20 hours ago, Luke said:

If you can just about manage to work from home, I'd recommend just gritting your teeth and trying to do that as much as you can and hope that over time it becomes easier.

You've done well to start doing this, I know how hard it is.

I'm trying but... It's so hard. My brain feels like it's made of concrete. I don't have waves or windows anymore, but waves and even harder waves. I'll soon reach 3 months of being incapacitated, needing to be taken care of. With 10 months total, and it's hard to see the positives. I try to work, but I can't as my symptoms keep running the whole day and can't process anything. On medical leave I would numb myself down with a videogame all day, but now I have to think, learn things, fix other things... All while my ears ring, head hurts, heart races, extremities burn or feel cold randomly, my manly parts also burn, I get random goosebumps or shakes, bouts of anxiety where I can't answer to my coworkers...

I'm gonna talk to a psychiatrist just in case and ask some questions, this is getting out of hand and I'm starting to fear weird things like Lyme disease or some real neurological disease because of the overlapping symptoms. There's no way that this keeps getting so bad month after month, where did my windows go? I wanna take a deep breath without my whole body feeling like it's gonna collapse tomorrow 😭 Breathe some fresh air, go shopping and be useful, feel the warm summer light and breeze, sit down without feeling like I'm on a vibrating massage chair with my feet and legs skin burning. And I don't get medical leave anymore, someone make it stop 😭 It's my second day back and I'm already crumbling

You can challenged these baseless fears. There's a coping technique called "Do What You Came to Do" that may help. When you're working, tell yourself "I am here to do my job. The dark thoughts and aches may come, but for now, I will do my job. Then I can deal with the symptoms". Reserve some space for yourself to do normal things without fighting the thoughts and feelings.

Hi @ALonelySoul12

Im sorry things are so hard for you. It can take some time for things to settle down, I know it feels endless, but it really isn't.

15 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I'm gonna talk to a psychiatrist just in case and ask some questions, this is getting out of hand and I'm starting to fear weird things like Lyme disease or some real neurological disease because of the overlapping symptoms.

Be very careful here. Psychiatrist do not understand drug harm, they will diagnose a mental health condition and offer more drugs, it is all they have. If you are concerned about other health issues, you should see a standard doctor, and get a good range of tests done to make sure you are otherwise fit and healthy. I will say I have seen so many people think they have sometihng else going on, only to find out they are fit and healthy. It is possible to have mutiple causes for multi symptoms, it is much more likley that there is one cause for your symptoms. People often make things worse, trying to make things better. Time is the healer. It is hard to believe, we all think there is a standard way we should feel, we should be pro active to get back to this, but unfortunately there wasn't before, this thinking leads us to drugs in the first place. In your case you are harmed, and unfortunately the path of healing from an injury like this, is not like anything you will have encountered before, acceptance of the situation is vital to coping with this situation. Have some tests but eventually we must learn to not resist, accept the situation, avoid second fear, and allow our bodies the time to heal. There is no other choice. Resisting makes the suffering worse. Thinking of you during this hard time.

It's a psychiatrist whom I explained my case and actually believed me. He did suggest to reinstate a different antidepressant (Trintellix) through liquid drops at very minimal doses, should've maybe listened to him now that I find myself here. But he also gave me other things to try like a bit of propranolol if panic goes out of hand.

I'm just gonna report my status, not planning to reinstate yet. If more weeks pass, or months and I see nothing but more worsening, then I don't know. I just know that every day I wake up, stay in my room in the dark, trying to have no thoughts at all, eating if I can, and repeat. It's no life for someone that's been clean for close to 300 days now and functional for the past 240. Family is desperate as the whole health ordeal actually started in january 2025 with my stomach infection and antibiotics. I just find it very weird so far off to not find a single thing where I can say: "This has definitely improved."

Most days I can't shower, don't even shave or cut my hair, don't go out, don't do laundry... Yet I'm constantly on edge, a random door opening triggers me, physical symptoms destroy me, intrusive thoughts, constant dreaming about my ex if I don't get jolted back awake when trying to sleep... Before I was able to get my mental health in check by hanging out with friends on voice chat, going for a walk and taking pictures with my camera, playing some nostalgia inducing videogame, checking new things when grocery shopping, sleeping 8 full hours on some days... But now all in my life is this, scared of tomorrow with the new symptoms i'm still developing. (like latest, my eyes are watery all day). My personality is also totally wiped, even trying to laugh feels overwhelming now. I don't feel like talking to anyone, or scrolling/posting silly memes of dogs/cats or social media like I would usually do, totally disconnected from music.

Anyway, there's my report for the day as a very sad science experiment. At least maybe one day it'll help someone with a similar timeline not feel alone. For now, nothing in my tests suggest anything else other than withdrawal or something outside the brain.

I hope your appointment goes well. The distress comes across in your writing. 🤗

32 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

It's a psychiatrist whom I explained my case and actually believed me.

This is good.

33 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

But he also gave me other things to try like a bit of propranolol if panic goes out of hand.

But this isn’t. That’s the thing, apart from ri there isn’t much he can do. I suspect given everything you’ve seen through ri isn’t a good idea. Ri anything apart from the original drug is a terrible idea.

34 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

just find it very weird so far off to not find a single thing where I can say: "This has definitely improved."

Unfortunately this isn’t unusual. It’s very hard to hear I know. But hopefully you will see that your situation isn’t without hope. Often it takes some time to recognise improvement. But it will happen.

37 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

For now, nothing in my tests suggest anything else other than withdrawal or something outside the brain.

I’m glad you got some test done and they came back fine. It’s good to rule things out.

I’m truly sorry for how you are atm. It is awful we have to go through this. We all understand and are with you the whole way.

I hope that soon you will begin to come out of this worse period that has been ongoing for quite some time, and at least start moving back towards being able to cope a bit better like you were doing.

As I said, worsening for a good few months does seem to happen around this kind of time period.

Nobody can really predict how long that might last for, but you've been in it for a while. I really hope it turns around again soon and you start noticing a trend towards improvement.

So sorry @ALonelySoul12 it's brutal I know but I really do believe that the more severe the symptoms the more healing happens so hang in there, after a long storm significant relief will come.

I get the temptation to try other drugs to ease the suffering but as we already know it's nothing more than a temporary solution with disastrous consequences so give it time, the intensity will surely not stay that way.

Stay strong, better days are guaranteed to come.

Well, to bring a tiny, minuscule bit of positivity, yesterday I had a little victory. I managed to go out to an office nearby and get my taxes done for the year. It wasn't much, definitely less than the 80km car ride of the other day, but I suppose it's something. I was uncomfortable, unable to concentrate and with rushing thoughts, but I did it. I also wanted to go a bit further to go shopping for some fruit, but sadly the store was already closed for the day. It didn't feel as bad as the other appointment, and the fresh air felt a bit nice, so I'd say it was a victory.

I'm still in this weird state though. it's been so long that after that small walk, my body was sore afterwards, with headaches, burning skin, muscle aches all over, and the return of the famous burning nose that almost disappeared a couple days ago... And to think I was carrying over 20 kilos of shoppings like it was nothing during the whole withdrawal process. I later payed the price of course, when trying to sleep, despite hours passing and not really being stressed at all, my body was super activated and spent 3 extra hours tossing and turning in bed trying not to have a single thought. When in a normal day I would feel calm and sleepy afterwards, falling asleep within minutes. (Unless I'm activated by scrolling interesting stuff in social media, but even then it would take me 30-60 minutes,)

The 10 month drug free milestone is 11 days away, still can't say i'm getting consistently better. I can have a "better" day, but I no longer have symptom free days. My personality is still altered too, shifting daily or multiple times a day. From worrying, to super accepting, anxious, zen, ruminating, libido out of the blue, deep depression like I never felt before, sexual dysfunction and pain, suddenly super sleepy in an uncomfortable manner (like I'm falling asleep and can't keep myself awake). But it never shifts to pre wave state where I can get out of my head, connect with my friends, or enjoy a nice peaceful walk.

I truly hope that this is the point where it starts to gradually get better soon. Even better than in January, but I've been so long in this state already I don't have much hope left. 😅 I said the same in January, thinking I turned a corner from the mid-November wave, but it was only a prelude for an even worse wave. I'm scared of what tomorrow might bring. Maybe it was all a prelude to the real withdrawal happening, like my body was holding on with what was left of the drug juice, with symptoms poking their head kinda like a preview of what would happen if I didn't reinstate. Until it all finally crumbled and became a permanent daily thing breaking both mind and body.

@ALonelySoul12

I know it doesn’t sound like it on paper but I think this update is a win. Showing some good signs there I think! Road might be bumpy ahead but I see healing happening!

1 hour ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Well, to bring a tiny, minuscule bit of positivity, yesterday I had a little victory. I managed to go out to an office nearby and get my taxes done for the year. It wasn't much, definitely less than the 80km car ride of the other day, but I suppose it's something. I was uncomfortable, unable to concentrate and with rushing thoughts, but I did it. I also wanted to go a bit further to go shopping for some fruit, but sadly the store was already closed for the day. It didn't feel as bad as the other appointment, and the fresh air felt a bit nice, so I'd say it was a victory.

I'm still in this weird state though. it's been so long that after that small walk, my body was sore afterwards, with headaches, burning skin, muscle aches all over, and the return of the famous burning nose that almost disappeared a couple days ago... And to think I was carrying over 20 kilos of shoppings like it was nothing during the whole withdrawal process. I later payed the price of course, when trying to sleep, despite hours passing and not really being stressed at all, my body was super activated and spent 3 extra hours tossing and turning in bed trying not to have a single thought. When in a normal day I would feel calm and sleepy afterwards, falling asleep within minutes. (Unless I'm activated by scrolling interesting stuff in social media, but even then it would take me 30-60 minutes,)

The 10 month drug free milestone is 11 days away, still can't say i'm getting consistently better. I can have a "better" day, but I no longer have symptom free days. My personality is still altered too, shifting daily or multiple times a day. From worrying, to super accepting, anxious, zen, ruminating, libido out of the blue, deep depression like I never felt before, sexual dysfunction and pain, suddenly super sleepy in an uncomfortable manner (like I'm falling asleep and can't keep myself awake). But it never shifts to pre wave state where I can get out of my head, connect with my friends, or enjoy a nice peaceful walk.

I truly hope that this is the point where it starts to gradually get better soon. Even better than in January, but I've been so long in this state already I don't have much hope left. 😅 I said the same in January, thinking I turned a corner from the mid-November wave, but it was only a prelude for an even worse wave. I'm scared of what tomorrow might bring. Maybe it was all a prelude to the real withdrawal happening, like my body was holding on with what was left of the drug juice, with symptoms poking their head kinda like a preview of what would happen if I didn't reinstate. Until it all finally crumbled and became a permanent daily thing breaking both mind and body.

Survival and anything even the tiniest on top is a huge victory so well done, you are coping so well! @ALonelySoul12

Keep moving forward in the right direction, things will become much easier over time.

It's just hard. My brain keeps trying to find a reason why I feel like this. Like maybe I'm low in calcium because of my restricted diet (gastritis, long term PPI use, reflux...), or low in B12 (borderline but not quite), low in magnesium, or maybe my thyroid is working badly (always had subclinical hypothyroidism and last blood results were a bit higher towards bad than before... But today my joints hurt and pop, so this also worried me. Like I'm working on my PC and suddenly my wrists pops and hurts, or my knee/legs when I get up... I really don't know what to do😅 I don't want this healing journey to turn into another issue because I can't function as normal 😭

2 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

It's just hard. My brain keeps trying to find a reason why I feel like this. Like maybe I'm low in calcium because of my restricted diet (gastritis, long term PPI use, reflux...), or low in B12 (borderline but not quite), low in magnesium, or maybe my thyroid is working badly (always had subclinical hypothyroidism and last blood results were a bit higher towards bad than before... But today my joints hurt and pop, so this also worried me. Like I'm working on my PC and suddenly my wrists pops and hurts, or my knee/legs when I get up... I really don't know what to do😅 I don't want this healing journey to turn into another issue because I can't function as normal 😭

Part of acceptance is accepting that there is no reason other than our nervous systems have been scrambled by being medicated. Our anxiety drives us to look for answers and causes where there are none. Anxiety can manifest in all sorts of physical ways, from aches and pains to vision problems. Something to remember about blood tests: 20 years ago, doctors tested for maybe 12 things. Now, because of advanced technology, tests look at dozens of factors. Because of that, its more likely there will be one or two things a bit off for any given test. One off scale test doesn't mean much unless there are other things off as well. But your anxious mind will fixate on the one or two things that are off and tell you "There's the cause"! Really, it just takes time and some effort to recover from meds, but you can do it!

Well, I went to my appointment and told the psych my theory of protracted withdrawal, providing the rest of my medical tests. He told me that I'm the first patient to report such symptoms and that he's gonna investigate the topic. He seems like a good man, and claims to always go low and slow with medication despite many clients being like "Oh, I respond well to stuff give me big doses."

I got some diazepam/clonazepam to try if I ever get desperate and can't control it anymore, so there's that. I hope I don't need them, but so far I'm not positive. Today I woke up with another wave in the horizon I think. Yesterday I was salivating like crazy and my intestines were twitching, which usually means another worsening is coming. I already felt it as tonight my sleep has been very fragmented. I also experienced a new symptom? I closed my eyes for sleep, and I felt like a flash of white light? I opened my eyes but everything was pitch black. Today also I could not stop shaking during the appointment despite not being nervous at all. Even my face muscles are shaking so much my cheeks are sore. I also tried to get some morning sun on my terrace, but 15 minutes in my nose started to burn, so yes, another wave is here despite not really recovering from the past one. May the universe give me strength, my good days are gone.

Edited May 13May 13 by ALonelySoul12

Sorry to hear you’re going through such symptoms @ALonelySoul12

Sending some strength @ALonelySoul12. Ride those waves. I know it’s hard. Please don’t take any more drugs. It’s really a recipe for disaster.

@ALonelySoul12 sorry you are dealing with this. I have major problems in this area as well. I drink ginger tea and take DGL which has helped immensely.

I also am on a low histamine diet which has helped. But yes definitely in a wave, everything flares up. I find putting a heating pad on my abdominal area really helps too.

I sleep with my head elevated on a wedge pillow and other pillows for the reflux.

We just have to do what works for us individually. ❤️🙏

On 5/12/2026 at 4:08 PM, ALonelySoul12 said:

The 10 month drug free milestone is 11 days away, still can't say i'm getting consistently better. I can have a "better" day, but I no longer have symptom free days.

These are good signs, even if it's still very difficult.

At this kind of timeframe, there is a lot of precedent for further healing.

On 5/13/2026 at 2:48 PM, ALonelySoul12 said:

Well, I went to my appointment and told the psych my theory of protracted withdrawal, providing the rest of my medical tests. He told me that I'm the first patient to report such symptoms and that he's gonna investigate the topic. He seems like a good man, and claims to always go low and slow with medication despite many clients being like "Oh, I respond well to stuff give me big doses."

I got some diazepam/clonazepam to try if I ever get desperate and can't control it anymore, so there's that. I hope I don't need them, but so far I'm not positive. Today I woke up with another wave in the horizon I think. Yesterday I was salivating like crazy and my intestines were twitching, which usually means another worsening is coming. I already felt it as tonight my sleep has been very fragmented. I also experienced a new symptom? I closed my eyes for sleep, and I felt like a flash of white light? I opened my eyes but everything was pitch black. Today also I could not stop shaking during the appointment despite not being nervous at all. Even my face muscles are shaking so much my cheeks are sore. I also tried to get some morning sun on my terrace, but 15 minutes in my nose started to burn, so yes, another wave is here despite not really recovering from the past one. May the universe give me strength, my good days are gone.

The good days always comes so hang in there @ALonelySoul12

If thinking about it, these nasty chemicals very well mixed in every cell in the body which is felt in all sorts of common and much less symptoms, it takes time, sometimes much longer than desired for the system to flush them out, you are still in the process with a system that is constantly working so keep it up through the hardship, things will get better down the road and do your best not to introduce any more unexpected drugs in your already hypersensitive system, not a risk worth taking.

Hope you are feeling a little better since the last update.

Edited May 20May 20 by Fullhealing

51 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

The good days always comes so hang in there @ALonelySoul12

If thinking about it, these nasty chemicals very well mixed in every cell in the body which is felt in all sorts of common and much less symptoms, it takes time, sometimes much longer than desired for the system to flush them out, you are still in the process with a system that is constantly working so keep it up through the hardship, things will get better down the road and do your best not to introduce any more unexpected drugs in your already hypersensitive system, not a risk worth taking.

Hope you are feeling a little better since the last update.

I've felt a tiny bit better. Some days my symptoms lowered in intensity enough so that I went out on a very short shopping trip for very basic stuff. Also called an online friend once or twice, so it's something. Yesterday though I tried a more stimulating racing game I wanted to try and I'm paying the price today with an array of symptoms returning.

Trying to take it easy as a heatwave is coming with temperatures up to 30ºC

29 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I've felt a tiny bit better. Some days my symptoms lowered in intensity enough so that I went out on a very short shopping trip for very basic stuff. Also called an online friend once or twice, so it's something. Yesterday though I tried a more stimulating racing game I wanted to try and I'm paying the price today with an array of symptoms returning.

Trying to take it easy as a heatwave is coming with temperatures up to 30ºC

We are close in terms of climate, yesterday it was 33 degrees here with humidity that felt like 200%, not nice for symptoms but we get through it too..

Great that you have days when you can function and socialise more, very encouraging sigh and I know well the desire to push the good moments a little further which in hindsight turns out to be a little too much, fine line that we never know until after the fact obviously.

Keep going, you're coping great @ALonelySoul12 things will get long better slowly.

Well, so much for "feeling better". I told a friend I'm getting to know that we would maybe watch a movie or show together soon... Apparently I jinxed it. Today I barely slept and stayed in bed most morning without having the mind to work, getting jolted awake whenever falling asleep. I don't even feel sleepy at all. My mind rushing all kinds of memories and imaginary scenarios straight out of a hollywood movie, feeling temperature dysregulated, nerve pains around my arms, hands and chest, back pain. I tried to have lunch but after the first plate, I started getting inner vibrations, super noisy entire digestive system, POTS whenever I wanted to get up to get water or another serving... I feel like I'm physically dying again.

I'm so done, it's been over a year of this whole ordeal, 2 days away from 10 months off. I'm worried I won't be able to function ever again. In the last months I've gone outside like 3 or 4 times only... I don't get it, I was totally functional for the entire 2025 + the beginning of 2026, why does it get harder each month that passes? Every day I dread waking up to discover new symptoms to add to my already endless list of symptoms that doesn't seem to stop growing. I asked AI and it said that if it keeps getting worse then it could be something to worry about... But all the symptoms line up so well towards withdrawal.

I just wanna do what I've been doing all year... Enjoy memes or social media without being overwhelmed by the sound, chatting with my friends with my fun personality and not this lobotomized anxious version of myself, enjoy a movie or game, enjoying the stillness of the night without the constant feeling of needing to gasp or sigh or have a distraction, exercising without having pain in every muscle groupm or feeling super heavy and my heart rate jumping to 150+ just by standing, eating a meal without immediately feeling full, or burping endlessly for a week.

I'm so tired of this russian roulette of symptoms. Every day I'm a different me. Yesterday I was furious and full of rage, other days I'm super anxious or terrified, others I just want to cry. then I feel hopeful or even fun if symptoms abate just enough, and other days ears ring and I feel nothing. I don't know if I should consider testing my brain. I saw a post of someone showing abnormalities in brain scans after using lexapro, and I fear I might share the same fate. I don't understand how can I keep spiraling down after being clean for almost 10 months now? After the november wave in January I would've said that I improved for the first time ever as I was able to go for longer walks like pre withdrawal, was playing the guitar and doing physical stuff without triggering POTS, but now I'm gonna be 3 months in this wave that feels even worse than when I was taking antibiotics... And that lasted for 10 days only. Windows feel dirty as I don't really have a symptom free day where I sleep 8 uninterrupted hours like before. They also last very little, like a day at most, a couple hours at best. Not weeks, or a month, or more predictable alternating days like before.

Thinking about it, since I tolerate nothing else than thinking my brain off when I feel like this, this might have started back in 2024 when I originally tapered lexapro. I remember my ex talked my ear off to take it again because she was worried I was "spacing out" and not paying attention to her, or my surroundings as much. I got defensive about it, proud to be off all medication, but perhaps she already did spot something. Then at work I also lost motivation to perform the best like I always did. I also noticed I had a lot of brain fog and my short term memory was terrible, constantly forgetting why I walked into rooms. I started to struggle with rage too, having fights or arguments with my ex, or mocking people on social media because of conspiracies or politics (things I never did before, I became what I always hated). I also started feeling melancholic and listening to sad music some days despite having it all. Then I also started having these bloating episodes or slow digestions where I suddenly gained weight and in the end I got h pylori. Maybe I had it for long, many people do without issues, but maybe after tapering my digestion got messed up and it allowed the bacteria to grow out of control for half a year. Then when I took antibiotics I started to have the symptoms I have today like the tight chest/pec muscle. I was probably in soft withdrawal and reinstating, even for 3 months, despite reacting negatively, gave me some breathing room to more or less function for the year. Now I'm back to January 2025, but even worse despite the gastritis having improved. Maybe my body's been on lexapro for so long it no longer wants to adapt again.

I just don't know who I am anymore, where withdrawal begins, where it ends, or who is the real me? The socially and generally anxious, quiet, lazy kid pre med? The talkative, fun, dopamine hunter but a bit insensitive, hyper productive medicated me? Or the mood swinging, erratic, dysfunctional post med me?
Of all of those, I miss my 2023-2024 me. Rushing up and down stairs full of energy, cleaning my whole house in a breeze, going 20km+ mountain bike rides, kick scooting to work, falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, popular with people and cracking jokes, building muscle and with high self esteem, always doing or wanting to do something to enjoy every second of life, fully functional and independant thinking about where to settle for the future with my partner...

/rant for the day.

Edited May 21May 21 by ALonelySoul12

13 minutes ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

I just don't know who I am anymore, where withdrawal begins, where it ends, or who is the real me? The socially and generally anxious, quiet, lazy kid pre med? The talkative, fun, dopamine hunter but a bit insensitive, hyper productive medicated me? Or the mood swinging, erratic, dysfunctional post med me?
Of all of those, I miss my 2023-2024 me. Rushing up and down stairs full of energy, cleaning my whole house in a breeze, going 20km+ mountain bike rides, kick scooting to work, falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, popular with people and cracking jokes, building muscle and with high self esteem, always doing or wanting to do something to enjoy every second of life, fully functional and independant thinking about where to settle for the future with my partner...

Its good you got this all off your chest, @ALonelySoul12 . Sometimes, writing it out lets you release some of the anxiety.

My advice is to stop grieving for a person who no longer exists. None of us are who we were yesterday, no less two or three years ago. And none of us will be the same tomorrow. What you can control is who the future you will be. You can come out of this more resilient and stronger than you think you can be. You know the things you like doing; start thinking about ways to get back to doing those things--in other words, focus on recovery instead of cataloguing your symptoms and reliving the past.

I think it's quite clear that this is not "the real you". These thoughts seem common in withdrawal.

It's absolutely not normal to be in this state- logically, we know this. It's obvious that this is not normal.

You were functioning pretty well despite withdrawal, until the recent months. It's not uncommon to worsen at around this time period, sometime between 6 months and a year off. I don't know why, nobody does, but I've seen it plenty and experienced it myself.

17 hours ago, ALonelySoul12 said:

Maybe my body's been on lexapro for so long it no longer wants to adapt again.

No, unfortunately 10months off of these drugs is a fairly "normal" time to still be having a lot of difficulties, and is a fairly "normal" time to get even worse before it gets better.

It's awful, but you just need more time. You are not permanently damaged, you've gotten worse for 12 weeks. Hopefully (and I think it's likely), in time you will improve back to where you were before this period, and then hopefully in more time keep improving.

Seems very hard to believe and stay hopeful. Today I have so much gas and bloating I cannot even swallow my own saliva without feeling weird gurgling or a knot in my throat, burping for hours on end and unable to eat much. I don't even know where does all this air/gas come from, but it feels like it gets replaced immediately and nothing relieves it. I also have quite the bloated belly. Reminds me of articles I've read of benzo belly? Many muscles started twitching hours ago too. They are already sore from all the non stop strain. Arms, chest, back, legs, intestines... My legs feel super heavy and started to develop pus filled pimples on my forehead? They are quite painful. I feel worse than when I was in acute these days. I think I'm losing a friend too as we had some online activities planned, but I've been delaying it for months now so he got tired/put off I suppose.

I just keep looking back to look for improvement. Anything to tell me to keep going, but other than my stomach feeling "better" because of the gastritis healing naturally, which is unrelated, I don't see it. I'd rather have the gastritis full swing than all this cocktail of symptoms. I was able to do more right after the antibiotic cocktail than now. Emotions are out of control, digestive system is dysfunctional, bloated, painful cramps from intestine, abdomen and stomach, paranoia all time high because of physical symptoms, physical symptoms also all time high in intensity and variety, sexual dysfunction that I didn't have until month 5 onwards, daily headaches that appeared 7 months off... It's like my body is screaming to return, and I'm scared that by resisting maybe a critical body function will start failing too and I'll die or who knows 😅 Windows are so short that I only had 1 or 2 days of dirty relief, where the best I could do was walk 500 meters outside or shower without feeling like I was dying immediately after.