11 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Thanks @Chippy very much appreciated, we continue to endure.🤞

Take care,        B.

Together though mate. We are all in together. I honestly dont know what I would do without you guys sometimes!

Well back off my morning 4am walk, I have been awake since midnight. 4c out but still dry, feeling a bit 

cooler. So still on a 0 and feeling flat. On my walk I concluded that I will most probably never get another

job. 13 month  to retirement but probably another 18 month pwd healing.

 

Lets face facts.....I am worse into my 14th month off the MIRT than I was when I first stopped. So by that

reckoning I am NOT even half way, the way I am seeing it, is it's going to take longer than I was taking it.

So that was 2.5 years, so another 18 month is a fairly accurate guess.

 

Remember this is based on how I am healing, and I can honestly say I am performing worse since November

last year, than all the time before that, as in like going backwards. The waves are more vicious, awakenings

more horrific, with even worse quality and length of time sleep. Nausea still BAD, Tinnitus still LOUD, ZERO

motivation, with still Anhedonia, depression, Anxiety, ED and the list goes on. Torture.

 

So I am fairly certain that the conclusion I came to out on my walk, won't be that far out. Now don't get me

wrong, a surprise quick recovery out of the blue would be phenomenal, But I think that's just pipe dreams.

Take care all,         B.   

13 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Together though mate. We are all in together. I honestly dont know what I would do without you guys sometimes!

Thanks @Chippy If we are helping even in the slightest way, it's a absolute honour. You & Luke

have done US all proud, keeping this Fantastic close knit Family together. BE PROUD.

Take care,          B.🤞

3 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Thanks @Chippy If we are helping even in the slightest way, it's a absolute honour. You & Luke

have done US all proud, keeping this Fantastic close knit Family together. BE PROUD.

Take care,          B.🤞

It's not Luke and I it's the WHOLE community that makes this place! Takes a village bud. 🙂 Im proud of you all especially you mate, the way you handle all this is incredible. 

11 hours ago, skamen said:

It is a crime against the patients. I am so angry, sorry...

Svetla

Hi @skamen I am sure I already replied to this, and (bam) it's disappeared. So yes I am very much with

you Svetla, it's a horrendous unforgivable crime against humanity. EVIL is the only description. I am praying🙏

for you and everyone else in the horrendous, endless living nightmare. Stay strong Svetla WE are ALL with you.

Take great care and please stay safe,           B.🙏🙏🙏🌷

18 minutes ago, Chippy said:

 Im proud of you all especially you mate, the way you handle all this is incredible. 

Thanks @Chippy I am overwhelmed. To even think of being any use to anyone else feels alien, as I feel so

utterly USELESS to myself even. A walking disaster. Wave controlled mind.🤬 

Take care,        B.

21 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

To even think of being any use to anyone else feels alien

You offer so much support to everyone on here mate. Including me. You are a pillar of determination and strength. And a MUCH loved member of this family!

Thanks @Chippy I am lost for words.🤔     B.

2 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Well back off my morning 4am walk, I have been awake since midnight. 4c out but still dry, feeling a bit 

cooler. So still on a 0 and feeling flat. On my walk I concluded that I will most probably never get another

job. 13 month  to retirement but probably another 18 month pwd healing.

 

Lets face facts.....I am worse into my 14th month off the MIRT than I was when I first stopped. So by that

reckoning I am NOT even half way, the way I am seeing it, is it's going to take longer than I was taking it.

So that was 2.5 years, so another 18 month is a fairly accurate guess.

 

Remember this is based on how I am healing, and I can honestly say I am performing worse since November

last year, than all the time before that, as in like going backwards. The waves are more vicious, awakenings

more horrific, with even worse quality and length of time sleep. Nausea still BAD, Tinnitus still LOUD, ZERO

motivation, with still Anhedonia, depression, Anxiety, ED and the list goes on. Torture.

 

So I am fairly certain that the conclusion I came to out on my walk, won't be that far out. Now don't get me

wrong, a surprise quick recovery out of the blue would be phenomenal, But I think that's just pipe dreams.

Take care all,         B.   

Have you tried Melatonin? You would qualify for a script in the UK, plus I also know an online supplier (where I get mine from). 

46 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

Have you tried Melatonin? You would qualify for a script in the UK, plus I also know an online supplier (where I get mine from).

Hi @Sminismoni No, that's the one thing I haven't tried. Not sure about it, mixed reviews. I can fall asleep

effortlessly, but 2 hours is as good as it gets, then after a break another 2 hours or 2x1  Once 4 hours have 

happened, NO chance of any more. Histamine.....or Cortisol. I suspect Histamine as MIRT is a huge blocker.

So yes not sure where it goes or how much longer from here. How are you? I hope you are doing OK.

Take care,         B.🤞

I don’t think you can know how long it will take, and that’s part of the HUGE issue. We don’t know and that leaves us more hopeless….

 

sooo many stories of people who had awful waves later on and then heal, and people

who suddenly experience lots of healing.

 

bur you aren’t alone. This last wave I’ve had must have been the worst I’ve had for a very long time. I look at my diary and I was doing SO much better last summer at only 4-6 months off….

now at nearly  12 months off some of my agitation is the worst it’s been. Other symptoms have dropped off a little bit the agitation/chemical anxiety on some days has been unbearable. I did think it would have eased by now.

 

but we keep plodding on.

try to do my gratitude list daily as inspired by @HopePerseveres2.0 and try to remember that every coach out there says the healing isn’t linear and that you can turn a corner and have a window at any moment.

 

i had a really glowing bright window after a 19 day wave on Tuesday. Monday was AWFUL but I woke up Tuesday for the first time in 19 days without any symptoms.  The full day!!!!

 

back in it now, but I mean, that makes no sense to anyone at all!!! Least of all me!!

 

Those days could be around the corner for both of us. 
sending love and hope

rosie xxx 

Ps. Don’t take melatonin it made me feel worse. I would honestly do a CBT for insomnia course. If you haven’t already. The brain can get in to bad habits, it could still be the Mirt or it could have become conditioned a little.

You may already be doing this but the key take away are to get very early morning light so in the uk now would be around 6.30am and then evening light.  For me when I consistently did that at the end of last summer my sleep did improve after a couple of weeks.

blue light blocking glasses also helped me. 

 

i know it may not for you,but it’s worth a go? My sleeps not perfect but I went from 1-2 hours most months to consistently getting 5-7 xxx 

1 hour ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

Those days could be around the corner for both of us. 
sending love and hope

rosie xxx 

Thanks @Its-me-Rosie very much appreciated, yes I understand you Rosie, if the wave is raging I tend to have

a wild rant. Yes and the vid I saw on here what has disappeared, as that guy said, the times we are really bad, is

when major healing is taking place. PATIENCE. I am also done about my car, NOT fixed yet, It won't recognize the

keys the garage says. The wheels won't turn, electric handbrake and it's an auto and stuck in park, and without

ignition, a code reader cannot be used. Not a main dealer for my car either. So that isn't helping. Main dealer is

 

50miles away, and without specialist truck, unmovable. Green flag who rescued me said another tow within 28 days

would be to PAY FOR.!!!!  So yes, we very nearly took it to main dealer on Saturday gone, but this local garage thought

YES we can fix it🤔. So yes Rosie how much that is affecting PWD I aren't sure, but I aren't feeling good.

 

Oh an no I am not going to try Melatonin, too dodgy, the brain will let me sleep eventually. So yes I was going to sell

my motorcycle today, but after ringing garage about my car status, I thought I better hang on to that idea for now.

But if I keep it it needs an MOT before the end of the month. So yes a few problems.🤔 Are you still on holiday?

if so I hope you are having  a good one. But yes thanks Rosie we WILL get there in TIME.

Take care,         B.🤞🙏🙏🌷 

Dear B., our rough agony continues but logically it has to have an end. Our brain cannot be constantly against us, physiologically is not possible to stay forever like this. 

Me also, with the time my situation goes worse contrary to the majority of cases. But what can we do? Hope, the unique thing...

Svetla

2 hours ago, skamen said:

But what can we do? Hope, the unique thing...

Svetla

Thanks @skamen yes Svetla hope is all we have got. But we have also got all the wonderful people on

here looking after us. We will WIN, keep faith in that one, the harder it gets, slow down, second, minute, hour

and day, keeping firmly in the present and distracting the best way we can. We will beat it Svetla.

Take care,           B.🙏🙏🙏🤞🌷 

Hi folks, well not a good morning, catastrophizing a lot and Anxiety high, but slowly but surely lifted

after mid-day, maybe on a 4.5 now. But mind thinking clearer and more logical, even with Car and

motorbike issues to be resolved. SO yes when the wave fog is out of the way, it's destructive negativity

is OBVIOUSLY APPARENT. The wave DESTROYES rational thinking.

Trouble is when it's enveloping us it's IMPOSIBLE to see this FACT. So onwards I slowly plod, my 20 hour

day will soon be up. Not looking forward to yet another sleep reset, but nothing I can do but ACCEPT.

Take care all,          B.🤞👍

Moving in the right direction b, I also notice how different the mind is when feeling better. I also suffer from the same sleep reset as you aswell. Late at night I’ll be laying there thinking of all the wonderful things I’ll be doing the next day to then sleep wake up and it all goes out the window. 
 

👊👌❤️

Hey @NT1100B

Have you tried EFT? This post has a really simple video to follow....it helps me to sleep and just be much more calm. Maybe it will help. 

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/138-eft-emotional-freedom-technique-tapping/?do=getNewComment

❤️🙏

Mr B, 

I can't wait for your car to be fixed, it's giving me aniexty 😂. 
I had a big rant this morning and every swear word in the dictionary came out of my mouth and got it felt good. I recommend you to try that. I feel like it gives me motivation when I let it all out.

We shall keep plodding along 

🐢🐢🐢🐢

 

7 hours ago, Richie said:

Late at night I’ll be laying there thinking of all the wonderful things I’ll be doing the next day to then sleep wake up and it all goes out the window. 

Thanks @Richie Yes that's the one, and with over a year of it it gets you down. typing this at 1.45am

awake since midnight back in a living hell. I hope you are doing better mate.🤞

Take care,       B.🤞

7 hours ago, LostinCanada said:

Have you tried EFT? This post has a really simple video to follow....it helps me to sleep and just be much more calm. Maybe it will help. 

Hi @LostinCanada How you keeping? I hope you are feeling better. Thanks VERY much for this, a guy

in desperation will try anything, thank you very much. Together we ALL will escape this living hell.

Take it slow and easy LIC, we eventually will reach that peace and tranquility 🤞

Take care,           B.🤞🙏🙏💙

 

4 hours ago, cheeky said:

I had a big rant this morning and every swear word in the dictionary came out of my mouth and got it felt good. I recommend you to try that. I feel like it gives me motivation when I let it all out.

We shall keep plodding along 

Hey @cheeky grinning big style reading that, love ya, afraid I don't need any encouragement on that one,

every other word with me, ALL the time. Yes the car is getting me down when a wave is kicking my ass, I will

have to shop online this week. But if the bloody car has to be either taken to main dealers 50 miles away or

scrapped!!!!!!! big worry. BIG expense.

The effing wave makes me catastrophize far too much, TOO much what MIGHT happen!!!!! I hope you are feeling

better Cheeky, these waves are the f*****g pits. Please stay strong and safe, you have already cheered me up

this morning, even though it's still just 2.20am. Here's wishing you a good day down under, God Bless.

Take care,         B.🤞☀️🦘

16 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Hey @cheeky grinning big style reading that, love ya, afraid I don't need any encouragement on that one,

every other word with me, ALL the time. Yes the car is getting me down when a wave is kicking my ass, I will

have to shop online this week. But if the bloody car has to be either taken to main dealers 50 miles away or

scrapped!!!!!!! big worry. BIG expense.

The effing wave makes me catastrophize far too much, TOO much what MIGHT happen!!!!! I hope you are feeling

better Cheeky, these waves are the f*****g pits. Please stay strong and safe, you have already cheered me up

this morning, even though it's still just 2.20am. Here's wishing you a good day down under, God Bless.

Take care,         B.🤞☀️🦘

F...k this car seriously . You really dont need the stress. I hope if can be fixed without the big price tag . 
Your a great man Mr B and I'm happy I put a smile on your face . 😀

Morning all, awake on a 0 since midnight again, 3 hours broken sleep, this s**t is getting worse.

Getting better at this moment in time seems quite the impossible, I just know this is going to take

a vast amount more time. The sleep reset happened about 00.30am dozed a bit then BAM.....horrible

wave mind was on me. 

 

Prior to that I had been still OK, but as it struck, all yesterdays and 10 minutes earlier positive thoughts

had GONE. Just like that. Now getting out of bed and pacing for 10 minutes then onto the laptop, I have

awakened proper and lifted out of it a bit, maybe on a 2 now. 

 

So it's very closely related to REM sleep, THAT appears to me to be where it resets the brain to kick ass wave

mode again. On a couple of very rare occasions last year trying to sleep through the day, the very same 

happened, so bad as to make me stop even trying, I just felt twice as bad.

 

So yes, that's that, but proves to me nothing good is happening yet, and this year is probably going to be even

worse than last year, it's certainly worse at the moment, zero money coming in, I was still on full sick pay from

work last year. Car out of action, motorbike soon to be gone, zero chance of work yet. NO it looks GRIM.

All I can do is keep plodding.

Take care,       B.🤞

5 minutes ago, cheeky said:

F...k this car seriously . You really dont need the stress. I hope if can be fixed without the big price tag . 
Your a great man Mr B and I'm happy I put a smile on your face . 😀

Thanks @cheeky yes our connections on here are a lifesaver, we are spiritually together, a meeting of

minds that CONNECT, we are living the same living hell that no one else UNDERSTANDS, not their fault

of course, to understand you have to be IN it, which we unfortunately are. But yes Cheeky with the fantastic

people on here, however bad it gets, we are then lifted by the special people like yourself and others.👍

I hope it's ☀️in Sydney and you have a nice afternoon, take it easy and wishing you all the best.

Take care,          B.🤞🦘🌷