16 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Thanks guys... I really don't know what I, or others would be doing without a community like this... I'm just worried that I'm suffering like this because of a deficiency like magnesium or B12. Because of gastritis, limited diet, PPI use, gastro symptoms and what not, my B12 has lowered towards borderline in a whole year (from 380 to 280 with less than 210~ being deficient territory). And there's so much info saying that it's possible to get the exact same neuro symptoms I'm experiencing like twitching, cramps, anxiety... because of those deficiencies, even when you're on the low-end of that range.

I would stop my PPI, but I never feel good enough to do so 😅 Like today my stomach has been burning BAD, so I don't know if it's gastritis, GERD or my nervous system lying to me with burning sensations. Can't visit doctors anymore because i'm oversensitive, so I feel like I've ran out of time to figure it out and get better. I tried sublingual B12 supplements the past year, but I remember they gave me nausea and a panicky feeling right away (I think I wasn't even in withdrawal yet)

So yeah, I'm trying to go natural and reintroduce more B12 rich foods, but I don't know if it's enough taking a PPI, even if it's the lowest dose. I've been eating like 500g of lean meats almost daily yet B12 keeps falling... I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place 😅 And good windows where I can go out for a loooong walk don't really come anymore.

A piece of advice. Reread your post. Can you see how you’re scanning for problems like a B12 deficiency or problems with your GERD med? 280 is a good level if 210 is low. Your anxious mind is telling you there has to be something seriously wrong with you.

One of the hardest things about WD is accepting that it’s okay to feel okay. If you solve one issue, you immediately try to find the next one. Almost everyone has something wrong: a chronic ache or a weird blood number. That’s just life. The difference is that most people accept it and get on with life. Anxiety makes you focus and obsess over the smallest anomaly when it really means nothing. Hormone and vitamin levels fluctuate naturally. Shoot, a couple months ago I saw my doctor for something routine and my BP was 143/82! Two weeks ago I went back and it was 114/72. Who knows why it was high? I didn’t have a stroke or a heart attack and all my other vitals were fine so I

let it go.

Anxiety robs you of perspective. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel okay.

28 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I've been eating like 500g of lean meats almost daily yet B12 keeps falling...

If it helps this points more towards low b12 being a symptom of wd rather than the cause! There has been no testing/research about our levels in wd but I think it unlikely you have multiple causes for the symptoms you are experiencing. I know it’s hard to accept the harm and natural to seek out solutions. Like we are not doing enough. Eventually I think we all finally work out there isn’t anything more can be doing and that level of acceptance brings with it peace even if the symptoms are still hard.

46 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

A piece of advice. Reread your post. Can you see how you’re scanning for problems like a B12 deficiency or problems with your GERD med? 280 is a good level if 210 is low. Your anxious mind is telling you there has to be something seriously wrong with you.

One of the hardest things about WD is accepting that it’s okay to feel okay. If you solve one issue, you immediately try to find the next one. Almost everyone has something wrong: a chronic ache or a weird blood number. That’s just life. The difference is that most people accept it and get on with life. Anxiety makes you focus and obsess over the smallest anomaly when it really means nothing. Hormone and vitamin levels fluctuate naturally. Shoot, a couple months ago I saw my doctor for something routine and my BP was 143/82! Two weeks ago I went back and it was 114/72. Who knows why it was high? I didn’t have a stroke or a heart attack and all my other vitals were fine so I

let it go.

Anxiety robs you of perspective. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel okay.

That is true, I am scanning every little thing 😅 I'm just scared from all the symptoms i'm feeling and their intensity 😅 I didn't expect withdrawal to hit so hard so far off the discontinuation. You would expect to feel bad right after stopping when the shock happens, which I did with dizziness and those weird brain zaps, but 10 months off now I have that and way more... It kinda makes you paranoid, thinking there is something underlying that keeps worsening you, and B12 is the only thing that got lower through the year.

I hate having a bad stomach. I remember quitting by tapering and using a magnesium supplement that is popular here in Spain (which was also collagen for the joints because I have a bad knee because I tore my meniscus and had surgery, so it flares up with pain if I walk very long distances). I don't know if it was placebo, but I was so calm that my heart rate while resting was 50-60bpm! And could sleep even at the couch at work during lunch break, I was so zen. And now, I'd be lucky if my heart rate is lower than 70. Damn this bacteria that gave me gastritis. Couldn't continue with my diet or supplements, antibiotics effed me up whole, ended up taking a PPI, anxiety went out of control, and took lexapro again taking me here 😭

1 minute ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I'm just scared from all the symptoms i'm feeling and their intensity 😅 I didn't expect withdrawal to hit so hard so far off the discontinuation. Y

As I'm sure you've read in other posts, WD symptoms can hit several months away from zero and persist for quite a while. But that does not mean people don't recover. This isn't a race.

2 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

That is true, I am scanning every little thing

Here's an idea. Writing things out can be very therapeutic since it releases anxiety. But next time, after you write out your worries, go back and delete everything after the first sentence. That will show you where you want to be. Accept that you're scanning and address that. Delete all the references to "..but I think I may have a vitamin deficiency" or "I don't like my stomach upset". Its the "But I think..." that's driving your anxiety and ruminations. If you can reduce the "But I's" and concentrate on more positive statements, you may find your ruminations decrease.

4 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Thanks guys... I really don't know what I, or others would be doing without a community like this... I'm just worried that I'm suffering like this because of a deficiency like magnesium or B12. Because of gastritis, limited diet, PPI use, gastro symptoms and what not, my B12 has lowered towards borderline in a whole year (from 380 to 280 with less than 210~ being deficient territory). And there's so much info saying that it's possible to get the exact same neuro symptoms I'm experiencing like twitching, cramps, anxiety... because of those deficiencies, even when you're on the low-end of that range.

It's likely a good idea to address deficiencies where possible, as long as you're cautious about doing so and don't go crazy with huge doses right away.

At least there are measurable aspects of your health that you can look into addressing and improving that might be involved. That's something.

@ALonelySoul12 sounds like it’s worthwhile supplementing B12. If you decide to get blood tests it’s worth asking for active B12 levels. Should also get folate checked and homocysteine (which if low means you don’t have problems with the MTHFR gene and methylation problems). If you get your magnesium checked ask for RBC (red blood cell) magnesium level. It will give you intracellular magnesium levels rather than serum level.

Another horrible day. I would try to fall asleep, but would feel restless, with pins and needles, racing mind that couldn't concentrate on an audiobook I put and I would randomly feel like the skin of my leg was being pinched and twisted, quite painful.

I woke up like twice at night, and woke up in the morning just as sick. Felt horrible on my guts with nausea included, which haven't felt since the first days I reinstated originally, hiccups and overall bad digestive health. All while I have a killer headache in my forehead and eyes. Skin burns, nose burns. Ears ring in two different tones, stronger on my left. Pelvic floor tingles randomly, muscles hurt and feel heavy, specially around the neck. I'm tired people.

8 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Another horrible day. I would try to fall asleep, but would feel restless, with pins and needles, racing mind that couldn't concentrate on an audiobook I put and I would randomly feel like the skin of my leg was being pinched and twisted, quite painful.

I woke up like twice at night, and woke up in the morning just as sick. Felt horrible on my guts with nausea included, which haven't felt since the first days I reinstated originally, hiccups and overall bad digestive health. All while I have a killer headache in my forehead and eyes. Skin burns, nose burns. Ears ring in two different tones, stronger on my left. Pelvic floor tingles randomly, muscles hurt and feel heavy, specially around the neck. I'm tired people.

My ears have been ringing constantly since the beginning but when it's loud with extra bad digestion I know I'm in a wave (aka at times).

I'm sorry @ALonelySoul12 so extremely tough and exhausting, but it will ease, hang in there.

17 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

All while I have a killer headache in my forehead and eyes.

This is my biggest symptom still, I relate and I am sorry.

17 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I'm tired people.

I know! You are doing great, it might not feel like it, but we just have to survive the day and get to the next. Keep doing that long enough and you will recover. It really is that simple and you are doing it! 👊

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

but we just have to survive the day and get to the next.

When it's bad, that's all we really can do.

I think I'm gonna ask to try something like clonidine, atenolol or something for the physical symptoms of anxiety, this is inhumane. I really need something to function minimally... Yesterday I went for a small walk, literally 15 minutes. And when I returned, many symptoms that lessened a bit returned full force. Today I already woke up in sweat at night, and been on edge all day since I woke up with bpm over 100... My father closed the door to his room softly, and it was enough to physically jump and feel a surge of adrenaline... No more, please...

In a cuple weeks it will be a festivity in my region, similar to festivals in Valencia where people can purchase and launch fireworks of all kind like the 4th of july... The issue is that this is not america, and kids throw super strong ones right at your doorstep, this will last for weeks too... And I live in a house right at the center. If I jump already at my father closing the door, what will I experience soon enough? I think my brain is broken, it really does not get better anymore, something in my body shifted and it does not recover anymore like previously. Even the fireworks I loved so much give me terror now.

It reminds me of a time (somewhere in 2022 or 2023) where I had a bad reaction as I took a diazepam mixed with an antipsychotic back in the day recommended by my psych for sleep (sulpiride), which gave me constant fight or flight for MONTHS, ending up in the ER many days and even calling the suicide hotlind. I needed to up my lexapro to 15mg for a year to counteract it, a dose I never got that high because 5 and 10 weren't enough. I fear that interaction broke my brain or something and now I can't go on without lexapro, quickly returning to that state I was in every time I tapered or stop it... I don't want that again after enduring for so long... Now I have the same, coupled with many many more extra symptoms. Entering the 4th month endless wave worse than ever.

Edited May 30May 30 by ALonelySoul12

Hey @ALonelySoul12. So sorry you’re still suffering this much 💜

Am I right that when you went for a walk yesterday it helped your symptoms while you were out walking, but they came back when you got home? I think that’s a good sign that you can find at least a bit of relief through coping mechanisms like that. Have you found anything else that helps ease your symptoms a bit in the moment?

As for the meds, I would just say that I tried propranolol one time to help with physical anxiety symptoms. I didn’t find it helped and it made me feel sick. I think I’ve seen others on here say that similar meds made them worse. So as always, please be cautious and try not to make decisions like that out of desperation.

I hope this eases for you soon.

4 hours ago, SarahMc said:

Hey @ALonelySoul12. So sorry you’re still suffering this much 💜

Am I right that when you went for a walk yesterday it helped your symptoms while you were out walking, but they came back when you got home? I think that’s a good sign that you can find at least a bit of relief through coping mechanisms like that. Have you found anything else that helps ease your symptoms a bit in the moment?

As for the meds, I would just say that I tried propranolol one time to help with physical anxiety symptoms. I didn’t find it helped and it made me feel sick. I think I’ve seen others on here say that similar meds made them worse. So as always, please be cautious and try not to make decisions like that out of desperation.

I hope this eases for you soon.

When I went walking I felt weird. Like suddenly my torso and bowels started to spasm and make noises. My chest got tight... And when I returned, entering my house, going from the sunny outdoor to the darker/quiet inside I felt like a weird uncomfortable/adrenaline feeling from the sudden change. I was also hyper aware to every sound and jumpy.

It's so horrible, I can't even go for a walk 😭

1 hour ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

When I went walking I felt weird. Like suddenly my torso and bowels started to spasm and make noises. My chest got tight... And when I returned, entering my house, going from the sunny outdoor to the darker/quiet inside I felt like a weird uncomfortable/adrenaline feeling from the sudden change. I was also hyper aware to every sound and jumpy.

It's so horrible, I can't even go for a walk 😭

So sorry, right there with you, it's awful, everything is super stimulating.

tried my short evening walk earlier and survived maybe 4 steps.. zero tolerance to noises, body acting weird.. just too overwhelming.

Let it be, the chemicals are raging but it will pass, hopefully very soon.

1 hour ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

It's so horrible, I can't even go for a walk 😭

@Fullhealing is right, I think many of us have periods when we just have to get through the day. It feels like torture when you're in it, but all you have to do is survive and it will pass. Keep going, we're with you.

@ALonelySoul12 as I've said, it's unfortunately common to worsen around this kind of timeframe. However, quite a number of people then improve out of it again and then keep going. For some, it seems to get worse before it starts getting better.

My personal suggestion would be to try to accept that the next couple of months will be very hard, and just get through them. If it eases off before that- great, it's a bonus.

The issue with taking drugs such as the ones suggested is that they might help, but they might also make things a lot worse and you've already experienced quite a number of physical symptoms.

You had a lengthy period of being able to function to a degree. Your body is working towards further healing to get back to that and then hopefully improve even more. It's awful, but the only way to get out of hell is to go through hell.

I can't... I really can't anymore... I fear for my life at this point... I can't even move, moving from my chair spikes my heart rate and blood pressure, feeling like I'm pulling every nerve in my face just to move, triggering scary or intrusive thoughts... I feel extremely weak too. Today I can't even eat. Ate a plate of pasta and my heart rate went to 120+ with symptoms going crazy, feeling the thumping in every body part. I can't even lower it with breathing to finish the meal. My throat and stomach burns. Chest feels tight, arm hurts... Feeling the urge to call an ambulance and get myself checked in somewhere, but I know it's probably withdrawal... It's stronger than ever now. It doesn't ease at all... I get used to the severity just to increase the volume the next days... It's inhumane. I don't think my body can take it.

I should've reinstated and never go cold turkey. The symptoms I had while on lexapro were nothing compared to this. I really returned to the days I had a bad reaction to an antipsychotic, even worse than that with all the other symptoms. What do I do? I can't even function to eat, what's next? I feel like this has become everything in my life, so I can't even stop the looping. I can't watch TV without getting triggered, can't concentrate at work, no walks or exercise, or enjoy my games, or music, or friends... No distractions at all, just this 24/7... How does one heal from this? How does one handle the mental torture so I'm not freaking out 24/7? Why am I even like this 10 months out when I was having windows before? Where did they go?

I'm sorry, I'm growing more desperate as the days pass and it just gets more intense and debilitating... I'm heartbroken for I was starting to feel better back in January, thinking I was through the worst of it...

Edited June 1Jun 1 by ALonelySoul12

14 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

feel like this has become everything in my life, so I can't even stop the looping.

Hi @ALonelySoul12 This sentence is the key. If you can work on the looping, everything else will start settling as well. You have a lot of reasons to work toward recovery, including your daughter. Remember what I said before; anxiety is selfish and needs 100% control over what you do and how you think, even to the point of telling you that you can't eat. It needs to keep you trapped and feeling helpless. The symptoms are awful but a racing heart won't hurt you. Right now the best you can do is work on calming methods and take things a day at a time. We've all been through this and we're right there with you.

27 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I'm sorry, I'm growing more desperate as the days pass and it just gets more intense and debilitating... I'm heartbroken for I was starting to feel better back in January, thinking I was through the worst of it...

Remember those windows you’ve had before — they will come again, we just don’t know exactly when. Every second you hang on brings the next window closer. Right now all you have to do is survive minute by minute. You can do this 💜

1 hour ago, mstimc60 said:

Hi @ALonelySoul12 This sentence is the key. If you can work on the looping, everything else will start settling as well. You have a lot of reasons to work toward recovery, including your daughter. Remember what I said before; anxiety is selfish and needs 100% control over what you do and how you think, even to the point of telling you that you can't eat. It needs to keep you trapped and feeling helpless. The symptoms are awful but a racing heart won't hurt you. Right now the best you can do is work on calming methods and take things a day at a time. We've all been through this and we're right there with you.

It's extremely hard... I feel like I have no control over my thoughts anymore now. Like I get up from the chair and get bombarded with anxious thoughts with no control whatsoever, then my heart speeds up over 130bpm (like POTS), muscles twitch, aches all over, out of breath, dizzy, ears ringing, headaches, skin burning, throat burning, coughs, waking up from sleep with racing heart, stomach issues, bloating, painful bowels, painful joints... I feel extremely, extremely sick from head to toes... Deep breaths don't bring any calm as the system is on overdrive 24/7. The heart might slow down from the constant 90+bpm for a second, but ramps up again and again.

I look back to my previous waves and just feel depressed. I remember being so relaxed I was able to nap. Something I never did ever since I got on lexapro and had anxiety. I might have woken up one day with some cortisol... But I managed to nap! I was able to go out for a walk and maybe one symptom would show up, like bowels pain making me stop for a minute or internal vibrations when I returned... Now it's almost everything at once all day non stop... 4 months and ongoing...

28 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

It's extremely hard... I feel like I have no control over my thoughts anymore now. Like I get up from the chair and get bombarded with anxious thoughts with no control whatsoever, then my heart speeds up over 130bpm (like POTS), muscles twitch, aches all over, out of breath, dizzy, ears ringing, headaches, skin burning, throat burning, coughs, waking up from sleep with racing heart, stomach issues, bloating, painful bowels, painful joints... I feel extremely, extremely sick from head to toes... Deep breaths don't bring any calm as the system is on overdrive 24/7. The heart might slow down from the constant 90+bpm for a second, but ramps up again and again.

I look back to my previous waves and just feel depressed. I remember being so relaxed I was able to nap. Something I never did ever since I got on lexapro and had anxiety. I might have woken up one day with some cortisol... But I managed to nap! I was able to go out for a walk and maybe one symptom would show up, like bowels pain making me stop for a minute or internal vibrations when I returned... Now it's almost everything at once all day non stop... 4 months and ongoing...

Its okay to identify and recognize WD symptoms, but when you focus only on them, your anxious brains starts searching for new ones, and then magnifies them. One thing you can do with zero effort is stop constantly checking your heart rate. Before smart watches, we had no idea what our heart rates were unless we went to see a doctor. You know anxiety is increasing your rate--accept it and leave it there.

An don't fixate on the past. The present is all that matters; taking each moment as it comes and letting the thoughts float in and out of your mind will get you through the day.

18 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I can't... I really can't anymore... I fear for my life at this point... I can't even move, moving from my chair spikes my heart rate and blood pressure, feeling like I'm pulling every nerve in my face just to move, triggering scary or intrusive thoughts... I feel extremely weak too. Today I can't even eat. Ate a plate of pasta and my heart rate went to 120+ with symptoms going crazy, feeling the thumping in every body part. I can't even lower it with breathing to finish the meal. My throat and stomach burns. Chest feels tight, arm hurts... Feeling the urge to call an ambulance and get myself checked in somewhere, but I know it's probably withdrawal... It's stronger than ever now. It doesn't ease at all... I get used to the severity just to increase the volume the next days... It's inhumane. I don't think my body can take it.

Sorry you are suffering so :(

18 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

How does one heal from this?

Time, I know it's a really boring answer, but that is the truth. It might not feel like things will improve, but they will.

16 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

It's extremely hard... I feel like I have no control over my thoughts anymore now.

Remind yourself these thoughts are just WD, try not to add to them, just accept they are there and let them pass, which they will eventually. I think almost everyone suffers with them. They can be very distressing.

I think today is the day I ask for help. I don't know what happened at night, I was already sleeping poorly, but tonight I was on my pc playing a low stimulus game. When I got up from the chair I felt like a burn coming down from my brain to wvey single nerve of my body. Like extreme anxiety.

I calmed it quickly and slept like an hour, but woke up and my heart's been pounding over 100 bpm constantly going up to 150 at every movement. Haven't slept since, can't calm it anymore. Been wired and constantly shaking and shaking all night. It's been 9 hours now... I don't know if I've heard sounds or voices that weren't there too... My nose burns, ears ring, throat burns, nausea... I can't go on anymore, something is really really wrong... I want to die so bad, please...

2 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I think today is the day I ask for help. I don't know what happened at night, I was already sleeping poorly, but tonight I was on my pc playing a low stimulus game. When I got up from the chair I felt like a burn coming down from my brain to wvey single nerve of my body. Like extreme anxiety.

I calmed it quickly and slept like an hour, but woke up and my heart's been pounding over 100 bpm constantly going up to 150 at every movement. Haven't slept since, can't calm it anymore. Been wired and constantly shaking and shaking all night. It's been 9 hours now... I don't know if I've heard sounds or voices that weren't there too... My nose burns, ears ring, throat burns, nausea... I can't go on anymore, something is really really wrong... I want to die so bad, please...

Breaks my heart to read. Try to remind yourself this is WD and that you can go on. I know it seems like you can't but you can and are stronger than you think. Reframing that in your mind is important. Your only job right now is to get through the day, one minute at a time whilst your body deals with this for you. It 100% will not be like this forever! Sending some love xxx

Unfortunately, I'm not sure what kind of help there is, other than help to look after yourself as best you can until it passes.

Outside of this, I'm sure you'd have little trouble finding doctors who'd throw random drugs at the problem to see what sticks, but that's incredibly risky and realistically if you go to 10 doctors you'll get 10 different suggestions all based on 0 science and purely based on wanting to try something rather than nothing.

I would suggest the first option rather than the second, and trust me, I know how horrific it is. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, and I got better from a lot of the things you are saying too, in time.

It is likely that you will as well.