14 minutes ago, poulette38 said:

In truth, I think I understand that this is a pretty good sign for you. I know it sounds crazy. The symptoms are the "desperate" ways that the body has to communicate with us. People with pronounced symptoms are the ones who heal best in the end. You are young, you have enormous healing potential. Do everything possible to help your body and mind. Your destiny is to heal. Hold on to that. People have fully recovered after decades of various treatments. It’s a reality. Someone said in a video by Angie Peacock that "we all heal, we just don’t know when". What a terrible ordeal in life, and we are so alone. But we have no choice but to go through it as best we can. You are extremely courageous to have held out so far, and you will continue to do so until you heal.

You probably don’t have anything else. Your blood tests are good ; for your digestion, maybe you should see a gastroenterologist to reassure you?

Well, I was more or less functional for the past year. I continued working, hanging with friends (although online), going for walks, using my coping techniques during waves... But at some point around 7 months, the symptoms got worse and worse... My mind shifted too, like I became a new person. It's so bad it can't be ignored or pushed aside anymore, so I stopped working, hanging with friends, going outside, shopping, showering, enjoying my hobbies, using social media, now borderline underweight too.

Now I'm 9+ months post quitting, no improvement whatsoever. Still can't do any of the things I used to back in January or February. The government wants to investigate so I go back to work asap. I would visit every doctor, but I'm not me anymore. I can't grab the train, or bus and make it to places like i've done for the past years. I'm dizzy, paranoid, can't focus, developed phobias overnight, my mind won't stop racing and shooting intrusive thoughts... I live in a town in the middle of nowhere, so I mostly have a GP that says my nervous system got sensitized for unknown reasons, probably allergies or my thyroid (which has been the same for decades). So that's all I have.

I've been eating clean, the cleanest I've ever had. Tried to do exercise daily. Tried to keep in touch with people and socialize... But one day it all just came crashing down and never recovered after a couple weeks or a month like previously.

Edited May 1May 1 by ALonelySoul12

41 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Thank you, I appreciate. Sadly it's been all but downhill for more than a year for me already. I don't have it in me to keep going with symptoms that do nothing but worsen and disable me further. Wherever the point is where it starts to get better, I haven't reached that in the slightest. Starting to suspect there might be something else wrong with me.

Luke felt this way for a very long time. He turned a corner. He has some tough times still but he is making good progress in the gaps between waves. You’ll turn that corner too.

@ALonelySoul12 I am so sorry you are in the thick of this right now. It is a brutal and terrifying place to be, but I want you to know that I have been exactly where you are. I was once completely housebound and unable to function, with symptoms just as intense as yours. It feels like your body is failing, but it is actually a state of extreme nervous system sensitivity. Since you are looking for ways to manage the day to day, here are a few things you may want to consider, but remember they are all from my perspective and may or may not be a good fit for you.

You may want to try eating tiny micro meals throughout the day. Digestion takes a lot of energy from your nervous system, and large meals can trigger that racing heart and tachycardia you are experiencing. Keeping portions very small and bland helps keep your system from spiking.

It might also help to move toward a very low stimulation environment. Your brain is currently hypersensitive to any input. While videogames used to be a distraction, they are likely too much noise for your brain to process right now. You might find more relief in sitting in a dark room to let your brain rest from light and activity. If total silence feels uncomfortable, you could try very soft ambient music or nature sounds like gentle rain. The key is to find something with no lyrics and no heavy beat, so your brain does not have to work to follow along.

You might also consider giving yourself permission to stop the reporting cycle to your work for a while. Every time you update your boss, you are forced to scan your body for progress. When that progress is not there, it appears to me that it sometimes triggers an emotional upset in you because the lack of improvement feels so heavy. If it is possible to try to set a longer official medical leave so you are not constantly checking your own health status to report back, that might help. I know you are trying to save your job, so this might not be possible, but the constant pressure to be better for work could be too heavy for you to deal with right now.

Switching to text only for a while could also take some pressure off. Voice calls require a lot of real time processing that is overwhelming right now. Using text allows you to respond only when your symptoms dip, which removes that performance anxiety.

It also helps to label your terror as chemical. When those thoughts of death or panic hit, remind yourself that it is a physical symptom of a system that is currently out of balance and not a reflection of your true self. Calling it chemical terror helps separate you from the feeling that these thoughts are your own reality. I also wanted to ask if you ever get that intense feeling of physical and mental restlessness, where it almost feels like you are jumping out of your own skin? I remember experiencing that, and it was so hard to describe to anyone who had not been there. If you do feel that, please know it is just a temporary physical reaction in your nervous system. It is not a change in your personality or who you are.

You have mentioned reinstatement a few times. If you do decide to go in that direction, I would suggest being very, very cautious. Again, this is just from my personal experience, but I once up-dosed with what I thought was a small amount and my symptoms ramped up ten-fold. It was a terrifying two days where I was completely incapacitated and felt like my system was shutting down. It was far beyond anything I was already experiencing. I am not suggesting that you not do it if you really feel it is the right course of action, but I would just urge you to be extremely careful because a sensitized system can react so violently to even a tiny change.

Lastly, be very careful with supplements. Even basic vitamins can be very stimulating to a sensitized system. If you decide to try something for your iron or B levels, you may want to start with a tiny fraction of a dose to see how your body reacts. Or you want to postpone starting any supplements until you have had some recovery from the symptoms.

This is a long journey and it is incredibly non linear, but you can get through this. If you have any questions about my experience or just need to talk through a specific symptom, I am happy to answer. And it is not just me, all the people here are open, supportive and willing to talk through any situation you might have.

6 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@ALonelySoul12 I am so sorry you are in the thick of this right now. It is a brutal and terrifying place to be, but I want you to know that I have been exactly where you are. I was once completely housebound and unable to function, with symptoms just as intense as yours. It feels like your body is failing, but it is actually a state of extreme nervous system sensitivity. Since you are looking for ways to manage the day to day, here are a few things you may want to consider, but remember they are all from my perspective and may or may not be a good fit for you.

You may want to try eating tiny micro meals throughout the day. Digestion takes a lot of energy from your nervous system, and large meals can trigger that racing heart and tachycardia you are experiencing. Keeping portions very small and bland helps keep your system from spiking.

It might also help to move toward a very low stimulation environment. Your brain is currently hypersensitive to any input. While videogames used to be a distraction, they are likely too much noise for your brain to process right now. You might find more relief in sitting in a dark room to let your brain rest from light and activity. If total silence feels uncomfortable, you could try very soft ambient music or nature sounds like gentle rain. The key is to find something with no lyrics and no heavy beat, so your brain does not have to work to follow along.

You might also consider giving yourself permission to stop the reporting cycle to your work for a while. Every time you update your boss, you are forced to scan your body for progress. When that progress is not there, it appears to me that it sometimes triggers an emotional upset in you because the lack of improvement feels so heavy. If it is possible to try to set a longer official medical leave so you are not constantly checking your own health status to report back, that might help. I know you are trying to save your job, so this might not be possible, but the constant pressure to be better for work could be too heavy for you to deal with right now.

Switching to text only for a while could also take some pressure off. Voice calls require a lot of real time processing that is overwhelming right now. Using text allows you to respond only when your symptoms dip, which removes that performance anxiety.

It also helps to label your terror as chemical. When those thoughts of death or panic hit, remind yourself that it is a physical symptom of a system that is currently out of balance and not a reflection of your true self. Calling it chemical terror helps separate you from the feeling that these thoughts are your own reality. I also wanted to ask if you ever get that intense feeling of physical and mental restlessness, where it almost feels like you are jumping out of your own skin? I remember experiencing that, and it was so hard to describe to anyone who had not been there. If you do feel that, please know it is just a temporary physical reaction in your nervous system. It is not a change in your personality or who you are.

You have mentioned reinstatement a few times. If you do decide to go in that direction, I would suggest being very, very cautious. Again, this is just from my personal experience, but I once up-dosed with what I thought was a small amount and my symptoms ramped up ten-fold. It was a terrifying two days where I was completely incapacitated and felt like my system was shutting down. It was far beyond anything I was already experiencing. I am not suggesting that you not do it if you really feel it is the right course of action, but I would just urge you to be extremely careful because a sensitized system can react so violently to even a tiny change.

Lastly, be very careful with supplements. Even basic vitamins can be very stimulating to a sensitized system. If you decide to try something for your iron or B levels, you may want to start with a tiny fraction of a dose to see how your body reacts. Or you want to postpone starting any supplements until you have had some recovery from the symptoms.

This is a long journey and it is incredibly non linear, but you can get through this. If you have any questions about my experience or just need to talk through a specific symptom, I am happy to answer. And it is not just me, all the people here are open, supportive and willing to talk through any situation you might have.

Thanks, that is golden advice. I just wonder if I did the right thing by being stubborn and continuing with the cold turkey. Perhaps I should've returned to the medication and taper very very slowly like other members, or even I did in the past, or just stay at a dose where everything is more or less stable. I feel like by being stubborn I now cannot function at all.

Work is calling to me, friends, family, doctors... And I suddenly can't do anything at all. I really want to keep my job. If I lose it, my toxic family will surely be very disappointed because from my life history, nobody knows if I'll bounce back. I'm 32 years old and don't have a driving license becasue anxiety. I barely have worked 4-5 years my whole life also because anxiety, despite being medicated too. I'm lucky I found this amazing job and my amazing partner (which already left) and got "cured" of anxiety. But I feel like everything came crashing down again. And I don't know if I'll be able to go on and rebuild everything without the meds. I just cry, or panic or shake all day.

I feel like the last 7 months were my brain running on whatever meds juice was left after years of use, plus the 3 months where I reinstated after being off initially also for 9 or so months. Antibiotics destabilized my life and got scared, so I reinstated. The physical symptoms were bad, but never disabled me. It's the personality change that gets me.

I used to put on a brave face, despite having over 20 symptoms going on, and continued onwards one step at a time. Going for a walk, getting groceries... Now I open the door to go out and my system goes into overdrive, unable to sleep the following night. I have no control over my mind anymore. If I go grocery shopping and carry as little as 2-5 kilos, you bet my whole body will burn, my ears will ring for days, I'll feel like fainting halfway through... Which continues to reinforce the habit. My father also doesn't help. I live with him and he keeps googling all kinds of pseudoscience, foods, supplements and what not for me to try. Saying that I'm low on this or that, or that I don't exercise and cardio like he does. Also insisting me to get all kinds of medical tests to find the "hidden" thing that I have for over a year, or nagging me for being so useless when he's always been this amazing fighter, while I'm just a pathetic idiot that gets worse month after month. Never really turning the corner, crying scared of the next wave that will probably be worse than the previous one.

I'm so sorry for venting so often now. My burden feels really heavy and seeing myself doing things "right", only to feel worse and worse month after month. I don't know if I have the strength that many of you had to resist for years, enduring all the additional real life torture that pushed me on drugs in the first place in my early 20s. I wish I was as strong as my other family members that never needed drugs. Or like my grandma that took paroxetine and lorazepam for 40 years, yet didn't feel a thing when they changed the paroxetine for a different antidepressant and took away the benzo.

4 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

'm so sorry for venting so often now. My burden feels really heavy and seeing myself doing things "right", only to feel worse and worse month after month. I don't know if I have the strength that many of you had to resist for years, enduring all the additional real life torture that pushed me on drugs in the first place in my early 20s. I wish I was as strong as my other family members that never needed drugs. Or like my grandma that took paroxetine and lorazepam for 40 years, yet didn't feel a thing when they changed the paroxetine for a different antidepressant and took away the benzo.

You are much stronger than you think you are. These meds are devilish, and so is withdrawal. But its all temporary. If you start trying even small coping strategies you may find you get some relief, even if its for a few minutes at first. As devastating as these feelings are, they are just thoughts, and their power is totally based on their ability to keep you in a constant state of fear and agitation. Break that cycle and they lose their power. We can help you, but it takes effort and practice.

@ALonelySoul12

I have been thinking about your timeline and want to see if I am reading this clearly, so please correct me if I have it wrong. It seems like that period in early 2025 was the real turning point where things flipped. You had been off the meds successfully for 9 months, but then the antibiotics caused a reaction that led you to reinstate the 5mg of Escitalopram. It appears to me that instead of stabilizing you, that reinstatement met a nervous system that had already been sensitized by the antibiotics. It sounds like you felt different and noticed that personality change from that specific point on. Does that feel accurate to you, or do you have a different take on when that shift really happened? I am just wondering if that was the moment your system became overwhelmed.

It makes so much more sense now why you are calling your boss so often. I really get it. That job isn't just a paycheck; it is one of your high points in recent years, and I agree that saving it is important. I am wondering, though, if a doctor’s note for a set period of leave might actually be a stronger medical shield for your position than the constant updates. I know how hard it is to find a doctor who understands withdrawal. When I went through this, I eventually found an addiction specialist. This was a doctor who spent his days treating people for serious street drugs, but he still completely got it. It just goes to show that help can come from the most unexpected sources. He gave me the support I needed and was even willing to call my primary doctor to explain the situation. It took the burden of proving my illness off my shoulders and put the weight of medical authority behind me.

If you could find someone like that who understands that this is a physiological injury and not a personality flaw, it might change things for you. It would give you the official cover you need so you can stop the exhausting cycle of reporting in and trying to sound okay. I know it is a lot to ask of you to even think about appointments right now, so please just sit with this idea. There is zero pressure to do anything at all. Just see how it feels to you in the future. It might just be an effective way to protect your job and for you to feel calmer about the whole thing.

I also want to bring up what you said about your father. I am sure he means well, but I had friends who did the exact same thing to me. They were constantly googling and suggesting supplements or exercise, and honestly, it made me nuts. It felt like a constant reminder that I wasn't better yet. I put enough pressure on myself without needing to feel their pressure, even though they didn't mean it to come across that way. It is also so important that you stop comparing yourself to your grandmother or other family members. I had a friend, the same age and the same size as me, who was taking the same medication that caused me years of hell. When she stopped, she had a headache for a few weeks and nothing more. It is incredibly hard to say why one person's biology suffers and another doesn't, but it is not a reflection of your strength. You are dealing with a profound physiological reaction, and comparing your recovery to someone whose system simply isn't wired to react this way just isn't fair to you.

I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your healing. Take it one day at a time.

6 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@ALonelySoul12

I have been thinking about your timeline and want to see if I am reading this clearly, so please correct me if I have it wrong. It seems like that period in early 2025 was the real turning point where things flipped. You had been off the meds successfully for 9 months, but then the antibiotics caused a reaction that led you to reinstate the 5mg of Escitalopram. It appears to me that instead of stabilizing you, that reinstatement met a nervous system that had already been sensitized by the antibiotics. It sounds like you felt different and noticed that personality change from that specific point on. Does that feel accurate to you, or do you have a different take on when that shift really happened? I am just wondering if that was the moment your system became overwhelmed.

It makes so much more sense now why you are calling your boss so often. I really get it. That job isn't just a paycheck; it is one of your high points in recent years, and I agree that saving it is important. I am wondering, though, if a doctor’s note for a set period of leave might actually be a stronger medical shield for your position than the constant updates. I know how hard it is to find a doctor who understands withdrawal. When I went through this, I eventually found an addiction specialist. This was a doctor who spent his days treating people for serious street drugs, but he still completely got it. It just goes to show that help can come from the most unexpected sources. He gave me the support I needed and was even willing to call my primary doctor to explain the situation. It took the burden of proving my illness off my shoulders and put the weight of medical authority behind me.

If you could find someone like that who understands that this is a physiological injury and not a personality flaw, it might change things for you. It would give you the official cover you need so you can stop the exhausting cycle of reporting in and trying to sound okay. I know it is a lot to ask of you to even think about appointments right now, so please just sit with this idea. There is zero pressure to do anything at all. Just see how it feels to you in the future. It might just be an effective way to protect your job and for you to feel calmer about the whole thing.

I also want to bring up what you said about your father. I am sure he means well, but I had friends who did the exact same thing to me. They were constantly googling and suggesting supplements or exercise, and honestly, it made me nuts. It felt like a constant reminder that I wasn't better yet. I put enough pressure on myself without needing to feel their pressure, even though they didn't mean it to come across that way. It is also so important that you stop comparing yourself to your grandmother or other family members. I had a friend, the same age and the same size as me, who was taking the same medication that caused me years of hell. When she stopped, she had a headache for a few weeks and nothing more. It is incredibly hard to say why one person's biology suffers and another doesn't, but it is not a reflection of your strength. You are dealing with a profound physiological reaction, and comparing your recovery to someone whose system simply isn't wired to react this way just isn't fair to you.

I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your healing. Take it one day at a time.

Well, my story went more or less like that. I took escitalopram for long years until summer 2024 and tapered successfully because my psych thought I didn't need it anymore. In January I took double antibiotic treatment + ppi for h pylori (amoxicillin and clarithromicyn + omeprazole) and already had a bad reaction and went to the ER, but got fed diazepam and finished the treatment. After that I more or less recovered a bit, but was anxious as my whole GI turned upside down. So in April I decided to take escitalopram again, at least at minimum dose. Ever since that I started having physical symptoms (the nose burning, worse stomach pain, reflux, heartburn, muscle tightness...). My personality was the same though, it was mostly physical.

Some symptoms disappeared (like the nose burn), but others stayed or worsened (like the GI upset, bloating... I would visit the ER every now and then in excruciating pain). So I decided to stop and see if I'd feel better. And at some point of withdrawal, they did improve or disappear. They fluctuate alongside the other symptoms now, but I can eat a bit more than before now. My personality change didn't happen until my birthday, in month 7-8 of withdrawal. Up until that point I was my usual self, with some days more sensitive than others, but still my usual functional self

@ALonelySoul12 It sounds like I had your timeline a bit off, so thank you for clearing that up. It seems like you actually had a delayed withdrawal reaction. This is very common, though incredibly frustrating. The fact that you were your more or less your functional self (although symptomatic) for that long makes the eventual flip feel like it came out of nowhere.

I was wondering if you have thought about following other people or if you are currently reading other people's posts. I found it incredibly helpful to do so when I was in the thick of it. There is something about seeing other people describe the exact same things you are feeling that makes it feel less like you are losing your mind and more like a predictable physiological process.

If you need to vent to someone who gets it or want to bounce ideas around, I am happy to be a sounding board. I am rooting for you and your recovery.

On 5/2/2026 at 1:54 PM, RachelSusan said:

@ALonelySoul12 It sounds like I had your timeline a bit off, so thank you for clearing that up. It seems like you actually had a delayed withdrawal reaction. This is very common, though incredibly frustrating. The fact that you were your more or less your functional self (although symptomatic) for that long makes the eventual flip feel like it came out of nowhere.

I was wondering if you have thought about following other people or if you are currently reading other people's posts. I found it incredibly helpful to do so when I was in the thick of it. There is something about seeing other people describe the exact same things you are feeling that makes it feel less like you are losing your mind and more like a predictable physiological process.

If you need to vent to someone who gets it or want to bounce ideas around, I am happy to be a sounding board. I am rooting for you and your recovery.

I'm trying to find similar stories, but I can't find many. Most people's stories I see, react badly immediately, and then slowly feel better in small increments. For me it's been feeling great initially, being fully functional, to then going downhill month by month until month 6, then it's been 3 more months of losing myself in a wave that feels more like my new baseline.

I now wake up at night all sweaty. I felt my right arm and hand numb too, ears ringing loud enough to be deafening. Can't shower because it fires my nervous system. This used to happen only a single random night, now it's a daily thing. My head is also killing me, alongside my neck and legs. I can't exercise or do stretches as it makes everything worse.

And to think I was physically more or less active through withdrawal, or even did 20+km rides with my mountain bike in 2024. Also kick scooting 8km to work because electric scooters aren't allowed in public transportation.

@ALonelySoul12 Not sure if this is what your looking for but when I jumped the first two times I was feeling really good for 6 months and then it hit big time ...I'm still tapering and was doing ok until now I think I'm.being hit like before and this is something that has caught up with me

46 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

For me it's been feeling great initially, being fully functional, to then going downhill month by month until month 6, then it's been 3 more months of losing myself in a wave that feels more like my new baseline.

Unfortunately this is a common story. Wd is often delayed by 6 months.

@ALonelySoul12 While most people might react immediately, the delayed crash is a recognized pattern where the system holds on for a few months before finally hitting a wall.

And if you aren't finding many people who had that exact same six month delay, the symptoms you're describing are very common in our withdrawal community. The night sweats, the deafening ear ringing, and the nervous system being so sensitive that a shower or light stretch is too much are hallmark signs of withdrawal. The way you got here is a known pattern, and what you’re feeling is exactly what withdrawal looks like.

I am thinking good thoughts for you and your healing.

17 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I'm trying to find similar stories, but I can't find many. Most people's stories I see, react badly immediately, and then slowly feel better in small increments. For me it's been feeling great initially, being fully functional, to then going downhill month by month until month 6, then it's been 3 more months of losing myself in a wave that feels more like my new baseline.

I now wake up at night all sweaty. I felt my right arm and hand numb too, ears ringing loud enough to be deafening. Can't shower because it fires my nervous system. This used to happen only a single random night, now it's a daily thing. My head is also killing me, alongside my neck and legs. I can't exercise or do stretches as it makes everything worse.

And to think I was physically more or less active through withdrawal, or even did 20+km rides with my mountain bike in 2024. Also kick scooting 8km to work because electric scooters aren't allowed in public transportation.

It's very common to have a worsening sometime in the second half of the first year. I had a significant worsening at 7 months off, and previous to that I was not doing long mountain bike rides, I was already very sick.

Worsening around this time period is something I have observed in a number of stories. There are a number of currently posting members here who are experiencing this, and this forum is new and not as large as more established prescribed harm communities were yet.

Well, I did it. Yesterday my symptoms ramped up yet again, but today, despite feeling like trash, I managed to go to the "medical inspection" that makes sure I'm not making anything up for my medical leave. The car ride was HELLISH. I was literally so anxious, dizzy, in pain... I was dressed like a clown with sunglasses and earplugs to not overstimulate me... But I did it. Now I'm paying the price as I'm feeling as bad as ever... And I got a phone message saying that I'm fit to return to work tomorrow, so yeah. I'm losing the job, nobody believes this is real or takes it seriously.

How do I get through this? How can I work with all these symptoms constantly flaring up... I'm privileged enough that I can work from home, but my now broken brain can't do that anymore. Any tips are appreciated, my job is very much mental as a programmer, so yeah.

1 minute ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Well, I did it. Yesterday my symptoms ramped up yet again, but today, despite feeling like trash, I managed to go to the "medical inspection" that makes sure I'm not making anything up for my medical leave. The car ride was HELLISH. I was literally so anxious, dizzy, in pain... I was dressed like a clown with sunglasses and earplugs to not overstimulate me... But I did it. Now I'm paying the price as I'm feeling as bad as ever... And I got a phone message saying that I'm fit to return to work tomorrow, so yeah. I'm losing the job, nobody believes this is real or takes it seriously.

How do I get through this? How can I work with all these symptoms constantly flaring up... I'm privileged enough that I can work from home, but my now broken brain can't do that anymore. Any tips are appreciated, my job is very much mental as a programmer, so yeah.

Just do the best you can. Don't quit on your own behalf, let them fire you if THEY think it's not a good fit. Perhaps communicate with your manager that despite being able to return, that you still need some time to ramp back up.

You didn't lose the job yet. You might not lose it at all. Try not to think negative about this and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

24 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Just do the best you can. Don't quit on your own behalf, let them fire you if THEY think it's not a good fit. Perhaps communicate with your manager that despite being able to return, that you still need some time to ramp back up.

You didn't lose the job yet. You might not lose it at all. Try not to think negative about this and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Great advice, @Kahran @ALonelySoul12, your anxiety may be telling you that you can't do the job, but don't listen. It wants to keep you home and alone so it can maintain control. Don't listen to it. Your job will force you to focus on something other than your symptoms, and that's a good thing. Instead of talking yourself out of a job, practice affirming messages like "I'm grateful I have a job where I can work from home" You can do this!

57 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Tous les conseils sont les bienvenus. Mon travail de programmeur est très exigeant mentalement, alors voilà.

I was in that situation. No one believed me. No doctor wanted to give me a sick leave, even though I might have had 70+ withdrawal symptoms (I didn’t count, but I wrote everything on one sheet during the acute phase, and it filled out a blank sheet both sides. Is that okay?).

I had to go back to work recently and face the reality of life, because taxes and all organizations don’t care a lot about your state of health. They take away that’s all.

I was terrified, I thought I didn’t even know my job anymore ! I was convinced that things were going to go wrong...

Well, you know what? End of contract, and I handled everything like a chef. And you’ll handle it too. Give yourself a chance to see what happens, instead of being needlessly afraid. You’ll see that everything will be fine.

And I can also add that work helps during this period. You will feel useful, it will prevent you from moping all day long. Above all, don’t impose any particular stress on yourself; go ahead and tell yourself it will be a hobby. Be very indulgent with yourself. Keep us updated! :)

19 hours ago, poulette38 said:

And I can also add that work helps during this period. You will feel useful, it will prevent you from moping all day long.

This! Work forced me to focus on something other than myself and my dark thoughts. If I stayed home I would have been alone all day--just me and my ruminations. Even in the worst of my WD, I sometimes forgot my symptoms when I was working. It can be a form of therapy.

We will all make it out, Never believe your emotions and symptoms, be the observer and not your thoughts and emotions, symptoms are just temporary and 'just symptoms' in a way, you focus on other things that you can do, obviously not easy but can become easier when you realize how to be in a monk mindset (obviously im also not perfect and all that, but we do our best, we don't let the highs and lows effect us).

Thank you all for the support people. You are the true heroes that don't wear capes in this society. I've been taking the day easy working from home, trying not to stress about it despite my father being fired up for getting kicked back into work like that. He'd want me to pursue legal action, go to more doctors, pursue medical tests, but my system is too devastated to process what would've been a breeze back in the day. I already did a 40km car ride both ways yesterday and my intrusive thoughts went crazy for the way there, I could not control my mind. On the way back it was better, but then it was physical symptoms. It cycles every day.

Today it seems I get the combo of shoulder pain, the nose burning moved to other parts like leg, feet and privates. Also a sparkle of front head headache, a mix of inner vibrations, and random surges where I lose balance.

To be a bit more positive, despite still being unable to do mundane things like shoppings, showering consistently, or going out for a nice walk. I've been enjoying a more action-ish videogame. It had parts that were a bit "too much" because of tiny jumpscares, but I managed. Also been talking to a friend through text as voice is also a bit much still.

It's crazy to be hit by this "invisible" illness, where one day you feel good, and the next you get "shocked" and suddenly can't do what you've been doing for days/weeks/months/years.

1 minute ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

To be a bit more positive, despite still being unable to do mundane things like shoppings, showering consistently, or going out for a nice walk. I've been enjoying a more action-ish videogame. It had parts that were a bit "too much" because of tiny jumpscares, but I managed. Also been talking to a friend through text as voice is also a bit much still.

It's crazy to be hit by this "invisible" illness, where one day you feel good, and the next you get "shocked" and suddenly can't do what you've been doing for days/weeks/months/years.

Do what you can on any given day. This isn't a contest to see how much you can stand. You're doing great by keeping a hopeful attitude. You can do this!

@ALonelySoul12 It is a huge win that you made it to that medical inspection despite how bad the ride was. Dealing with the job stress on top of these symptoms is a lot, but the fact that you can manage an action video game right now is actually a very good sign for your recovery. It shows your brain can still handle high-stimulation input and focus, even if it doesn't feel like it yet.

I am still thinking good thoughts for you and your healing.

@ALonelySoul12 you sound to me like you are doing a fantastic job of handling both an awful wd but the stress of a difficult day yesterday very well indeed. I hear I think a little more calm in your post? It’s nice to see. Little wins are good. We should celebrate them.

It’s nice to see you remember how good life was once. You’ll get it back. We all will. Chippy

4 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Thank you all for the support people. You are the true heroes that don't wear capes in this society. I've been taking the day easy working from home, trying not to stress about it despite my father being fired up for getting kicked back into work like that. He'd want me to pursue legal action, go to more doctors, pursue medical tests, but my system is too devastated to process what would've been a breeze back in the day. I already did a 40km car ride both ways yesterday and my intrusive thoughts went crazy for the way there, I could not control my mind. On the way back it was better, but then it was physical symptoms. It cycles every day.

Today it seems I get the combo of shoulder pain, the nose burning moved to other parts like leg, feet and privates. Also a sparkle of front head headache, a mix of inner vibrations, and random surges where I lose balance.

To be a bit more positive, despite still being unable to do mundane things like shoppings, showering consistently, or going out for a nice walk. I've been enjoying a more action-ish videogame. It had parts that were a bit "too much" because of tiny jumpscares, but I managed. Also been talking to a friend through text as voice is also a bit much still.

It's crazy to be hit by this "invisible" illness, where one day you feel good, and the next you get "shocked" and suddenly can't do what you've been doing for days/weeks/months/years.

I really appreciate that despite all the difficulties you still able to notice the positives @ALonelySoul12 very hard to do which shows a lot of determination and strength, well done!

They will be more unexpected ups and downs but things will slowly fall into place.

Keep fighting bravely, you are coping so well 🙏

4 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Thank you all for the support people. You are the true heroes that don't wear capes in this society. I've been taking the day easy working from home, trying not to stress about it despite my father being fired up for getting kicked back into work like that. He'd want me to pursue legal action, go to more doctors, pursue medical tests, but my system is too devastated to process what would've been a breeze back in the day.

If you can just about manage to work from home, I'd recommend just gritting your teeth and trying to do that as much as you can and hope that over time it becomes easier.

You've done well to start doing this, I know how hard it is.