1 hour ago, Tracey said:

Tiny improvements with less nausea, less bowel actions. The odd day maybe but feels like a permanent wave. 
 

Just hope intense symptoms mean healing rather than getting worse. The fear and doom are probably the worst. 

 

I have to get through this somehow. I am trying not to believe my thoughts / brain. 

The doom and dread are truly horrible and all pervasive. Definitely very painful.  On the physical front things appear to be settling (although we can't really separate them from the psychological symptoms - I've been somatising my whole life until very recently).  Stay in touch 🤗

You say you are a Rational person but this is so irrational.  So right there you have the evidence this is withdrawal.  The brain has a built in negative bias . It will take you to the lowest darkest places .It will play on your vulnerability . It convinces us its all real and this is truly who we are.  In fact it's one big lie ! You are not broken your not lost and your not weak you are the complete opposite you are whole your are here and you are strong. Your strength will shine through your love for your animals and their love for you will shine through . Let it do its worst, you can handle anything. Sending you peace and healing . You are never alone 🙏

4 hours ago, Tracey said:

Thank you everyone that have given me such generous support. I need to receive at the moment which is hard for me as I just cannot give much back. 

 

Not much sleep last night. The two nights before were 6 I think. 
 

Feeling really awful now, so negative and scared and adrenalised. I think the bit of physical stuff I had to do this morning waa a bit much. Tingling skin and just dreadful. 
 

I will watch that video Treefrog. 

 

I feel so scared and lonely and the weather and dry heat just get worse. No rain in sight. Fear of my death or death of my animals. Is this withdrawal brain? So irrational, I am such a rational person. 

 

Trying to stay in the day but it is hare as the present feels so awful. Trying to think of positive times when I felt normal and well. Mentally surrounding myself with loved ones for comfort. 

 

I feel so broken and damaged but I am not I keep telling myself. 

 

I just don't seem to be getting much of reprieve.  I have lost quite a bit of weight like last time. Lucky I had put a few kg's on over past 12 months. If I stabilise at this weight I will be ok. 

 

I really hope and pray that you are all doing ok. One day I will be able to help you all more. 

 

Tracey xxxxx 

My heart goes out to you @Tracey the power of those chemicals and their ability to create a dark and fearful perception and feeling is truly unbelievable! please remember that you're not broken or damaged in any way just covered in a temporary thick layer of it and although unbearable it will pass.

Just keep surviving and pushing forward as you do so bravely and you will earn yourself back only much stronger, your doing amazing dealing with all of it.

and please don't feel obligated to give back, we all there at times and totally understand, just focus on yourself and your healing, that's more important than anything, take your time, we are all here for you.

Sending much strength and hope your way.

Keep being strong and don't lose hope, this will all be a distant memory eventually.

Edited April 3Apr 3 by Fullhealing

3 hours ago, Tracey said:

feel so broken and damaged but I am not I keep telling myself. 

That is right! You are not. It can feel like that I know. You are seeing little signs of improvement, this is so good. Hang onto that. Many have had to hold for some time to settle things down. I have heard of those who hold for a long, while not seeming to imporve, and then all of a sudden they do. Proof that the symptoms are just signs of healing happening not worsening.

 

I think if you have just dropped, and gained an uptick in symptoms, an updose is a very good idea. Holding I don't think is. You tried to updose and your body firmly told you no! Holding is not a bad idea now, it is what your system is asking of you. Don't be scared of it. More often a hold is the right move.

 

Thinking of you Tracey

 

 

So sorry, dear @Tracey, for the dark place you are in. You are a strong woman, you are a loving person, you will come through. We are with you in our thoughts and prayers. 
thinking of you.

On 4/3/2026 at 4:45 PM, Catbird said:

The doom and dread are truly horrible and all pervasive. Definitely very painful.  On the physical front things appear to be settling (although we can't really separate them from the psychological symptoms - I've been somatising my whole life until very recently).  Stay in touch 🤗

Yes they really take over. For me the psychological torture is worse than the physical through this. Although I have had some torrid physical stuff, probably less than what I read on other people's stories. Will do Cat xxx Thanks 

13 hours ago, Nemina said:

So sorry, dear @Tracey, for the dark place you are in. You are a strong woman, you are a loving person, you will come through. We are with you in our thoughts and prayers. 
thinking of you.

Thank you @Nemina, you are so caring and kind xx 

On 4/3/2026 at 6:27 PM, Chippy said:

That is right! You are not. It can feel like that I know. You are seeing little signs of improvement, this is so good. Hang onto that. Many have had to hold for some time to settle things down. I have heard of those who hold for a long, while not seeming to imporve, and then all of a sudden they do. Proof that the symptoms are just signs of healing happening not worsening.

 

I think if you have just dropped, and gained an uptick in symptoms, an updose is a very good idea. Holding I don't think is. You tried to updose and your body firmly told you no! Holding is not a bad idea now, it is what your system is asking of you. Don't be scared of it. More often a hold is the right move.

 

Thinking of you Tracey

 

 

Thanks @Chippy, 

 

Yes I will keep holding. This has given me hope again. I really have no other option but to hold, given my situation and circumstances. 
 

A combination of factors have all come together to create this big storm. 
 

Today I had a less intense day with symptoms. I can't believe how powerful and seductive those doom feelings can be. 
 

Grateful for a slightly better day today. 🙏

 

So glad you had a slightly better day long may it continue 🤗 

On 4/3/2026 at 6:15 PM, Fullhealing said:

My heart goes out to you @Tracey the power of those chemicals and their ability to create a dark and fearful perception and feeling is truly unbelievable! please remember that you're not broken or damaged in any way just covered in a temporary thick layer of it and although unbearable it will pass.

Just keep surviving and pushing forward as you do so bravely and you will earn yourself back only much stronger, your doing amazing dealing with all of it.

and please don't feel obligated to give back, we all there at times and totally understand, just focus on yourself and your healing, that's more important than anything, take your time, we are all here for you.

Sending much strength and hope your way.

Keep being strong and don't lose hope, this will all be a distant memory eventually.

You are so right @Fullhealing, beyond belief really. And the only people that really understand it are those who have been through it. 

 

You have given me hope and confidence. A distant memory will be so sweet. 

 

Thank you xx 

 

 

 

On 4/3/2026 at 5:36 PM, Beehive said:

You say you are a Rational person but this is so irrational.  So right there you have the evidence this is withdrawal.  The brain has a built in negative bias . It will take you to the lowest darkest places .It will play on your vulnerability . It convinces us its all real and this is truly who we are.  In fact it's one big lie ! You are not broken your not lost and your not weak you are the complete opposite you are whole your are here and you are strong. Your strength will shine through your love for your animals and their love for you will shine through . Let it do its worst, you can handle anything. Sending you peace and healing . You are never alone 🙏

Thank you @Beehive, 

 

Yes I have listened to the negativity bias stuff. Seems so intense in withdrawal. 

 

You have given me a lift. Nice to have a less intense day today. I dread going back to the days like yesterday and wish they would hit me less often.  

 

I thought I would be getting used to them by now, not so and they hit hard. Crazy. 

 

Hope you  are in a good place at the moment xx 

 

 

 

 

21 minutes ago, Tracey said:

A combination of factors have all come together to create this big storm. 
 

Often the way I think. 
 

21 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Today I had a less intense day with symptoms. I can't believe how powerful and seductive those doom feelings can be. 

Good. More good signs. I know. It’s crazy how powerful they can feel. And you feel like they will never end when you are in it. Awful. But they will. Xxx

2 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Often the way I think. 
 

Good. More good signs. I know. It’s crazy how powerful they can feel. And you feel like they will never end when you are in it. Awful. But they will. Xxx

Yes exactly, even though I know rationally they will end, they become all encompassing. Just crazy. 

 

Hoping for another mild gentle day tomorrow for Easter Sunday. 

2 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Hoping for another mild gentle day tomorrow for Easter Sunday. 

Got it all crossed you will get it Tracey. 

@Tracey Yes you would think by now we would be used to them ,but no we are not ,you are not alone in that ! 

Thinking of you on this Easter Sunday @Tracey. I hope your symptoms will be mild. ❤️

Hope you are having a sweet and peaceful Easter Sunday, Tracey, and that the sun is shining on you ❤️.

Edited April 5Apr 5 by Treefrog

Thank you lovely people. 

 

Yesterday was the typical ramp up of symptoms 10am - 2 pm ish. Then the heavy blanket and negativity lifted and burning / tingling  settled a bit. 

 

Has been a long and lonely Easter for me, appreciate you checking in on me with kindest. 

 

Today a better day as far as physical symptoms. Emotionally very sad and lonely. The every other day pattern seems to be at play. I am writing my symptoms down now. 

 

3 weeks yesterday since I did that one day updose so a few more weeks and I may settle more. 

 

Nights are doing the same thing for the past. 4 or 5 days of restless sleep until 3 am then awake with bowels at 5 am. But I am not wide awake with dread or too much mental activity. Just tolerable. I have lost a few kgs bit seem stable. 

 

I wouldn't have moved through this without you all. 

 

Tracey xxxx We are not alone 🩷

 

 

6 hours ago, Tracey said:

Thank you lovely people. 

 

Yesterday was the typical ramp up of symptoms 10am - 2 pm ish. Then the heavy blanket and negativity lifted and burning / tingling  settled a bit. 

 

Has been a long and lonely Easter for me, appreciate you checking in on me with kindest. 

 

Today a better day as far as physical symptoms. Emotionally very sad and lonely. The every other day pattern seems to be at play. I am writing my symptoms down now. 

 

3 weeks yesterday since I did that one day updose so a few more weeks and I may settle more. 

 

Nights are doing the same thing for the past. 4 or 5 days of restless sleep until 3 am then awake with bowels at 5 am. But I am not wide awake with dread or too much mental activity. Just tolerable. I have lost a few kgs bit seem stable. 

 

I wouldn't have moved through this without you all. 

 

Tracey xxxx We are not alone 🩷

 

 

Cherry pick the good things and focus on those. I’m feeling very incapacitated at present — no stamina, very unsettled verging on panic/anxiety. My CNS is highly sensitised and I feel frozen in time too scared to take the next step 😢

Thanks for posting , @Tracey, we know you are in crisis and  I and I am sure many others here  think of you often. ❤️
You seem to somehow stabilize on a quite difficult pattern, where you can predict better and worse days and have typical hours where the symptoms lift a bit. I’m sure it feels terrible, but at least it is some kind of stabilizing, which might be a good sign.

  
i’m glad to know that you take good care of yourself. This is important now and you are doing great.

 

Keep in touch, we are really interested to hear from you! 

Thanks @Nemina, 

 

Very bad wave today . Hardly any sleep after about 5 nights of reasonable. 

 

Every second day pattern seems to be back. 

Definite aggravation around late morning 10.30 / 11 until 1 or 2 pm. 

 

Can't write much today or at the moment as I am too shaky and adrenalised. 

 

Coming up to 4 weeks Sunday since updose. 

 

Too much stress and overwhelm and change coming up in my life. I just can't get any positive feelings or much hope in this state. 

 

Thanks for checking up on me. I really need it. 🙏🥰

 

I need a reassuring hug right now. 

On 4/6/2026 at 10:04 PM, Catbird said:

Cherry pick the good things and focus on those. I’m feeling very incapacitated at present — no stamina, very unsettled verging on panic/anxiety. My CNS is highly sensitised and I feel frozen in time too scared to take the next step 😢

That makes two of us @Catbird. 

This is just all so hard. 

Yes cherry picking . Just get so consumed by these bad waves. The panic is awful. 

Hugs for you Catbird. xx 

  I can't keep up with other threads at the moment. 

I so want to but I just can't do it. I am in crisis/ survival mode for many hours a day. 

 

I hope others are doing ok. 

 

 

30 minutes ago, Tracey said:

  I can't keep up with other threads at the moment. 

I so want to but I just can't do it. I am in crisis/ survival mode for many hours a day. 

 

I hope others are doing ok. 

 

 

I'm so very sorry @Tracey truly heartbreaking to hear.

please remember how strong you are!! this is guaranteed to pass with time, hang in there.

Sending peace and virtual hugs 💜

 

Edited April 9Apr 9 by Fullhealing

Hey @Tracey thinking of you. You’ve got this. All this will pass. Remember your body is amazing, it will settle this for you, just takes so much time, but it will. Xxxx