3 hours ago, Treefrog said:

 

I know exactly what you mean, sometimes it just seems like suffering with no redeeming meaning or value.P

 

I watched a video recently from Angie Peacock that really encouraged me. She and her guest, Brooke Siem, talked (among many other things) about the suffering of withdrawal as an opportunity for spiritual growth. It's at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-HNCiAlewY, starting at 56:40. Sometimes I catch glimpses of this through the darkness.

Thanks , will take a look. I have watched quire a few of Angie's and I maybe that one with Brooke. Good refresher. 

 

Thankyou for your thoughts and encouragement. xx 

Hi @Tracey My god this journey can be so cruel to some ,I'm not surprised at how you are considering all your responsibilities.  When going through this journey we need stability we need peace we need time to ourselves time for our brain to heal . Easier said than done when you have all those things going on in your life . I adore animals and full respect to you for what you have and are doing . Your a giver like a lot of us on here but there comes a time when you need to step back a little and think about yourself, i know its not easy . The animals know you love them . If its only a few minutes here or there try to do something for you maybe if you have a bath take an Epsom salt bath ..listen to a guided meditation make sure you are taking care of yourself with eating and drinking . Maybe you are already doing self care if not you definitely need to start . Am thinking of you 🤗

4 hours ago, Tracey said:

My psychologist said I am a stoic but I feel far from that now. 

 

I have never put myself before the animals but maybe I almost have to now. Very very hard. I rescued too many animals over the past 16 years , took on too much. Gave all of myself. 

 

Good reminder about focusing on their lives , not the death. After all it is really just an energy transformation and only the body goes , not the spirit/ energy. No suffering and peace. 

 

Just today ok will try. 

 

Thanks for hugs and love Chippy xx

 

 

 

Thinking of you at this difficult time @Tracey. Time for self TLC 💕

Here's one for you Tracey ..well for any lady out there 😊 https://youtu.be/RWL4ez6uPew?si=xBUhM3ks97VjiU17

 

Dear @Tracey, I’m so sorry that you are still suffering so badly. I also want to assure you.: this is a wave. This is not brokenness. This wave will end. You were worried about the exchange @Chippy and I had concerning my taper. Do not be worried. I am having windows and so will you, hopefully the next one soon. 
you have given your animals very very much. I want to confirm what @Fullhealing wrote: rejoice in all the good that you were able to give them more than grieving their life to end. Once they die, they will be on a very good and peaceful place and the love that you have given them will not die. 
you are allowed to put yourself first right now. You are in a crisis, your stability comes first. It would not be right to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your animals. This is not how it is supposed to be.
 

you are a caring and loving person. Now is the time to take good care of yourself. Relax and stabilize as much as you can, and you will see, the wave will pass.

 

sending you lots of love. I pray for you.

 

6 minutes ago, Nemina said:

You were worried about the exchange @Chippy and I had concerning my taper. Do not be worried. I am having windows and so will you, hopefully the next one soon. 

@Tracey I’m sorry if something we were talking about worried you! Please don’t. You are not broken and will heal. We all heal. Including you! Xxxx

Thanks for reassuring me @Nemina and @Chippy. 

 

You people and everyone here are so supportive. 💚

 

My animals are the world to me and i connect deeply. You are wise Nemina, my love will carry them safely on their next journey. 

 

Had a better sleep last night and even some peace by late evening. Rested a lot yesterday which helped. 

 

This is painful but I will survive. xxx 

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

Had a better sleep last night and even some peace by late evening. Rested a lot yesterday which helped. 

 

This is painful but I will survive. xxx 

So pleased to see @Tracey

 

Thats right you will do more than survive, you’ll live fully again! Xxx

@Tracey That was one of my big fears, that I would get stuck in the middle of the withdrawal symptoms. I really believed that my brain had somehow broken.  It's a terrible fear to have and very understandable considering how unrelenting these symptoms are. I did survive it though and recovered.  Hopefully better days will come to you very soon.

 

1 hour ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey That was one of my big fears, that I would get stuck in the middle of the withdrawal symptoms. I really believed that my brain had somehow broken.  It's a terrible fear to have and very understandable considering how unrelenting these symptoms are. I did survive it though and recovered.  Hopefully better days will come to you very soon.

 

Thanks @RachelSusan, this is comforting and gives me another thread to hang on to. xx 

I have had two more nights of peace in a row and about 6 hours sleep. Hoping this is a pattern of some stability. 

 

Woke too early again with mild dread but it lifted after an hour or so. I was good until about 2-3 hours after taking dose. This happened yesterday where I had a bad patch from about 10.30 to 2.30pm. Then it settled. Will see what happens today. Hope it lifts by early afternoon. Resting in bed now. Everything becomes so bleak and negative like a black cloud. 

 

Feels like I am reacting to the drug a bit, hard to say really. 
 

Hoping everyone is doing ok and sending all my love and care xxx 

2 hours ago, Tracey said:

I have had two more nights of peace in a row and about 6 hours sleep. Hoping this is a pattern of some stability. 

 

Woke too early again with mild dread but it lifted after an hour or so. I was good until about 2-3 hours after taking dose. This happened yesterday where I had a bad patch from about 10.30 to 2.30pm. Then it settled. Will see what happens today. Hope it lifts by early afternoon. Resting in bed now. Everything becomes so bleak and negative like a black cloud. 

 

Feels like I am reacting to the drug a bit, hard to say really. 
 

Hoping everyone is doing ok and sending all my love and care xxx 

Hey @Tracey Sounds like things are settling down a bit. Obviously the paths not flat so don’t worry if it’s not linear, stabilising is still happening, just can be so up and down. 
 

Keep logging that pattern if you see it. I think you are a bit activated/reacting to the dose hence your reaction to the tiny updose.

 

Thinking of you

 

Chippy

15 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Tracey Sounds like things are settling down a bit. Obviously the paths not flat so don’t worry if it’s not linear, stabilising is still happening, just can be so up and down. 
 

Keep logging that pattern if you see it. I think you are a bit activated/reacting to the dose hence your reaction to the tiny updose.

 

Thinking of you

 

Chippy

Yes it feels like that but I am too scared to move as it may not necessarily help. 

 

With my upcoming and ongoing stressors/ change I can't risk too much more destabilisation.

 

Still feeling it now 7 hours post dose. 😢😢

 

Hanging on to hope of settling. At least sleep is better and bowels are almost normal. Nausea minimal. 

3 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Yes it feels like that but I am too scared to move as it may not necessarily help. 

 

With my upcoming and ongoing stressors/ change I can't risk too much more destabilisation.

 

Still feeling it now 7 hours post dose. 😢😢

 

Hanging on to hope of settling. At least sleep is better and bowels are almost normal. Nausea minimal. 

No I don’t think you should touch the dose just yet. Let’s see how things go moving forward. Thinking holding is best for the minute for sure. One day at a time. The body is a wonderful creation, trust it. 

Thank you, this gives me hope. Trust my body, I need this right now. Whatever this does to the brain, it takes away all of that trust. 

 

There are some improvements at least. 

 

Such a horrible scary feeling and very 'chemical' like.

 

4 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Such a horrible scary feeling and very 'chemical' like.

I know that well. It will pass. Your body knows better than we do, what to do. And most definitely better than the doctors!

Hey @Tracey

I’ve just caught up on your thread, I’m sorry to hear that you’re still struggling but from what I’ve read, there are some improvements, that’s really positive. 6 hours of sleep is a huge improvement too. 
You say the worst part of your day is a 4 hour period which occurs 2-3 hours after taking your dose then I agree with Chippy, it sounds like you’re reacting  to your dose and you need to continue holding until you’re in a more stable place. As Lost in Canada says, your body sets the pace. 
You’re moving in the right direction now Tracey, you’ll get there eventually, better days are coming. 
 

Thinking of you 

 

Nick 

 

 

I agree @Tracey however small you've started to have some improvements this is definitely not the time to change anything. Wait until the improvements are more stable and stronger it doesnt need anymore destabilising at the moment.  Sending you thoughts of healing . You can do this ! 🤗

6 hours ago, Tracey said:

I have had two more nights of peace in a row and about 6 hours sleep. Hoping this is a pattern of some stability. 

 

Woke too early again with mild dread but it lifted after an hour or so. I was good until about 2-3 hours after taking dose. This happened yesterday where I had a bad patch from about 10.30 to 2.30pm. Then it settled. Will see what happens today. Hope it lifts by early afternoon. Resting in bed now. Everything becomes so bleak and negative like a black cloud. 

 

Feels like I am reacting to the drug a bit, hard to say really. 
 

Hoping everyone is doing ok and sending all my love and care xxx 

So pleased things have subsided for you @Tracey sleep is so important but unfortunately mostly the dominant thing that's affected so it's wonderful that you were able to sleep properly, may it continue and try your best not to give the overactive mind too much importance, it spews so much nonsense during withdrawal.. easier said than done, I know but we keep on fighting! 

Peace and love back to you! 🙏

Dear @Tracey, I am glad to hear of those little improvements. There are more to come! I keep you in my prayers xxx

I'm glad to hear things are a bit better for you Tracey. I hope today is a good day for you, and that you settle quickly into a WD normal on this new dose.

 

I find myself watching this Angie Peacock video whenever I am consumed by doubt and fear. It always seems to help. It's short too! 😊 https://youtu.be/VH6L9K17Dls?si=xJRIxisqLwXNrTWY

Thank you everyone that have given me such generous support. I need to receive at the moment which is hard for me as I just cannot give much back. 

 

Not much sleep last night. The two nights before were 6 I think. 
 

Feeling really awful now, so negative and scared and adrenalised. I think the bit of physical stuff I had to do this morning waa a bit much. Tingling skin and just dreadful. 
 

I will watch that video Treefrog. 

 

I feel so scared and lonely and the weather and dry heat just get worse. No rain in sight. Fear of my death or death of my animals. Is this withdrawal brain? So irrational, I am such a rational person. 

 

Trying to stay in the day but it is hare as the present feels so awful. Trying to think of positive times when I felt normal and well. Mentally surrounding myself with loved ones for comfort. 

 

I feel so broken and damaged but I am not I keep telling myself. 

 

I just don't seem to be getting much of reprieve.  I have lost quite a bit of weight like last time. Lucky I had put a few kg's on over past 12 months. If I stabilise at this weight I will be ok. 

 

I really hope and pray that you are all doing ok. One day I will be able to help you all more. 

 

Tracey xxxxx 

19 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Thank you everyone that have given me such generous support. I need to receive at the moment which is hard for me as I just cannot give much back. 

 

Not much sleep last night. The two nights before were 6 I think. 
 

Feeling really awful now, so negative and scared and adrenalised. I think the bit of physical stuff I had to do this morning waa a bit much. Tingling skin and just dreadful. 
 

I will watch that video Treefrog. 

 

I feel so scared and lonely and the weather and dry heat just get worse. No rain in sight. Fear of my death or death of my animals. Is this withdrawal brain? So irrational, I am such a rational person. 

 

Trying to stay in the day but it is hare as the present feels so awful. Trying to think of positive times when I felt normal and well. Mentally surrounding myself with loved ones for comfort. 

 

I feel so broken and damaged but I am not I keep telling myself. 

 

I just don't seem to be getting much of reprieve.  I have lost quite a bit of weight like last time. Lucky I had put a few kg's on over past 12 months. If I stabilise at this weight I will be ok. 

 

I really hope and pray that you are all doing ok. One day I will be able to help you all more. 

 

Tracey xxxxx 

Been thinking of you @Tracey just remember your thoughts are not reality. Seems like you're experiencing a lot of loneliness and isolation which can be so painful as it's not something you have much control over at the moment. Lack of sleep compounds the negative talk.  Have you experienced any improvement at all over the last few weeks or is it wave after wave?

2 minutes ago, Catbird said:

Been thinking of you @Tracey just remember your thoughts are not reality. Seems like you're experiencing a lot of loneliness and isolation which can be so painful as it's not something you have much control over at the moment. Lack of sleep compounds the negative talk.  Have you experienced any improvement at all over the last few weeks or is it wave after wave?

Tiny improvements with less nausea, less bowel actions. The odd day maybe but feels like a permanent wave. 
 

Just hope intense symptoms mean healing rather than getting worse. The fear and doom are probably the worst. 

 

I have to get through this somehow. I am trying not to believe my thoughts / brain. 

On 3/31/2026 at 3:30 PM, NBJ71 said:

Hey @Tracey

I’ve just caught up on your thread, I’m sorry to hear that you’re still struggling but from what I’ve read, there are some improvements, that’s really positive. 6 hours of sleep is a huge improvement too. 
You say the worst part of your day is a 4 hour period which occurs 2-3 hours after taking your dose then I agree with Chippy, it sounds like you’re reacting  to your dose and you need to continue holding until you’re in a more stable place. As Lost in Canada says, your body sets the pace. 
You’re moving in the right direction now Tracey, you’ll get there eventually, better days are coming. 
 

Thinking of you 

 

Nick 

 

 

I really hope this is true @NBJ71. Such a long haul. 😢.