42 minutes ago, Finni said:

wonder if I’m reacting to a filler in the tablet itself…when I take a whole tablet, I react more?

This is impossible because the weight is the same...there is no more filler.

A compounding pharmacy in my opinion, can not be as careful and accurate as we are, plus they will be adding more filler. Unless the filler and ground pill are exactly the same density in weight and size, there will be uneven distribution.

I previously suggested grinding your pills so that you don't have anxiety over the size of your pill. You weigh the capsule...add that weight to the .1026g. Fill the capsule to reach that total. No need for extra fillers, etc

48 minutes ago, Finni said:

Do some find that there is a true benefit of grinding pills down into powder and weighing them into empty capsules instead of filing tablets down to target weight?

I know I’ve asked before, but I don’t know if you guys were saying that would just be more for my peace of mind because I seem to notice a difference in symptoms based on how much I have to file off of a tablet…

Have any of you heard of someone needing a compounded capsule or to make their own capsules to get around this issue?

I’m scared to death right now because I’m so destabilized. I’m afraid to do anything but I don’t want to keep experiencing these swings after I’ve gone through my midweight tablets and have to go to the light tablets or the really heavy tablets.

For instance, last night I took a whole 15 mg tablet that weighed .1026 g which is my target weight and I’m much more agitated and activated today. I keep noticing this trend.

I wonder if I’m reacting to a filler in the tablet itself…when I take a whole tablet, I react more?

@Chippy

@LostinCanada

I think LIC mentioned it just to help you not worry about the weights Finni. It’s doesn’t really make any difference.

It is a change and a variable going from a solid tablet to a powder in a capsule. That’s a different thing for your system to work with, however I suspect it won’t cause any problems. I know LIC sometimes makes ‘bonus’ doses up with her left over cuttings this way.

It doesn’t help in any way though. Just removes the mental battle of the variations in pill weight.

14 minutes ago, Chippy said:

It is a change and a variable going from a solid tablet to a powder in a capsule. That’s a different thing for your system to work with,

I wonder if it would help me to cut the pills into quarters and then use a random selection to weigh…

Then I wouldn’t be dealing with powder I would still be dealing with tablets.

Does that make sense?

52 minutes ago, Finni said:

I wonder if it would help me to cut the pills into quarters and then use a random selection to weigh…

Then I wouldn’t be dealing with powder I would still be dealing with tablets.

Does that make sense?

I think this is fine Finni if it helps you not think about the weight.

@Finni sorry you’re struggling at the moment. Personally I’ve found compounded liquid the easiest way to dose. It offers a much better way of achieving accuracy.Though I’m not sure if Mirtazapine can be made into liquid.

Is there anyone currently on the forum who had to taper due to adverse effects? I know some came off really quickly, but is there anyone who did a slow taper?

@Chippy

3 minutes ago, Finni said:

Is there anyone currently on the forum who had to taper due to adverse effects? I know some came off really quickly, but is there anyone who did a slow taper?

@Chippy

Only need2end that i can think of Finni. There was someone tapering from poop out but I’d be guessing who that was on my phone. They haven’t posted much i don’t think.

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

Only need2end that i can think of Finni. There was someone tapering from poop out but I’d be guessing who that was on my phone. They haven’t posted much i don’t think.

I sure wish I knew what made me so much worse- was it trying the reduction or was it going right back to where I was instead of staying at the reduced amount?

Mirtazapine has turned on me even more.

My doctor wants me to keep holding until Tuesday and we’re going to check in again then.

Current symptoms:

For the last several weeks:

Two out of three nights activated after taking mirtazapine sometimes within 10 to 15 minutes I’ve become sweaty nauseated and then I might fall asleep and wake up 30 minutes to an hour later with panicked nausea….

Those nights I might fall asleep for two or three hours and wake up at 3 AM feeling very very activated and by 5 AM. I have terror twisting in my stomach.

The feelings climb throughout the day and so I feel activated and distressed for hours in surges

Lots of crying and terror and despair

Huge vestibular symptoms like I’m falling through the floor and things look slanted

If I do get knocked out by mirtazapine, I stay very floaty, nauseated, and electric feeling throughout the morning with some terror surges and crying and despair

If I’m going to feel OK, it’s not usually until late afternoon or in a couple of hours before I take my next dose

40 minutes ago, Finni said:

I sure wish I knew what made me so much worse- was it trying the reduction or was it going right back to where I was instead of staying at the reduced amount?

Mirtazapine has turned on me even more.

My doctor wants me to keep holding until Tuesday and we’re going to check in again then.

Whatever you choose, you'll have to give it time (possibly months) to see how things work out otherwise you'll be constantly wondering which will only intensify what you're experiencing.

Sorry you're suffering so much @Finni I truly hope you find relief soon.

16 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Whatever you choose, you'll have to give it time (possibly months) to see how things work out otherwise you'll be constantly wondering which will only intensify what you're experiencing.

Sorry you're suffering so much @Finni I truly hope you find relief soon.

I agree @Finni hold or taper it’s going to be a leap of faith that you’ll need to commit to see the benefits.

17 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Whatever you choose, you'll have to give it time (possibly months) to see how things work out otherwise you'll be constantly wondering which will only intensify what you're experiencing.

Sorry you're suffering so much @Finni I truly hope you find relief soon.

I wonder how many months I should hold before knowing what to do

Tuesday will be my first check-in point before I decide and then I’ve decided I’ll have another check-in point May 31st.

That seems reasonable to me to decide whether to hold longer or start taper by May 31.

@Chippy

@Fullhealing

14 minutes ago, Finni said:

I wonder how many months I should hold before knowing what to do

So hard to say honestly, it could be short or long with ups and downs but you suffer so much either way.. The final goul is to get off the drug so the way is down which doesn't mean it's going to be easy unfortunately

Edited May 22May 22 by Fullhealing

15 minutes ago, Finni said:

Tuesday will be my first check-in point before I decide and then I’ve decided I’ll have another check-in point May 31st.

That seems reasonable to me to decide whether to hold longer or start taper by May 31.

@Chippy

@Fullhealing

Sound very reasonable just do your best to be sure of your choice and give it enough time, I wish there was another, more certain solution.. /:

17 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

So hard to say honestly, it could be short or long with ups and downs but you suffer so much either way.. The final goul is to get off the drug so the way is down which doesn't mean it's going to be easy unfortunately

Yes, so unfortunately

I just want to get to a point where I can taper, go through a rough patch, and then feel better… then repeat until I’m down far enough to reduce some of the over activation that mirtazapine brings

31 minutes ago, Finni said:

Tuesday will be my first check-in point before I decide and then I’ve decided I’ll have another check-in point May 31st.

That seems reasonable to me to decide whether to hold longer or start taper by May 31.

@Chippy

@Fullhealing

I think it’s good you are setting these check points to remove some decision fatigue Finni. Sounds sensible.

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

I just want to get to a point where I can taper, go through a rough patch, and then feel better… then repeat until I’m down far enough to reduce some of the over activation that mirtazapine brings

We would this for you too, not the rough patches but clear and obvious paths and progress for you, and of course much less suffering. Xxx

Yesterday I felt really sick, floaty, electric, sleepy, depressed from feeling overmedicated until around 5 PM and then I switched into feeling like I was dying from not having any mirtazapine in my system … last night after I took the medication I went to sleep, but then woke up throughout the night thinking I had not taken any mirtazapine because I felt like I was in such horrible withdrawal. I woke up this morning feeling just again like I have not taken any mirtazapine. That horrible cold turkey withdrawal feeling

From ChatGPT:

That swing — one night feeling overly medicated, floaty, strange, and sedated, and then another night feeling like you took nothing at all — is something people can experience when their nervous system becomes highly reactive and unstable around a medication. It can feel as though the same dose is behaving completely differently from one day to the next.

I can see why my brain was thinking that it had something to do with pill size, even though the weight was the same. It was looking for any explanation to explain these wild swings.

21 minutes ago, Finni said:

I can see why my brain was thinking that it had something to do with pill size, even though the weight was the same. It was looking for any explanation to explain these wild swings.

Im sorry Finni. Makes sense you would feel this way. The every other day symptom pattern is pretty common. Often it’s one day a bit better another not so, but I had it for a while one day bad and another day bad in a different way. Odd how predictable it can be when mostly it’s unpredictable.

The intensity of extreme symptoms points to adverse reaction in my mind.

I feel like I’m dying right now. Horrible, horrible pressure and burning and pounding and terror in my body as cortisol rises I guess.

1 minute ago, Finni said:

The intensity of extreme symptoms points to adverse reaction in my mind.

I feel like I’m dying right now. Horrible, horrible pressure and burning and pounding and terror in my body as cortisol rises I guess.

Wish you could get some relief Finni. You really are a warrior.

From ChatGPT

I understand — you’re afraid the mirtazapine itself has become adverse or paradoxical over time.

And that fear makes sense given how inconsistent and intense your symptoms have become. Feeling:

• overmedicated one night,

• like you took nothing the next,

• intensely activated,

• floaty,

• electrically agitated,

• terrified,

• unable to settle,

would make anyone start questioning whether the medication is still interacting with their body in the same way it once did.

But even if your relationship to Mirtazapine has changed and your nervous system has become more reactive to it, that still does not mean you are trapped forever in this exact state. Nervous systems can become dysregulated around medications and still later regain stability through careful, slow, medically guided decisions.

Right now the hardest thing is that your brain keeps demanding an immediate answer:

• “Is mirtazapine helping or hurting?”

• “Should I hold?”

• “Should I taper?”

• “Is this withdrawal?”

• “Is this paradoxical?”

Those are real questions for your doctor and psychiatrist to help untangle with you. But your terrified nervous system at 6 in the morning cannot reliably answer them alone while in full alarm mode.

The most important thing right now is:

• you are not crazy,

• you are not uniquely beyond help,

• and you are not doomed because your nervous system is reacting intensely.

You are in a profoundly overloaded state that needs support, careful evaluation, steadiness, and time — not catastrophic conclusions in the middle of terror surges.

Edited May 26May 26 by Finni

I don’t know how much longer I can beg for my life for hours every day.

I went to the emergency room Saturday and was kept a crisis unit that night.