@ALonelySoul12 I’m so, so sorry, that sounds like absolute agony and my heart goes out to you. Something I find helpful when I’m at my worst is to keep repeating to myself over and over that I can get through this and I will recover. Even if I don’t really believe it at the time I find it helps take the edge off a tiny bit.

You will get through this and we’ll be here to support you all the way.

But what if this is not withdrawal? I'm so scared my heart keeps racing. I told myself I was okay and slept like a minute or two... But that's not enough. My sleep has been nonexistant the past days almost... And now when I fall asleep I get jolted awake and my mind is a mess. I keep shaking but can't concentrate on anything to relax and sleep like before. I'm scared of becoming psychotic. This feels very extreme for being 10+ months off, I'm starting to think it might be something else, like brain damage from that previous medication interaction that is now resurfacing as escitalopram is no longer "keeping the balance"

Edited June 3Jun 3 by ALonelySoul12

35 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

But what if this is not withdrawal? I'm so scared my heart keeps racing.

I don’t have as much knowledge or experience as others on here, but I’ve seen @Luke comment before that he’s seen others who have gotten much worse around your timeline and gone on to recover. Based on what I’ve been reading on here and on SA it still seems most likely to me that it’s withdrawal.

Of course you always have the option to consult a doctor about your concerns, but I suspect they’ll just offer you more meds — I’ve been down that road myself and it has only made things more difficult.

Thinking about you today.

Edited June 3Jun 3 by SarahMc

Today I managed to sleep. It wasn't easy as my heart was pounding over 100bpm and would get jolted awake many times no matter what. I ended up googling in bed, even asking AI out of desperation... And I tried something that caught my attention, using an ice pack. I went to the fridge and got an ice pack, wrapped it on an old t-shirt, and put it on the forehead, cheeks, chest... For some reason my symptoms would get worse on the chest, but the winner was the left side of my neck with the main artery. It took a while, tossed and turned, but eventually it slowed down and didn't get jolted anymore... So I think I got around 4 to 6 hours of sleep today... It's something I guess.

Sometimes WD is unrelenting, I'm glad you've had some relief 🤗

@ALonelySoul12 really glad to hear you got some sleep, even if broken. I use the ice pack trick to sleep when I have a headache — I put it right over my forehead and I find it pretty effective. Good to hear it worked for you too!

21 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Today I managed to sleep. It wasn't easy as my heart was pounding over 100bpm and would get jolted awake many times no matter what. I ended up googling in bed, even asking AI out of desperation... And I tried something that caught my attention, using an ice pack. I went to the fridge and got an ice pack, wrapped it on an old t-shirt, and put it on the forehead, cheeks, chest... For some reason my symptoms would get worse on the chest, but the winner was the left side of my neck with the main artery. It took a while, tossed and turned, but eventually it slowed down and didn't get jolted anymore... So I think I got around 4 to 6 hours of sleep today... It's something I guess.

Thinking of you @ALonelySoul12 so pleased to see you got some sleep, those jolts are down right awful! I know only too well. They will ease with this. The Ice Pack is a good trick!

On 6/3/2026 at 12:12 PM, ALonelySoul12 said:

But what if this is not withdrawal?

It is very similar to the experiences of others who have been through withdrawal.

As for it being "brain damage that has resurfaced", I think logically you know that this is not accurate. You were functional and managing okay until you worsened in the last few months.

Your body is making adjustments, sometimes that means more symptoms than others.

On 6/3/2026 at 12:12 PM, ALonelySoul12 said:

This feels very extreme for being 10+ months off, I'm starting to think it might be something else

Unfortunately, 10 months is very much a "normal" timeframe to be suffering quite a lot in protracted withdrawal. It's also entirely possible that it will turn around soon. It's good that you were able to find something that helped you to sleep.

Small update, had a good day and a half this weekend where I could enjoy some games. But I'm back to unrelenting anxiety I can't control alongside a thousand symptoms. I can't keep going for months and years sick like this... I'm afraid I'll do something stupid one of these days if I can't get more than a day of relief a month

@ALonelySoul12 it’s a great sign that you had a little window over the weekend, I’m happy for you! Believe me, I know how frustrating it is when you see a little glimpse of relief and then get thrown back into the pit, I’m there with you right now. But we’ll keep crawling towards the finish line together and one day we’ll get there 💜

Hang onto that small window. My first window was maybe 20 minutes but from then on I knew I could recover. You will too!

49 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

Hang onto that small window. My first window was maybe 20 minutes but from then on I knew I could recover. You will too!

Yes, and it only builds from there. Windows are glimmers of hope the body is fighting to heal. Think of a power outage and the lights are turning back on. It might be dark a lot but sometimes you get flickers, and eventually it stays brighter longer!

6 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Small update, had a good day and a half this weekend where I could enjoy some games. But I'm back to unrelenting anxiety I can't control alongside a thousand symptoms. I can't keep going for months and years sick like this... I'm afraid I'll do something stupid one of these days if I can't get more than a day of relief a month

keep going! its great that you had a window, to me that surely is a sign that youll heal! just try to remember that window when youre feeling awful because im sure that there are more to come! we are all in this together.

22 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Small update, had a good day and a half this weekend where I could enjoy some games. But I'm back to unrelenting anxiety I can't control alongside a thousand symptoms. I can't keep going for months and years sick like this... I'm afraid I'll do something stupid one of these days if I can't get more than a day of relief a month

@ALonelySoul12 Hang onto that amazing window! This is fantastic news. There will be more of these to come :)

Hopefully the window is the first step towards improving out of the rough few months you've had.

Well, I reached the breaking point. I'm not making it to 11 months. The constant alertness, shaking all day, electric shocks, tachycardia, sweating, insomnia, nightmares digestive upset everywhere... A window of a day does not compensate this torture that keeps getting worse and worse. My body is broken and I don't want to live another day of it.

12 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Well, I reached the breaking point. I'm not making it to 11 months. The constant alertness, shaking all day, electric shocks, tachycardia, sweating, insomnia, nightmares digestive upset everywhere... A window of a day does not compensate this torture that keeps getting worse and worse. My body is broken and I don't want to live another day of it.

You have this @ALonelySoul12 I know how tough it is for you atm, but remember that window, more will come, it will be worth it! Hang in there. And please keep yourself safe. No permanent solutions for short term problems. This will get easier over time. You have your whole life ahead of you. xxx

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

You have this @ALonelySoul12 I know how tough it is for you atm, but remember that window, more will come, it will be worth it! Hang in there. And please keep yourself safe. No permanent solutions for short term problems. This will get easier over time. You have your whole life ahead of you. xxx

I just cant man... All day suffering for months, just for a day or two of dirty relief... And back to suffering even worse than before. I don't know what to do, I can't function at all. I can't listen to music, read, play games, go outside... I'm a massive wreck... Sadly I'm afraid I'll need some kind of chemical help. It might not work and end me, but so it will this level of horror and insomnia for so long... Nothing helped me tonight anymore. Ice, earplugs, face mask, soothing music... It's been almost 11 months and still getting worse.... I don't think my brain can heal anymore. Even if it does a bit, I'll have to work all the new issues that I developed out of the blue like agoraphobia, ocd and intrusive thoughts... I don't know if it's worth it anymore

@ALonelySoul12 it doesn’t feel worth it now sure! But that’s because of how hard it is. But it will be worth it. It’s the biggest battle of your life no doubt but the rewards will be there. The windows are not what you are fighting for. A beautiful life after this has finished (which it will!) is what you are fighting for. The common story in every success is ‘I thought I couldn’t do it’ ‘I didn’t think I could heal’ ‘I thought I was the worse case’ etc and they come out the other side and always say it was worth it. Watch videos on Angie peacocks channel. So much hope. Just one minute at a time. If that’s what it takes so be it. You’ve got this even though it doesn’t feel like it. You do!

@ALonelySoul12 please remember that we are all here rooting for you. You’re so young and you have so many amazing things to experience once you get through this. You’ve already shown so much courage getting to this point, and I know you’ll make it through to the other side. When you feel like you don’t have the strength we’ll be here to keep pushing you forward. You WILL get better.

@ALonelySoul12 you're not getting worse.

A window doesn't "compensate you" for your suffering, but it's a clear sign you're moving towards improvement.

Chemical intervention in light of this would be unsensible, I think. You might be doing generally better relatively soon, compared to going down that path, which can massively extend things.

5 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I don't think my brain can heal anymore. Even if it does a bit, I'll have to work all the new issues that I developed out of the blue like agoraphobia, ocd and intrusive thoughts... I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Those are withdrawal symptoms, and they are not permanent.

How am I supposed to live with this? I was more or less doing my thing, trying to function... And then when I have lunch, my heart rate skyrockets to 100bpm. I get up to get a serving of meat, and then my heart starts pounding to 150+bpm out of my chest... I wasn't able to continue eating. I'm now sitting in my room, unable to work with a heart rate between 100 and 120, shaking like mad, unable to lower it with either breathing or anything. I'm sitting on my bed paralyzed for I can't move an inch without spiking it further... I supose my life is just over. I'm not myself anymore, can't talk to my friends as usual, can't enjoy what I always enjoyed, can't even go outside, can't eat in peace. Plenty of stories of people that got permanent dysautonomia after quitting. I seem to follow that path as I'm less able bodied by the month, windows get shorter and less satisfying too. Like a slow burn death. Well I suppose the silver lining is that I won't need to do anything myself for my life to be over. Probably my heart will burst because I washed my hair and then chewed food, which means it needs to release all the adrenaline because that's obvious dangerous adrenaline junkie activities. Let's not talk about climbing stairs in my 3 story house or trying to do laundry.

Sorry for just complaining, but I see no end to this, and since I'm not taking anything either being off cold turkey, I suppose I'm not gonna stabilize anytime soon compared to others that taper by making small cuts.

92 days of total dysfunction and counting.

10 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

nd then when I have lunch, my heart rate skyrockets to 100bpm. I get up to get a serving of meat, and then my heart starts pounding to 150+bpm out of my chest... I wasn't able to continue eating. I'm now sitting in my room, unable to work with a heart rate between 100 and 120, shaking like mad, unable to lower it with either breathing or anything. I'm sitting on my bed paralyzed for I can't move an inch without spiking it further..

As we advised before, stop checking your heart rate. You have a form of "white coat syndrome:", where your bpm's increase because you're checking it so often. Its just another manifestation of anxiety.

11 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Plenty of stories of people that got permanent dysautonomia after quitting. I seem to follow that path as I'm less able bodied by the month, windows get shorter and less satisfying too. Like a slow burn death. Well I suppose the silver lining is that I won't need to do anything myself for my life to be over. Probably my heart will burst because I washed my hair and then chewed food, which means it needs to release all the adrenaline because that's obvious dangerous adrenaline junkie activities.

We've all felt we couldn't make it through at one time or another. There is no reason you won't recover. Just like obsessively checking your hear rate, you're seeking the worst possible outcome through Internet searches. This is just reinforcing your doom loop. This site exists because people can and do recover--far more than an Internet search will lead you to believe. If you give me five minutes, I'm sure I can find "proof" that migraines are caused by space aliens shooting microwaves at our brains. We are here to tell you that you can recover, but you need to work on not reinforcing your fearful thoughts.

16 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

How am I supposed to live with this? I was more or less doing my thing, trying to function... And then when I have lunch, my heart rate skyrockets to 100bpm. I get up to get a serving of meat, and then my heart starts pounding to 150+bpm out of my chest... I wasn't able to continue eating. I'm now sitting in my room, unable to work with a heart rate between 100 and 120, shaking like mad, unable to lower it with either breathing or anything. I'm sitting on my bed paralyzed for I can't move an inch without spiking it further... I supose my life is just over. I'm not myself anymore, can't talk to my friends as usual, can't enjoy what I always enjoyed, can't even go outside, can't eat in peace. Plenty of stories of people that got permanent dysautonomia after quitting. I seem to follow that path as I'm less able bodied by the month, windows get shorter and less satisfying too. Like a slow burn death. Well I suppose the silver lining is that I won't need to do anything myself for my life to be over. Probably my heart will burst because I washed my hair and then chewed food, which means it needs to release all the adrenaline because that's obvious dangerous adrenaline junkie activities. Let's not talk about climbing stairs in my 3 story house or trying to do laundry.

Sorry for just complaining, but I see no end to this, and since I'm not taking anything either being off cold turkey, I suppose I'm not gonna stabilize anytime soon compared to others that taper by making small cuts.

92 days of total dysfunction and counting.

Im really sorry to hear you are still having a bad time atm.

It is really important to reframe this in your mind. A few things.

I think you are expecting youself to perform/function atm. That isn't realistic. You need to accept that currently that won't happen. This helps remove the frustration. We have a concept/idea in our minds of what life should be like and what we should be able to do, for the minute, let all that go. What ever you can manage, whatever your symptoms are at the moment is your current reality.

Secondly, just because this is how things are at the moment does not mean this is how things will be forever. It might seem impossible for things to improve, but that isn't true, and I think you know that really. So many others have walked this path before you, and when they get to the end of their jounrey and tell of their healing, they all say the same thing, they didn't think they could heal, but they did!

Sounds terrible but 92 days is nothing in this! You could turn a corner any minute, or things could continue to one level or another to be difficult for some time to come. Really adopting the acceptance mindset and taking one day at a time will help you cope with this regardless of how long the healing process is.

YOU CAN COPE WITH THIS

YOU CAN HEAL

YOU WILL HEAL

YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER THIS IS A LIE AND DOESN'T SERVE YOU!

TIME WILL PUT ALL THIS RIGHT FOR YOU

THE MORE YOU RESIST THE HARDER THIS WILL BE FOR YOURSELF

WE ARE ALL HERE RIGHT WITH YOU THE WHOLE WAY! :)

4 hours ago, Chippy said:

Im really sorry to hear you are still having a bad time atm.

It is really important to reframe this in your mind. A few things.

I think you are expecting youself to perform/function atm. That isn't realistic. You need to accept that currently that won't happen. This helps remove the frustration. We have a concept/idea in our minds of what life should be like and what we should be able to do, for the minute, let all that go. What ever you can manage, whatever your symptoms are at the moment is your current reality.

Secondly, just because this is how things are at the moment does not mean this is how things will be forever. It might seem impossible for things to improve, but that isn't true, and I think you know that really. So many others have walked this path before you, and when they get to the end of their jounrey and tell of their healing, they all say the same thing, they didn't think they could heal, but they did!

Sounds terrible but 92 days is nothing in this! You could turn a corner any minute, or things could continue to one level or another to be difficult for some time to come. Really adopting the acceptance mindset and taking one day at a time will help you cope with this regardless of how long the healing process is.

YOU CAN COPE WITH THIS

YOU CAN HEAL

YOU WILL HEAL

YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER THIS IS A LIE AND DOESN'T SERVE YOU!

TIME WILL PUT ALL THIS RIGHT FOR YOU

THE MORE YOU RESIST THE HARDER THIS WILL BE FOR YOURSELF

WE ARE ALL HERE RIGHT WITH YOU THE WHOLE WAY! :)

It's just hard to accept 😅 And sadly life does not stop for the whole world when it does for you. I've been postponing medical appointments almost since February when I started going downhill. I also need to renovate my ID because it expired in May, but I simply can't. 😔 My bank accounts will soon block me if I don't renovate it soon. But I can't function when I have all these weird symptoms. I already tried to go for a little 15 minute walk 2 weeks ago, and went horribly wrong with weird painful muscle spasms, skin burning, shaking....

I could try ask for a medical certificate from my doctor to maybe extend the validity or ask to get it renovated from home with a mobile unit, but I don't think she buys the whole dysautonomia thing. I think she just thinks I'm anxious and need a different SSRI (she recommended paxil). Sadly this is an invisible disease, so I doubt I'll get all the benefits a "real" disabled person would get.