6 minutes ago, NBJ71 said:

Hi @Finni

 

I’ve just read your thread, I really am so sorry to see that you’re struggling so much. It’s absolutely awful. I know it’s hard to think clearly at times but could I ask, if you can remember, while you were stable on 7.5mg of Mirtazapine and tapering the Valium, how were you then? Was the Valium taper causing you symptoms? 

Yes, the Valium taper did cause me symptoms unfortunately, because I had reached tolerance and was going too fast. I had no issues with mirtazapine at 7.5 mg.

9 minutes ago, Chippy said:

@Finni Im sorry you are suffering so badly. I have just made you a new signature which I think is right can you check it?

 

Please clarify these dates:

 

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning – Did you finish this taper?

2025 (Mar) - Ativan 0mg? (Stopped 0.33 mg daily) In detox - When did you increase this to 0.33mg or are you saying the detox centre put you on at this dose and if so when did you stop it?

I was on .11 mg liquid three times a day of Ativan so .33 mg daily

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

I was on .11 mg liquid three times a day of Ativan so .33 mg daily

Can you edit your signature to make both of my questions clear please Finni? Dont just add it to the bottom please edit the lines Ive put in there making sure to keep to the same format please? 🙂 

 

Can you also confirm the rest of the history is now correct and there is nothing else?

 

Thank you! 🙂 

 

Question 1- 2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning – Did you finish this taper?

 

Question 2 - 2025 (Mar) - Ativan 0mg? (Stopped 0.33 mg daily) In detox - When did you increase this to 0.33mg or are you saying the detox centre put you on at this dose and if so when did you stop it?

4 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Can you edit your signature to make both of my questions clear please Finni? Dont just add it to the bottom please edit the lines Ive put in there making sure to keep to the same format please? 🙂 

 

Can you also confirm the rest of the history is now correct and there is nothing else?

 

Thank you! 🙂 

 

Question 1- 2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning – Did you finish this taper?

 

Question 2 - 2025 (Mar) - Ativan 0mg? (Stopped 0.33 mg daily) In detox - When did you increase this to 0.33mg or are you saying the detox centre put you on at this dose and if so when did you stop it?

it should be correct now

 

I don’t think I’m repressing anything else. It’s all been so traumatic. I don’t like to look at it.

1 minute ago, Finni said:

it should be correct now

 

I don’t think I’m repressing anything else. It’s all been so traumatic. I don’t like to look at it.

No thank you Finni, I understand, thank you for doing that

So to confirm:

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning - Did you finished this taper? 

 

2025 (Mar) - Ativan .11 mg (3 times daily) In detox - Did you just take this whilst in detox and the stopped it CT?

 

 

3 minutes ago, Chippy said:

So to confirm:

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning - Did you finished this taper? 

 

2025 (Mar) - Ativan .11 mg (3 times daily) In detox - Did you just take this whilst in detox and the stopped it CT?

 

 

Yes-that was the dose they CTd me off 

1 minute ago, Finni said:

Yes-that was the dose they CTd me off 

And this taper did youn complete it?

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning - Did you finished this taper? 

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

And this taper did youn complete it?

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning - Did you finished this taper? 

No- I was taken off .11 mg 3xs daily insertion and switched to depakote 

I see so like this:

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning got to 0.11mg

2025 (Mar) - Ativan 0mg - CT In detox

4 minutes ago, Chippy said:

I see so like this:

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning got to 0.11mg

2025 (Mar) - Ativan 0mg - CT In detox

Exactly 

I hope I’m not too damaged to heal 

41 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Hey @Finni im so sorry it's not getting better still, is it possible to wait until the meeting with dr h? 

I’m going to try! 
I hope I’m not too injured to heal from all of this

I think your problems all stem back from this:

 

2024 (2 Nov) - Completed taper off Valium - You ended up in WD

2024 (2 Nov) - Mirtazapine increased to 15 mg - Doctors treated your WD by increasing the Mirt

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Tried to further help here but would have made it worse IMO

2025 (april) Started Depakote 1500mg – In detox - And here........

2025 (Aug) - Completed taper off Depakote - Coming off Depakote quickly added to things I think too possible WD

 

2025 (Aug) - Akathisia surges throughout the day with calming in between - Hence this response here

 

Then all these were further attempts to help your symptoms but have made things worse

2025 (Sept) - Gabapentin (Micro Dose) - Was calming at first and then became paradoxical so stop

2025 (Oct) - Depakote - RI – (Two days of small dose) Became scared and stopped with WD & aka

2025 (Oct) - Seroquel 50 mg XR – 1 Week - more and more activating and increased aka

2025 (Oct) - Psychiatrist told me to stop it. But I took a few days of a smaller dose of IR then stopped - Not activating

2025 (Nov) - Hydroxyzine 2.5mg - it was paradoxical so stopped

 

2025 (1 Dec) - Mirtazapine 22.5mg - (2 Days) Was incredibly overstimulating started reducing to previous - Then this further attempt to treat the orginal problem which has just gotten worse due to the changes.

 

It all makes sense to me now we can see your full history Finni.

 

You are seeing Dr H on Wednesday. Don't do anything until then. 

 

Are you reacting to Mirt at this dose? It isn't clear cut to me. Sometimes I think you are, sometimes I think you are not. Depends on what you say. Either way when you make the cuts, it may or may not be helping you, but I think the additonal WD it causes isn't worth it at the moment.

 

I wouldn't increase your dose at this point personally. Just more changes.

 

I think you are suffering with a mix of WD from a series of different drugs and some nervous system dysregulation/injury from all the switches and changes etc.....

 

You need time for your body to adjust to the new drug settings and also to heal the injury. I think making any further shifts is only complicating things for you.

 

Personally I think you need to hold and continue to be super strong, (you have got this!). You will slowly improve. But it can take some time Finni.

 

For the minute wait till you speak to Dr H and see what he thinks but this is my view.

 

Chippy

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

I think your problems all stem from bak from this:

 

2024 (2 Nov) - Completed taper off Valium - You ended up in WD

2024 (2 Nov) - Mirtazapine increased to 15 mg - Doctors treated your WD by increasing the Mirt

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Tried to further help here but would have made it worse IMO

2025 (april) Started Depakote 1500mg – In detox - And here........

2025 (Aug) - Completed taper off Depakote - Coming off Depakote quickly added to things I think too possible WD

 

2025 (Aug) - Akathisia surges throughout the day with calming in between - Hence this response here

 

Then the all these was further attempts to help your symptoms but have made things worse

2025 (Sept) - Gabapentin (Micro Dose) - Was calming at first and then became paradoxical so stop

2025 (Oct) - Depakote - RI – (Two days of small dose) Became scared and stopped with WD & aka

2025 (Oct) - Seroquel 50 mg XR – 1 Week - more and more activating and increased aka

2025 (Oct) - Psychiatrist told me to stop it. But I took a few days of a smaller dose of IR then stopped - Not activating

2025 (Nov) - Hydroxyzine 2.5mg - it was paradoxical so stopped

 

2025 (1 Dec) - Mirtazapine 22.5mg - (2 Days) Was incredibly overstimulating started reducing to previous - Then this further attempt to treat the orginal problem which has just gotten worse due to the changes.

 

It all makes sense to me now we can see your full history Finni.

 

You are seeing Dr H on Wednesday. Don't do anything until then. 

 

Are you reacting to Mirt at this dose? It isn' clear cut to me. Sometimes I think you are, sometimes I think you are not. Depends on what you say. Either way when you make the cuts, it may or may not be helping you, but I think the additonal WD it causes in't worth it at the moment.

 

I wouldn't increase your dose at this point personally. Just more changes.

 

I think you are suffering with a mix of WD from a series of different drugs and some nervous system dysregulation/injury from all the switches and changes etc.....

 

You need time for your body to adjust to the new drug settings and also to heal the injury. I think making any further shifts is only complicating things for you.

 

Personally I think you need to hold and continue to be super strong, (you have got this!). You will slowly imporve I know it. But it can take some time Finni.

 

For the minute wait till you speak to Dr H and see what he thinks but this is my view.

 

Chippy

I totally agree!
 

I just wish I would’ve seen the whole picture more clearly but it’s hard when I’m down in it

 

I should’ve never gone to the psychiatric hospital to get help. I should’ve just listened to my psychiatrist. 

Hey @Finni

 

Youre going through some tough times at the moment but you’re not too damaged to heal. You’ll get there, you really will. I think Fullhealing and Chippy right, if possible, you need to sit tight and don’t make any dose changes until you’ve spoken to Dr H. 
Hopefully he’ll be able to find a way forwards for you. Until then we’re all here for you. Better times are ahead for you Finni so hang in there! 
 

Thinking of you. 

@Chippy

and I don’t really know if I’m reacting to mirtazapine… It seems like it to me… But it also depends on what my nervous system is doing overall

If I have a calmer day then I don’t seem to react as much to mirtazapine

1 minute ago, NBJ71 said:

Hey @Finni

 

Youre going through some tough times at the moment but you’re not too damaged to heal. You’ll get there, you really will. I think Fullhealing and Chippy right, if possible, you need to sit tight and don’t make any dose changes until you’ve spoken to Dr H. 
Hopefully he’ll be able to find a way forwards for you. Until then we’re all here for you. Better times are ahead for you Finni so hang in there! 
 

Thinking of you. 

Thank you so much ❤️

 

Just now, Finni said:

@Chippy

and I don’t really know if I’m reacting to mirtazapine… It seems like it to me… But it also depends on what my nervous system is doing overall

If I have a calmer day then I don’t seem to react as much to mirtazapine

this is what I mean, I don't think it is clear cut enough, it could just be how you feel on the day. Cutting whilst in your situation has never been ideal.

4 minutes ago, Finni said:

I totally agree!
 

I just wish I would’ve seen the whole picture more clearly but it’s hard when I’m down in it

 

I should’ve never gone to the psychiatric hospital to get help. I should’ve just listened to my psychiatrist. 

Hindsight Finni, you are where you are now. Your body is strong and it can heal from this. We are ALL here for you. xxxx

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

Hindsight Finni, you are where you are now. Your body is strong and it can heal from this. We are ALL here for you. xxxx

Thank you so much ❤️

 

and thank you for getting my signature so up-to-date and clear

1 minute ago, Finni said:

Thank you so much ❤️

 

and thank you for getting my signature so up-to-date and clear

Oh finni, it is an absolute pleasure and I wish we could do more to help! But you are not alone. And many have been in your situation before and recovered and you will too. NEVER give up, I know its hard but you can do it. Just one day at a time. xxxxx

And please don’t beat yourself up about going to the hospital, you were looking for a solution to help yourself. I did exactly the same thing Finni and so have many others. The hospital made me so much worse but I got through the worst of it and so will you. We’re generally far more resilient than we realise. 

42 minutes ago, Finni said:

I’m going to try! 
I hope I’m not too injured to heal from all of this

I know it feels endless @Finni I'm so sorry, but let me assure you are not permanently damaged, it always amazes me anew what the body can overcome and you are no exception.

You've been through a lot with sudden changes so it's very complicated which further reinforces my opinion that it's better for you to wait for the appointment with Dr H, there's no one more experienced than him on that and it's worth hearing his opinion, plus any change now could throw you off more and that's the last thing we want.

Please hang in there, you'll get through this eventually! 💞

My affirmation: 

 

“I am healing, and my body is strong enough to get through this. Healing is happening even when I can’t feel it.”