2 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Ok, thank you so much @Chippy. This makes a lot of sense, even if it also seems totally absurd to be put in this situation 😅 Appreciate you!

I know. The whole thing is a bit crazy!

Update time. Last week (from about last Wed-Sun) I had a run of pretty decent days. I was still pretty foggy and fatigued, but my other symptoms were minimal to nonexistent and I felt like I was seeing improvement. I even had a few hours in there where I felt like I had hit WD normal 😊.

Monday to Thursday this week was a bit worse, with the return of some physical symptoms like worse headaches, nausea and throat irritation. But I find those physical symptoms ok to manage for the most part, and I was just happy my days were still tolerable, with the exception of one bad migraine. My symptoms probably stayed at around a 5/6 out of 10 at worst. I was really hoping the worst was behind me.

Then somewhat out of the blue, last night I only slept about 3 hours, and this morning I’ve been slammed with those familiar feelings of overwhelming dread and despair and high anxiety. I’d almost forgotten how awful they are.

But windows and waves, right? I guess I should still look at the last week and a half or so as progress of some sort. Stabilization will come in time, I really hope.

Anyways, just having a hard time today. Love and strength to all of you 💜

Good days are progress, especially if they're happening more often.

3 hours ago, Luke said:

Good days are progress, especially if they're happening more often.

Thanks Luke. I do think my average has improved at least a bit and I’ve been having more better days — it’s just hard to remember that sometimes on a bad day! Appreciate the reminder.

@SarahMc I noticed you commenting on Mark Horowitz and him running till his feet bled. He mentions this in this documentary:

The Antidepressant Story-BBC https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/348-the-antidepressant-story-bbc/

It is definitely worth watching. ❤️🙏

12 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

@SarahMc I noticed you commenting on Mark Horowitz and him running till his feet bled. He mentions this in this documentary:

The Antidepressant Story-BBC https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/348-the-antidepressant-story-bbc/

It is definitely worth watching. ❤️🙏

Thank you!! 🙏🏼💜

@SarahMc Good to hear you have been having some good days, unfortunately waves and windows are real! Hope today is better for you xxx

I’ve been in a bad wave of psych symptoms this week. Constant intense brain fog, cognitive issues, anhedonia, anxiety, despair. One thing that feels strange and new is that I seem to be cycling through emotions quickly and randomly throughout the day. One minute I’ll feel calm, the next I’ll get a wave of anxiety, and then five minutes later the anxiety will pass and I’ll start crying. Anyone else get these weird cyclical neuroemotions?

2 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

I’ve been in a bad wave of psych symptoms this week. Constant intense brain fog, cognitive issues, anhedonia, anxiety, despair. One thing that feels strange and new is that I seem to be cycling through emotions quickly and randomly throughout the day. One minute I’ll feel calm, the next I’ll get a wave of anxiety, and then five minutes later the anxiety will pass and I’ll start crying. Anyone else get these weird cyclical neuroemotions?

Oh yes, I had this all the time. It was really noticeable at work, when I'd concentrate on something and realize I wasn't feeling anxious, and then it was like my brain said "Not so fast. Here's a nice dose of anxiety to pull you back". Looking back, I think its a sign of recovery; your emotions are coming back and your brain is trying to sort them and put them in perspective. Its like a jumble of Lego blocks on the floor. You have to figure out how they go together to make what you want. Sometimes a piece lands where it doesn't belong, and your brain takes a pause to undo it and set it right. This might not be all bad!

36 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Anyone else get these weird cyclical neuroemotions?

Yes, all the time. My states shift every few hours. It's awful. And none of it feels natural. The neuroemotions just engulf me randomly.

52 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

Oh yes, I had this all the time. It was really noticeable at work, when I'd concentrate on something and realize I wasn't feeling anxious, and then it was like my brain said "Not so fast. Here's a nice dose of anxiety to pull you back". Looking back, I think its a sign of recovery; your emotions are coming back and your brain is trying to sort them and put them in perspective. Its like a jumble of Lego blocks on the floor. You have to figure out how they go together to make what you want. Sometimes a piece lands where it doesn't belong, and your brain takes a pause to undo it and set it right. This might not be all bad!

@mstimc60 thanks for this more positive view of things. I hope you're right! I've also noticed my physical symptoms coming and going more rapidly the last couple of weeks, so it seems like my brain's doing a lot of work right now...😅

12 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

it seems like my brain's doing a lot of work right now...😅

Our brains are far more powerful than we realize. They can cause all sorts of emotional and physical symptoms. And they can make real physical issues worse than they should be. It can be hard to maintain perspective, but you're doing it!

15 hours ago, SarahMc said:

Anyone else get these weird cyclical neuroemotions?

This was literally how I experienced them, I would just cycle through them for my first 8 months off.

14 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

Yes, all the time. My states shift every few hours. It's awful. And none of it feels natural. The neuroemotions just engulf me randomly.

This is very relatable, they were so strong and random and unnatural.

Hi all you wonderful people -- I just wanted to share something I watched this morning that I thought was pretty powerful. I've been watching a lot of Angie Peacock's Youtube content the past couple days because I seem to be back in a wave and I find it comforting. I just kinda keep it on in the background while I putter around the house. Anyways, this morning I was watching her video with Amy called "Healing Without Hope" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iHCW-uael8). Amy talks about how, in the depths of her withdrawal while dealing with excruciating nerve pain, she had to give up hope. She says that hoping she would be better the next day, or the next week, or the next month, actually made it harder to cope because when that time came and she didn't feel better she'd get depressed. So instead, she just made a conscious decision every day to keep living. She compares it to the experience of a prisoner being tortured daily, who at first keeps hoping they'll be rescued the next day, and then eventually has to abandon that hope and just choose to survive this day, then the next day, and so on.

This really struck a chord for me because I realized I've been struggling with how to keep up hope in a healthy way myself. I think having hope that I will eventually recover is really important, but right now every time I feel a bit better I convince myself that I'm stabilizing, and maybe some symptoms have resolved, or the next wave won't be as bad, and then when I get thrown right back into my worst symptoms I have the added burden of having that hope dashed. So I think just getting up each day and choosing to survive the day despite the symptoms is a helpful approach. And I like the prisoner imagery -- I've told my husband a few times that I feel like a prisoner of my own mind, and of these damn meds!

@Chippy I realize this is basically identical to what you talk about in terms of radical acceptance and living day-by-day, so I'm sorry! 😂 I just liked the way Amy put it in this video and thought I'd share.

Love to all of you 💜

3 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

So I think just getting up each day and choosing to survive the day despite the symptoms is a helpful approach. And I like the prisoner imagery -- I've told my husband a few times that I feel like a prisoner of my own mind, and of these damn meds!

@Chippy I realize this is basically identical to what you talk about in terms of radical acceptance and living day-by-day, so I'm sorry! 😂 I just liked the way Amy put it in this video and thought I'd share.

LOL! I was thinking that sounds like radical acceptance! 😆

That is a really challenging but potentially tremendously helpful concept. Any time we set some kind of timeline for recovery, we're putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I don't think its giving up--it really seems like a form of self-forgiveness for not being okay on any given day. Thanks @SarahMc !

9 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

I don't think its giving up--it really seems like a form of self-forgiveness for not being okay on any given day. Thanks @SarahMc !

Yes! I should definitely emphasize that it's not giving up hope of eventual recovery at some unknown time, it's more like giving up control or attachment to particular timelines, as you say. Spoiler alert, Amy did recover over a long period, so fundamentally the story remains hopeful.

On 26/06/2026 at 16:24, SarahMc said:

J'ai traversé une période difficile cette semaine, avec de sérieux symptômes psychologiques. Brouillard cérébral intense et constant, troubles cognitifs, anhédonie, anxiété, désespoir. Ce qui est étrange et nouveau, c'est que mes émotions semblent fluctuer rapidement et aléatoirement tout au long de la journée. Un instant, je me sens calme, l'instant d'après, une vague d'anxiété me submerge, et cinq minutes plus tard, l'anxiété disparaît et je me mets à pleurer. Est-ce que d'autres personnes ressentent ces étranges cycles émotionnels ?

Yes, totally @SarahMc!

I go through all possible negative emotions in a fraction of minutes. And it leaves me EXHAUSTED!

3 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Yes! I should definitely emphasize that it's not giving up hope of eventual recovery at some unknown time, it's more like giving up control or attachment to particular timelines, as you say. Spoiler alert, Amy did recover over a long period, so fundamentally the story remains hopeful.

1 minute ago, poulette38 said:

Yes, totally @SarahMc!

I go through all possible negative emotions in a fraction of minutes. And it leaves me EXHAUSTED!

This approach is similar to intentional catastrophizing, which is a coping method for OCD and ruminations. You take a thought to its worst outcome and realize whatever that is, you can handle it. It robs the dark thoughts of their ability to keep you frightened.

1 hour ago, poulette38 said:

Yes, totally @SarahMc!

I go through all possible negative emotions in a fraction of minutes. And it leaves me EXHAUSTED!

I’m sorry @poulette38, it is exhausting 😢. I hope your head pain has improved.

Ps I love seeing my posts translated into French when you reply 😄

17 hours ago, SarahMc said:

Hi all you wonderful people -- I just wanted to share something I watched this morning that I thought was pretty powerful. I've been watching a lot of Angie Peacock's Youtube content the past couple days because I seem to be back in a wave and I find it comforting. I just kinda keep it on in the background while I putter around the house. Anyways, this morning I was watching her video with Amy called "Healing Without Hope" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iHCW-uael8). Amy talks about how, in the depths of her withdrawal while dealing with excruciating nerve pain, she had to give up hope. She says that hoping she would be better the next day, or the next week, or the next month, actually made it harder to cope because when that time came and she didn't feel better she'd get depressed. So instead, she just made a conscious decision every day to keep living. She compares it to the experience of a prisoner being tortured daily, who at first keeps hoping they'll be rescued the next day, and then eventually has to abandon that hope and just choose to survive this day, then the next day, and so on.

This really struck a chord for me because I realized I've been struggling with how to keep up hope in a healthy way myself. I think having hope that I will eventually recover is really important, but right now every time I feel a bit better I convince myself that I'm stabilizing, and maybe some symptoms have resolved, or the next wave won't be as bad, and then when I get thrown right back into my worst symptoms I have the added burden of having that hope dashed. So I think just getting up each day and choosing to survive the day despite the symptoms is a helpful approach. And I like the prisoner imagery -- I've told my husband a few times that I feel like a prisoner of my own mind, and of these damn meds!

@Chippy I realize this is basically identical to what you talk about in terms of radical acceptance and living day-by-day, so I'm sorry! 😂 I just liked the way Amy put it in this video and thought I'd share.

Love to all of you 💜

I think Angies videos are fantastic!

And I most cetainly did not invent radical acceptance, although the amount I talk about it you would think I did! 🤣

I love how you are continuously working on these mindset techniques, they are absolutely key to all of this. Have faith, stablity will come for you, just one day at a time. xxxx

Today I’ve been holding for 3 months after a year of multiple drug changes, including a CT off the SNRI I had been taking for 10+ years (now reinstated).

I’m far from stable, but looking back at my notes I can see that this past month has been better than the months before. I’ve had a number of bad days where my symptoms have gone up to a 7 or 8/10, but they’ve been fewer than the previous months. I also had my longest (dirty) window yet around mid-June, when I had about six days in a row of symptoms in the 3 to 4/10 range.

Brain fog, my most consistent symptom, is still constant though the level varies. All of my other symptoms are still present, but come and go. The two symptoms I think I can say have honestly improved steadily over the past few months are weird hormonal fluctuations and digestion.

Anyways, although I would love to throw my drugs in the trash and walk away, I’ll be here holding until at least Oct. Fingers crossed that more stability is on its way. 🤞🏼

Edited July 3Jul 3 by SarahMc

Thank you for the update, @SarahMc . I think you're on the right track taking things slow and steady. Do what works for you, and as you have been doing, express gratefulness for the progress you're making. You'll get there!

So sorry for the difficult morning dear @SarahMc hang in there, hard rocky road but you are so strong and coping amazingly, really hope it will ease as the day goes on.

Much love your way 💜🩷

Edited July 16Jul 16 by Fullhealing

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

So sorry for the difficult morning dear @SarahMc hang in there, hard rocky road but you are so strong and coping amazingly, really hope it will ease as the day goes on.

Much love your way 💜🩷

Thanks so much @Fullhealing 💜. Things did ease a bit in the last couple hours, so I'm grateful for that. Really hoping it's a sign of stabilization that my bad days are becoming fewer and more manageable. Time will tell! 🤞

30 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Thanks so much @Fullhealing 💜. Things did ease a bit in the last couple hours, so I'm grateful for that. Really hoping it's a sign of stabilization that my bad days are becoming fewer and more manageable. Time will tell! 🤞

Definitely sound like it! Really encouraging.

So happy you are better, may it lasts xxxx