2 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

If we think it enough it will come our reality.. but yes work in progress for all of us 🤷

Fake it until you make it.. that's real 😊

Might sound strange but sometimes I think our answers are what we need to hear for ourselves as if we are helping others at the same time as helping ourselves ..if that makes sense.  A kindof journaling of our own thoughts to ourselves 🤔

Edited March 29Mar 29 by Beehive

4 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Fake it until you make it.. that's real 😊

Crazy paradox, you have to fake thinking something exists while it's already there.. the brain that we have to work with..

I have to stop here.. 😄

@Finni hold on dear,  you'll get through it!!

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I am so shocked at how much more reactive my nervous system is now that I had that 15 mg slip up.
Such intense distress, even though yesterday and the day before were easier than Saturday and today
Today must be the peak of something.

 

My muscles are contracting so hard and I’m burning so bad - all of this comes in waves, and then recedes, and then comes back again. I’ve never felt anything like this or nothing this intense anyway.

 

Lots of crying and begging God to help me as I pace-

like akasthisia 

6 minutes ago, Finni said:

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I am so shocked at how much more reactive my nervous system is now that I had that 15 mg slip up.
Such intense distress, even though yesterday and the day before were easier than Saturday and today
Today must be the peak of something.

 

My muscles are contracting so hard and I’m burning so bad - all of this comes in waves, and then recedes, and then comes back again. I’ve never felt anything like this or nothing this intense anyway.

 

Lots of crying and begging God to help me as I pace-

like akasthisia 

I'm so sorry Finny, it's so incredibly tough, but at least it's not constant and there are short breaks, that's encouraging.

Hang in there, it will get better, and remember that you are strong against whatever comes your way!

This is and will be the hardest thing you will have to endure . Once you get to that finish line you will be the strongest bravest  most resilient person you know . You will find gratitude in the smallest thing and will live the best life ever . You get through this you can get through anything. Keep the faith we are all walking beside you 🤗

@Finni I will try to hold you in my mind and heart this week. I too get strange sensations on my body most days that feel tortuous. Words are too difficult to describe it. I am so sorry this is happening. I will sit with you in your torment, know you are not alone. 

Thanks @Fullhealing @Beehive @Sminismoni

❤️❤️❤️

14 hours ago, Finni said:

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I am so shocked at how much more reactive my nervous system is now that I had that 15 mg slip up.
Such intense distress, even though yesterday and the day before were easier than Saturday and today
Today must be the peak of something.

 

My muscles are contracting so hard and I’m burning so bad - all of this comes in waves, and then recedes, and then comes back again. I’ve never felt anything like this or nothing this intense anyway.

 

Lots of crying and begging God to help me as I pace-

like akasthisia 

Sending some love @Finni you have amazing strength in the difficult time xxx

I don’t know what’s what anymore.

 

It’s starting to feel more like an adverse reaction again…

After I take mirtazapine, I feel sick sweat profusely in the hours afterwards and lately my head pressure and head pounding comes on.

 

Deep, twisting nerve pain also in my stomach and back worse.

 

Maybe it’s just withdrawal.

 

By the time I take my next dose, I feel like I’m in withdrawal, but a lot of the more severe symptoms have lessened.

Then it’s like the cycle starts all over again after I take it.

 

 

It’s all so confusing

 

I just know I’ve never felt this bad before in my life not even in the last few months It’s been now since they increased the mirtazapine and I had to come back down.

 

Maybe this is just some horrible withdrawal after my body was zinged with the accidental a 15 mg 12 days ago 

1 hour ago, Finni said:

It’s all so confusing

 

I just know I’ve never felt this bad before in my life not even in the last few months It’s been now since they increased the mirtazapine and I had to come back down.

 

Maybe this is just some horrible withdrawal after my body was zinged with the accidental a 15 mg 12 days ago 

So sorry Finni. Yes I think so. Hanging tight on this dose is a wise move I think. It might not feel like it but you’ve tried dropping and that wasn’t tolerable for you. Then these other issues since. Lots of destabilising events unfortunately. Time. Hold for that stability. Gotta be the way I think. 

It’s like every other day I get some relief. Yesterday was hard with a very overstimulated vestibular system, but at least I could lie down and rest.
Night before this last one I also slept I think a solid six or seven hours

 

But then last night was the complete activation with head pressure pounding, sweating, and all of that and now I guess this is just a continuation of that big wave

Edited April 2Apr 2 by Finni

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

It’s like every other day I get some relief. Yesterday was hard with a very overstimulated vestibular system, but at least I could lie down and rest.
Not before this last one I also slept I think a solid six or seven hours

 

But then last night was the complete activation with head pressure pounding, sweating, and all of that and now I guess this is just a continuation of that big wave

Sounds like to me the waves and windows are strong here. As awful as it is, that is typical. It’s a good sign things are changing. Means the body is fighting for balance again. 

13 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Sounds like to me the waves and windows are strong here. As awful as it is, that is typical. It’s a good sign things are changing. Means the body is fighting for balance again. 

Thank you so much chippy
 

It is fighting hard! 
 

I had no idea I could become so destabilized. but apparently my body is going to know what to do and will work it out.

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

my body is going to know what to do and will work it out.

Definitely!

28 minutes ago, Finni said:

Thank you so much chippy
 

It is fighting hard! 
 

I had no idea I could become so destabilized. but apparently my body is going to know what to do and will work it out.

No doubt it will @Finni in the meantime try your best being gentle with yourself, you deserve it, you are going through very challenging time and coping very well.

I hope it ease for you really soon.

Edited April 2Apr 2 by Fullhealing

I think we can get too wrapped up in the why's this happening scenario ,which sometimes can add fuel to the fire . As much as we try and work out how we got here and if only we had done that etc . We just need to focus on what is happening to us in this particular moment as that is all we have that is actual evidence the now this minute ..anything else is speculation.  Hope you find peace soon. Just focus on the now that's all we can do 🙏

2 hours ago, Finni said:

It’s like every other day I get some relief.

What you said there is key.  I'm with @Chippy on this--it sounds like a waves & windows pattern with big fluctuations.   That really suggest a system that is actively recalibrating.  The fact that you had a night of 7 hours sleep is a very good sign, too.

 

I want to say this gently and not in a definite way:  I'm not convinced that your 15 mg accidental updose is responsible for what you've experienced in the last 12 days.  That was a one-time, 2% increase almost two weeks ago.  While it's possible it had an effect, I'm leaning much more toward this being a big wave you're in regardless of that "mistake"

 

But eilther way, that's the past, and doesn't deserve focusing on it.  Just know that it's okay to be confused.  Sometimes it's best to let it go, rather than try to figure it out.

I just don’t know what to do anymore
It’s not like I’m having just some anxiety and occasional terror or aka that comes and goes anymore 

 

If I’m in a big surge day it is hours and hours of torture with so much pressure in my head and body and terror. 
Sometimes I have to hold on when I walk because of how bouncy and earthquake like it feels

 

Yesterday was easier, although I did have to hold on when I walked

 

It’s like I’m doing every other day of the most intense symptoms that come on in the middle of the night and then it’s like I have to experience them all day long the next day.

 

I didn’t even know my body could do this

I keep wondering if the reason why all the huge symptoms came upon me two weeks after going down to 14.7 mg was because I started reacting to mirtazapine again.
I know, Dr. Horowitz said to hold, but sometimes I’m just wondering if part of this is an adverse reaction.

 

It’s just so incredibly intense

I think its just withdrawal I'm on Sertraline and haven't made any changes for a while . Today and a couple of other days I have been full on intense the elephant sitting on my chest the constant internal vibrations the churning stomach the head that can't think and so pressured . The not knowing what to do with yourself . ..I'm so sorry you are suffering at the moment but you are not alone 🤗

1 hour ago, Finni said:

I keep wondering if the reason why all the huge symptoms came upon me two weeks after going down to 14.7 mg was because I started reacting to mirtazapine again.
I know, Dr. Horowitz said to hold, but sometimes I’m just wondering if part of this is an adverse reaction.

 

It’s just so incredibly intense

I wondering the same if adverse reaction acute all the time or are there tiny pauses in between, or are these classic withdrawal symptoms that include aka at times... so hard to tell! not sure there's a definitive answer.. in any case, the fact that you have tiny breaks shows that your system is able to find a certain balance in the current place which is very good sign.

Edited April 4Apr 4 by Fullhealing

1 hour ago, Finni said:

I just don’t know what to do anymore
It’s not like I’m having just some anxiety and occasional terror or aka that comes and goes anymore 

 

If I’m in a big surge day it is hours and hours of torture with so much pressure in my head and body and terror. 
Sometimes I have to hold on when I walk because of how bouncy and earthquake like it feels

 

Yesterday was easier, although I did have to hold on when I walked

 

It’s like I’m doing every other day of the most intense symptoms that come on in the middle of the night and then it’s like I have to experience them all day long the next day.

 

I didn’t even know my body could do this

just accept and move through it as you can and 'ride' your symptoms.

do you have anything you can do to pass the time ?