8 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

Thank you so much @SarahMc . I am in such a bad place right now. You have no idea. I stayed at home al day can’t do anything exact laying in the bed . I don’t even have feelings only feelings of doom . Did you had other symptoms after that ? I hope for a better day tomorrow…

I'm sorry 💜. I had a few other minor symptoms, but I only started to have significant additional symptoms when I started pregabalin. It gave me really bad brain fog, anhedonia, feelings of doom, and insomnia. I think that was the final blow to my nervous system that left me in quite a dark place. Looking back, I obviously reacted that way to the drug because I was already very sensitized.

Better days will come, just please stay cautious and don't believe anyone who tells you that this is your own depression.

4 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

Please anyone .. my depression is getting worse… I can’t do anything.. it this because the Ri? I can’t believe my life is becoming this way. Never had this before . I can’t do the normal things I used to do. Is heartbreaking. I’m sorry for my negativity but I just feel like this and I don’t know what to do

I'm so sorry, horrible place to be that I've been sharing too, a lot lately.

I can only say that as much as it feels like forever it will pass, give it time although I know it's very, very hard.

Hang in there, know that you are strong and you will get through this.

I have such a terrible day maybe the worst in my wd. I hope this is not the Ri. I’m so sorry but I think something is really wrong with me and I have go call the ambulance . I’m restless and 0 energy and feel so odd . What the hell is happening to me …I need something to calm me down

33 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

I have such a terrible day maybe the worst in my wd. I hope this is not the Ri. I’m so sorry but I think something is really wrong with me and I have go call the ambulance . I’m restless and 0 energy and feel so odd . What the hell is happening to me …I need something to calm me down

If you're worried that something is physically wrong with you and you feel unsafe, of course go to the hospital if you need. You don't have to apologize to us! But I would strongly caution you, don't take any additional psych meds. There is a high risk that they'll make you worse. We've seen many people who have taken additional meds out of desperation and ended up even worse. Please don't be one of them. You can get through this 🙏.

I just feel so weird and this deep depression is making it impossible to even write this massage for you. Every day the depression changes and it’s horrible . I can’t go like this

And after any medical test showing nothing, doctor(s) will probably say nothing, but "underlying" mental decease and offer a new drug...

50 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

I have such a terrible day maybe the worst in my wd. I hope this is not the Ri. I’m so sorry but I think something is really wrong with me and I have go call the ambulance . I’m restless and 0 energy and feel so odd . What the hell is happening to me …I need something to calm me down

Sounds like a extremely brutal wave, I'm so sorry.

Can you try distractions like grounding exercises/short walk to release tension/hot-cold shower/breathing exercises, can definitely lower the volume a little. Is there anyone you feel safe to be with right now?

I'm pretty sure it's just a very strong wave that as unbearable as it feels it will pass but if you feel in danger by all means seek professional help.

we are always here for you with what we can.

Hang in there.

Edited August 19Aug 19 by Fullhealing

3 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

Thank you so much @SarahMc . I am in such a bad place right now. You have no idea. I stayed at home al day can’t do anything exact laying in the bed . I don’t even have feelings only feelings of doom . Did you had other symptoms after that ? I hope for a better day tomorrow…

It gets better i promise I was exactly the same. It was awful, pure hell. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The only way to get out of this is to be consistent with your meds, stick to a dose and wait. There's nothing else you can do. It sucks, really sucks but we've all been there / are there right now. Your nervous system is screaming for stability. And once it gets it, it will begin to heal.

You can do this. You have us. You have your strength 💪

I’m getting worse after day 11 1mg. Feel like I am dead inside . Different than before . No thoughts no feelings not even alive or dead. Should I stop the 1 mg ? I don’t know but I have also a feeling inside that hurts . Emotional pain . I usually wens for a walk and last week I started a group that I joined for two days . Maybe this was too much for me and now I’m like this. I don’t know .. the depression and anhedonia are changing and this feeling is new for me .

I think I ruined my recovery and now I’m doomed…

My situation is getting worse and don’t know what to do

2 hours ago, Saar8srl said:

I’m getting worse after day 11 1mg. Feel like I am dead inside . Different than before . No thoughts no feelings not even alive or dead. Should I stop the 1 mg ? I don’t know but I have also a feeling inside that hurts . Emotional pain . I usually wens for a walk and last week I started a group that I joined for two days . Maybe this was too much for me and now I’m like this. I don’t know .. the depression and anhedonia are changing and this feeling is new for me .

This is a hard one, it isn't obvious to me the rI isn't working, you didn't react badly to it at first. I am wondering if the dose is just too low and therefore not helping, and this is just a wave that was coming for you anyway. I can't know that though, it is just my gut feeling. If you were feeling very activated I would be more concerned about the dose, but the RO is pretty low at 1mg and you are displaying depressive symptoms rather than activating ones.

It is up to you to decide what you think is best. You could just stop and wait for things to settle if you think RI is effecting you adversely, which they will.

@Saar8srl

Can you break down how this last 11 days has gone for you?

Can you rate how you were before you RI and how you feel now?

Do you feel your symptoms are new or just a peak of old symptoms that you had experienced before RI?

My depression have been changing since the start. In the beginning after the 50 mg it was all crying and feeling of doom. After the Ri 10 mg and 5 mg in the hospital I start the anhedonia . And after that I feel quite the same for a couple of months. Since two months a have my windows and waves frequently. But I was able to function and get up and do things anyway. When I started the 1 mg I didn’t feel activated at all . I just now since two days feel more anhedonia and feeling that I can’t go outside and do anything. I’m trapped in my body and it’s different than before . Like I know I’m sad bad it’s not pushing trough. I know it’s hopeless but I can’t feel it . I also don’t know what to say . Maybe an consult with the mark wil help but I don’t think he is going to tell me different that what you are advising

1 minute ago, Saar8srl said:

My depression have been changing since the start. In the beginning after the 50 mg it was all crying and feeling of doom. After the Ri 10 mg and 5 mg in the hospital I start the anhedonia . And after that I feel quite the same for a couple of months. Since two months a have my windows and waves frequently. But I was able to function and get up and do things anyway. When I started the 1 mg I didn’t feel activated at all . I just now since two days feel more anhedonia and feeling that I can’t go outside and do anything. I’m trapped in my body and it’s different than before . Like I know I’m sad bad it’s not pushing trough. I know it’s hopeless but I can’t feel it . I also don’t know what to say . Maybe an consult with the mark wil help but I don’t think he is going to tell me different that what you are advising

Based on what you are saying I don't think it is obvious that the rI has made this worse, it could well be just a couple of bad days. It is hard to say you should definitely increase the dose (although a big part of me thinks this might be wise) so perhaps staying as you are and observing the wave might be best, if you are unsure what to do.

I would be very interested in what Mark thinks, this is your call though of course.

So you think I have to updose ? Is it normal that the depression is changing I. Wd? Every different signals and symptoms?

12 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

So you think I have to updose ? Is it normal that the depression is changing I. Wd? Ever different signals and symptoms?

You don’t have to do anything. I am wondering if this is a wave rather than a reaction to the ri. I have been thinking for a few days that perhaps this dose is lower than you need and increasing it makes sense.

I can’t be sure hence why I’m suggesting talking to doctor Horowitz and getting his opinion as you seem to be having a bad time and I wouldn’t want you to get worse.

Alternatively holding and seeing if the wave reduces in the coming days might make more sense before considering increasing the dose carefully.

Ok. Just try to understand if it’s common that a depression and anhedonia is changing in wd. Not good or bad but is it normal that it changes even when you feel good or bad ?

9 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

Ok. Just try to understand if it’s common that a depression and anhedonia is changing in wd. Not good or bad but is it normal that it changes even when you feel good or bad ?

Changing symptoms of all nature is extremely common in wd. The process is far from linear. Things can crop up out of the blue.

I will go and plan a consult with mark. I just wonder who I would be sure that this what I’m in is wd. Can you tell this for sure that I am in wd. I know I aks the strangest thinks but I need to understand what is happening .

9 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

I will go and plan a consult with mark. I just wonder who I would be sure that this what I’m in is wd. Can you tell this for sure that I am in wd. I know I aks the strangest thinks but I need to understand what is happening .

Ok I think it would be useful to hear his perspective.

I have no doubt this is wd. Doesn’t mean ri has to work. Your nervous system is injured for sure and ri doesn’t fix this just cushions wd and makes things easier when it works.

Ok thank you so much for your time and patient. You think it’s wd because of the fact I came off so quickly from the drugs or just because of the depression?

2 minutes ago, Saar8srl said:

Ok thank you so much for your time and patient. You think it’s wd because of the fact I came off so quickly from the drugs or just because of the depression?

Coming off the drugs has made most of this happen however your current level of injury is down to everything that has happened inc taking these drugs for a long period of time. They are not good for us. Stopping them quickly and restarting them at too higher doses causes more issues as well. You are a classic case of ad drug harm imo.

Thank you so much for your time @Chippy . you are so patient and kind. I’m sorry that I’m so negative right now . I can hardly recognize myself but then this is who I am right now and I have to learn deal with it …

Just now, Saar8srl said:

Thank you so much for your time @Chippy . you are so patient and kind. I’m sorry that I’m so negative right now . I can hardly recognize myself but then this is who I am right now and I have to learn deal with it …

Bless you. And don’t say sorry. We understand.

This isn’t who you are, this is the injury unfortunately it is like this. Awful but the real you is in there and one day you’ll climb out of your cocoon and fly again! This time better and stronger! I know it. In the mean time one day at a time.