4/20/26

Yesterday was full of the most intense withdrawal I’ve ever felt. I was completely overtaken by the horrible pressure and pounding and I guess the type of aka that caused a lot of of involuntary sounds coming out of me. Lots of release through tears for much of the day. By afternoon I still felt like I was in withdrawal with all kinds of symptoms of my body, but my mind wanted to do things. I was able to ride with my mom to run some errands and then to get on the golf cart out in the sunshine and cool air and helped our cousin with some things outside and talked to neighbors and carried around someone’s dog who was so precious.

Worked crosswords

9:15 pm - mirt dose

Felt some increased rumbling and vibrating, and then went to sleep and woke up once to use the bathroom. Slept a total of almost 8 hours.

Woke to deep rumbling in my stomach and feeling like my whole body is bouncing

Big anxiety now and feeling deep barbed wire sensations.

@Finni all that is a good sign ,after my horrendous day when it started to calm my mind did the same it got stronger and I wanted to do things and felt like I knew I was going to be ok ...you will be ok I can feel it happening 🙏

36 minutes ago, Finni said:

4/20/26

Yesterday was full of the most intense withdrawal I’ve ever felt. I was completely overtaken by the horrible pressure and pounding and I guess the type of aka that caused a lot of of involuntary sounds coming out of me. Lots of release through tears for much of the day. By afternoon I still felt like I was in withdrawal with all kinds of symptoms of my body, but my mind wanted to do things. I was able to ride with my mom to run some errands and then to get on the golf cart out in the sunshine and cool air and helped our cousin with some things outside and talked to neighbors and carried around someone’s dog who was so precious.

Worked crosswords

9:15 pm - mirt dose

Felt some increased rumbling and vibrating, and then went to sleep and woke up once to use the bathroom. Slept a total of almost 8 hours.

Woke to deep rumbling in my stomach and feeling like my whole body is bouncing

Big anxiety now and feeling deep barbed wire sensations.

So so sorry you are still suffering badly @Finni I know it is far from ideal but there are very encouraging sigh of healing here as long sleep and returning desires, that's great.

You are doing such an excellent job both in acceptance and distraction, I'm truly amazed of how you're coping, I hope you are aware of your strength finni, your courage is admirable! 🙏❤️

Wishing the rest of the day gets easier on you!

Thank you @Beehive @Fullhealing

Your support and encouragement means so much!

✨🩷✨🩷

Sorry to hear you’re suffering such awful WD symptoms @Finni. It’s a positive sign you can get outside despite the debilitating symptoms. Take care 🤗

Yesterday was really scary with painful nerve activity in my tailbone back and stomach throughout the day, and terror/panic surges every few hours for the whole day. Sweating and heat in my body,especially in the evening and toward bedtime

9:15 pm I took mirt and the pill looked smaller, even though it was the same weight

Fell asleep and woke several times throughout the night feeling like I was in horrible withdrawal with head pressure, head squeezing sensations and panic.

Now it’s 6:30 AM and I feel like I’ve been cold turkeyed or something similar

Shakingvibrating squeezing weird sensations in my head

It seems It’s almost hard to focus my eyes, and I’m having to hold on when I stand up or walk

I don’t know how much longer I can do this

I really wish I could just go back up a little bit on mirtazapine. I don’t wanna have to take another medication, but I can’t keep going like this.

Edited April 21Apr 21 by Finni

8 hours ago, Finni said:

Yesterday was really scary with painful nerve activity in my tailbone back and stomach throughout the day, and terror/panic surges every few hours for the whole day. Sweating and heat in my body,especially in the evening and toward bedtime

9:15 pm I took mirt and the pill looked smaller, even though it was the same weight

Fell asleep and woke several times throughout the night feeling like I was in horrible withdrawal with head pressure, head squeezing sensations and panic.

Now it’s 6:30 AM and I feel like I’ve been cold turkeyed or something similar

Shakingvibrating squeezing weird sensations in my head

It seems It’s almost hard to focus my eyes, and I’m having to hold on when I stand up or walk

I don’t know how much longer I can do this

I really wish I could just go back up a little bit on mirtazapine. I don’t wanna have to take another medication, but I can’t keep going like this.

Sending you a comforting hug 🫂 @Finni you will get through this, you had small reliefs that will grow little by little over time, hang in there.

Always here for you!

Sorry to hear what you are going through Finni. I'm battling some head pressures at the moment. I hate it as it makes me feel so tired and out of it. I was doing a big clean of my apartment and I think the dust stirs it up. But I reckon the Mirt sensitises us to these things as well. Its the gift that keeps on giving ;)

9 hours ago, LostPhil said:

Sorry to hear what you are going through Finni. I'm battling some head pressures at the moment. I hate it as it makes me feel so tired and out of it. I was doing a big clean of my apartment and I think the dust stirs it up. But I reckon the Mirt sensitises us to these things as well. Its the gift that keeps on giving ;)

Yes 🙃

Thank you, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing mirt wd, as well.

4/22/26

I keep thinking that time is going to help and I just seem to be getting worse.

Yesterday was the first day that I felt ill. I look ill now. I look really pale and with a slight yellow tinge. Once again, my symptoms did not fade in the afternoon and evening. I only felt better about an hour before it was time for my next dose. I vibrated internally very, very hard for most of the day and it just got worse as the day went on.

I called Copes when I was in a lot of distress and I also got a walk-in appointment virtually with the psychiatric nurse practitioner just to have support. She mentioned that we might need to start tapering me sooner rather than later. I told her I was trying to hold on until I could talk to Mark Horowitz on the 28th.

9:15 pm took 14.79 mirt

9:27 pm nausea and big vibrations started again

Restless weird sleep with strange other worldly sensations

Very off balance when walking to bathroom

Slept on and off for 7 hours

5:48 am twisting burning, pounding in my solar, plexus, electric feelings in pelvis, horrible dread, and feeling like I’m rocking and swaying and bouncing feeling ill

Pressure in my body is building and it feels like I’m going to have to get up and start walking.

26 minutes ago, Finni said:

4/22/26

I keep thinking that time is going to help and I just seem to be getting worse.

Yesterday was the first day that I felt ill. I look ill now. I look really pale and with a slight yellow tinge. Once again, my symptoms did not fade in the afternoon and evening. I only felt better about an hour before it was time for my next dose. I vibrated internally very, very hard for most of the day and it just got worse as the day went on.

I called Copes when I was in a lot of distress and I also got a walk-in appointment virtually with the psychiatric nurse practitioner just to have support. She mentioned that we might need to start tapering me sooner rather than later. I told her I was trying to hold on until I could talk to Mark Horowitz on the 28th.

9:15 pm took 14.79 mirt

9:27 pm nausea and big vibrations started again

Restless weird sleep with strange other worldly sensations

Very off balance when walking to bathroom

Slept on and off for 7 hours

5:48 am twisting burning, pounding in my solar, plexus, electric feelings in pelvis, horrible dread, and feeling like I’m rocking and swaying and bouncing feeling ill

Pressure in my body is building and it feels like I’m going to have to get up and start walking.

This is brutal, I'm so sorry @Finni honestly it sounds like a adversed reaction but difficult to impossible to know until you choose a course of action and try it.

What did the nurse suggest?

If you could hold out another 6 days and hear what Dr. Horowitz has to offer it would be better I think, but I'm not in your shoes and you're suffering so much!

@Chippy what is your thoughts? 🙏

Sending tons of strength your way, hang in there.

Edited April 22Apr 22 by Fullhealing

8 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

This is brutal, I'm so sorry @Finni honestly it sounds like a adversed reaction but difficult to impossible to know until you choose a course of action and try it.

What did the nurse suggest?

If you could hold out another 6 days and hear what Dr. Horowitz has to offer it would be better I think, but I'm not in your shoes and you're suffering so much!

@Chippy what is your thoughts? 🙏

Sending tons of strength your way, hang in there.

It feels like an adverse reaction, but it’s all so confusing! There are times when it feels like just straight withdrawal. Maybe it’s hard to tell the difference.?

The nurse practitioner wanted to go ahead and have me start tapering, but she understands that I want to wait on Dr. Horowitz. She wants me to let her know what Mark says.

It’s just scary that I’ve gotten so much worse, especially after the accidental 15 mg over a month ago.

The last few days except for that one afternoon have been over the top brutal.

48 minutes ago, Finni said:

. I only felt better about an hour before it was time for my next dose.

48 minutes ago, Finni said:

9:15 pm took 14.79 mirt

9:27 pm nausea and big vibrations started again

Restless weird sleep with strange other worldly sensations

Sometimes I do think this looks like the drugs gone paradoxical on you.

It’s hard to say for sure.

You sometimes have a better day or at least show some signs of things settling down don’t you?

But I appreciate for the most part things are very tough.

If you are going to taper, it won’t be nice for a while at least. I’m sorry Finni. It is your call.

I know Mark is a big fan of a long hold, I am too. It would be good to get his thoughts.

If you taper I’d go back to your BM slide. 2.5% a week for 4 weeks, a hold for 2. It can take a long time for things to settle in that situation. You don’t want to take that decision lightly.

Thinking of you.

This is really scary now it’s 6:49 AM

I feel really sick and my heart is pounding. My head is pounding and it feels like I’m in an earthquake

Panic and terror are rising .

How did I get into this awful mess?

I guess I know, but it’s still hard to believe

4 minutes ago, Finni said:

but it’s still hard to believe

I’m sorry Finni. What these drugs are capable of, is almost beyond belief!

1 hour ago, Finni said:

I look really pale and with a slight yellow ting

@Finni please keep an eye on this. Don't want to alarm you, and maybe I've read too much into what you've written, but if the whites of your eyes look yellow, or you start feeling itchy all over, this can be a sign of jaundice. Very rarely, Mirtazapine can cause liver damage, which can show up as jaundice. You would need an urgent blood test to check your liver function if that happens.

6 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

@Finni please keep an eye on this. Don't want to alarm you, and maybe I've read too much into what you've written, but if the whites of your eyes look yellow, or you start feeling itchy all over, this can be a sign of jaundice. Very rarely, Mirtazapine can cause liver damage, which can show up as jaundice. You would need an urgent blood test to check your liver function if that happens.

Thank you

I’ve been looking at myself and the whites of my eyes look normal I think

When my mom wakes up, I’m going to have her look at me in natural lighting

@LostPhil

Did you start to feel better as you tapered down off of mirtazapine?

Did the aka lessen?

11 hours ago, LostPhil said:

Sorry to hear what you are going through Finni. I'm battling some head pressures at the moment. I hate it as it makes me feel so tired and out of it. I was doing a big clean of my apartment and I think the dust stirs it up. But I reckon the Mirt sensitises us to these things as well. Its the gift that keeps on giving ;)

42 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Sometimes I do think this looks like the drugs gone paradoxical on you.

It’s hard to say for sure.

You sometimes have a better day or at least show some signs of things settling down don’t you?

But I appreciate for the most part things are very tough.

If you are going to taper, it won’t be nice for a while at least. I’m sorry Finni. It is your call.

I know Mark is a big fan of a long hold, I am too. It would be good to get his thoughts.

If you taper I’d go back to your BM slide. 2.5% a week for 4 weeks, a hold for 2. It can take a long time for things to settle in that situation. You don’t want to take that decision lightly.

Thinking of you.

Is there anyone on this forum who has had to use brass monkey to get out of a reaction?

6 minutes ago, Finni said:

Is there anyone on this forum who has had to use brass monkey to get out of a reaction?

No, not like you. But it’s been done very successfully before. It’s not the BM slide that is a magic tool. It’s just tapering. But doing it in a few small drops that add up to 10% is good, as that’s your goal, get the drug levels down quickly but balance the Wd symptoms. The hold helps settle those before reducing again. BM slide doesn’t have to be 10% it can be any rate, but if the goal is to get the drug down to benefit from reduced ADRs or out run poop out, then it makes sense, I think, to try and taper quick ish.

1 hour ago, Sminismoni said:

@Finni please keep an eye on this. Don't want to alarm you, and maybe I've read too much into what you've written, but if the whites of your eyes look yellow, or you start feeling itchy all over, this can be a sign of jaundice. Very rarely, Mirtazapine can cause liver damage, which can show up as jaundice. You would need an urgent blood test to check your liver function if that happens.

My mom viewed me in daylight, and she said my whites of my eyes are very white, and my skin looks more pink than yellow

It’s me again

To those of you who have seen people having a paradoxical reaction to a medication -

do you remember if they ever reported that once they dropped and had some relief, that the paradoxical reactions came back stronger the longer they held?

@LostinCanada

2 minutes ago, Finni said:

do you remember if they ever reported that once they dropped and had some relief, that the paradoxical reactions came back stronger the longer they held?

Kindling is when your CNS has become very sensitive to more drug and it goes paradoxical. I think this is what happened when they too quickly increased the dose.

You have 4 options:

-hold

-decrease a small amount

-increase a small amount

-split your dose

Only you know exactly what happened going up or down or if holding has had benefits.

If it is a parodoxical reaction, lowering the dose should help you find stability. Once you have stability, long holds shouldn't be an issue in my opinion.

9 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

Kindling is when your CNS has become very sensitive to more drug and it goes paradoxical. I think this is what happened when they too quickly increased the dose.

You have 4 options:

-hold

-decrease a small amount

-increase a small amount

-split your dose

Only you know exactly what happened going up or down or if holding has had benefits.

If it is a parodoxical reaction, lowering the dose should help you find stability. Once you have stability, long holds shouldn't be an issue in my opinion.

Thank you LIC

The part that is baffling me is how I’m so much worse, and I’m not sure if it’s because I tapered or because the paradoxical effects are even worse now.

13 minutes ago, Finni said:

I’m not sure if it’s because I tapered or because the paradoxical effects are even worse now.

It's so hard to know what to do. There is no guarantees unfortunately....in all of this, many times we can only trust our instincts. ❤️