Sending some love @Finni and hoping for a better day for you today xxxx

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

Sending some love @Finni and hoping for a better day for you today xxxx

Thank you

I had to see my doctor in person yesterday so I had a big day and the whole time I felt like I was in cold Turkey withdrawal, like I hadn’t even taken mirt. It was a constant state.

I was so exhausted by the end of the day that I was in bed just kind of resting around 8:30 pm and I can’t believe it, but I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until around two in the morning. I had not taken mirtazapine so I had to take mirtazapine at two in the morning instead of 9:15 PM.

And once again, I feel like I’m in absolute cold turkey withdrawal as the sun comes up.

I was surprised when I woke up around two this morning and hadn’t experienced any nausea or weird dread or any of the other sensations that I usually have after I take mirtazapine. Then after I took mirtazapine, I started feeling those things and now I’m incredibly incredibly anxious four hours after taking mirtazapine.

Yesterday was incredibly scary and this morning is feeling the same way.

My doctor was wondering if I might need to go up a little bit on mirtazapine but I think I’m seeing the writing on the wall.

I hate to have to taper when I’m this destabilized.

Things have gotten so much worse after trying to go down on April 29Th and returning to my usual dose the next night. I’ve never been this unstable or terrified.

Edited June 2Jun 2 by Finni

I'm so sorry for your suffering and for this impossible situation you're in @Finni. We're here with you, whatever you decide. Wishing you strength and healing 💜

I’m just copying what I just sent to my doctor

There's something I wanted to talk to Dr. Tate about yesterday, but I don't think I really said the word- "paradoxical"

I do believe mirtazapine is becoming more paradoxical

I think the cold turkey withdrawal feeling might be from mirtazapine just having the opposite effect some of the time or much of the time.

Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep accidentally before I even took mirtazapine and I slept like a log until around two in the morning and then I took the missed dose. Then the usual nausea and rocking sensations and all of that started about 30 minutes later and I became incredibly incredibly nervous like somebody had given me a shot of an EpiPen or I had had like 10 cups of espresso or something and I'm still shaking and crying from anxiety at 8:20 now in the morning. The bouncing and rocking sensations are over the top. Head pounding

2 hours ago, Finni said:

I’m just copying what I just sent to my doctor

There's something I wanted to talk to Dr. Tate about yesterday, but I don't think I really said the word- "paradoxical"

I do believe mirtazapine is becoming more paradoxical

I think the cold turkey withdrawal feeling might be from mirtazapine just having the opposite effect some of the time or much of the time.

Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep accidentally before I even took mirtazapine and I slept like a log until around two in the morning and then I took the missed dose. Then the usual nausea and rocking sensations and all of that started about 30 minutes later and I became incredibly incredibly nervous like somebody had given me a shot of an EpiPen or I had had like 10 cups of espresso or something and I'm still shaking and crying from anxiety at 8:20 now in the morning. The bouncing and rocking sensations are over the top. Head pounding

Your suffering is heartbreaking @Finni the lingering doubt can be just as bad as the symptoms themselves so I hope you can come to a decision that will give you some sense of control and make things easier.

hang in there, you're much stronger than you feel, you will survive this.

28 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Your suffering is heartbreaking @Finni the lingering doubt can be just as bad as the symptoms themselves so I hope you can come to a decision that will give you some sense of control and make things easier.

hang in there, you're much stronger than you feel, you will survive this.

I’m afraid that the delayed dose is just one more strike against me and that I’m just so so incredibly reactive that I’m afraid to do anything

29 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Your suffering is heartbreaking @Finni the lingering doubt can be just as bad as the symptoms themselves so I hope you can come to a decision that will give you some sense of control and make things easier.

hang in there, you're much stronger than you feel, you will survive this.

Did you have to get down to a certain dose of your antidepressant before the aka started going away? I apologize if I’ve already asked you that.

1 hour ago, Finni said:

Did you have to get down to a certain dose of your antidepressant before the aka started going away? I apologize if I’ve already asked you that.

Feel free to ask as much as you need, it's not the dosage rather the percentages, the less percentages I reduced, the more tolerable it became, it still there especially after reducing but less intensely, I think from now on I'll go down by maximum of 1%, more than that comes with a vengeance.

Edited June 2Jun 2 by Fullhealing

49 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Feel free to ask as much as you need, it's not the dosage rather the percentages, the less percentages I reduced, the more tolerable it became, it still there especially after reducing but less intensely, I think from now on I'll go down by maximum of 1%, more than that comes with a vengeance.

So you didn’t really have a situation where the medication was causing aka- more like the reduction caused aka?

Edited June 2Jun 2 by Finni

9 hours ago, Finni said:

So you didn’t really have a situation where the medication was causing aka- more like the reduction caused aka?

I was restless with a burning sensation while on but it was mainly physical, as I tapered it got much stronger with many other sensations both mental and physical so I'm pretty sure it was aka although mild and much more tolerable.

Edited June 3Jun 3 by Fullhealing

20 hours ago, Finni said:

Thank you

I had to see my doctor in person yesterday so I had a big day and the whole time I felt like I was in cold Turkey withdrawal, like I hadn’t even taken mirt. It was a constant state.

I was so exhausted by the end of the day that I was in bed just kind of resting around 8:30 pm and I can’t believe it, but I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until around two in the morning. I had not taken mirtazapine so I had to take mirtazapine at two in the morning instead of 9:15 PM.

Im sorry to read Finni, it is good you slept though! Don't worry, it's common to take your dose late. These things happen, and you needed that sleep!

20 hours ago, Finni said:

My doctor was wondering if I might need to go up a little bit on mirtazapine but I think I’m seeing the writing on the wall.

No more drug isn't the answer for you, that much I am sure of.

15 hours ago, Finni said:

I’m afraid that the delayed dose is just one more strike against me and that I’m just so so incredibly reactive that I’m afraid to do anything

Try not to worry about what you can't control. A few hours won't cause you too much issue I don't think, and ultimately it happened. Better to control what you can and that includes keeping your mind on the day and what you do next, not on the past and what you have already done.

Thinking of you today as I do everyday dear Finni. xxxx

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

Im sorry to read Finni, it is good you slept though! Don't worry, it's common to take your dose late. These things happen, and you needed that sleep!

No more drug isn't the answer for you, that much I am sure of.

Try not to worry about what you can't control. A few hours won't cause you too much issue I don't think, and ultimately it happened. Better to control what you can and that includes keeping your mind on the day and what you do next, not on the past and what you have already done.

Thinking of you today as I do everyday dear Finni. xxxx

Thank you, dear Chippy

I am in a horrible state. I stayed incredibly activated all day yesterday. Very dark thoughts. I took mirtazapine at my normal time last night, but it activated me so much. I hardly slept last night and now I feel very spongy and weird and pounding and agitated.

2 hours ago, Finni said:

I am in a horrible state. I stayed incredibly activated all day yesterday. Very dark thoughts. I took mirtazapine at my normal time last night, but it activated me so much. I hardly slept last night and now I feel very spongy and weird and pounding and agitated

So sorry to hear this @Finni, I hope you get a bit of relief today.

I’m having extreme extreme symptoms and I don’t know where to go for help I feel all I can think about is SI I don’t know what to do. I can’t look like this. It’s so extreme. It’s so extreme. I can’t do it. I can’t do.

I’m so sorry @Finni. Please hang in there. You are not alone.

You can do this @Finni. Minute by minute. We’re with you.

@Finni , so sorry to hear what you are going through. Your safety is the most important thing at this point. Please reach out to anyone in your local area, whether that's family or medical providers or a crisis line. We want the best for you but this is beyond just forum support.

I’m still in a horrible adrenaline surge but mind isn’t as distressed

Just talked to a psychiatrist

Super nice guy trying his best.

He said, of course, I could always keep tapering and he didn’t think I would be medically unsafe but if anything got out of hand, I would need to go to the emergency room.

He mentioned NAC. And Pazosin and atenolol

@Finni what is NAC?

It’s a supplement that can help with anxiety

I think I’ve taken it before, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough to try it right now

I do have a powdered form of NAC that I’ve never opened. It’s good for brain tissue…produces glutathione

My magnesium glycinste should be here Friday

@Finni I’ve taken N-acetyl cysteine for years with no problem, the dose is only 1/4 teaspoon. I hope you find some peace soon.

I don’t know about the Prazosin or Atenolol. The first is am alpha blocker, the second a beta blocker. I’ve just felt totally wiped out when I’ve tried them