I also wanted to ask:

Are you calibrating your scale before using? Is it on a level stable surface? Is it away from Windows, fan, heaters?

15 hours ago, LostinCanada said:

I also wanted to ask:

Are you calibrating your scale before using? Is it on a level stable surface? Is it away from Windows, fan, heaters?

I haven’t been every single time. I will start doing that.
 

It’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m having really sickening, twisting burning symptoms.

It’s day 11 now after reducing to 14.7 mg.

 

Yesterday was one of the hardest symptom days I’ve had. I rated it 9.5/10

 

My baseline just seems to be getting worse and worse after every cut. 
 

I can look back over the last few months after having to come down and I get relief at first and then it’s like my baseline gets worse.

I wish I would’ve been keeping track like I am now on the symptoms sheet

 

3/7-3/8/06

 

3/7 intensity rating: 9.5/10

 

A.m. horrible activation, the crying and begging God to live kind that I hadn’t experienced in a while. Feels like akathisia Terror surges throughout the day with twisting sickening nausea

 

Very activated all day with waves surging and receding some

 

burning, pounding vibrating and some painful deep stomach nerve activity 

 

shuddering internally 

 

vestibular symptoms a little better overall 

 

Went on a car ride with my mom 2times 

 

ate 3 meals with some nausea present at noon 

 

could watch Netflix only briefly 

 

8:15 pm took 14.7 mg mirt

 

slept more peacefully about 6 hours 

 

4:00 am 

electricity and pressure and sickening terror spreading throughout my body from my stomach

 

6:00 am had to get up and start moving with feelings of dread and a nightmare quality

 

8 AM muscles are tightening in my solar plexus and my back and my neck head feels full and electric and I’m incredibly floaty and bouncy feeling

 

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Finni said:

3/7-3/8/06

 

3/7 intensity rating: 9.5/10

 

A.m. horrible activation, the crying and begging God to live kind that I hadn’t experienced in a while. Feels like akathisia Terror surges throughout the day with twisting sickening nausea

 

Very activated all day with waves surging and receding some

 

burning, pounding vibrating and some painful deep stomach nerve activity 

 

shuddering internally 

 

vestibular symptoms a little better overall 

 

Went on a car ride with my mom 2times 

 

ate 3 meals with some nausea present at noon 

 

could watch Netflix only briefly 

 

8:15 pm took 14.7 mg mirt

 

slept more peacefully about 6 hours 

 

4:00 am 

electricity and pressure and sickening terror spreading throughout my body from my stomach

 

6:00 am had to get up and start moving with feelings of dread and a nightmare quality

 

8 AM muscles are tightening in my solar plexus and my back and my neck head feels full and electric and I’m incredibly floaty and bouncy feeling

 

 

 

 

 

Dear @Finni truly sorry, so brutal!!

We know this nasty waves, it feels forever but it will subside eventually, hang in there, stay strong 💞

I think I’m worse. I think this is withdrawal type stuff is worse than before. I’m so scared.
 

I don’t think I can go back up to 15 mg now

1 hour ago, Finni said:

I think I’m worse. I think this is withdrawal type stuff is worse than before. I’m so scared.
 

I don’t think I can go back up to 15 mg now

Oh so sorry you suffer so badly @Finni It's likely withdrawal symptoms that often come in delay and become much worse before any relief. If I were you, I wouldn't touch the dose for a significant period of time.

Obviously it's complicated as it's hard to know if it's a reaction to the drug itself or you just need long time to find some balance but in any case any changes could be just too much for the system to handle.

Edited March 8Mar 8 by Fullhealing

4 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Oh so sorry you suffer so badly @Finni It's likely withdrawal symptoms that often come in delay and become much worse before any relief. If I were you, I wouldn't touch the dose for a significant period of time.

Obviously it's complicated as it's hard to know if it's a reaction to the drug itself or you just need long time to find some balance but in any case any changes could be just too much for the system to handle.

I know you know the level of suffering that can happen, especially when reducing from an unstable place, which is what I did 11 days ago looking for relief. 
This whole experience is the most ungodly thing I’ve ever been through.
I would take a benzo withdrawal any day over this.

I’m just venting, but I’m so so scared. It’s been such a long road.

@Fullhealing

thank you so much for responding ❤️

 

I’m sorry that you suffer too

57 minutes ago, Finni said:

@Fullhealing

thank you so much for responding ❤️

 

I’m sorry that you suffer too

Thanks you @Finni please hang in there and again imo wait.

And vent all the way, letting off steam is a great coping tool 💞

 

Edited March 8Mar 8 by Fullhealing

@Finni hang in there. Physical strategies really help me, even with the psychological ones. Today I rocked back and forward, had a weighted blanket on, cuddled a toy and even held my electric toothbrush, feeling the vibration and listening to the sound. It got me through. Thinking of you today xx

Thank you 💗

we’ll make it through 

It’s 7:20 PM and I feel like I’m in something that might be called a crash. I feel like I’m completely destabilized 

 

I don’t know what to do because I don’t know how to get stabilized

 

 

everything is electric so deep in my body, including my head, horrible burning and all of my body

Hang in there @Finni! I’m so sorry for all the suffering. You speak to Dr H Wednesday right? Be good to see his pov on this. 

5 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hang in there @Finni! I’m so sorry for all the suffering. You speak to Dr H Wednesday right? Be good to see his pov on this. 

Right 

I feel like I’m in some sort of emergency. It’s so horrible.

 

I just realized I should’ve added more to my signature. Some little medication trials came after the Depakote. It’s just so scary to see how much I’ve been sensitized. 
The whole reason I was seeking help before they increased. My mirtazapine was because my nervous system was surging, and I was having akasthisia

 

i’m afraid too much damage has been done

Edited March 9Mar 9 by Finni

31 minutes ago, Finni said:

Right 

I feel like I’m in some sort of emergency. It’s so horrible.

 

I just realized I should’ve added more to my signature. Some little medication trials came after the Depakote. It’s just so scary to see how much I’ve been sensitized. 
The whole reason I was seeking help before they increased. My mirtazapine was because my nervous system was surging, and I was having akasthisia

 

i’m afraid too much damage has been done

Have you just added these extra things to your signature just now?

 

And are you saying the reason why you increased your dose to 22.5mg was because you were feeling these symptoms then?

On 2/20/2026 at 1:35 PM, Finni said:

Yes, I was tolerating even 15 mg really well before those destabilizing events

and I was doing incredibly well compared to this before I allowed the Dec 1st increase.

I would give anything to go back to November 30th.

Is this statement still true do you think? Or are you now saying the increase to 22.5mg is due to the symptoms your were experiencing at the time? Please be honest, it is really important 

4 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Is this statement still true do you think? Or are you now saying the increase to 22.5mg is due to the symptoms your were experiencing at the time? Please be honest, it is really important 

When I say I was doing well compared to now, I meant that I wasn’t in this extreme state, but I was having aka during surges that would then calm down, and I would have windows in between the surges. Could converse normally eat normally, etc., but I was not functioning overall normally

12 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Have you just added these extra things to your signature just now?

 

And are you saying the reason why you increased your dose to 22.5mg was because you were feeling these symptoms then?

Yes- that’s why I went to a psychiatric hospital because of the surges- that’s where I was increased to 22.5 mg mirtazapine. I went there saying my psychiatrist doesn’t want me to try any more medication‘s and they said ok. We’ll just take what you have and increase it.

I haven’t added in those medication’s between August and December 2025 to my signature yet

Edited March 9Mar 9 by Finni

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

When I say I was doing well compared to now, I meant that I wasn’t in this extreme state, but I was having aka during surges that would then calm down, and I would have windows in between the surges. Could converse normally eat normally, etc., but I was not functioning overall normally

 

1 minute ago, Finni said:

Yes- that’s why I went to a psychiatric hospital because of the surges- that’s where I was increased to 22.5 mg mirtazapine. I went there saying my psychiatrist doesn’t want me to try any more medication‘s and they said ok. We’ll just take what you have and increase it.

I haven’t added in those medication’s between August and December 2025 to my signature yet

I didn't realise any of this. What date did you last feel stable?

2 minutes ago, Chippy said:

 

I didn't realise any of this. What date did you last feel stable?

I just added to my signature
 

I’m terrified at how I feel now I probably should’ve never changed mirtazapine down to 14.7

@Chippy

The day I went into the psychiatric hospital I had a big window after I got there after I got there was resting and eating normally showering slept well that night.

I was much more stable at the end of October and through November than I am now. 
But totally stable? 

I feel like I’m at a total crisis point right now
I might need to add back in a little mirtazapine tonight. I probably can’t go all the way back up to 15. That would be too shocking

@Finni Im sorry you are suffering so badly. I have just made you a new signature which I think is right can you check it?

 

Please clarify these dates:

 

2025 (Feb) - Ativan 0.25 mg (3 x Daily) - Became Paradoxical - Started weaning – Did you finish this taper?

2025 (Mar) - Ativan 0mg? (Stopped 0.33 mg daily) In detox - When did you increase this to 0.33mg or are you saying the detox centre put you on at this dose and if so when did you stop it?

21 minutes ago, Finni said:

I feel like I’m at a total crisis point right now
I might need to add back in a little mirtazapine tonight. I probably can’t go all the way back up to 15. That would be too shocking

Hey @Finni im so sorry it's not getting better still, is it possible to wait until the meeting with dr h? 

Hi @Finni

 

I’ve just read your thread, I really am so sorry to see that you’re struggling so much. It’s absolutely awful. I know it’s hard to think clearly at times but could I ask, if you can remember, while you were stable on 7.5mg of Mirtazapine and tapering the Valium, how were you then? Was the Valium taper causing you symptoms?