3 hours ago, Tracey said:

I have been writing down my symptoms and giving myself an out of 10 score.

I can cautiously say that there has been some improvement from the horror of the past 6 weeks. Sleep has improved (not baseline yet) morning dread less intense, nausea and ravenous hunger less intense, bowels normal, burning heart area minimal, parathaesia still present but less intense. Shaky weak legs can still accompany the panic/anxiety.

The panic/anxiety/dread is still lingering as is the anhedonia. These two symptoms are not pleasant to have at the same time. A new symptom I started about 7 days ago was a headache and exploding head feeling. I haven't had it for 4 days now so that is good.

Given my extreme life circumstances I am doing ok, however it always feels like total overwhelm and something awful could happen.

After a really bad day last Thursday I am doing much better, maybe I hope that was a peak of intensity.

I am hanging in there and won't give up. I am determined to see this through. We are all so brave to endure this. 🙏

I have my horse farewell coming up next week.

Prayers for everyone 💚.

So glad to hear that you're getting better and are able to recognize it, when in waves it's so easy to fall into the darkness and think that we've taken 20 steps back when in fact we're only moving forward.

Sorry for the other stubborn symptoms, part of this difficult process that will pass like the rest.

Keep up the courage and strength, you're doing great @Tracey

Definitely a journey for the brave and determined only.

Edited April 29Apr 29 by Fullhealing

5 hours ago, Chippy said:

@Tracey its great to see your symptoms subsiding. A fantastic sign. Im really pleased to see this.

I’m so sorry you have so much on at the moment. You are very strung and brave. Try to stay as stoic as you can in this very difficult time. Keep your nervous system as calm as you can. I’m thinking of you.

Chippy

Thank you as always @Chippy .

Yes really bad timing to be in withdrawal but I guess that is life. Keeping my nervous system calm is a challenge. I haven't been able to meditate much at all in the past 5 weeks.

I avoid many situations to protect myself aft the moment.

40 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I avoid many situations to protect myself aft the moment.

I think this is wise. Obviously as you say life is life and sometimes there is only so much you can do. I hope things calm down not just in wd but with stressful life events soon. Will help you loads I’ve not doubt.

How are you feeling today @Tracey ?

So glad to hear that you're getting better and are able to recognize it, when in waves it's so easy to fall into the darkness and think that we've taken 20 steps back when in fact we're only moving forward.

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Sorry for the other stubborn symptoms, part of this difficult process that will pass like the rest.

Keep up the courage and strength, you're doing great @Tracey

Definitely a journey for the brave and determined only.

Thanks @Fullhealing .

Yes the darkness is awful and I do get pretty bogged down in it:,

And I am only just starting to recognise that I am moving forward rather than backwards. Feels so much like decline but I keep saying it is not and I am healing, rebuilding.

Such a torrid journey, I wish it was over. One day at a time.

9 hours ago, Catbird said:

How are you feeling today @Tracey ?

9 hours ago, Catbird said:

How are you feeling today @Tracey ?

Thanks for dropping in @Catbird .

Not a good day. I see you are struggling also.

Panic, doom, adrenalin most of today. My brain is really struggling.

I need to start using my woodfire heater but putting it off due to cost. I need to be warm though.

Thinking of you Cat xxx

35 minutes ago, Tracey said:

So glad to hear that you're getting better and are able to recognize it, when in waves it's so easy to fall into the darkness and think that we've taken 20 steps back when in fact we're only moving forward.

Thanks @Fullhealing .

Yes the darkness is awful and I do get pretty bogged down in it:,

And I am only just starting to recognise that I am moving forward rather than backwards. Feels so much like decline but I keep saying it is not and I am healing, rebuilding.

Such a torrid journey, I wish it was over. One day at a time.

Yes @Tracey hard to contain and accept, we are all there at times but it does not stop our progress, we always move forward and learn as we go.

So sorry for the tough day, just continue with your courage and strength, it will go as it comes, you are coping amazing!!

Much healing and peace your way. xxxx

@Tracey sounds like it's starting to show some cracks ,which is great......In a window it's light we can see and appreciate everything around us the path in front is clear and we walk confidently we cherish the colours the smells we have hope...A wave it's dark we can't see ahead we stumble and feel less confident the darkness scares us our senses can't function we panic we don't know what's ahead ,we may crawl on our hands and knees praying but we keep moving forward as ultimately its the same path we were on nothing has changed except for the light which is waiting ahead

Edited May 1May 1 by Beehive

I hope you have a better day today, @Tracey . Thinking of you! Xxx

Hey @Tracey how are you feeling today?

Hope you are well atm @Tracey thinking of you. xxx

Today was really bad up until about now ( 8pm). Went to back to bed ( my comfort place) late morning. Can't sleep but try to rest and soothe my nervous system.

Anticipatory anxiety about horses Monday/ Tuesday.

Off to bed soon but don't really want to sleep as I am waking with dread and awful dreams.

Appreciate you checking in @Catbird , @Beehive , @Nemina , @Fullhealing . xx

I feel for you. You definitely are in a very challenging situation. Lots of love!

@Tracey so sorry you are struggling, what a tough journey just when you think you are getting somewhere ,you get git again . Thinking of you

Yes I have to keep believing that it will get better. I don't when but it has to.

I just need some peace and that nice safe, comforting feeling. If I am not anxious , I am depressed and numb. 🥲.

So scared of dropping (mood) further after Tuesday when my horse is in heaven. The hardest thing is the fact that she looks really well at the moment and I am letting her go for a combination of reasons. Drought, winter coming, can't afford or find hay, not well enough to give her what I normally do, moving back to family. I guess she will end on a good note, knowing love and care and kindness. She was headed for pet meat when I took her on 16 years ago.

Thinking of you @Tracey this week. You’ve done a wonderful thing for your horse these past years, giving lots of love and a home. Rest peacefully in your mind knowing this.

Things will be better for you given time. Xxxxx

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

Yes I have to keep believing that it will get better. I don't when but it has to.

I just need some peace and that nice safe, comforting feeling. If I am not anxious , I am depressed and numb. 🥲.

So scared of dropping (mood) further after Tuesday when my horse is in heaven. The hardest thing is the fact that she looks really well at the moment and I am letting her go for a combination of reasons. Drought, winter coming, can't afford or find hay, not well enough to give her what I normally do, moving back to family. I guess she will end on a good note, knowing love and care and kindness. She was headed for pet meat when I took her on 16 years ago.

This is a very difficult decision to make @Tracey your pain is completely understandable but remember the wonderful life full of love and care you gave her, you saved her from a meat farm that I shudder to hear still exists (in my ideal world there is none) it just shows your big and compassionate heart.

As hard as it is, we all have an end here.

Stay strong, you will get through this and time will soften the pain.

Sending a comforting hug.

@Tracey Your horse had 16 years of safety and love , you gave it a wonderful life, you saved them . Now it's time for you to care for yourself like you care for them .❤️

Thinking of you at this difficult time @Tracey 💕😢

I am really struggling. Really bad patch today with awful burning, tingling, fear, jittery ,weak jelly legs, head strange, chest burning heart area.

Not sure how much more I can endure.

I feel stuck in a catch 22. Go up I am too scared, stay the same seems never ending.

Resting in bed today trying to get some relief.

My house has to be sold so I can get back to family and live with mum and help her. My brain won't stop going to me becoming non functional and this never ending.

just over 4 months since that dose drop ( end of December). I wish I had some more certainty for my future. It is hard to live in this state.

I am grateful for all I have and people's kindness but I just feel so horrible.

Hoping this will ease as day goes on like it has been. Feel I am not getting any better. Just lurching around unpredictable and all that. Sundays can be a terrible day for some reason and i am my every second day worse thing.

I see why this is called protracted withdrawal. Am I doing myself harm sticking this out? My psychologist thinks not, I am not sure.

Hard to type this as I have to use my phone not computer.

Hope everyone is doing better than I am 🙏💛

Thanks @Chippy , @Beehive , @Nemina , @Fullhealing , @Catbird for your thoughts this week. x

Edited May 10May 10 by Tracey

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

I am really struggling. Really bad patch today with awful burning, tingling, fear, jittery ,weak jelly legs, head strange, chest burning heart area.

Not sure how much more I can endure.

I feel stuck in a catch 22. Go up I am too scared, stay the same seems never ending.

Resting in bed today trying to get some relief.

My house has to be sold so I can get back to family and live with mum and help her. My brain won't stop going to me becoming non functional and this never ending.

just over 4 months since that dose drop ( end of December). I wish I had some more certainty for my future. It is hard to live in this state.

I am grateful for all I have and people's kindness but I just feel so horrible.

Hoping this will ease as day goes on like it has been. Feel I am not getting any better. Just lurching around unpredictable and all that. Sundays can be a terrible day for some reason and i am my every second day worse thing.

I see why this is called protracted withdrawal. Am I doing myself harm sticking this out? My psychologist thinks not, I am not sure.

Hard to type this as I have to use my phone not computer.

Hope everyone is doing better than I am 🙏💛

Thanks @Chippy , @Beehive , @Nemina , @Fullhealing , @Catbird for your thoughts this week. x

So sorry to hear this is so persistent @Tracey. I'm no expert on Sertraline, what have the mentors advised? Have you considered or tried a small up dose? 🤗

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

I am really struggling. Really bad patch today with awful burning, tingling, fear, jittery ,weak jelly legs, head strange, chest burning heart area.

So sorry to read Tracey

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

Not sure how much more I can endure.

I feel stuck in a catch 22. Go up I am too scared, stay the same seems never ending.

You have got this Tracey!

I wouldn’t go up. When you tried it was too activating for you.

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

Hoping this will ease as day goes on like it has been. Feel I am not getting any better. Just lurching around unpredictable and all that. Sundays can be a terrible day for some reason and i am my every second day worse thing.

It’s really a good sign things get better throughout the day. Do you feel worse in the hour or so after your morning dose, or are you waking up bad?

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

just over 4 months since that dose drop ( end of December). I wish I had some more certainty for my future. It is hard to live in this state.

Don’t forget you updosed for a day not that long ago. That will have destabilised you and are probably still recovering from it to some extent.

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

Hoping this will ease as day goes on like it has been. Feel I am not getting any better. Just lurching around unpredictable and all that. Sundays can be a terrible day for some reason and i am my every second day worse thing.

I do think the every other day pattern is a good sign your body is trying to find balance. Are the better days much more improved?

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

see why this is called protracted withdrawal. Am I doing myself harm sticking this out? My psychologist thinks not, I am not sure.

I think sticking here is probably the best thing to do. I do like long holds. I think they fix a lot of things. They can need to be very long sometimes.

Chippy

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

So sorry to read Tracey

You have got this Tracey!

I wouldn’t go up. When you tried it was too activating for you.

It’s really a good sign things get better throughout the day. Do you feel worse in the hour or so after your morning dose, or are you waking up bad?

Don’t forget you updosed for a day not that long ago. That will have destabilised you and are probably still recovering from it to some extent.

I do think the every other day pattern is a good sign your body is trying to find balance. Are the better days much more improved?

I think sticking here is probably the best thing to do. I do like long holds. I think they fix a lot of things. They can need to be very long sometimes.

Chippy

No not worse an hour after dose I don't think. I am waking up bad the past week. The 11 am flare up has been around for a bit, not everyday but most the past few weeks.

The better days are not greatly improved but some relief from rotten days. That is what worries me, they are not as improved as I had expected.

Yeh was thinking still effects from updose are at play. I am too sensitive to the drug to updose now. That gives me hope that a long hold will help in the end. It is about 4 months since the drop and I remember in CT it was around the 4 months I really got into trouble. Plus I did that updose 6 weeks ago.

I just can't believe the power of these drugs.

It is hard to believe all the intense symptoms mean healing, but it is a positive thing to hang on to. Today flawed me as things didn't improve as the day went on like they usually do. I easily lose confidence that I will stabilise.

Thanks for your help @Chippy , would be lost without you. 🙏

Edited May 10May 10 by Tracey

3 hours ago, Catbird said:

So sorry to hear this is so persistent @Tracey. I'm no expert on Sertraline, what have the mentors advised? Have you considered or tried a small up dose? 🤗

No too risky to

updose after my last attempt @Catbird . Very persistent that is for sure. These drugs are just beyond belief.

I have typical sertraline wd symptoms 😢

5 minutes ago, Tracey said:

No not worse an hour after dose I don't think. I am waking up bad the past week. The 11 am flare up has been around for a bit, not everyday but most the past few weeks.

Ok, what time do you take your dose?

5 minutes ago, Tracey said:

The better days are not greatly improved but some relief from rotten days. That is what worries me, they are not as improved as I had expected.

No but a good sign non the less.

5 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Yeh was thinking still effects from updose are at play. I am too sensitive to the drug to updose now. That gives me hope that a long hold will help in the end. It is about 4 months since the drop and I remember in CT it was around the 4 months I really got into trouble. Plus I did that updose 6 weeks ago.

Yeah for sure. I don't think your body wants more drug.

7 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I just can't believe the power of these drugs.

It is hard to believe all the intense symptoms mean healing, but it is a positive thing to hang on to.

I know they are terrible what they do to us. I know it is hard to believe. But I think it does.

One thing you should keep an eye on is a reaction to the dose, it could mean your body wants less drug, the only way to be sure is to try to reduce a little and see if it helps. I am always cautious with this though, as I don't want people to move doses and make themselves worse. Sometimes getting the dose down a bit is the right move. I say this with hesitation as I don't want you to reduce and regret it. I think looking for a clear sign from the dose timings is the best way to tell this. If not a long hold is best IMO.