1 hour ago, Saar8srl said:

@cherrysquid it’s really hard to not believe this feelings and thoughts . Did you also take Zoloft for depression or only for anxiety and OCD? When you explain it like this it seems more understandable. I know I used to have uncertainties and offcourse my life wasn’t always stress free so I had enough reasons to be depressed but nothing comparing to now .

No i took it only for anxiety and OCD. I have had depression before though. Life is hard. I used coping skills and changing my mindset to get out of depression. But WD is 100000x worse than any of it.

29 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

No i took it only for anxiety and OCD. I have had depression before though. Life is hard. I used coping skills and changing my mindset to get out of depression. But WD is 100000x worse than any of it.

That’s amazing. ❤️No I mean did you have depression as a symptom in WD even tho you never had depression.

3 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

That’s amazing. ❤️No I mean did you have depression as a symptom in WD even tho you never had depression.

I get high SI in a wave a lot of the time and I went through a little phase of waking up really depressed that would ease as the day went on

I’m in this severe depression and anhedonia since April. It’s just killing me and go no where. Can’t do anything. Not even my hygiene. Every day… it’s so hard. Don’t even know how to pass a day. Can’t take it anymore . Sometimes I wish I had physical symptoms so I could ar least have my positive mind and enjoying life… don’t know how to continue cause this not life anymore …

1 hour ago, Saar8srl said:

don’t know how to continue cause this not life anymore …

It is no quality of life, but luckily it’s TEMPORARY! I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it really really is.

Hang in there. All you have to do is to make it this day. And then tomorrow only make it that day. Don’t think too much about the future, day by day you will improve. Its very very slow. So slow, you don’t notice it on a week to week basis, only every 3-6 month mark you can look back and see things have improved.

I’ll search a few recovery stories for you.

Edited September 5Sep 5 by Sophia

@ Sophia. Thank you so much dear. Just lying in bed all day and can’t even get a grip. The emotional pain is so intens and it hearts so much. I can’t understand that my only symptom is this intense depression and anhedonia .this feels so real

https://benzobuddies.org/topic/266718-anhedonia-for-two-years-healed/

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/31009-3bbsgurkpog-great-success/#comment-688032

(He answers all questions in the comments ⬆️)

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/14913-pug-your-miracle-is-coming-hang-on/#comment-288141

He also answers all questions in the comments ⬆️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/20604-ethanc-~2-years-without-my-ssri-after-9-years-on-it/#comment-427063

@Saar8srl, you are not alone. I have been in the same Hell since March, 20. Endless suffering, nothing helps to cope with this Horror.

Just now, skamen said:

@Saar8srl, you are not alone. I have been in the same Hell since March, 20. Endless suffering, nothing helps to cope with this Horror.

It’s horrible

Day 7 of 2mg. Deep depression is gone. Now few days a full head and emotional blunted. One window this week when I really felt relief .

2 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

Day 7 of 2mg. Deep depression is gone. Now few days a full head and emotional blunted. One window this week when I really felt relief .

Good. Happy hear. Sounds like the dose is ok for you. The window is very good news. Keep tracking this. Lets see how you progress. Remember, windows and waves, they happen, it's not going backwards, it's part of the process. x

I don’t know if it’s the dose or not which is working for or I’m just in the windows and wave pattern. The severe depression is gone but I have these thought now about how will this go further . What will happen next ? Why I’m am so depressed and am I ever going to be ok. Can’t remember the way I was before the meds so it makes it hard to compare before and after. Maybe some symptoms are my old once .. who knows

1 hour ago, Saar8srl said:

I don’t know if it’s the dose or not which is working for or I’m just in the windows and wave pattern. The severe depression is gone but I have these thought now about how will this go further . What will happen next ? Why I’m am so depressed and am I ever going to be ok. Can’t remember the way I was before the meds so it makes it hard to compare before and after. Maybe some symptoms are my old once .. who knows

Thats a promising sign if the severe depression is gone! I totally understand that youre feeling uncertain and thats normal since this whole process isnt linear and there probobaly will be hiccups at times. Even if some of your symptoms might be related to your old ones, coping skills help all the same and when you get better, you might find it easier to deal with the old ones too! Ive personally found coping skills helping me deal with my OCD etc better, in addition to helping me cope with the WD symptoms!

2 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

The severe depression is gone but I have these thought now about how will this go further . What will happen next ?

In WD we have to learn some coping skills, one of these it learning to turn our minds to the moment not the future, we have to work on dialling our worries down, they don't help and only feed the symptoms.

You have been harmed, just know that, don't sweat the rest, it will all become clear as time passes.

For the minute celebrate things calming for you.

Thanks @Chippy it just scares me that simple tasks like cleaning the room and just doing grocery’s feel like big thing . It’s like I forget how to live my life properly. It’s feels like it’s forever. Even during the windows I feel what is the pint of all this and this makes me scared because even on very hard times in life I never experience this kind of feelings/thoughts …

5 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

Thanks @Chippy it just scares me that simple tasks like cleaning the room and just doing grocery’s feel like big thing . It’s like I forget how to live my life properly. It’s feels like it’s forever. Even during the windows I feel what is the pint of all this and this makes me scared because even on very hard times in life I never experience this kind of feelings/thoughts …

You have to focus on the good things and not the bad things.

I like to think of it as: the symptoms are illusions from your injured cns, it's not reality, it's all nonsense illusions your body is throwing, you won't die from them, focusing on them will lead to nothing good (I usually don't hyper focus on symptoms like some other members, cause symptoms are just nonsense, over focusing on what you have will lead to more focusing on the bad), you will heal and it's only temporary.

Whatever you can do that's good, focus on that, if you have moments the symptoms are too strong and they take over and you can't even move, just surrender to them untill they dial down.

The future doesn't exist, and so does the past, meaningless to focus on them (except for actual planning).

The now also passes, everything passes, so focus on the good you have now, you might not have that same good in a different now.

Edited September 6Sep 6 by Lighty

@Lighty thank you for your advice . To be honest im not yet there where you are. When the depression and anhedonia hit me it makes my world mean nothing and at that time I can’t even move to the shower or brush my teeth . I respect you for your way to deal with the symptoms but emotionally I’m not there yet. I’m trying

2 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

@Lighty thank you for your advice . To be honest im not yet there where you are. When the depression and anhedonia hit me it makes my world mean nothing and at that time I can’t even move to the shower or brush my teeth . I respect you for your way to deal with the symptoms but emotionally I’m not there yet. I’m trying

Yeah i get you anhedonia is tough, i never dealt with anhedonia like that chronically but i can understand, just rest assured it will get better, you will not remember today in 10 years, as long as you are surviving that's good, eventually you will forget most of the bad days and you will be better, this will eventually be just a past that does no longer exist.

@Lighty did you experience severe depression almost every day in your symptoms? You can’t form it. Sometimes I try so hard but eventually I just lay in the bed

7 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

did you experience severe depression almost every day in your symptoms?

no i don't, when i have it, it's usually mild.

I just think your best bet is distractions if possible, keep you occupied and time passes faster.

Try not to ask yourself too many questions. The brain looks for answers to the terror it has been plunged into, and that is normal, but no scientifically validated answer can really be given to you (yes, we all know — it seems unimaginable when it comes to medications that have been put on the market). And the symptoms experienced by other people will not necessarily be the same as yours; their progression over time will also be different from yours.

In most cases, it is a non-linear process. There are several types of recovery: recovery that comes in waves and windows; recovery involving prolonged severe symptoms followed by improvement; OR a sudden worsening followed very quickly by a major improvement, sometimes even complete recovery; and finally, spontaneous recovery. Some people have recovered suddenly over a very short period of time, and a few relatively rare accounts describe people waking up one morning feeling “cured” — one person even said they spent entire days wondering whether it was real.

The most important thing to keep in mind (at least personally, this is what reassures me the most) is that your former self is NOT dead. This is not who you are right now. Your brain and body are caught in a chemical hurricane that will eventually come to an end.

I encourage you to watch YouTube channels that might help you relax while also being informative, such as Life After Meds, Angie Peacock, and many others. It can help a lot during the acute phase. These resources can become a real source of comfort.

Forget about performance for an indefinite period of time. None of us would have wanted to ever have to hear that. But you have to let go of it for now and make peace with that. It will feel hard, impossible even, for a long time. You will cry a lot, and you will be angry; and as you gradually recover, you will see that everyone who has already been through this was right.

For now, your only goal is to survive.

Try to establish quiet, peaceful rituals in the middle of the storm. It is important to recognize that you still have exactly as much worth as you always did — yes, even when you startle every morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, or when you no longer even know who you are and think that everything is over forever, or when you feel incapable of accomplishing even the smallest of the life goals you once set for yourself, or when the people around you have lost all hope in you, or when... and we could go on like this for days and nights.

This is not about dancing with wolves in the rain. It is about staying warm and safe inside this infinitely dark cave seemingly created out of thin air by the “medications,” while waiting until you are finally able to leave it for good.

We must not allow ourselves to become consumed by despair, especially when it is chemically induced. Find every coping strategy that works for you.

You're doing everything you need to do to gradually reduce your dose. That's the right approach. You made the right choice, and you're going to get through this.

Edited September 6Sep 6 by poulette38

My current symptom is now Anhedonia. The depression is kind of gone although I don’t know if I have to call it a depression. I think it’s the Ri that did this. I had two evenings where I could communicate with others and felt a bit like myself. Is this a good sing? Does it mean I’m stabilizing? Is it possible to get rid of the anhedonia when you Ri a small dose ? I am wondering if I’m making it worse when I stated the Ri. Any comment or experience is welcome. Most important thing is ; is it possible to heal when you are on a small dose of the drug ?

Watching this will help answer your question about healing while still on the drug... great interview with Chris Paige.

Source: YouTube https://share.google/usDQUBDthSK3fzhiZ

1 hour ago, Saar8srl said:

had two evenings where I could communicate with others and felt a bit like myself. Is this a good sing? Does it mean I’m stabilizing?

This is definitely a good sign. Stability takes much longer than we think or wish.

It's not uncommon to cycle through various symptoms.

1 hour ago, Saar8srl said:

My current symptom is now Anhedonia. The depression is kind of gone although I don’t know if I have to call it a depression. I think it’s the Ri that did this. I had two evenings where I could communicate with others and felt a bit like myself. Is this a good sing? Does it mean I’m stabilizing? Is it possible to get rid of the anhedonia when you Ri a small dose ? I am wondering if I’m making it worse when I stated the Ri. Any comment or experience is welcome. Most important thing is ; is it possible to heal when you are on a small dose of the drug ?

It's very common for symptoms to morph and change in withdrawal. I wouldn't assume that the RI caused your anhedonia, especially if this started several days after increasing your dose. But yes, I think it's very possible to stabilize where you are. It's a very good sign that you've had a few small windows, your nervous system is clearly working towards stability. What it needs now is time and patience to settle down.

12 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

Watching this will help answer your question about healing while still on the drug... great interview with Chris Paige.

Source: YouTube https://share.google/usDQUBDthSK3fzhiZ

One of my favourites!