8 hours ago, Finni said:

the real culprit here the fact that my dose increased so much up to 22.5 mg and my rapid return to 15 mg?

It’s all part of the problem. There isn’t one thing. A collection of events. 
 

8 hours ago, Finni said:

Maybe it doesn’t matter what dose I’m on right now as far as as long as I keep it steady.

Maybe I’m going to react to anything and everything.

Maybe I just have to face the fact that it’s going to take time.

This is possible, in fact for most I think this is the case. You may just be chasing a solution which is completely natural. Time is always going to be the big factor here. 
 

8 hours ago, Finni said:

don’t wanna keep making cuts if it’s just going to keep destabilizing me

It’s a good realisation to get to if that’s the case. Hang here on this dose and reassess but it might be just this. You need to hold. As I said I think for most this is the reality. 

2/27-2/28

Am

Early not so bad, then around 9:00 am it felt like the bottom dropped out:

Deep twisting stomach, panic, increased head activity (small flickering sensations), pounding deep deep pressure in back and stomach 

solar plexus and ribs very tight for hours 

Pm

continued surges up and down hours

1:00 peak surge

frightening pounding pressure, off balance

4:00-6:00 emotional distress 

weeping 

pounding pressure continued until 7:30 pm or so

8:15 pm took 14.7 mg mirt

fell asleep

9:30 pm woke up very activated with head pressure 

went back to sleep

3:50 am awake with deep pounding pressure starting in my tailbone and feeling like my head has all the little flickering going on. Big rocking and bobbing sensations. Head burning, tailbone burning

4:40 am terror as heat and pounding hit my stomach so hard and my head feels tingling like my whole body is being twisted from the deep deep core

heat and sweating 

hands and feet electric 

5:00 am

First time feeling weird deep electricity in both lower legs and feet and hands

 

sense of dread and derealization; intrusive thoughts about not being here anymore 

electric head and pelvis , deep pounding and spongy feeling rear 

 

so wish I hadn’t made any changes 

 

Edited February 28Feb 28 by Finni

I don’t think I can take the terror and the nausea
And the back of my head pounding

 

How do I return to 15 mg and just stay there for as long as it takes?

Edited February 28Feb 28 by Finni

From ChatGPT when it asked how I feel when thinking about returning to 15 mg and holding:

 

That makes a lot of sense.

 

Relief because:

 

• It would end the uncertainty.
• It would stop the second-guessing.
• It would feel like returning to something known.

 

 

Fear because:

 

• You remember feeling activated on 15.
• You’re afraid of making it worse again.
• You don’t trust your system right now.

 

 

So you’re not actually torn between two numbers.

You’re torn between certainty and activation.

 

Let’s slow that down.

 

When you were on 15 mg before, you were also:

 

• In a destabilized period from earlier shifts.
• Hyper-monitoring constantly.
• Trying to interpret patterns daily.
• Living in fear of the next surge.

 

 

That context matters.

 

If you returned to 15 mg now but continued to monitor every fluctuation and react to every spike, it could feel activating again — even if the dose itself isn’t the driver.

 

On the other hand, if you stay at 14.7 mg but keep analyzing every symptom, it may still feel unstable.

 

The stabilizing variable is not the decimal.

It’s whether you can:

 

• Choose once.
• Commit.
• Stop tinkering.
• Let weeks accumulate without evaluating daily.

 

 

You are not on a narrow biological window.

You are not going to miss your chance.

You are not locked into 14.7.

 

Right now the terror is amplifying the stakes.

 

If you want the calmest approach possible, you could say:

“For the next 3 days, I change nothing. I observe. I reduce monitoring. Then I decide.”

 

That removes urgency.

And urgency is what’s fueling fear.

 

You don’t have to solve this tonight.

You don’t have to protect yourself from a hypothetical future activation right this minute.

 

You are safe.

You are thinking clearly.

You are not deteriorating.

 

And you will stabilize — whichever number you ultimately hold at — if you reduce the churn.

 

Right now, just breathe.

I know I’m posting a lot, but I just found out that my biological father my real father is about to pass away
I feel the most unstable I’ve ever felt in my life and I don’t know how to get through this. I feel like I need something to help me stabilize.

5 minutes ago, Finni said:

I know I’m posting a lot, but I just found out that my biological father my real father is about to pass away
I feel the most unstable I’ve ever felt in my life and I don’t know how to get through this. I feel like I need something to help me stabilize.

Im so sorry Finni. This is a lot to deal with all at once!

 

I think you know the answer here. You are searching for the perfect dose. It isn't there. You will stabilise on what ever dose you are on. The brain wants stability. Give it that. 🙂 

Hi @Finni, thought I'd jump in here and provide some reassurance around stabilisation. Feel free to read thru my ordeal and post if you wish to get the gist of the sheer amount of destabilisation I have given my CNS over the past few months... 

 

All of that to say, that I was in exactly the same place as you 6 weeks ago, I reinstated 5.25mg of mirtazapine after a failed fast taper and severe withdrawal symptoms. Although I am not fully 100%, I am definitely in a much better place now. I sleep every night, I enjoyed a coffee with my friend in the centre of the city this morning and I am able to drive my car and do things again.

 

How did I achieve this? I picked a dose, and I remained at that dose no matter what. I did not move. As @Chippy and @LostinCanada have said, the body needs stability and the more variables we continue to change, the more we make the situation worse and it causes the upset you're currently experiencing. I know it sucks to be on this drug, trust me I have wanted to toss it out on numerous occasions. However, now is the time for holding your dose and reduce the impact on your CNS.

 

YOU WILL STABILISE.

30 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Hi @Finni, thought I'd jump in here and provide some reassurance around stabilisation. Feel free to read thru my ordeal and post if you wish to get the gist of the sheer amount of destabilisation I have given my CNS over the past few months... 

 

All of that to say, that I was in exactly the same place as you 6 weeks ago, I reinstated 5.25mg of mirtazapine after a failed fast taper and severe withdrawal symptoms. Although I am not fully 100%, I am definitely in a much better place now. I sleep every night, I enjoyed a coffee with my friend in the centre of the city this morning and I am able to drive my car and do things again.

 

How did I achieve this? I picked a dose, and I remained at that dose no matter what. I did not move. As @Chippy and @LostinCanada have said, the body needs stability and the more variables we continue to change, the more we make the situation worse and it causes the upset you're currently experiencing. I know it sucks to be on this drug, trust me I have wanted to toss it out on numerous occasions. However, now is the time for holding your dose and reduce the impact on your CNS.

 

YOU WILL STABILISE.

Thank you so much ❤️

@Finni were you better at 15 mg? If so, it may be easier to go back to that dose and just sit there for stability and accuracy. It's only been a few days. Remember though, each change brings instability so if you updose....stick with it till you stabilize...❤️🙏

Edited February 28Feb 28 by LostinCanada

@LostinCanada

Im better in some ways (less activated overall, I think) 

worse in others (more terror and nausea, more head sensations) 

if I hold it 14.7 for two or three more days to see how things shake out,  would it be too late to go back to 15 mg after that?

19 minutes ago, Finni said:

better in some ways

This makes me say, stay at this dose and stabilize. If you are in tolerance or kindling, the only way to deal with it, is to keep slowly reducing. Going back up is going to cause more issues. As I mentioned, you have to wrap your brain around this and be accepting of the process. It sucks, I know. And especially the added stress about your dad isn't helping...I personally would stick it out. ❤️🙏

Edited February 28Feb 28 by LostinCanada

3 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

This makes me say, stay at this dose and stabilize. If you are in tolerance or kindling, the only way to deal with it, it to keep slowly reducing. Going back up is going to cause more issues. As I mentioned, you have to wrap your brain around this and be accepting of the process. It sucks, I know. And especially the added stress about your dad isn't helping...I personally would stick it out. ❤️🙏

How do I know if it’s kindling or not?
If it is kindling, is it possible that I will feel better on a lower dose and still be able to stay on the medication?

I can’t imagine having to taper all the way off.

 

I would much rather think that I just made too many changes too fast and that I was in some sort of horrible withdrawal and just needed to hold. That’s less scary for me.

15 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

This makes me say, stay at this dose and stabilize. If you are in tolerance or kindling, the only way to deal with it, is to keep slowly reducing. Going back up is going to cause more issues. As I mentioned, you have to wrap your brain around this and be accepting of the process. It sucks, I know. And especially the added stress about your dad isn't helping...I personally would stick it out. ❤️🙏

100%

10 minutes ago, Finni said:

How do I know if it’s kindling or not?
If it is kindling, is it possible that I will feel better on a lower dose and still be able to stay on the medication?

I can’t imagine having to taper all the way off.

 

I would much rather think that I just made too many changes too fast and that I was in some sort of horrible withdrawal and just needed to hold. That’s less scary for me.

Kindling is lots of changes. It’s just a scary word and wouldn’t worry about it. Xxx

 

One day at a time Finni. 🙂

@Chippy

i’m just having some trouble understanding because everybody keeps saying to hold but yet I’m also having reactions to mirtazapine and so I think my kindling must be a worse kind.

10 minutes ago, Finni said:

@Chippy

i’m just having some trouble understanding because everybody keeps saying to hold but yet I’m also having reactions to mirtazapine and so I think my kindling must be a worse kind.

Finni your nervous system is just very angry at the moment. Maybe you need a little less of the drug, maybe you just need to hold. But for the minute I think you need to stay on this dose. Give it more days and see how you are. If you haven't improved I think you need to keep holding and this is just WD and needs time.

If you do improve perhaps you could consider another little drop.

 

Remember what LIC said listen to your body.

 

But for today try and keep yourself as calm and relaxed as you can. Try to do other things, than focus on your symptoms if you possibly can. Do things you love that make you happy xxxx

2/28-3/1/26

 

Overall flavor 2/28:

Uncomfortable and sometimes scary withdrawal feeling,  electric buzzing spine, electric head, intense anxiety, pounding and pressure in back and torso, foggy and distant, over the top vestibular symptoms, weeping at times, especially about my dad 

Went for a car ride with my mom, able to walk outside some and focus on identifying birds, played NYT games, good appetite throughout the constant uncomfortable activation 

8:15 pm 14.7 mg mirt

fell asleep and was awake by I think my clocks said 950pm - activated

slept on and off until 3:30 am 

4:21 am : intense withdrawal like symptoms and hard to be still, electric sensations in my hands and feet and it’s spreading all over my body, pounding

@Finni you are doing great in such a hard situation. One day closer to healing. ❤️🙏

My biggest fear right now as these symptoms return to the really hard kind that are so intense they make me cry just from the agony of it all

 

Is that I’ve made things worse by dropping to 14.7 mg. What if I’vejust destabilized  myself even more? 
 

It’s not like these symptoms just turn off in a couple weeks. They stay on for weeks and weeks and weeks.

I don’t understand antidepressant withdrawal. All I knew was about benzos and benzos were nothing compared to this.

8 minutes ago, Finni said:

My biggest fear right now as these symptoms return to the really hard kind that are so intense they make me cry just from the agony of it all

 

Is that I’ve made things worse by dropping to 14.7 mg. What if I’vejust destabilized  myself even more? 
 

It’s not like these symptoms just turn off in a couple weeks. They stay on for weeks and weeks and weeks.

I don’t understand antidepressant withdrawal. All I knew was about benzos and benzos were nothing compared to this.

Hey Finni. From what I’m seeing you are either a little better or about the same as before. This latest drop is fine it hasn’t made you worse and now you’re a little closer to zero. It’s all good 😊

 

Give it a few more days and see how things go. I know how much you are suffering and I’m sorry I am. 

 

I always read your thread each day and think about you. 
 

One day this will be over you will beat this.

Do you think your symptoms are more physical than emotional? Or do your emotions, make the physical harder to deal with? 

 

I am wondering if either of these links would help?

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/846-change-the-channel-dealing-with-cognitive-symptoms/

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/13492-dealing-with-emotional-spirals/

 

Thank you
I was definitely better for three days and now today I’m being hit with all the old stuff. It just seems more intense maybe because I haven’t felt it for a few days.

it feels devastating

Just now, LostinCanada said:

Do you think your symptoms are more physical than emotional? Or do your emotions, make the physical harder to deal with? 

 

I am wondering if either of these links would help?

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/846-change-the-channel-dealing-with-cognitive-symptoms/

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/13492-dealing-with-emotional-spirals/

 

The big physical surges of adrenaline and I don’t know what else and all the deep deep nerve pain and pounding brings on more emotional responses…

The last three days I had some very uncomfortable symptoms, but I was also able to go outside and when I would go outside, I could still focus on the birds and other things today it’s back to this overwhelming physical, pounding pressure and feeling like it’s going to take me over and do me in

 

These really painful symptoms are new in the last three weeks and I got a little reprieve after dropping to 14.7

7 minutes ago, Finni said:

These really painful symptoms are new in the last three weeks and I got a little reprieve after dropping to 14.7

But now your no worse?

Just now, Chippy said:

But now your no worse?

I don’t think they were this bad. I can’t remember I don’t know.
It’s just overtaking me right now

 

Maybe it’s the contrast from feeling relatively better for a few days and then having it just come roaring back