39 minutes ago, Finni said:

I’m very frightened as I woke up with horrible pounding in my head around 3 AM now it’s 6 am and I’m feeling terror rising, and I’m sweating and it feels like my head is in a vice grip.

Whole body pulsing. I wish I knew what to do.

So sorry @Finni I wish I could take this away from you as well as known which way is right to go which can only be known by experimenting and seeing.

I can only hope and pray for you that enough time on the current dosage will finally give you some welcome relief, you deserve it so much!

You are strong, hang in there xxx

This is unbearable, pressure and sweating. I don’t know if I need to go to the emergency room.

I’m trying not to try not to this is unbearable

42 minutes ago, Finni said:

This is unbearable, pressure and sweating. I don’t know if I need to go to the emergency room.

I’m trying not to try not to this is unbearable

Oh Finni. I am so sorry to read this. You deserve some peace soon! Sending lots of love. Xxx

48 minutes ago, Finni said:

This is unbearable, pressure and sweating. I don’t know if I need to go to the emergency room.

I’m trying not to try not to this is unbearable

If you don't have a very high fever, strong and constant feeling of hot/cold with severe chills, then it's likely a long very brutal wave. However, it's an option to go to the emergency room torule out other possibilities though there's a very low chance that this is anything other than withdrawal with the knowing that they'll likely try to push sedatives on you.

So sorry finni my heart goes out to you.

6 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Oh Finni. I am so sorry to read this. You deserve some peace soon! Sending lots of love. Xxx

I haven’t gone to the emergency room because I don’t know what they would be able to do for me

I tried to make a cut 18 days ago because of being so reactive to mirtazapine and now I’m even worse obviously. I think I’m very very reactive to mirtazapine. And I’m reactive to mirtazapine blood levels changing throughout the day.

I feel completely trapped. It is it’s unbearable, but I guess I have to bear it.

3 minutes ago, Finni said:

I haven’t gone to the emergency room because I don’t know what they would be able to do for me

I tried to make a cut 18 days ago because of being so reactive to mirtazapine and now I’m even worse obviously. I think I’m very very reactive to mirtazapine. And I’m reactive to mirtazapine blood levels changing throughout the day.

I feel completely trapped. It is it’s unbearable, but I guess I have to bear it.

You have to do what you think is best Finni. Thats why you tried the drop. It’s all you can do is trust your gut. You are so much stronger than you realise. Xxx

For anyone who is inclined to pray, could you please pray that I can really get in touch with my inner voice?

I have different feelings throughout the day. My strongest gut feeling overall says I’m just going to have to taper my way out of this hell.

8 minutes ago, Finni said:

For anyone who is inclined to pray, could you please pray that I can really get in touch with my inner voice?

I have different feelings throughout the day. My strongest gut feeling overall says I’m just going to have to taper my way out of this hell.

Yes, I pray every night, I will pray for you. @Finni

Do you have a Bible at home?

Reading a few psalms, even if it requires immense effort, often allows you to calm down for a while.

3 minutes ago, poulette38 said:

Yes, I pray every night, I will pray for you. @Finni

Do you have a Bible at home?

Reading a few psalms, even if it requires immense effort, often allows you to calm down for a while.

Yes

Thank you so much

@Finni Sorry to hear you are struggling so much , I know exactly how you feel it's all consuming and unfortunately there is nothing we can do in these situations except ride it out ,but I know from experience these times are the most frightening they are beyond words .Wish I could be there for you ,holding your hand and telling you everything is going to be ok .We know it will eventually pass that doesn't make it any easier . Hold on as much as you can ,put your arms around yourself ,we all hope and pray this will lose its grip on you ,we are here for you 🤝🤝🙏❤️

My mom is looking for a crisis center

The huge nervous system surges are triggering wailing and bellowing sounds coming from me. I don’t recognize my own voice. I sound like an animal.

@Finni I really have no words but I am here ...your system sounds like it is so sensitised and you are crying out in pain . I honestly don't know how to respond ,I'm glad you have someone with you ,have the symptoms changed or are they just getting more intense . I so hope you find some relief in whatever you decide to do ❤️🙏

3 hours ago, Finni said:

I haven’t gone to the emergency room because I don’t know what they would be able to do for me

I tried to make a cut 18 days ago because of being so reactive to mirtazapine and now I’m even worse obviously. I think I’m very very reactive to mirtazapine. And I’m reactive to mirtazapine blood levels changing throughout the day.

I feel completely trapped. It is it’s unbearable, but I guess I have to bear it.

Sorry to hear how unbearable this is for you. I understand your not wanting to go to the ER right now, wondering what they could do for you. But if you feel the least bit unsafe, I wouldn't hesitate to seek their services. Yes, they could "push" meds on you, but (1) here in America you have the right to decline that if you choose to do so; and (2), especially in an emergent or urgent situation, an additional med could be warranted--and starting one does not necessarily mean further destabilization or even a future taper. Your safety trumps these concerns.

@Fullhealing said something wise about "uncertainty" some posts back. There's much uncertain in your picture, and frankly, cautious "experimentation" could be the best pathway at this time. Nothing is guaranteed, unfortunately, but holding or even tiny adjustments have not paid dividends for you.

With that in mind, I think the best course right now would be to divide your dosage like Dr. Horowicz suggested. Not just because he's a well-recognized deprescrbing doctor, but because it makes sense to make a move that is more conservative than tapering down or updosing your mirtazapine, which would affect your total exposure as opposed to adjusting timing to see how that may help you.

Wishing the best for you and in what you decide. I'll be praying for you, too.

We are all here for you @Finni whatever choices you make. XXX

I’m still home riding out this hideous hideous surge

Thank you everyone so much

Edited May 16May 16 by Finni

@Finni That just goes to show how strong you are ,I know how much you are suffering, I know each minute you are in torture, it's so unbearable and yet here you are holding on with all your strength. Keep going ,keep the belief that this will pass really believe it . This will end it will give up and I can assure you ,you won't give up ! You are a very strong person and I have all my faith in you that you will triumph !! ❤️🙏🤝

5/27/26

Such a rough day yesterday. Overwhelming terror, electricity all over my body, increased vestibular symptoms to the point of it being scary, and even SI.

I slept a decent amount after some increased activation after dose. Woke around 3 AM with adrenaline surge starting.

The surge is really climbing now at 7:15 AM with feelings of earthquake sensations inside my head and body and twisting sensations in my gut and back with terror rising.

Does anyone have any advice about how long I should try to hold before reducing dose?

This is it’s just unbearable, but I don’t wanna make it worse of course

@Finni So sorry you are suffering so much ...it sounds like you need to start tapering but that's no guarantee you are not going to feel worse . If only we knew it would make everything so much easier . We don't know what's going to happen but making your way off the drug does seem the most sensible thing but who knows I certainly don't ❤️ I wish you all the best in whatever you decide

6 minutes ago, Beehive said:

@Finni So sorry you are suffering so much ...it sounds like you need to start tapering but that's no guarantee you are not going to feel worse . If only we knew it would make everything so much easier . We don't know what's going to happen but making your way off the drug does seem the most sensible thing but who knows I certainly don't ❤️ I wish you all the best in whatever you decide

I really appreciate your input 💗

1 hour ago, Finni said:

Does anyone have any advice about how long I should try to hold before reducing dose?

This is it’s just unbearable, but I don’t wanna make it worse of course

There really is no timeline for these things Finni. Holds can need to be very long and I think a lot of knowledge folk believe holding is almost always the right thing to do. And most of the time I agree tbh. The body has so many complex jobs to do whilst healing that we cant understand, but keeping a stable dose means we don’t interrupt it whilst it does its good work.

It is also seen in the community that sometimes drugs can go paradoxical and holding seems to not help these people. Tapering may be the way here. But tapering in that circumstance isn’t likely an easy path, maybe the body rewards you with the drops, maybe it doesn’t and you have to go on blindly tapering.

There are no rules to follow we just have to trust our instincts and listen to what we think the body is telling us is the right direction imo.

I’d love for you to be able to hold and stabilise. I really worry tapering will be a very difficult path for you.

I don’t know how much torture I can take

I’ve never felt this level of terror before.

I completely agree with @Chippy and @Beehive no way knowing other than trying, it's so scary to grope in the dark, awful you're suffering that much! I think that if you truly decide on one path to go with it will give you a sense of security that may calm the flame a little, this uncertainty in itself feeds a so much fear, let alone in wd mind.

Hopefully you'll come to a decision that provide some relief, we're right behind you in any path you choose xxx

Edited May 17May 17 by Fullhealing

So sorry to hear what you are going through Finni. Does anything help calm or distract you? In the heat of battle sometimes I would forget the things that worked for me. I ended up writing them down to remember when feeling super bad and all over the shop. Walks and some fresh air often helped - I think it helps discharge some of the nervous energy.

Do some find that there is a true benefit of grinding pills down into powder and weighing them into empty capsules instead of filing tablets down to target weight?

I know I’ve asked before, but I don’t know if you guys were saying that would just be more for my peace of mind because I seem to notice a difference in symptoms based on how much I have to file off of a tablet…

Have any of you heard of someone needing a compounded capsule or to make their own capsules to get around this issue?

I’m scared to death right now because I’m so destabilized. I’m afraid to do anything but I don’t want to keep experiencing these swings after I’ve gone through my midweight tablets and have to go to the light tablets or the really heavy tablets.

For instance, last night I took a whole 15 mg tablet that weighed .1026 g which is my target weight and I’m much more agitated and activated today. I keep noticing this trend.

I wonder if I’m reacting to a filler in the tablet itself…when I take a whole tablet, I react more?

@Chippy

@LostinCanada

Edited May 18May 18 by Finni