15 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 9:30pm

At the morning I forced myself to do some gardening, my mood fluctuated but it wasn't extremely terrible, while I was working an angry branch decided to give me a full-force knockout between the cheek and the eye so now I'm bruised and swollen, lovely.. anyways, did some more gardening and then in the blink of an eye without any trigger, boom, the big bang, if there was still a bit of desire for something it completely disappeared and replaced by morbidities and a terrible catastrophy, no matter what I tried, meditation, breathing exercises, positive thinking it didn't leave and continued to bite hard so I turned myself off for a few hours in a very vivid and sweaty sleep, woke up completely upside down and unfortunately still there..

What's going on, delayed reaction to the reduction, raging hormones, so brutal!

Trying my best not to give in to those chimicalthoughts, let them be, not to hold with the knowing that it's temporary, it must be, everything passes and this too, but gosh the power of it.. unbelievable!

You’re getting through this 💗

5 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

Ouch! I hope your bruise fades fast. I trimmed some agave plants and my arms looked like I was a heroin addict! 😅

You did the right thing by trying to work through the catastrophic thinking. Sometimes it feels overwhelming but it will pass. Try to just float through them and you'll be fine. We're here for you!

Thank you for making me smile again @mstimc60 can I ask how you coped with the low doses? Was it brutal for you as well? What helped you then? I know it's been a minute since.. but if you remember I would appreciate a lot to hear 🙏

Hi

Yes, the low doses sucked. I think it was my anxiety taking one last shot by trying to make me stay on the meds. Plus, I'm not the most patient person on earth and I just wanted to be done with it. I just focused on "I'm almost done; just a few more reductions and it'll be over". I will say there was some anticipatory anxiety as I got closer to zero, but I was surprised by how quickly it vanished once I stopped.

11 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

Hi

Yes, the low doses sucked. I think it was my anxiety taking one last shot by trying to make me stay on the meds. Plus, I'm not the most patient person on earth and I just wanted to be done with it. I just focused on "I'm almost done; just a few more reductions and it'll be over". I will say there was some anticipatory anxiety as I got closer to zero, but I was surprised by how quickly it vanished once I stopped.

Thanks.

Sounds like you were pretty lucky considering how evil this drug is... I can only hope it goes the same for me as time goes by, not that optimistic as for now..

Edited April 22Apr 22 by Fullhealing

Sometimes, I thought I would be stuck forever. Recovery is subtle and sneaky. I never had an "ah-ha" where I told myself "I'm recovered!". Rather, it was a slow realization that things that triggered me no longer bothered me as much. Then it just be built over time till I was able to let most things just came inot my mind and float back out. You'll get there too!

9 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 9:30pm

At the morning I forced myself to do some gardening, my mood fluctuated but it wasn't extremely terrible, while I was working an angry branch decided to give me a full-force knockout between the cheek and the eye so now I'm bruised and swollen, lovely.. anyways, did some more gardening and then in the blink of an eye without any trigger, boom, the big bang, if there was still a bit of desire for something it completely disappeared and replaced by morbidities and a terrible catastrophy, no matter what I tried, meditation, breathing exercises, positive thinking it didn't leave and continued to bite hard so I turned myself off for a few hours in a very vivid and sweaty sleep, woke up completely upside down and unfortunately still there..

What's going on, delayed reaction to the reduction, raging hormones, so brutal!

Trying my best not to give in to those chimicalthoughts, let them be, not to hold with the knowing that it's temporary, it must be, everything passes and this too, but gosh the power of it.. unbelievable!

So sorry to read Fullhealing! Good you can get out in the garden, and sorry about your run in with that disagreeable branch! They can be that way, I don’t know why! 😅

In all seriousness, I hate this for you, just a wave though, evidence more deeper healing is needed. Body is just doing its good work, that’s all. We know this. We trust our amazing bodies to put things in order! 👊

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

So sorry to read Fullhealing! Good you can get out in the garden, and sorry about your run in with that disagreeable branch! They can be that way, I don’t know why! 😅

In all seriousness, I hate this for you, just a wave though, evidence more deeper healing is needed. Body is just doing its good work, that’s all. We know this. We trust our amazing bodies to put things in order! 👊

Just a extremely brutal few days, I'll get through this, thanks for the reminder and for being here always lovely @Chippy 🙏

1 hour ago, Fullhealing said:

Just a extremely brutal few days, I'll get through this, thanks for the reminder and for being here always lovely @Chippy 🙏

Always Fullhealing xxx

@Fullhealing This wave has been on the shelf a long time ,it has an expiry date ,soon it will be on the reduced shelf and then it will be gone . Youve had it tough and youve kept putting one foot infront of the other your closer to the end than the beginning. I have you in my sights ,you will come through this 🙏

Edited April 23Apr 23 by Beehive

11 minutes ago, Beehive said:

@Fullhealing This wave has been on the shelf a long time ,it has an expiry date ,soon it will be on the reduced shelf and then it will be gone . Youve had it tough and youve kept putting one foot infront of the other your closer to the end than the beginning. I have you in my sights ,you will come through this 🙏

My mind is so catastrophic and paranoid that I can't write down anything that makes sense, I try to respond and everything comes out like gibberish.

I haven't experienced such a terrifying tsunami in a long time or my mind just blocked the memory as it was too much to contain.

I'm here watching from far but I can't participate atm, waiting to get out of the awful abyss.

Thank you @Beehive I'm very pleased that you're better!

Edited April 23Apr 23 by Fullhealing

26 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

I haven't experienced such a terrifying tsunami in a long time or my mind just blocked the memory as it was too much to contain.

I'm here watching from far but I can't participate atm, waiting to get out of the awful abyss.

Oh Fullhealing, breaks my heart! Hang in there, you are so strong and will get through this!

30 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

My mind is so catastrophic and paranoid that I can't write down anything that makes sense, I try to respond and everything comes out like gibberish.

I haven't experienced such a terrifying tsunami in a long time or my mind just blocked the memory as it was too much to contain.

I'm here watching from far but I can't participate atm, waiting to get out of the awful abyss.

Thank you @Beehive I'm very pleased that you're better!

I can already picture you in a window 🪟 ☀️

It’s coming ✨✨

❤️

45 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

My mind is so catastrophic and paranoid that I can't write down anything that makes sense, I try to respond and everything comes out like gibberish.

I haven't experienced such a terrifying tsunami in a long time or my mind just blocked the memory as it was too much to contain.

I'm here watching from far but I can't participate atm, waiting to get out of the awful abyss.

Thank you @Beehive I'm very pleased that you're better!

When my mind is like that I try and yes to try is quite difficult but I try to focus on an object in the room and look at it in detail I describe it to myself ,you can do the 54321 thing or just focus on this one thing describe every little thing feel it say to yourself how it feels really soak it in .what the aim is is to try and get away from your thoughts and ground yourself. You could do it with another object, try and use all the senses.

4 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

I haven't experienced such a terrifying tsunami in a long time or my mind just blocked the memory as it was too much to contain.

I'm here watching from far but I can't participate atm, waiting to get out of the awful abyss.

oh @Fullhealing , this sounds awful. I wish I could lift you out of this dark place. Hang on! Do not believe the thoughts nor the feelings, they lie, you will get through this.

sending you strength and peace

@Fullhealing , sometimes the best we can do is keep our heads down and make it through the day. There's nothing wrong with accepting you're having an off day. Be kind and patient with yourself. Tomorrow may be better!

Thank you so much for all those who have written comforting words here, I greatly appreciate it 🩷

Still in the abyss but maybe a little less deep than yesterday.

The last few days have been filled with a lot of sadness, crying, despair, the whole emotional wd (+ hormonal) salad, I felt like I was suffocating but I surrendered and gave the flood take its course, which was very, very difficult as the natural tendency is to want to escape.

In the end no choice other than let things be, trying to fight or run only gives the mind food to be fixed on which create a pattern that God knows how hard it is to get rid of later.

So much work still but we came here to work hard and grow.

Hoping for easier days to gather more strength to continue working..

Edited April 24Apr 24 by Fullhealing

@Fullhealing My heart goes out to you.

You are doing the absolut right things.

No fight just accept and let it be. Distraction is sometimes helpfull. Looking out the window, feeling the brise of wind, standing up. If you at all have the ability to do some very small thing like mentioned it is not escape. It is simply giving you the possibility to shift focus for a minute or so.

I know it is difficult, but sometimes this small brakes can be helpfull to hold on to the world outside oneself.

Lots if hugs xxx

Edited April 24Apr 24 by Haa

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Hoping for easier days to gather more strength to continue working..

They will be coming for you!

Sorry to hear of the continued troubles Fullhealing, glad things are not quite as bad, but more needed for you, soon Im sure of it. xxx

23 minutes ago, Chippy said:

They will be coming for you!

Sorry to hear of the continued troubles Fullhealing, glad things are not quite as bad, but more needed for you, soon Im sure of it. xxx

I'll get there slowly, thank you lovely @Chippy

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Thank you so much for all those who have written comforting words here, I greatly appreciate it 🩷

Still in the abyss but maybe a little less deep than yesterday.

The last few days have been filled with a lot of sadness, crying, despair, the whole emotional wd (+ hormonal) salad, I felt like I was suffocating but I surrendered and gave the flood take its course, which was very, very difficult as the natural tendency is to want to escape.

In the end no choice other than let things be, trying to fight or run only gives the mind food to be fixed on which create a pattern that God knows how hard it is to get rid of later.

So much work still but we came here to work hard and grow.

Hoping for easier days to gather more strength to continue working..

I'm starting to believe for some including myself that's been through hardship for quite a few years losses etc that it's not just withdrawal per se ,as we lower, our trapped emotions are starting to work their way out ,we carry on normally and distract putting them away...with withdrawal that's not always easy it makes us have to face these emotions and I believe we should we should feel them and release them 🙏

Edited April 24Apr 24 by Beehive

31 minutes ago, Beehive said:

I'm starting to believe for some including myself that's been through hardship for quite a few years losses etc that it's not just withdrawal per se ,as we lower, our trapped emotions are starting to work their way out ,we carry on normally and distract putting them away...with withdrawal that's not always easy it makes us have to face these emotions and I believe we should we should feel them and release them 🙏

I get what you're saying but even with my past baggage, and I sure do have, the insane intensities, phobias, paranoias are things I've never had before only in my attempts of reduction so I don't think it stems from that rather from neuroemotions that can feel like trapped past emotions, I'm very careful about labeling it that way, because if given to much weight it can easily become self-definition, regardless, working on emotions it's necessary and it's life project but when created by chemical I'm not sure how much control and ability we have other than letting it be until it dies...

Edited April 24Apr 24 by Fullhealing

It certainly is a mixed bag ..yes the underlying emotions are there but chemically enhanced by withdrawal. I've had many intense crying spells which has resulted in myself feeling better . It's hard to comprehend why our brain does this to us during withdrawal..why so negative . Praying this lightens for you ,you had it rough ,you deserve some peace 🙏

Edited April 24Apr 24 by Beehive

1 minute ago, Beehive said:

It certainly is a mixed bag ..yes the underlying emotions are there but chemically enhanced by withdrawal. I've had many intense crying spells which has resulted in myself feeling better . It's hard to comprehend why our brain does this to us during withdrawal..why so negative . Praying this lightens for you ,you had it rough ,you deserve some peace 🙏

Thank you beehive I appreciate it, I can't wait to get out of this Sh#@hole!!

@Fullhealing You will ..I promise you ❤️

2 minutes ago, Beehive said:

@Fullhealing You will ..I promise you ❤️

Thank you @Beehive 🩷