@Chippy im just trying to be honest how I experience things . I don’t know anything about wd and even tho I read a lot and in better days I have hope but in a wave I tell myself that this is it and my depression is way worse than others and they can heal because they have physical symptoms and I can’t . Start to think depression is different than the physical symptoms. I know this is not helping me and I hope in time I would learn to cope with this behavior and the symptoms. I just think I’m not good with not knowing what is going on and when this would end .

@Saar8srl WD causes both physical and mental symptoms. When things are tough we all feel less positive about our healing, this is normal and natural. You have done all you can by RI and adjusting the dose. Now it is time to hold and work on your coping skills to help reduce the suffering whilst your body is stablising. Remember symptoms are just a sign of WD/injury not you and also a sign of healing/adjustments being made.

11 minutes ago, Chippy said:

WD causes both physical and mental symptoms. When things are tough we all feel less positive about our healing, this is normal and natural. You have done all you can by RI and adjusting the dose. Now it is time to hold and work on your coping skills to help reduce the suffering whilst your body is stablising. Remember symptoms are just a sign of WD/injury not you and also a sign of healing/adjustments being made.

Thank you chippy. I try. I used to be a big worrier or at least I think. I never had to deal with this kind of mental issues. Staying positive when your mind is playing games with you is very hard but on some good days I have hope so I try to trust these feelings.

Just now, Saar8srl said:

Thank you chippy. I try. I used to be a big worrier or at least I think. I never had to deal with this kind of mental issues. Staying positive when your mind is playing games with you is very hard but on some good days I have hope so I try to trust these feelings.

Pleasure, it is hard, especially if you have been a worrier before. Learning to trust and let go is not normal for us. It is however the key to reducing the suffering and offering some peace to a destablised nervous system. Not a destination and continued practice xxx

Hi guys. Just an update. I have been thinking about getting back to work and even about letting my daughter living with me again . Buy im just too scared . She has been through so much and I don’t want her to see me like this. I wish u could find a way to explain to others how I felt and why I can’t function. My depression, dpdr and low mood are both so strong that they role my whole day. I try to find distractions but when I’m feeling so down nothing helps . I just want to be in bed and doom scroll. I try to tell myself that this is wd, this is not you. Then all the string thoughts come up a telling me that this is the new me and that without taking the meds this is me underneath it. I know all of you suffer way more than me and I’m sorry for al of you . Literally every day I wake up with different mood and the feeling that I have a hangover. During the dirty window I know this is not me but when im a wave I completely lose all my trust and know that whatever was the reason I went on the drug, this is the new me .

Hi @Saar8srl How old is your daughter and have you had any discussions about your AD tapering? I've found it very helpful to have family around who can support and distract me. Your daughter may be of an age where she has some understanding of your situation, and she may genuinely want to spend some time with you. I'll be interested to see what you and she decide. Take care

5 minutes ago, Catbird said:

Hi @Saar8srl How old is your daughter and have you had any discussions about your AD tapering? I've found it very helpful to have family around who can support and distract me. Your daughter may be of an age where she has some understanding of your situation, and she may genuinely want to spend some time with you. I'll be interested to see what you and she decide. Take care

Hi dear, she is 14. Have been through a lot. I’m still in an acute fase and can’t function yet. So cooking and cleaning is very hard for me these days. Kind of body shutdown. Don’t know if anybody is recognizing this. I don’t have social support. I just don’t want her to get worse. She is in a place where people take good care of her and she is safe. Just don’t know what to do .

Hey @Saar8srl Sounds like maybe this is a choice to make in a couple of weeks, you are still in a period of heavy waves and dirty windows. Perhaps spending some time with her in your dirty windows might be best for now? Then once things are more steady you could consider having back with you. Sounds like she is getting to the age where she can understand well what you are going through, you could start to explain to her how things are for you, when you are in your better days/dirty windows then. You can build that bond and understanding of your situation which might make it easier for her when she does come back full time.

7 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Saar8srl Sounds like maybe this is a choice to make in a couple of weeks, you are still in a period of heavy waves and dirty windows. Perhaps spending some time with her in your dirty windows might be best for now? Then once things are more steady you could consider having back with you. Sounds like she is getting to the age where she can understand well what you are going through, you could start to explain to her how things are for you, when you are in your better days/dirty windows then. You can build that bond and understanding of your situation which might make it easier for her when she does come back full time.

You’re always so kind chippy. Thank you. I’m just doubting my situation so much. Just don’t like being this way and when in a dirty window telling myself why I’m not even able to do the simple tasks . I feel like I’m the only one who is like this and everyone is able to live their lives in wd. Working, having a family and just pushing through and I can’t. That makes me sad. Do you think I can stablize on 3 mg or to get more stablize maybe increase more?

2 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

You’re always so kind chippy. Thank you. I’m just doubting my situation so much. Just don’t like being this way and when in a dirty window telling myself why I’m not even able to do the simple tasks . I feel like I’m the only one who is like this and everyone is able to live their lives in wd. Working, having a family and just pushing through and I can’t. That makes me sad. Do you think I can stablize on 3 mg or to get more stablize maybe increase more?

I think you are doing your very best in very difficult circumstances. Everyone is different. Some can hardly cook for themselves, others can just about work through this. It also changes as time passes for each of us as we heal and stablise. Main thing is to not compare yourself and just do what you can and accept the rest. Find some peace, you deserve it!

Personally I would hold this dose for as long as it takes now xxxx

7 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Personally I would hold this dose for as long as it takes now xxxx

I read a lot about Ri and increasing . Sometimes increasing is the answer for relief but I’m not sure .. can I also stabilize on 3 mg? If only the dark days would get less and more tolerable…

1 minute ago, Saar8srl said:

I read a lot about Ri and increasing . Sometimes increasing is the answer for relief but I’m not sure .. can I also stabilize on 3 mg? If only the dark days would get less and more tolerable…

To me it sounds like 4mg was too activating for you.

In time they will. X

2 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

I read a lot about Ri and increasing . Sometimes increasing is the answer for relief but I’m not sure .. can I also stabilize on 3 mg? If only the dark days would get less and more tolerable…

I would advice to not go above 3mg, 3mg is already around 25% receptor occupancy, no reason to just keep going higher and higher in my opinion, but it's all up to you.

I would say keep holding, there is no reason to go above 25% receptor occupancy, even if you don't react badly to a higher dose, doesn't mean it will fix your issues, there is no magic pill im afraid, keep holding ❣️

@Lighty ok I just think I don’t know how this Ri really works. So even on a small amount you can eventually heal?

16 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

@Lighty ok I just think I don’t know how this Ri really works. So even on a small amount you can eventually heal?

you can stabilize yes, just takes a long time, did you notice any improvements with your RI or you are desperately trying to get improvement ?

4 minutes ago, Lighty said:

you can stabilize yes, just takes a long time, did you notice any improvements with your RI or you are desperately trying to get improvement ?

I don't know if I'm stabilizing. I became depressed on April 14th after taking an excessive dose of Zoloft. Something literally changed in my head, and I couldn't enjoy anything anymore; before that, I was fine. So, that was a few months ago now. I never had any trouble with the oxazepam, as I had stopped taking it back in December. I did take it again in April, May, and June, but was able to stop easily. My depression might be slightly less severe now—though I'm not sure—and there are somewhat more frequent windows of relief, but I wonder if that's due to the RI...?

28 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

So even on a small amount you can eventually heal?

The drug doesn't help you heal, it is just a crutch for the brain whilst you heal.x

1 minute ago, Saar8srl said:

I don't know if I'm stabilizing. I became depressed on April 14th after taking an excessive dose of Zoloft. Something literally changed in my head, and I couldn't enjoy anything anymore; before that, I was fine. So, that was a few months ago now. I never had any trouble with the oxazepam, as I had stopped taking it back in December. I did take it again in April, May, and June, but was able to stop easily. My depression might be slightly less severe now—though I'm not sure—and there are somewhat more frequent windows of relief, but I wonder if that's due to the RI...?

well just listening to your story, my opinion is that holding is the best course, this is a long road as i mentioned before, I believe in you and you will win with patience ❣️

1 minute ago, Saar8srl said:

I don't know if I'm stabilizing.

You havent been holding long at all. You need to see a longer period of time to see progress

2 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

I became depressed on April 14th after taking an excessive dose of Zoloft. Something literally changed in my head, and I couldn't enjoy anything anymore; before that, I was fine.

This is kindling from the too higher dose.

2 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

My depression might be slightly less severe now—though I'm not sure—and there are somewhat more frequent windows of relief, but I wonder if that's due to the RI...?

This is a good sign, you have had better days, you will have more. Learning acceptance and other coping skills is best now :) x

2 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

I don't know if I'm stabilizing. I became depressed on April 14th after taking an excessive dose of Zoloft. Something literally changed in my head, and I couldn't enjoy anything anymore; before that, I was fine. So, that was a few months ago now. I never had any trouble with the oxazepam, as I had stopped taking it back in December. I did take it again in April, May, and June, but was able to stop easily. My depression might be slightly less severe now—though I'm not sure—and there are somewhat more frequent windows of relief, but I wonder if that's due to the RI...?

The drug can give you a little relief, but the rest is about waiting patiently until you stabilize. The drug doesn’t heal WD, from what I experienced, time is what ultimately helps.

A few years ago, I took a very high dose for Ri—5 mg at first, then increasing it to 10 mg. From that point onward, it took me more than a year to stabilize enough to be able to work again. Looking back, I think the Ri dose was far too high.

A lot of people suffer very badly from WD. Your brain is questioning everything right now because the situation is new to you, and it wants to make sure that you’re going to be okay.

And you will be okay. Give yourself time and be patient with the process. Try to take things one day at a time and don’t judge your progress from one day to the next. Healing can be slow and unpredictable, but difficult days don’t mean that you’re going backwards.

Be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through something very difficult, and it’s completely understandable to feel scared or uncertain. You don’t have to have all the answers right now—you just need to keep going, rest when you need to, and give your brain and body the time they need.

Sending hugs to you ❤️

29 minutes ago, Glimmery said:

Sending hugs to you

Thank you so much love. You have been so kind ❤️

4 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

Hi dear, she is 14. Have been through a lot. I’m still in an acute fase and can’t function yet. So cooking and cleaning is very hard for me these days. Kind of body shutdown. Don’t know if anybody is recognizing this. I don’t have social support. I just don’t want her to get worse. She is in a place where people take good care of her and she is safe. Just don’t know what to do .

Sounds like @Chippy knows your situation and has offered good advice about connecting with your daughter when you’ve stabilised.

@Catbird yes . It helps when others get you. ❤️

It strikes me how incredibly compassionate everyone on this site is, and what immense empathy they possess—it’s truly impressive. You might almost think that people who have suffered a great deal develop these qualities more, or perhaps we ended up in this position precisely because we are so compassionate and always put others first. Either way, it is remarkable to witness, and certainly an experience to carry with us—both into a better life ahead and in the here and now. I send you all my blessings, dear ones.❤️

"No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered aso which one may be true"

Edited September 21Sep 21 by Saar8srl

46 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

It strikes me how incredibly compassionate everyone on this site is, and what immense empathy they possess—it’s truly impressive. You might almost think that people who have suffered a great deal develop these qualities more, or perhaps we ended up in this position precisely because we are so compassionate and always put others first. Either way, it is remarkable to witness, and certainly an experience to carry with us—both into a better life ahead and in the here and now. I send you all my blessings, dear ones.❤️

This is such a beautiful post, @Saar8srl , thank you!!