23 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, back off my 4am walk showers again so brolly needed, 6c so not too cold.

So awoke on a 1 after 4 hours broken sleep, not improved one jot yet. Horrible awakenings and

life not worth nothing at the moment. So still on a 1 now so wave still very much active, 2026 is

even worse than last year. Car could probably end up been scrapped, motorbike will be sold and

I will end up on foot. So with still no end anywhere in sight for PWD things are looking grim.

Take care all,            B.

Morning B

 

It’s like being stuck in a loop isn’t it. I know the feeling although I’m not on your numbers I still empathise. 
 

I think even though you’re in a wave still no doubt it does seem a little better even in the mornings and often lifting to some extent through the day. I see some signs there. Wave mind hides them I think. 🤔 

 

Youll figure the car out. Perhaps the bike is going. But you’ll get another car worse case with some of the bike money. Guess you were thinking you needed some of that to tide you over till retirement. I know you’ll work it out. Strong stuff. The strongest. 
 

Stuck in a loop @Chippy is WHAT it IS, yes just brain memory sending it around and around as though

it can't just break to memory loop. Well certainly feels like that, I am worse since 27th November las year

until now than I ever have been, so it just really does dampen the hope of ever recovering, BUT we have

read from others that the process is SLOW, so we just have to ignore the bad, and keep plodding.

Take care,       B.🤞

7 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Stuck in a loop @Chippy is WHAT it IS, yes just brain memory sending it around and around as though

it can't just break to memory loop. Well certainly feels like that, I am worse since 27th November las year

until now than I ever have been, so it just really does dampen the hope of ever recovering, BUT we have

read from others that the process is SLOW, so we just have to ignore the bad, and keep plodding.

Take care,       B.🤞

That is it exactly. We’ve said it hundreds of times. Time. 🕰️ Such a cruel process I know. Wish I could do or say more. 
 

How did you go with the car yesterday did they look at it?

Morning @NT1100B

 

Sorry to hear you’re struggling so much. You’ll definitely get there, this wave will break eventually, they always do. My sleep was very similar to yours at 12 months. I’m now at almost 17 months and I’m sleeping 5 hours straight most nights. It’s hard to see an end to it when you’re in a wave but better days are ahead. 
 

Keeping on plodding B. You’ll get through this. 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, back off my 4am walk showers again so brolly needed, 6c so not too cold.

So awoke on a 1 after 4 hours broken sleep, not improved one jot yet. Horrible awakenings and

life not worth nothing at the moment. So still on a 1 now so wave still very much active, 2026 is

even worse than last year. Car could probably end up been scrapped, motorbike will be sold and

I will end up on foot. So with still no end anywhere in sight for PWD things are looking grim.

Take care all,            B.

The one good thing is your off and the only way iis forward to being yourself again. Keep PlODDING  along we're all here for you . 

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

How did you go with the car yesterday did they look at it?

No nearer @Chippy I had to take spare key, probably needs reprogramming. Doing my head in.

Take care,     B.🤞

1 minute ago, NT1100B said:

No nearer @Chippy I had to take spare key, probably needs reprogramming. Doing my head in.

Take care,     B.🤞

I’m sorry mate. What a pain. Couple of days I’m sure you’ll know more. Hopefully today 🤞

17 minutes ago, cheeky said:

The one good thing is your off and the only way iis forward to being yourself again. Keep PlODDING  along we're all here for you . 

Thanks @cheeky that means a lot. You are right all I can do is plod on. I hope you are OK. Stay strong.

Take care,           B.🤞☀️

35 minutes ago, NBJ71 said:

Keeping on plodding B. You’ll get through this. 

Thanks @NBJ71 much appreciated, With the car in dire straits and motorbike having to be sold, and PWD

getting worse rather than better, things are just hitting hard at the moment. As you say, keep plodding.

Take care,         B.🤞 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

motorbike having to be sold,

Hi mate, we haven’t met yet but I’ve been following your posts and my heart goes out to you. It seems like you’re going through a really difficult time. 
 

From one biker to another, this hits hard for me as I am also having to contemplate with the idea of having to sell mine. I just don’t have the cognitive ability to ride her right now and it breaks my heart every time I go into the garage. 
 

I hope the day lifts for you a bit more and this horrible wave passes soon. 

Thanks @The_Taper_Man and Hi mate. Yes thinking of ringing a buyer now. But with the bloody car out of action

I might be in an even bigger pickle. The Bike is due it's first MOT this month, before 1st March, so needs booking in

soon if I don't sell. Now I have owned and rode motorbikes for 50 years, I have had about 28 different motorbikes.

 

Now I am feeling like a pile of s**t at the moment with no end of this living hell in sight. So selling is strong at the minute.

But  about 8 year ago I thought in winter I didn't need a bike anymore and sold it. 5 month later with spring, and the new

sound of motorbikes howling in the distance, and seeing them having fun, bang, straight to the dealer for another Bike.

 

But THIS horrific nightmare has put a totally different light on things. JOB I had to resign, so no money coming in, now I

was claiming sick pay, but after being assessed I was classed as still fit for work!!!!!! I would like to see them F*****S

do it after psych drug poison. So that has been stopped. So yes I am worse now PWD wise than when I first stopped

over a year ago. So yes at my wits end at the minute, I will see if the guy is buying, leave until next week if he is, but if

not I might book an MOT later today.

 

Now that gives me some time to see if the car can be fixed. It is not recognizing the key. Electrical gremlins and French shite.

So Taper man, I am VERY sorry to see you on the same horrific poison, TIME is apparently the healer, the ONLY one.

So the only thing I can say is go VERY slow with your taper. Mind I took 18 month tapering from 7.5mg of MIRT, and

still in a living hell. BUT NO two people are alike, a SLOW taper with yourself could work SPOT ON, I am praying for you Bud.

Take great care though and please stay safe, stay close to AR,       B.🤞 

3 hours ago, NT1100B said:

But  about 8 year ago I thought in winter I didn't need a bike anymore and sold it. 5 month later with spring, and the new

sound of motorbikes howling in the distance, and seeing them having fun, bang, straight to the dealer for another Bike.

 

@NT1100B Always the way mate, always the way. I made that mistake once and ever since I have always had a bike in the garage ever since as I couldn't live without one, it was my therapy before all of this shit kicked off. What bike have you got in the garage? I currently have an MT09SP Gen4 in there, absolute beauty of a machine imo.

 

3 hours ago, NT1100B said:

But THIS horrific nightmare has put a totally different light on things. JOB I had to resign, so no money coming in, now I

was claiming sick pay, but after being assessed I was classed as still fit for work!!!!!! I would like to see them F*****S

do it after psych drug poison.

This is my fear too, I have currently been off work for 3 months and my claim is being processed... I am heavily leaning towards they will decline and I'll have to force myself back to work, I have a wife and a 3 month old at home so I will just have to be there in pretend presence if I am forced back, hopefully it goes thru but as @Luke mentioned before he had to fight 11 months for it. It sucks! The fact that it isn't even recognised is absolutely disgusting. 

 

3 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Mind I took 18 month tapering from 7.5mg of MIRT

Were you doing 20% cuts for this speed? I have just reinstated 4 weeks ago at 5.25mg and I am starting to slowly stabilise albeit with still symptoms but at least I can cook dinner, wash myself and look after my son so I consider that something. I am hoping that my system bounces back quickly with things, I seem to be SUPER sensitive to all of these meds, that might either work in my favour or not. As you said mate, time will tell... 

I am so sorry, @NT1100B to read this... Our suffering is endless. For me also, my symptoms worsen instead of decrising over time. I have been on .3 mg Mirtazipine since December... 

B., you are a big inspiration for me with your optimism. We are trapped in this road with no way out...

Svetla

23 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I currently have an MT09SP Gen4 in there, absolute beauty of a machine imo.

@The_Taper_Man my last bike was an mt09 snap. 

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

my last bike was an mt09 snap. 

Cracking bikes eh @Chippy!! The CP3 is a demon of an engine, I love it. Prior to the MT09, my most recent bikes have been an R1M and before that a Husky 701-SM. I really hope this isn't the end of my biking saga, I would be heartbroken. 

3 hours ago, skamen said:

B., you are a big inspiration for me with your optimism. We are trapped in this road with no way out...

Svetla

Thanks @skamen Oh WE will get out of it Svetla, we cannot let the drug barons big pharma take OUR

LIVES, no way....we just take each second, minute, hour and day as they come through the worst, when

you get a window.....Which you WILL, then it will BOOST your resolve Svetla.....you will then believe your

healing and be given a new lease of life. I am praying for you.🙏

Take care,        B.🙏🙏🙏🌷

4 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I currently have an MT09SP Gen4 in there, absolute beauty of a machine imo.

 

Very nice @The_Taper_Man Wheelie machine that handles. Now I am an old guy now, so NT1100 Honda DCT.

But if it's sold, then I recover and get another job, I would get a Tracer 9 GT+

This really does infuriate me it NOT being recognized, I lost  my assessment course but was then told

by THEM to appeal, so did that and was paid again, but just lost that appeal now. So I will debate what

to do next. I am still signed off anyway!!!!  They gave me phone numbers to ring. You 🤞should fair better

with a wife & young son to support.🤞

4 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Were you doing 20% cuts for this speed?

Well I was taking it too fast before changing to liquid. 50% cuts down to 1.87mg. I was splitting a 15mg pill

into 8. Holding a long time though. Then on the liquid, solutabs I slowed down, less drug in your system so

yes working full time until I jumped off at 00.01mg 8th Jan 25.

Take it Sloooooooooow Taper man and you should be OK, stay close Bud.

Take care,         B. 🙏🤞

Hi all, well horrible morning until about 10am, truly was among the worst of the worst. Then I very

very slowly started to lift, I am on about a 5 now only just but feeling relief from the living hell.

 

So yes progress is mind numbingly SLOW, wildly all over the place and very early mornings 00.20am

sheer torture, making for a vast long day, from then until 10am in living hell. Have I died? and this is my hell???

So yes it's back to second, minute, hour and day, and just keep miserably plodding with distant HOPE.

Take care all,         B.🤞

I am so glad for you, dear B. You lifted, it gives you a hope and it is a proof that the healing is on road.

Svetla

I am glad you lifted, B. It seems the last time I was on here, you were at a 6. Now, being back today, because my schedule is hectic, you are at 5. I see the lower numbers in between. But this is great progress. You are pendulating low to high and back and forth, which means the brain is healing--somatic experiencing talk here. I hope you can appeal the benefits and get your car sorted out soon.

The only bikes I have every owned were ones you pedal, like a banana boat seated (very fashionable in the 80s), ten-speed (very fast), mountain (thick tires made for more exercise on flat roads in the Midwest), and cruiser (what I have now). No motors, but my own body. I wanted to get in on the comparisons and fun 🚴🏽‍♀️ hope it's not too goofy of me.

@NT1100B. I'm new around here and I'm reading up and getting to know people. You, my friend, do a wonderful job of describing the horrors of insomnia. I CAN RELATE SO MUCH. I had many month of not sleeping at night at all. I would take a nap around 9 am for 20 minutes. I survived but I pray to never go back there again.

 

Who knows? I've never had the support I have now to get off these things. The courage you display gives me hope that the suffering is not personal, (which docs always told me it was me, because "you're so sensitive!")

 

Yet my hear breaks to read of your rough nights. Yet rejoices at the spirit of a motorcycle lover who is so much more than his suffering.

 

See ya around.

On 2/8/2026 at 8:53 PM, Chippy said:

 

I feel the need to launch into some Cockney rhyming slang!

@Chippy,hahaha we'd love to see it! Will be looking for it on your page!

13 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Cracking bikes eh @Chippy!! The CP3 is a demon of an engine, I love it. Prior to the MT09, my most recent bikes have been an R1M and before that a Husky 701-SM. I really hope this isn't the end of my biking saga, I would be heartbroken. 

Yeah beast. But snatching in the throttle pick up but as with all these things you adapt. Loved it. You had some quick bikes. My favourites ive had, cb1000r, cbr600rr, 848. No bikes atm. Maybe one day! 😀

6 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

am glad you lifted, B. It seems the last time I was on here, you were at a 6. Now, being back today, because my schedule is hectic, you are at 5. I see the lower numbers in between. But this is great progress. You are pendulating low to high and back and forth, which means the brain is healing--

1000% Jen xxxx

 

6 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

The only bikes I have every owned were ones you pedal, like a banana boat seated (very fashionable in the 80s), ten-speed (very fast), mountain (thick tires made for more exercise on flat roads in the Midwest), and cruiser (what I have now). No motors, but my own body. I wanted to get in on the comparisons and fun 🚴🏽‍♀️ hope it's not too goofy of me.

No not at all Jen. Cycling is the gate way drug! Love it too. You’re welcome in the gang! You might have to set off a couple of days before us but we’ll see you at the cafe for a tea! Xxx ☕️ 🏍️ 💨 🚲 

11 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Wheelie machine that handles. Now I am an old guy now, so NT1100 Honda DCT.

But if it's sold, then I recover and get another job, I would get a Tracer 9 GT+

@NT1100B, I love the biker rally on your page with @Chippy and @The_Taper_Man. Real life happening, and you will all be back on the road again with the wind in your hair and the sun in your faces! 🌞🏍

Pleased to see you have had lifts happening in the afternoon. I'm sorry the mornings are still hard. And I'm really sorry about your car and motorbike. Certainly not what you need dealing with med injury PAWS!  Praying that your symptoms will start lifting soon. I trust that you will start heading into months of significant healing and improvement. You have been the most inspirational person on this site with what you have been through. 

2 hours ago, mars said:

the spirit of a motorcycle lover who is so much more than his suffering

This sums it up B. The truth of your core self. No one, especially no drug, can every take that away from you! Warrior on.