Sending you some love @Tracey

 

The every other day pattern I’ve seen quite a bit and experience myself. 
 

Your body knows what it’s doing and the heavy alternate days are just it doing it’s good work getting you back to stable again. 
 

This will all pass xxxx

Thank you Chippy, this is so re assuring. They certainly are heavy and intense. Scary and lonely. 

 

Can't leave the house, just the basics. 

 

When they lift I feel so relieved. 

 

I need lots of love, thank you. 

 

 

 

 

22 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Thank you Chippy, this is so re assuring. They certainly are heavy and intense. Scary and lonely. 

 

Can't leave the house, just the basics. 

 

When they lift I feel so relieved. 

 

I need lots of love, thank you. 

Youve got it. Xxxx

 

I know it might feel endless now but it will all pass, many have been here before and stabilised and you will too. 

Hey @Tracey

 

I know exactly how you feel, as a 54 years old man, when I was acute I needed reassurance every day. I’ve been through some arduous times in my life but nothing can prepare you for this, I found the acute stage genuinely frightening and I’m sure many others here would say the same. 
Considering you have no support at home you’re doing an amazing job! You say all you can do is look after yourself at the moment, that’s just fine, that’s all I was capable of too. Just focus on each day, everyday day is a step closer to where you need to be. As Chippy says, it may feel endless but it isn’t. This wave will break on the shore eventually and you’ll start to feel some relief. Brighter days are coming Tracey, just hang in there. 
 

Thinking of you. 
 

Nick 

Thank you @Chippy and @NBJ71, 

 

This really helps me. I need constant reassurance it seems as you did Nick. 

 

Nothing has prepared me for this, nothing could ever be as bad as this. 

 

I need a reprieve again, soon I hope. 

 

Heartfelt thanks for your kindness and compassion. xx 

10 minutes ago, Tracey said:

need constant reassurance it seems as you did Nick. 

You’ve got it xxx

I can so relate to the inner child feeling, mine usually feels lost alone and abandoned, just waiting for somebody to comfort me and say I will be ok .EMDR can be useful for that and EFT ( tapping) .I'm so sorry you are struggling but know this you are not alone we are all with you . Sending you a hug 🤗you can do this you are stronger than you think 🤗

Thinking of you, @Tracey, this is so hard…sending you a big hug. 

you are not alone. We are here.

 

2 hours ago, Tracey said:

Gee thank you Nick, that makes me feel less pressured. 

 

I just can't do much else but look after myself at the moment. The life decisions have been impending for several years, just couldn't make them. I have to trust myself. I am still pretty rational and not impulsive by nature but hell it is still so hard. 

 

Back to the 5 year old child feeling again who just wants comfort and soothing. I am 57, unbelievable. 
 

I really hope I stabilise on the 7mg as this is just painful and scary. You have been there as most others have here. 

 

Tracey 

 

Wish I could be of help @Tracey. Are you still seeing your therapist? I know they can't do much to alleviate the physical symptoms, but just talking with someone face to face can be really therapeutic.  Stay in touch 💕

Thanks @Beehive, @Nemina and @Catbird. 

 

Hope I am stronger than I think and feel. Yes lonely inner child has been surfacing for a long time on and off. 

 

My therapist is zoom.

 

No I am not alone. I have all you special people. 💚🙏

On 3/18/2026 at 1:01 AM, Tracey said:

At least I slept better last night and was relieved and grateful laying in bed so thankful. 

 

I feel this so deeply. That feeling when you get a break and you just melt into your bed with relief! 
 

I’m sure a window is coming @Tracey. Hang in there. Im in a lovely window atm after a nasty couple of weeks that were very up and down. 
 

praying for you right now!

Hi Tracey I've just read your story and I just wanted to say how much I feel for you. I've been there, as I guess we all have, and it's the hardest loneliest scariest road I've ever traveled (and it's not over yet) 

 

I also live alone, and I know how much harder that makes it. The support from a group like this, from people who understand what you're going through, is so essential. 

 

I'm thinking of you and wishing you well, as we all are. May you be free from suffering ❤️

 

 

 

 

Edited March 26Mar 26 by Treefrog

@AAoffZ_2oh yes that feeling of melt into your bed ! What a lovely feeling 🤗

22 hours ago, Beehive said:

@AAoffZ_2oh yes that feeling of melt into your bed ! What a lovely feeling 🤗

Yes it is like we move from hell to heaven for a period. 

How are you @Tracey? Sending lots of love your way. Xxxx

19 hours ago, Chippy said:

How are you @Tracey? Sending lots of love your way. Xxxx

Not doing well @Chippy 😢. The doom and gloom and derealization/depersonalization is scary. No positive, hopeful, peaceful feelings. Relentless. What is my brain doing ? 

 

Getting a few hours intermittent sleep. 

 

My life is hard as I am not functioning properly but I have responsibilities. I have to let my old horse go to heaven soon and my old dog is struggling. We are in drought here adding to stress as I am on tank water. 

 

Too much stress which makes me wonder if stabilisation is possible. I can't change much and am just doing the basics which is still too much it seems. 

 

I need lots of reassurance . I am stronger than I think, have to keep clinging to this hope. 

On 3/26/2026 at 12:52 PM, Treefrog said:

Hi Tracey I've just read your story and I just wanted to say how much I feel for you. I've been there, as I guess we all have, and it's the hardest loneliest scariest road I've ever traveled (and it's not over yet) 

 

I also live alone, and I know how much harder that makes it. The support from a group like this, from people who understand what you're going through, is so essential. 

 

I'm thinking of you and wishing you well, as we all are. May you be free from suffering ❤️

 

 

 

 

Thank you @Treefrog, this is very kind. 
Such a scary and lonely journey that is for sure. 
Yes the group and having those with lived experience is essential. 

I am trying to find meaning in this cruel suffering, however it is difficult when my brain is so hijacked by pure survival, doom, dread. 

I appreciate your heartfelt words. 

 

Tracey 💚

 

On 3/26/2026 at 12:09 PM, AAoffZ_2 said:

I feel this so deeply. That feeling when you get a break and you just melt into your bed with relief! 
 

I’m sure a window is coming @Tracey. Hang in there. Im in a lovely window atm after a nasty couple of weeks that were very up and down. 
 

praying for you right now!

Thank you @AAoffZ_2, glad you have a window. 

I just can't seem to get one, scary. Losing confidence again. 

I was getting them way back but just seems impossible lately. 

Just hope this is my brain trying to heal and come back to homeostasis. 

Enjoy your window and thanks for the prayers. I need them. xxxx

@Chippy, 

After reading your comments on Nemina's thread I am worried about being stuck like this. 
I can't go up or down. I am very scared this will be like this for too long. 

17 minutes ago, Tracey said:

I just can't seem to get one, scary. Losing confidence again. 

 

You’re getting into lower doses. You may need to hold for longer or make smaller cuts. I know many deal with this. 

4 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Thank you @Treefrog, this is very kind. 
Such a scary and lonely journey that is for sure. 
Yes the group and having those with lived experience is essential. 

I am trying to find meaning in this cruel suffering, however it is difficult when my brain is so hijacked by pure survival, doom, dread. 

I appreciate your heartfelt words. 

 

Tracey 💚

 

 

5 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Thank you @Treefrog

I am trying to find meaning in this cruel suffering, however it is difficult when my brain is so hijacked by pure survival, doom, dread. 

I appreciate your heartfelt words. 

 

Tracey 💚

 

I know exactly what you mean, sometimes it just seems like suffering with no redeeming meaning or value.P

 

I watched a video recently from Angie Peacock that really encouraged me. She and her guest, Brooke Siem, talked (among many other things) about the suffering of withdrawal as an opportunity for spiritual growth. It's at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-HNCiAlewY, starting at 56:40. Sometimes I catch glimpses of this through the darkness.

3 hours ago, Tracey said:

Not doing well @Chippy 😢. The doom and gloom and derealization/depersonalization is scary. No positive, hopeful, peaceful feelings. Relentless. What is my brain doing ? 

 

Getting a few hours intermittent sleep. 

 

My life is hard as I am not functioning properly but I have responsibilities. I have to let my old horse go to heaven soon and my old dog is struggling. We are in drought here adding to stress as I am on tank water. 

 

Too much stress which makes me wonder if stabilisation is possible. I can't change much and am just doing the basics which is still too much it seems. 

 

I need lots of reassurance . I am stronger than I think, have to keep clinging to this hope. 

Hey Tracey, I’m so very sorry to hear. It can take such a long time to stabilise. Your nervous system is very upset at the moment. This too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. 
 

I hate for you these additional stressors. It’s so hard to add that all into the mix as well. My only advice would be to try and be as stoic as you can. You love your animals and that’s amazing. Maybe, if you can, celebrate their lifes and be happy in having had them in your life, rather than focusing on loosing them. You must look after yourself and not allow yourself to be too affected by them. I know. That sounds like a huge ask. And in wd too. It comes, for me back to that acceptance again. It’s the path to peace. With the water same again. One day at a time, give no thought to the future just today. You will be ok!

 

Sending lots of love and a big hug xxxx

4 hours ago, Tracey said:

Not doing well @Chippy 😢. The doom and gloom and derealization/depersonalization is scary. No positive, hopeful, peaceful feelings. Relentless. What is my brain doing ? 

 

Getting a few hours intermittent sleep. 

 

My life is hard as I am not functioning properly but I have responsibilities. I have to let my old horse go to heaven soon and my old dog is struggling. We are in drought here adding to stress as I am on tank water. 

 

Too much stress which makes me wonder if stabilisation is possible. I can't change much and am just doing the basics which is still too much it seems. 

 

I need lots of reassurance . I am stronger than I think, have to keep clinging to this hope. 

@Tracey just dropping by to say hey. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through, to add external pressures like caring and make hard choices with beloved animals among other things is so challenging, I feel for you strongly, I also had to let go of two beloved cats in this process.. so extremely tough, what comforts me a little is the knowing that they had the best loving life and now they are resting in a beautiful, safe place which we all be reunited at some point.

I know how things feel impossible at times but the truth is that we can survive anything, you are so much stronger than you think atm.

I really hope things get better for you soon, sending lots of support your way!

Edited March 28Mar 28 by Fullhealing

29 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

@Tracey just dropping by to say hey. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through, to add external pressures like caring and make hard choices with beloved animals among other things is so challenging, I feel for you strongly, I also had to let go of two beloved cats in this process.. so extremely tough, what comforts me a little is the knowing that they had the best loving life and now they are resting in a beautiful, safe place which we all be reunited at some point.

I know how things feel impossible at times but the truth is that we can survive anything, you are so much stronger than you think atm.

I really hope things get better for you soon, sending lots of support your way!

Thank you @Fullhealing, 

I just feel dreadful because I can't give them the care and love and dedication I have done over past 14-16 years. I can't afford vet bills either which I have avoided up until now mostly. 

They have all had loved lives and yes we will be together again one day. Peace and safety and no suffering in death. 

 Thanks for your kindness xx 

 

54 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Hey Tracey, I’m so very sorry to hear. It can take such a long time to stabilise. Your nervous system is very upset at the moment. This too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever. 
 

I hate for you these additional stressors. It’s so hard to add that all into the mix as well. My only advice would be to try and be as stoic as you can. You love your animals and that’s amazing. Maybe, if you can, celebrate their lifes and be happy in having had them in your life, rather than focusing on loosing them. You must look after yourself and not allow yourself to be too affected by them. I know. That sounds like a huge ask. And in wd too. It comes, for me back to that acceptance again. It’s the path to peace. With the water same again. One day at a time, give no thought to the future just today. You will be ok!

 

Sending lots of love and a big hug xxxx

My psychologist said I am a stoic but I feel far from that now. 

 

I have never put myself before the animals but maybe I almost have to now. Very very hard. I rescued too many animals over the past 16 years , took on too much. Gave all of myself. 

 

Good reminder about focusing on their lives , not the death. After all it is really just an energy transformation and only the body goes , not the spirit/ energy. No suffering and peace. 

 

Just today ok will try. 

 

Thanks for hugs and love Chippy xx