wonder:

“If my body was already struggling with this medication, could returning to the dose have been part of what intensified everything?”

That’s a reasonable question. It’s also exactly the kind of question your doctor is trying to sort out.

What I want to be careful about is the leap from:

“Maybe going back up stirred things up”

to

“Therefore I’ll never get better.”

Those are two very different statements.

The first is a possibility worth exploring with your doctor.

The second is the terror talking.

Because even if the reinstatement contributed to what you’re experiencing, it does not follow that your nervous system is stuck here permanently. It means your system may have reacted strongly to a change.

And Jules, I also hear something else underneath all of this:

You’re tired of being the detective.

You’ve spent months trying to figure out:

• what symptom means what,

• what medication did what,

• what day belongs to what change,

• and why your body keeps doing things that don’t make sense.

That is exhausting.

Right now, in the middle of the terror, you do not have to solve the entire mystery. It is enough to recognize:

“Something changed after I went back up, and that observation deserves to be taken seriously.”

Your doctor is taking it seriously.

And despite how frightened you are, the fact that you can describe these patterns so clearly tells me that the part of you that observes and reasons is still there underneath the fear.

You will heal, Jules. Right now you’re living inside the question of why this happened. Healing doesn’t require you to solve that question before your nervous system can begin settling again.

Edited May 29May 29 by Finni

26 minutes ago, Finni said:

You will heal, Jules. Right now you’re living inside the question of why this happened. Healing doesn’t require you to solve that question before your nervous system can begin settling again.

Oh wow, thank you! the most detailed, supportive and empowering answer I've ever seen and so much more humane than any doctor or therapist I've ever met.

Hope this manages to put out the flames a little @Finni

Hang in there , you got this, your system will heal xxx

Edited May 29May 29 by Fullhealing

hey @Finni , how have you been doing ?

2 hours ago, Lighty said:

hey @Finni , how have you been doing ?

Severely distressed

I tried to reduce about a month ago and then went right back up the next night and I fear that it was going back up that has made me so much worse.

I was trying to reduce because of seemingly paradoxical reactions. I was surprised when the reduction didn’t bring immediate relief like I did last time and I got scared and went right back up.

Now the horrible pressure and pounding and sweating and agitation is much much worse

May 30, 2026 5:50 am

Agitation ramped up throughout the day yesterday with a really strange, spongy, electricity, floating sensations, and emotional despair. Constant weeping throughout the evening.

Took mirtazapine at 9:15 PM and the electricity snd despair grew stronger.

Horrible pressure sweating pounding and electricity throughout the night and it’s building even more now. Absolutely terrified.

14 minutes ago, Finni said:

Severely distressed

I tried to reduce about a month ago and then went right back up the next night and I fear that it was going back up that has made me so much worse.

I was trying to reduce because of seemingly paradoxical reactions. I was surprised when the reduction didn’t bring immediate relief like I did last time and I got scared and went right back up.

Now the horrible pressure and pounding and sweating and agitation is much much worse

im also lately having quite a bit of bad days that are very bad but it's fine, we will make it.

This morning symptoms are so alarming and severe that I feel just like I did a week ago when I went to the emergency room.

I thought I was having serotonin syndrome last Saturday because of the intensity of the pounding, pressure, electricity, heat and distress.

18 hours ago, Finni said:

Horrible inner agitation today. I’m noticing a pattern. ChatGPT helped me explain it.

…after the night where you slept relatively well but then woke into the really weird floaty, electric, “rip my skin off” kind of day?

If that’s what you’re saying, then I think you’re noticing two different types of bad days, not one.

Something like:

Pattern A

• Sleep fairly well.

• Next day: floaty, spongy, unreal, bouncing, electric, vestibular, “I want to scream out of my skin” feelings.

Pattern B

• More activated night.

• Next day: cold-turkey distress, terror, pounding, desperate, deeply uncomfortable nervous-system symptoms.

• Then some easing later in the day.

And what you’re trying to tell me is:

“These don’t feel like the same thing.”

Is that right?

Because if so, that’s actually a more nuanced observation than simply “the dose is causing everything” or “it’s all withdrawal.” You’re noticing that your nervous system seems to flip between different states.

I can see why you’re paying such close attention to it. If I were experiencing alternating days that felt radically different, I would be trying to understand the pattern too.

The part I’d be careful about is assuming we know the cause from the pattern alone. The pattern is real. Your observations are real. But whether it means:

• activation,

• withdrawal,

• interdose fluctuations,

• nervous-system oscillation,

• vestibular instability,

• or some combination,

is harder to know from symptoms by themselves.

What I do hear is that you’ve been watching this closely enough to distinguish:

“This is the floaty-electric day.”

from

“This is the cold-turkey-terror day.”

That’s a specific observation, and I think that’s what you’ve been trying to get me to understand.

This is all so intense today with more of the terror, cold turkey feeling and deeper electricity and pounding than I have ever felt. I really really want to be OK at least to be out of this horrible acute stage.

Just to be able to do something that feels like me, instead of just survive and cry

Sending some love @Finni hope today is kinder to you.

I found this qoute the other day, I think it's beautiful:

“There is a lot of different language in our community about being broken, being injured, being permanently damaged but there are multiple ways to look at this. I knew my withdrawal from psychotropic drugs as the most intense and severe disruption my nervous system has ever experienced.

So I suffered. And I suffered hard. And there were many days I had zero hope. I was miserable and just sort of put an invisible football helmet on my head, put my head down, and grinded out the time. I was in an invisible prison and didn’t know when the judge would let me out.

There is a magic place where surrender, radical acceptance, patience, distraction, and delusion meet. I was delusionally optimistic as if I had a psychic laser that would take me to healing. I did not want to entertain any other outcome. And would you look at that. All my “delusion” paid off and here I am on the other side, throwing a rope to you to show you how to do this.

And you won’t be perfect. All of this is messy. You will trip and fall and scrape your knees and beg God himself to rescue you from this hell and he won’t, and then you’ll curse his name. You will have hope one day and then not again for a month. And all of this is okay. Because you will heal despite kicking and screaming for it to be different.

So please - FOCUS ON HEALING - start doing healing practices, even if you feel they are not working - they are helping you pass the time and that means it is working - and it’s helping to rewire you so that when you’re done you will be wired and ready to rebuild your life.

So instead of viewing your nervous system as injured or damaged or permanently altered, focus on its healing capacity, that your DNA is wired for surviving and thriving, that you are in a healing crisis, that it is working REALLY HARD for you right now to repair itself. Shift your focus away from the scary stuff and towards healing and where you are headed. Healing is the outcome. Do not entertain anything else.”

Really nice @Chippy Thanks for sharing that. @Finni i Hope you get some comfort today.

@Chippy

What’s the worst thing that could happen if I try magnesium glycinate?

Just now, Finni said:

@Chippy

What’s the worst thing that could happen if I try magnesium glycinate?

It’s not possible for me to know that. For some it calms the nervous system down but some react to it as with all supplements start very low and work up slowly if you want to try. Small dose mitigates the risk. Xxx

On 5/31/2026 at 2:50 AM, Chippy said:

Sending some love @Finni hope today is kinder to you.

I found this qoute the other day, I think it's beautiful:

“There is a lot of different language in our community about being broken, being injured, being permanently damaged but there are multiple ways to look at this. I knew my withdrawal from psychotropic drugs as the most intense and severe disruption my nervous system has ever experienced.

So I suffered. And I suffered hard. And there were many days I had zero hope. I was miserable and just sort of put an invisible football helmet on my head, put my head down, and grinded out the time. I was in an invisible prison and didn’t know when the judge would let me out.

There is a magic place where surrender, radical acceptance, patience, distraction, and delusion meet. I was delusionally optimistic as if I had a psychic laser that would take me to healing. I did not want to entertain any other outcome. And would you look at that. All my “delusion” paid off and here I am on the other side, throwing a rope to you to show you how to do this.

And you won’t be perfect. All of this is messy. You will trip and fall and scrape your knees and beg God himself to rescue you from this hell and he won’t, and then you’ll curse his name. You will have hope one day and then not again for a month. And all of this is okay. Because you will heal despite kicking and screaming for it to be different.

So please - FOCUS ON HEALING - start doing healing practices, even if you feel they are not working - they are helping you pass the time and that means it is working - and it’s helping to rewire you so that when you’re done you will be wired and ready to rebuild your life.

So instead of viewing your nervous system as injured or damaged or permanently altered, focus on its healing capacity, that your DNA is wired for surviving and thriving, that you are in a healing crisis, that it is working REALLY HARD for you right now to repair itself. Shift your focus away from the scary stuff and towards healing and where you are headed. Healing is the outcome. Do not entertain anything else.”

Taking a screenshot 💗

How kind of you to share this 🥲

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

Taking a screenshot 💗

How kind of you to share this 🥲

I thought them wise words

How is you day going so far? @Finni hopefully a bit better xxx

10 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

How is you day going so far? @Finni hopefully a bit better xxx

It is incredibly terrifying today.

I have a pattern where one night I take mirtazapine and I sleep pretty well and then the next day is very strange and distressing in a way and then the next day seems to be just full on terror pounding like I’ve gone cold turkey.

Today is one of the worst

I go see my primary care doctor today. She’s a functional medicine doctor and she knows what all I’ve been going through.

43 minutes ago, Finni said:

It is incredibly terrifying today.

I have a pattern where one night I take mirtazapine and I sleep pretty well and then the next day is very strange and distressing in a way and then the next day seems to be just full on terror pounding like I’ve gone cold turkey.

Today is one of the worst

I go see my primary care doctor today. She’s a functional medicine doctor and she knows what all I’ve been going through.

Oh Finny so sorry I was hoping for some relief, it's so brutal to be spinning like this and not know what's what..

I'll hope and pray for a long, clear window for you, hang in there xxx