@Tracey So sorry you are going through this. You mentioned every second day being really bad. Does it help you to notice any patterns? I ask because I had patterns too. Every day around 3 p.m. things would get really rough. I started thinking of it as trains running on time. I'd say to myself, "Here comes the 401, right on time." (The number is made up, of course.) For me, it helped to remember that the pain would come and then pass, instead of feeling like something new was wrong. I don't know if that would resonate with you, but I thought I'd mention it. Thinking of you. xo

20 hours ago, Catbird said:

Such a trapped place to be, feel like am losing my mind/ sanity. And it still feels lije it is me and I have a serious mental illness.

I totally relate to what you are saying, the future is fraught and there's no going back. The emotions associated with feeling trapped are real, scary and debilitating. I doubt you have a serious mental illness @Tracey , maybe trauma?

Just do what you can and give yourself lots of TLC 🤗

Yes most likely trauma and I have always been a highly sensitive person. If I had known that as a young person, I would have chosen very different relationships.

Hope you are doing ok @Catbird . 🙏💛

I am on my slightly better every other day, today. Wish it would last more than a day. I don't have the awful black chemical cloud.

9 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey So sorry you are going through this. You mentioned every second day being really bad. Does it help you to notice any patterns? I ask because I had patterns too. Every day around 3 p.m. things would get really rough. I started thinking of it as trains running on time. I'd say to myself, "Here comes the 401, right on time." (The number is made up, of course.) For me, it helped to remember that the pain would come and then pass, instead of feeling like something new was wrong. I don't know if that would resonate with you, but I thought I'd mention it. Thinking of you. xo

It sort of does, but it is still fairly unpredictable. Perhaps this past 10 days I am seeing the every other day thing. more reliably. It is so intense on the bad days as it goes from 5 am right through to bedtime, I just get so overwhelmed by it.

I have sort of lost the aggravation at a certain hour. It was around 3 - 4 pm but went to all day. It was around 11 am to late afternoon for a period too. That may happen but much less obvious now. I wonder about blood sugar fluctuations. I think being on the zoloft was masking my blood sugar drops because of that false stimulation it gives you.

Hope you are doing ok @RachelSusan . xx

13 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Thank you for reassuring me as well dear @Tracey I really appreciate it and remember, things always change, maybe not at the pace we want but they do so stay strong, we're going to make it.

I hope you manage to get some good rest and the headache will ease quickly.

Much love 💕

Yes we will make it and I am glad I could give you some encouragement.

Sending love today xxx

17 hours ago, SarahMc said:

I know how much that kind of guilt can weigh on you, when you feel like you can’t be your best for the people and animals around you — but equally, I’m certain that your animals can still feel all of the love that you have for them 💜

Sending strength your way, you will make it through the move and hopefully things will be much more peaceful on the other side.

You have enough going on without going to my thread! But thanks for the thought, I’ve actually been doing on the past week 😊. Far from stable, but almost like I can see a glimmer of stability…

Thanks @SarahMc , I am glad you are seeing a glimmer of stability.

You are right about the animals, they would sense my love and intent.

Wishing you a peaceful day xxx

@Tracey I’m due for another cut in a few days. I’ve been doing OK overall, but I had some symptoms during the first week after the last cut, so I’m feeling a little nervous about it. Because of that, I may just do a 2% reduction this time.

Tracey, I have some sense of how difficult this can be because I went through it myself. I was extremely sick and, at my worst, I didn’t leave the house for months. I can only speak from my own experience, but with time things did improve. Please try to hold on to that hope. Healing can be slow, but it does happen, and I know you will improve as well.

2 hours ago, Tracey said:

Yes most likely trauma and I have always been a highly sensitive person. If I had known that as a young person, I would have chosen very different relationships.

Hope you are doing ok @Catbird . 🙏💛

I am on my slightly better every other day, today. Wish it would last more than a day. I don't have the awful black chemical cloud.

Stay safe and sane 💕

2 hours ago, Tracey said:

Perhaps this past 10 days I am seeing the every other day thing. more reliably.

Tracey I think this is a really sign! xxxx

2 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey I’m due for another cut in a few days. I’ve been doing OK overall, but I had some symptoms during the first week after the last cut, so I’m feeling a little nervous about it. Because of that, I may just do a 2% reduction this time.

Tracey, I have some sense of how difficult this can be because I went through it myself. I was extremely sick and, at my worst, I didn’t leave the house for months. I can only speak from my own experience, but with time things did improve. Please try to hold on to that hope. Healing can be slow, but it does happen, and I know you will improve as well.

Oh wow this ha really given me hope. On my bad days I can't leave the house and find myself leaving it as little as possible in general. I feel safer at home.

I hope your next cut goes okay. Surely it can't be as horrible as your sertraline experience? I really hope not, you deserve a gentler time. 2 % sounds safe.

Praying it goes smoothly @RachelSusan 🙏

55 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Tracey I think this is a really sign! xxxx

Oh great @Chippy , let's hope it continues. 🙏

Hope you are doing okay and your burning brain is not too troublesome.

@Tracey

Please don't be hard on yourself for needing to retreat and rest right now. When you're feeling this awful, it's understandable to need the comfort of home. There were months when I barely got out of bed myself. Most days I only got up to go to the bathroom and shower. I barely ate, and what little food I did manage to eat, I often ate in bed. I know everyone's experience is different, but I wanted to share that because where I was then wasn't how I stayed, and I hope the same will be true for you. I know it's hard to believe when you're in the middle of it, but how you're feeling right now doesn't necessarily tell you what the future holds. I know how painful these bad days can be, and I'll be thinking of you. ❤️

Dear @Tracey I haven’t been here for a while and I’m so sorry to see that you’re still suffering so terrible. I hope and pray that things will improve once you have moved and the biggest stress is behind you. Of course you need rest and a safe place now. You’re very strong, you are doing the right steps in spite of all your pain. I think of you and send you a big hug.

10 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey

Please don't be hard on yourself for needing to retreat and rest right now. When you're feeling this awful, it's understandable to need the comfort of home. There were months when I barely got out of bed myself. Most days I only got up to go to the bathroom and shower. I barely ate, and what little food I did manage to eat, I often ate in bed. I know everyone's experience is different, but I wanted to share that because where I was then wasn't how I stayed, and I hope the same will be true for you. I know it's hard to believe when you're in the middle of it, but how you're feeling right now doesn't necessarily tell you what the future holds. I know how painful these bad days can be, and I'll be thinking of you. ❤️

Yes I wish I had the space to do this but I have to keep pushing a bit due to my circumstances. What a nightmare. And I am afraid people will tell me I need to go back on in when I move when they see me.

Thanks for sharing your story. 💛💛I can totally understand. I eat in bed ( usually lunch ) quite often and endless hot drinks on these bad days.

Today a bad one, usual symptoms, at least I have a more predictable pattern now. Can't focus today. Muddled.

3 hours ago, Nemina said:

Dear @Tracey I haven’t been here for a while and I’m so sorry to see that you’re still suffering so terrible. I hope and pray that things will improve once you have moved and the biggest stress is behind you. Of course you need rest and a safe place now. You’re very strong, you are doing the right steps in spite of all your pain. I think of you and send you a big hug.

Dear @Nemina , thank my friend. was just thinking of you the other day 🙏💚. I hope you are doing okay.

I really hope so too, I just have so much more to get through which is daunting.

Sending you big hugs and lots of love xxx

@Tracey

I can understand why that worries you. A lot of people who haven't been through this don't really understand withdrawal, and their first instinct is often to say, "Just go back on it." I ran into some of that myself when I was trying to come off. One person even questioned whether withdrawal from a prescription drug was possible at all. Thankfully, my immediate family didn't push me in that direction, but it still wasn't easy to hear from others. I know you have so much on your plate right now with the house and the move, and having to keep pushing when you feel so awful must be exhausting. I'm sorry today is one of those muddled days. I'm glad the pattern is at least becoming a bit more predictable, even though that doesn't make the symptoms any less hard. Be as gentle with yourself as you can. There's nothing wrong with lunch in bed and endless hot drinks on the bad days. I'll be thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a kinder day. 💛❤️

6 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey

I can understand why that worries you. A lot of people who haven't been through this don't really understand withdrawal, and their first instinct is often to say, "Just go back on it." I ran into some of that myself when I was trying to come off. One person even questioned whether withdrawal from a prescription drug was possible at all. Thankfully, my immediate family didn't push me in that direction, but it still wasn't easy to hear from others. I know you have so much on your plate right now with the house and the move, and having to keep pushing when you feel so awful must be exhausting. I'm sorry today is one of those muddled days. I'm glad the pattern is at least becoming a bit more predictable, even though that doesn't make the symptoms any less hard. Be as gentle with yourself as you can. There's nothing wrong with lunch in bed and endless hot drinks on the bad days. I'll be thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a kinder day. 💛❤️

Thanks @RachelSusan , meant to say how brave and courageous you have been given those symptoms.

Yes I am sure many people don't believe the severity of withdrawal or it frightens them, so they would say to go back on. I am tired of explaining it now.

Well today didn't get as awful as it can do. It lifted a bit around midday , but is back again now. When I wrote earlier in day about 10.30 am it was awful. I woke with it, nothing worse.

Anyway I just have to keep going, do the best I can, be kind to me and hope all will be well.

I wished I could updose like you did and stabilise. But I have to hold due to my sensitivity. Patience and hold into hope.

Very glad to hear that there was small relief even for a short time @Tracey these tiny windows even if dirty are precious and a great sign of healing.

Keep being so strong and hold, hold, hold, the system will eventually reach balance

Hugs xxx

30 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Very glad to hear that there was small relief even for a short time @Tracey these tiny windows even if dirty are precious and a great sign of healing.

Keep being so strong and hold, hold, hold, the system will eventually reach balance

Hugs xxx

Thank you so much @Fullhealing . Yes I was so grateful for that unexpected shift today. I am feeling fairly settled in bed now.

I am hoping you will have a reasonable day. Love and hugs xxx

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

I am feeling fairly settled in bed now.

Yes, Loving it @Tracey hope you'll rest well 🤞🩷

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

I am hoping you will have a reasonable day. Love and hugs xxx

A bit of relief as well today, so grratful, thank you so much xxx

@Tracey

Please don't think you're missing some opportunity to make this better. My experience with reinstating and up-dosing was complicated, and I honestly don't think it helped me. After I went cold turkey, I went back on, and I can't say for sure that it made a difference. Later, after I had already been tapering from the reinstatement, a doctor had me up-dose by a fairly large amount, and I became much sicker than I already was. It was beyond anything I had been experiencing up to that point. That's why I've come to see reinstatement and up-dosing as very tricky. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't, and sometimes they can make things more complicated. I just don't want you feeling like you're missing out on a potential fix. In my opinion what you are doing, holding, is a much safer choice. ❤️

13 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Yes, Loving it @Tracey hope you'll rest well 🤞🩷

A bit of relief as well today, so grratful, thank you so much xxx

Fantastic @Fullhealing . Such a relief.

This morning I felt so calm in body, it was bliss. Woke too early at 4 am but I could lay in bed and fully relax. No cortisol.

I felt so grateful also. It was so lovely. I will never take being calm and settled in my body for granted from now on.

7 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey

Please don't think you're missing some opportunity to make this better. My experience with reinstating and up-dosing was complicated, and I honestly don't think it helped me. After I went cold turkey, I went back on, and I can't say for sure that it made a difference. Later, after I had already been tapering from the reinstatement, a doctor had me up-dose by a fairly large amount, and I became much sicker than I already was. It was beyond anything I had been experiencing up to that point. That's why I've come to see reinstatement and up-dosing as very tricky. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't, and sometimes they can make things more complicated. I just don't want you feeling like you're missing out on a potential fix. In my opinion what you are doing, holding, is a much safer choice. ❤️

Okay very reassuring @RachelSusan .

Holding feels safest to me, I just wasn't prepared for the long hold, however I am getting used to the idea now.

I guess when I think back to my cold turkey 31/2 years ago my updose set me off into a whole lot of new symptoms that I wasn't experiencing in the cold turkey. And I am also not sure if it helped.

Hope your day is a peaceful one 🙏.

Dear Tracey, I am so happy to read this. What a lovely relief for you. I do truly hope it lasts a good long while. Your body is healing.

Wishing you a very restful day. I know you have so much to do, but just pace yourself.

Best wishes

Wombat

13 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

That's why I've come to see reinstatement and up-dosing as very tricky. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't, and sometimes they can make things more complicated.

I think this is very true, we have no way of knowing how someone will react to either. I think the reason your experience of RI and updosing was not good was due to the dose. Very small dose RI have been very successful so far on here, and although that doesn't mean they will always work out for people I think they often save lives.

I also believe that if you updose back to the last dose before a cut, within a week or two, that causes strong symptoms this can be a good move that people are too scared to make sometimes through fear of rocking the boat. Im not alone in my thoughts on this, Mark Horowitz, Nicole Lamberson and Anders Sorenson all think along these lines too I believe. Anders actually suspects holding rather than updosing is possibly not a good idea in this situation and it can make you worse, and I am inclined to agree. That’s not to say those are don’t updose won’t stablise with a hold but I think their path is often more rocky and this leads to an increasingly sensitive system.

Both can be very useful tools imo. But small and cautious and in the right situation is key. Holding is more often however the smart move I think.

@Tracey so happy to read of your relief, great signs of healing right there. You are so strong and brave enduring all this. We are right there with you. Sending lots of love xxxxx