23 hours ago, Chippy said:

Ok, what time do you take your dose?

No but a good sign non the less.

Yeah for sure. I don't think your body wants more drug.

I know they are terrible what they do to us. I know it is hard to believe. But I think it does.

One thing you should keep an eye on is a reaction to the dose, it could mean your body wants less drug, the only way to be sure is to try to reduce a little and see if it helps. I am always cautious with this though, as I don't want people to move doses and make themselves worse. Sometimes getting the dose down a bit is the right move. I say this with hesitation as I don't want you to reduce and regret it. I think looking for a clear sign from the dose timings is the best way to tell this. If not a long hold is best IMO.

I take my dose at 7.30 am. Yesterday I was 45 minutes later as sometimes I can't eat enough that early, too early for my oats and cooked apple. I have fruit early but not sure this is enough when I am sensitive to drug and it is liquid. I took slippery elm prior this morning so I could take dose at 7.30am. My routine is changing a bit as days become shorter. Today was a better day but I did wake too early 3am with anxiety kicking in about 5 am. But it didn't continue like yesterday. Just had that shell shocked feeling today like my brain had run a marathon yesterday.

I just hope tomorrow is not a bad one.

I am wondering about a reaction to the dose. It is certainly possible due to my sensitivity, also the over stimulation.

i am thinking back to my extreme updose from 0-25mg 3 years ago and what symptoms I had. There were some symptoms I had whilst on 0 prior to updose which I am trying to separate out from post updose. I certainly have some symptoms that seem to be a reaction.

I am with you on being cautious at this stage. But maybe it would help, such a hard call to make. And I would have to be methodical in how much I take off so I can continue hyperbolic going forward.

Today was such a contrast to yesterday. So changeable, hard to believe.

Thanks for your clear and thoughtful reply @Chippy . I am not sure how you you do what you do. Amazing.

17 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I take my dose at 7.30 am.

Ok, so that is a good bit before your 11am worsening pattern.

18 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Yesterday I was 45 minutes later as sometimes I can't eat enough that early, too early for my oats and cooked apple.

Im lucky, Im happy for oats first thing! Normally starving! I would certainly try to keep your dose the same each day. Control what variables you can.

19 minutes ago, Tracey said:

My routine is changing a bit as days become shorter.

This is fascinating to me, obviously it is the opposite here!

19 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Today was a better day but I did wake too early 3am with anxiety kicking in about 5 am. But it didn't continue like yesterday. Just had that shell shocked feeling today like my brain had run a marathon yesterday.

This is another good sign. I think that shell shocked feeling is common. Like the calm after the storm. It is exhausting healing.

20 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I just hope tomorrow is not a bad one.

I hope this too.

21 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I am wondering about a reaction to the dose. It is certainly possible due to my sensitivity, also the over stimulation.

i am thinking back to my extreme updose from 0-25mg 3 years ago and what symptoms I had. There were some symptoms I had whilst on 0 prior to updose which I am trying to separate out from post updose. I certainly have some symptoms that seem to be a reaction.

Yeah I think it is something to keep an eye on.

22 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I am with you on being cautious at this stage. But maybe it would help, such a hard call to make. And I would have to be methodical in how much I take off so I can continue hyperbolic going forward.

It is hard to know, it isn't perhaps obvious this is happening to you. But one to watch. If you did it, you would want to be very cautious and try something small. I think wait and see is what I would do still. You are showing signs of things easing, its up and down, and from what I can see your worsening is not within a hour or so of the dose.

You see some hold for a good long while and find some stablity, sometimes much longer than we would like. Im just always aware of toxicity effect on the body, sometimes the body is just ready for less drug. But I think for most holding is the right move.

25 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Today was such a contrast to yesterday. So changeable, hard to believe.

Very good to see. I would hold onto this.

26 minutes ago, Tracey said:

hanks for your clear and thoughtful reply @Chippy . I am not sure how you you do what you do. Amazing.

I do my best. I want to help, but don't want to scare or worry you into thinking things, but also don't want to sit on my thoughts, just incase they help. Hope the balance is there. I think when we are fragile we should be careful and gentle with ourselves and not make rash choices. Minimise further damage. Most of the time we can't do much but get out of the way of the body and let it do it's amazing work.

Hi @Tracey Happy for you having a better day today. It's about time!! I get the feeling of being shell shocked. I've had musculoskeletal pain for nearly 2 weeks. It started off with spasming abdominal wall for days which was excruciating and now it's residing all over my back which seems very weakened. I'm feeling so washed out and in pain all over but my head's in a better place last couple of days.

I hope you have back to back days and at least several in a row!! 💕

15 hours ago, Catbird said:

Hi @Tracey Happy for you having a better day today. It's about time!! I get the feeling of being shell shocked. I've had musculoskeletal pain for nearly 2 weeks. It started off with spasming abdominal wall for days which was excruciating and now it's residing all over my back which seems very weakened. I'm feeling so washed out and in pain all over but my head's in a better place last couple of days.

I hope you have back to back days and at least several in a row!! 💕

So sorry you are struggling also @Catbird .

Yes the shell shocked thing I have had often after these intense episodes. You feel a bit vacant and vague. But a much better feeling than the anxiety/ panic. I can't focus on anything when like that.

I hope your body pain will settle for you. Sounds very debilitating.

Not a great today here, so no two in a row yet. Not as bad as Sunday maybe an 8/10 where Sunday was 10 plus.

Always thinking of you Cat. xx

Thinking of you too Tracey. In my imagination you're not far away - as the crow flies 😙

16 hours ago, Chippy said:

Ok, so that is a good bit before your 11am worsening pattern.

Im lucky, Im happy for oats first thing! Normally starving! I would certainly try to keep your dose the same each day. Control what variables you can.

This is fascinating to me, obviously it is the opposite here!

This is another good sign. I think that shell shocked feeling is common. Like the calm after the storm. It is exhausting healing.

I hope this too.

Yeah I think it is something to keep an eye on.

It is hard to know, it isn't perhaps obvious this is happening to you. But one to watch. If you did it, you would want to be very cautious and try something small. I think wait and see is what I would do still. You are showing signs of things easing, its up and down, and from what I can see your worsening is not within a hour or so of the dose.

You see some hold for a good long while and find some stablity, sometimes much longer than we would like. Im just always aware of toxicity effect on the body, sometimes the body is just ready for less drug. But I think for most holding is the right move.

Very good to see. I would hold onto this.

I do my best. I want to help, but don't want to scare or worry you into thinking things, but also don't want to sit on my thoughts, just incase they help. Hope the balance is there. I think when we are fragile we should be careful and gentle with ourselves and not make rash choices. Minimise further damage. Most of the time we can't do much but get out of the way of the body and let it do it's amazing work.

I like to walk the dogs before breakfast but because that is moving later due to darker mornings, it has thrown my routine. Will work on it.

No my aggravation is not within an hour of dose and yesterday I didn't experience it at all. This morning wasn't great but there was a trigger. So I am still in it now 12.15 pm but no worse than earlier. Probably not as bad as Sunday but certainly not as good as yesterday. I get an awful taste in my mouth and fairly dry mouth. Keep wanting hot drinks like herbal teas and caro.

Re toxicity are you thinking along the lines of serotonin syndrome? Or other typical side effects particular for that drug. When I first started sertraline 20 years ago, the only side effect I had was a dry cough at night which went away after several weeks. When I updosed from 0-25mg I had the diuretic effect, nausea, awful taste in mouth and insomnia.

At the small updose just that once, 6 weeks ago I had the diuretic effect and over stimulation and insomnia.

The balance is certainly there with your help and thoughts. I appreciate not being scared and do a good job with that. Thank you.

I love eating oats for my nervous system. Great nerve food.

Hopefully today is okay as the day goes on and I get a break tonight.

Hope you are doing okay yourself.

18 minutes ago, Catbird said:

Thinking of you too Tracey. In my imagination you're not far away - as the crow flies 😙

We are geographically very close ! And going through this withdrawal together.

Sending you strength for today. You have been through so much my friend xx

Edited May 12May 12 by Tracey

Well feeling pretty strung out again and adrenalised etc.

4 pm here so I hope this starts to ease a bit soon.

Just so exhausting not being able to relax all day 😢.

I feel tired just reading your posts. Surely you are owed come stability by now!!

5 hours ago, Tracey said:

like to walk the dogs before breakfast but because that is moving later due to darker mornings, it has thrown my routine. Will work on it.

Ah yes, I find this, the change of season can mess with our routine!

5 hours ago, Tracey said:

No my aggravation is not within an hour of dose and yesterday I didn't experience it at all. This morning wasn't great but there was a trigger. So I am still in it now 12.15 pm but no worse than earlier. Probably not as bad as Sunday but certainly not as good as yesterday. I get an awful taste in my mouth and fairly dry mouth. Keep wanting hot drinks like herbal teas and caro.

Very good to read. I am happy about this. I think it makes it very clear that you are doing the right thing IMO.

5 hours ago, Tracey said:

Re toxicity are you thinking along the lines of serotonin syndrome? Or other typical side effects particular for that drug. When I first started sertraline 20 years ago, the only side effect I had was a dry cough at night which went away after several weeks. When I updosed from 0-25mg I had the diuretic effect, nausea, awful taste in mouth and insomnia.

Im not looking at specfic symptoms or pointing to serotonin syndrome, just looking out for the bodies own natural toxicity tolerance that I think we all have. I think its usually an issue with higher doses than what you are on, but for some the drug starts to be paradoxial at that dose level and reducing the drugs load is helpful rather than holding. For most holding is best I think. Honestly there are no rules or definates with any of this. It is complex, but the body knows best. All we can do is hold, reduce or increase the dose, blunt instruments right!, but the body if busy making some very complicated adjustments and healing wounds, things we simply don't understand, holding keeps the variables constant so the body can do this amazing work. We must let it guide the process I think. It isn't telling you the dose is too much, it did tell you more isn't what it wants, so staying put makes complete sense to me.

5 hours ago, Tracey said:

The balance is certainly there with your help and thoughts. I appreciate not being scared and do a good job with that. Thank you.

Good, I am glad to read that.

5 hours ago, Tracey said:

I love eating oats for my nervous system. Great nerve food.

Yes and cosy and comforting now things are getting cooler there for you too!

5 hours ago, Tracey said:

Hopefully today is okay as the day goes on and I get a break tonight.

I do hope so Tracey, you deserve it for sure xxxx

2 hours ago, Tracey said:

Well feeling pretty strung out again and adrenalised etc.

4 pm here so I hope this starts to ease a bit soon.

Just so exhausting not being able to relax all day 😢.

Right there with you @Tracey remember you are strong against this brutality, hang in there, better days will come.

Much healing your way xxx

10 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Right there with you @Tracey remember you are strong against this brutality, hang in there, better days will come.

Much healing your way xxx

Thank you 🩷😘. Yep we are all strong here.

It really doesn't help that I simply have too much stress and big problem solving and having to move. But I can't wait any longer than I already have (3 years plus). So part of It is not impulsive though as I have been needing to move for a long time due to isolation. Just bad timing.

Maybe on my better day I need complete rest rather than 'doing' just to try and keep up. The anxiety and over organisation are driving me. I tend to make hay while the sun shines as I never know how functional I will be from day to day.

I hope you are doing ok @Fullhealing . You are very supportive and encouraging.

59 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Ah yes, I find this, the change of season can mess with our routine!

Very good to read. I am happy about this. I think it makes it very clear that you are doing the right thing IMO.

Im not looking at specfic symptoms or pointing to serotonin syndrome, just looking out for the bodies own natural toxicity tolerance that I think we all have. I think its usually an issue with higher doses than what you are on, but for some the drug starts to be paradoxial at that dose level and reducing the drugs load is helpful rather than holding. For most holding is best I think. Honestly there are no rules or definates with any of this. It is complex, but the body knows best. All we can do is hold, reduce or increase the dose, blunt instruments right!, but the body if busy making some very complicated adjustments and healing wounds, things we simply don't understand, holding keeps the variables constant so the body can do this amazing work. We must let it guide the process I think. It isn't telling you the dose is too much, it did tell you more isn't what it wants, so staying put makes complete sense to me.

Good, I am glad to read that.

Yes and cosy and comforting now things are getting cooler there for you too!

I do hope so Tracey, you deserve it for sure xxxx

Thanks @Chippy . I am happy to hold at the moment. Any more change is too daunting.

21 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Thank you 🩷😘. Yep we are all strong here.

It really doesn't help that I simply have too much stress and big problem solving and having to move. But I can't wait any longer than I already have (3 years plus). So part of It is not impulsive though as I have been needing to move for a long time due to isolation. Just bad timing.

Maybe on my better day I need complete rest rather than 'doing' just to try and keep up. The anxiety and over organisation are driving me. I tend to make hay while the sun shines as I never know how functional I will be from day to day.

I hope you are doing ok @Fullhealing . You are very supportive and encouraging.

Adding all the stress you are dealing with is so challenging but you are doing what you can, very hard to find the delicate balance between when it's too much and when not so be gentle with yourself @Tracey we are learning how to navigate a crazy process as we go which you're doing in such bravery! 🙏🩷

Edited May 12May 12 by Fullhealing

@Tracey I hope you are having an easier time ,putting life on hold isn't an option for many of us especially if you are on your own . You have been through and going through so much ,your strength shines through. You deserve a break you have certainly worked hard enough for it ❤️🙏

Thank you for being so understanding of my situation @Fullhealing @Beehive 🙏💛

Thinking of you ,hoping for some better days ahead for you 🙏

Healing and love your way @Tracey hope you are doing ok atm xxxx

A pretty rough day with anxiety, burning/tingling negativity, overwhelm, brain function struggling. I seem worse when I try to just sit and rest. I feel too unwell to do too much physical however it can help at the time providing it is not too much. What a crazy situation.

The every second day happening.

What on earth is this every other day thing? I wish I could have a few god days in a row.

I do wonder if I have mild akathisia. That won't improve until I go lower, but I am too unstable to risk that and too much life change coming up.

Just have to keep enduring and hope my body and mind hold up.

I watched an older Angie Peacock video on Hope During Healing Part Ii. Also one on symptoms as healing. Gave me hope.

Sending some love @Tracey

The every second day things is so common and certainly signs the body is working hard to find balance again. Wish this journey wasn't so tough for you.

Hang in there, you are doing great, even though you don't realise it right now, you should be very proud of yourself. I do hope the life stressers settle down soon enough for you. You deserve some peace. The rewards are coming. xxxx

@Tracey worse when sitting and resting ..yes because your mind has your full attention, the symptoms don't change when you distract they are just not in the spotlight and this loves to be in the spotlight! Every other day ,yep been there so disheartening but I suppose better than all bad days in a row !! You have come through so much and have a lot of external stress ,you are one strong person and you deserve a break . I was going to put a video link up which I found interesting..I didn't agree with the bit at the end using medication to ease systems but the whole video was about what is happening in withdrawal and actually said for some people holding and stabilising can be paradoxical as depending on what stress load it is eg serotonin or 5htp etc its more beneficial to keep tapering ,I know its controversial but it was interesting

Edited May 14May 14 by Beehive

43 minutes ago, Tracey said:

A pretty rough day with anxiety, burning/tingling negativity, overwhelm, brain function struggling. I seem worse when I try to just sit and rest. I feel too unwell to do too much physical however it can help at the time providing it is not too much. What a crazy situation.

The every second day happening.

What on earth is this every other day thing? I wish I could have a few god days in a row.

I do wonder if I have mild akathisia. That won't improve until I go lower, but I am too unstable to risk that and too much life change coming up.

Just have to keep enduring and hope my body and mind hold up.

I watched an older Angie Peacock video on Hope During Healing Part Ii. Also one on symptoms as healing. Gave me hope.

So sorry dear @Tracey we share the same awful spot atm, hating every second but we still keep moving forward though it feels the opposite, our system gives in a good brave fight with this painful result, in the meantime we keep surviving, as hard as it is to we are much stronger than we feel, we can handle it, we prove this to ourselves with every passing second and we will continue to do so.

Wishing you long bring window that you are so deserve 🩷

Thinking of you @Tracey , when's the moving meant to be happening? 💕

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

Sending some love @Tracey

The every second day things is so common and certainly signs the body is working hard to find balance again. Wish this journey wasn't so tough for you.

Hang in there, you are doing great, even though you don't realise it right now, you should be very proud of yourself. I do hope the life stressers settle down soon enough for you. You deserve some peace. The rewards are coming. xxxx

Thanks for the support and encouragement @Chippy .

Yeh it just doesn't feel like I am doing well at all. I can say that I am doing well, but I don't believe it. I will go with what you say! Easier to believe.

When I finally get some peace it will be bliss. 🙏

1 hour ago, Beehive said:

@Tracey worse when sitting and resting ..yes because your mind has your full attention, the symptoms don't change when you distract they are just not in the spotlight and this loves to be in the spotlight! Every other day ,yep been there so disheartening but I suppose better than all bad days in a row !! You have come through so much and have a lot of external stress ,you are one strong person and you deserve a break . I was going to put a video link up which I found interesting..I didn't agree with the bit at the end using medication to ease systems but the whole video was about what is happening in withdrawal and actually said for some people holding and stabilising can be paradoxical as depending on what stress load it is eg serotonin or 5htp etc its more beneficial to keep tapering ,I know its controversial but it was interesting

Yes my mind is way too active. Try to meditate and be in body and with / allow symptoms but gee it is hard.

I am too scared to keep tapering in case it gets worse and I would struggle to change my routine of what I measure.

This must be one of the most difficult parts as there is no way of knowing. I certainly can't increase, at least I know that.

Last time (3 years ago) I took some valium but I hated it and it stopped helping after a few weeks. Made my sleep worse. I was reinstating at the time.

My decision making capacity is compromised at the moment. I just don't know what exactly is happening with my tapering/withdrawal physiology.

Agree better than all bad days in a row! 🙏

1 hour ago, Beehive said:

@Tracey worse when sitting and resting ..yes because your mind has your full attention, the symptoms don't change when you distract they are just not in the spotlight and this loves to be in the spotlight! Every other day ,yep been there so disheartening but I suppose better than all bad days in a row !! You have come through so much and have a lot of external stress ,you are one strong person and you deserve a break . I was going to put a video link up which I found interesting..I didn't agree with the bit at the end using medication to ease systems but the whole video was about what is happening in withdrawal and actually said for some people holding and stabilising can be paradoxical as depending on what stress load it is eg serotonin or 5htp etc its more beneficial to keep tapering ,I know its controversial but it was interesting