Thank @Chippy appreciated mate. Do you have to pay for youtube account?

No bike sale is at dealers....maybe not as much money..... BUT guaranteed money. Easy to do...low stress.

So yes I will see what happens Chippy the looming MOT is pushing it, and being in such fragile wave brain

debilitating state, I am just not up for the wheeling and dealing like normal. But ZERO money coming in is

the BIG ONE. This is where psych drugs sends us!!!!!! Not good.

Take care,       B.🤞

15 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Thank @Chippy appreciated mate. Do you have to pay for youtube account?

No it’s free unless you get premium which is expensive. It’s free to have an account mate. 
 

16 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

No bike sale is at dealers....maybe not as much money..... BUT guaranteed money. Easy to do...low stress.

Got you. Well I hope they give you a good price. I’ve always sold mine privately without issues. More coin that way. 
 

Hope it goes ok you have to do what you think is right for you atm. Your health comes first. Be easy with the decisions you make and don’t worry about them. Just do what feels right and nice at the time. You’ve bigger things to deal with like focusing on you. 
 

One day you’ll get a bike back and be back on those Cumbrian road again just like your avatar. 

6 minutes ago, Chippy said:

One day you’ll get a bike back and be back on those Cumbrian road again just like your avatar. 

Thanks @Chippy Yes you are right Bud, things have just crashed down around me lately and

I need stability again to heal, you are right my health comes first.

Oh youtube have stopped guest access, but there is a way without account, going to try it now Bud

catch you later.        B.

1 minute ago, NT1100B said:

Oh youtube have stopped guest access, but there is a way without account, going to try it now Bud

catch you later.        B.

Cool. Hope it works. If not just make one no cost so no worries there. Wish the premium one was cheaper I’d live to have it but it’s silly money. 

Morning B. 
 

I see you’re on a 3 this morning, is that a little better than previous mornings? If so, I hope it’s a sign that things are improving a little for you. I feel your pain with sleep, I was getting 5 hours straight but I’m in a little wave now and I’m back to 3 hours. 
 

I just tried logging into YouTube as a guest down here in Plymouth and it’s fine. I’m not sure what’s happened your end? Maybe give it another try? 
 

Keep marching on B, it’s hard times at the moment but you’ve got this, you’ve got a great attitude towards it too. Brighter days are ahead for you B! 

45 minutes ago, NBJ71 said:

Keep marching on B, it’s hard times at the moment but you’ve got this, you’ve got a great attitude towards it too. Brighter days are ahead for you B! 

Thanks @NBJ71 appreciated mate, yes 3 was a lot better, dropped again now though, don't know

what's going on but hey it is what it is. Yes I unplugged my Roku box for an hour and tried it 15 minutes 

ago and it worked fine????  But when I looked online it said they were stopping watching as guest. But

go to profile and you can set it to watch somehow without an account.

 

Can't remember if I have had a youtube account or not, memory is bad. But I would be LOST without Youtube.

I hope you are doing OK, I hope your sleep improves in time mate.

Take care,         B.🙏🙏🤞

2 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Thanks @Chippy Yes you are right Bud, things have just crashed down around me lately and

I need stability again to heal, you are right my health comes first.

 

That's the way B.

 

I think it's very likely that down the line this will all be behind you, and then the secondary worries and stresses like car troubles, finances etc. just won't matter to you that much, having gotten your health and wellbeing back.

 

Before experiencing this, I let things get to me, worry me, stressed about them, became frustrated etc. Now, none of it matters at all, other than health and wellbeing. I believe that you will recover, and all of the other stuff is just life. We now know full well how wonderful it would be to only have the regular worries in life, and that really compared to true suffering, they're not worries at all.

Thank you so much, B., for the reference. I will read all 66 pages of this girl's journey.

You are on 3, this is encouraging.

My ordeal continues, my sleep was permanently interrupted by the awful cortisol spikes. And the morning is horrific, as usually. No break for me, the anxiety is so intense, my body is as logged in the electrical system. And I am in month 12 of this unless Hell. New symptoms appeared: shortness of breath and stomach pain. What an agony...

But I don't have a choice, I need hold in.

Svetla

Morning B

 

Just checking in to see how you are?

 

Hope you got your bike sorted yesterday and heard more about your car?

 

Chippy

15 hours ago, skamen said:

But I don't have a choice, I need hold in.

Svetla

Morning @skamen Very sorry Svetla but yes, as painful and horrible as it is, holding on in there without

changing dose until well stable is the only way. Recovery is waiting for us ALL, but patience is a MUST, I am

afraid there are NO shortcuts as has been proven with others trying a short cut and ending a LOT worse off.

 

So Patience TIME and FAITH are your armoury Svetla, and the FANTASTIC people here at AR holding your hand.

WE are connected in MIND, SPIRIT and SOUL.

Take great care,         B.🙏🙏🙏🤞🌷 

Morning all, Back off my 4.30am walk, 2c and tiny bit of rain in a stiff NE wind making it feel cooler.

Awoke this morning on a 2 after 5 hours very broken sleep, so slightly better but could very likely be a one off.

So yes lifted to a 3 after my walk. So Sold my motorbike yesterday, strangely I had the perfect day mood wise.

 

I would say a 6-6.5 all day. Now I did have some doubts, I could have had it MOTd buying me more time to recover,

but with NO clear END in sight to PWD, and zero money coming in, I decided it had to go. The thing what decided

it as well, was the Bike was NOT getting used enough in my present condition. I had never Bonded with that Bike.

 

A good Bike, but maybe a bit too bland, plus like the dreaded car, too many electrics. So yes on a check now I only

covered 2000 miles on it, next to nothing. A fantastic Suzuki 1050 Vstrom I once owned I covered over 20000 miles

on it, a very exiting bike to ride, one you become attached to. So yes if I had still been in work and none of this PWD

was an issue, the NT1100 would have gone anyway, but for a replacement instead.

 

So that was that. So yes I have still not heard any news on my car🤞 so my drive and garage are now empty. Well

empty is maybe the wrong word for the garage, it's anything but empty, but you get the gist. So yes just my legs

at the moment. I will order my weekly food shop this evening, try and get an early Saturday morning delivery, I 

missed out last week by being too late on Friday ordering, I hate waiting later deliveries, (not sure why)

 

So yes one thing less now to think about, and obviously less expense, MOT, road tax, insurance, tyres, petrol and

at the moment another weight off my mind. God these drugs have something to answer to, truly life changing.

But it's onwards and upwards we plod, time will eventually see this out, just looking at some reminders though

and I have blood, cholesterol, Liver and BP tests coming up in April, now back in October I thought I would be

recovered by then.    Wrong Again. So what that leads to who knows. Let's keep plodding.

Take care all,        B.

 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, Back off my 4.30am walk, 2c and tiny bit of rain in a stiff NE wind making it feel cooler.

Awoke this morning on a 2 after 5 hours very broken sleep, so slightly better but could very likely be a one off.

So yes lifted to a 3 after my walk. So Sold my motorbike yesterday, strangely I had the perfect day mood wise.

 

I would say a 6-6.5 all day. Now I did have some doubts, I could have had it MOTd buying me more time to recover,

but with NO clear END in sight to PWD, and zero money coming in, I decided it had to go. The thing what decided

it as well, was the Bike was NOT getting used enough in my present condition. I had never Bonded with that Bike.

Mate. Well this is all quite positive! 5 hours sleep! Thats awesome! 🙂 Hope you can slowly start to see this build up! And a 2. Good.

 

Sorry about your bike but least this is done now and you can stop thinking about it. Im sure its a weight off your mind that anything else.

 

6/6.5 is yet more good news. Sooooo flipping happy to read this bud!

 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

A good Bike, but maybe a bit too bland, plus like the dreaded car, too many electrics. So yes on a check now I only

covered 2000 miles on it, next to nothing. A fantastic Suzuki 1050 Vstrom I once owned I covered over 20000 miles

on it, a very exiting bike to ride, one you become attached to. So yes if I had still been in work and none of this PWD

was an issue, the NT1100 would have gone anyway, but for a replacement instead.

I get you. Some bikes are like this. Too smooth or boring or something. Just not got the edge you like perhaps.

 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

So that was that. So yes I have still not heard any news on my car🤞 so my drive and garage are now empty. Well

empty is maybe the wrong word for the garage, it's anything but empty, but you get the gist. So yes just my legs

at the moment. I will order my weekly food shop this evening, try and get an early Saturday morning delivery, I 

missed out last week by being too late on Friday ordering, I hate waiting later deliveries, (not sure why)

I get the gist mate. Always lots of things stored away in a garage. Mines not got a bike in it but its FULL of other things!!!!

 

Thank goodness for online delivery mate. What shop do you use? I get mine every Friday very early. Its a repeat slot so I always have it.

 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

So yes one thing less now to think about, and obviously less expense, MOT, road tax, insurance, tyres, petrol and

at the moment another weight off my mind. God these drugs have something to answer to, truly life changing.

But it's onwards and upwards we plod, time will eventually see this out, just looking at some reminders though

and I have blood, cholesterol, Liver and BP tests coming up in April, now back in October I thought I would be

recovered by then.    Wrong Again. So what that leads to who knows. Let's keep plodding.

Yes as you say a bunch off your mind now. Good. Hope this car can get sorted! You need your wheels back! Soon enough.

 

I hope this is the start of you pulling up out of this dive mate! Lord knows you deserve it.

 

Chippy

50 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Yes as you say a bunch off your mind now. Good. Hope this car can get sorted! You need your wheels back! Soon enough.

 

I hope this is the start of you pulling up out of this dive mate! Lord knows you deserve it.

 

Chippy

Thanks @Chippy appreciated mate. Well the car like you say, I NEED back, heard nothing, which in a way is 

good because it surely means they are capable of fixing it🤞. As for recovery, keeping a very open mind

on that one mate. I have been bitten far too HARD to get ahead of myself on that score. There just is not a 

time limit, so it's a case of accepting what comes my way. As I sold the Bike I jokingly said that I would no

doubt miraculously recover next week and back to normal. Never will it happen like that, that's a certainty.

 

So yes the car is the priority, I can get groceries delivered (Morrisons) but there's other things you do need

a car for. Taxis, hells bells, shocked at what they charge these days, I asked out of curiosity how much for a

30 mile trip.....£90.....£10 on the train, 20 minute journey. So yes taxis are making a fortune. NOT out of ME though.

 

So yes I will get over the motorbike scenario, my health and getting back to normal come before all else, I have

lifted to a 4 now with no wave thinking, and that alone puts things more into perspective. So yes Monday-Tuesday

I was in a horrible mental state, yesterday and this morning almost like a different person, I conducted myself

yesterday as normal, talk with strangers NO problem. So yes this PWD is the most horrible and weirdest thing

a human can ever go through. Eventually there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Let's keep plodding on.

Take care all,      B.

 

1 minute ago, NT1100B said:

As for recovery, keeping a very open mind

on that one mate. I have been bitten far too HARD to get ahead of myself on that score. There just is not a 

time limit, so it's a case of accepting what comes my way. As I sold the Bike I jokingly said that I would no

doubt miraculously recover next week and back to normal. Never will it happen like that, that's a certainty.

Yes best to do this. But the progress you have SLOWLY been seeing is hopefully the start of good things. Not linear, almost certainly but good signs still.

 

3 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

So yes the car is the priority, I can get groceries delivered (Morrisons) but there's other things you do need

a car for. Taxis, hells bells, shocked at what they charge these days, I asked out of curiosity how much for a

30 mile trip.....£90.....£10 on the train, 20 minute journey. So yes taxis are making a fortune. NOT out of ME though.

Yeah we use Morrisons for top up. ASDA for Friday delivery. Good balance between the two. But yes car is a must for you. Hope that gets sorted ASAP.

 

4 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

So yes I will get over the motorbike scenario, my health and getting back to normal come before all else, I have

lifted to a 4 now with no wave thinking, and that alone puts things more into perspective. So yes Monday-Tuesday

I was in a horrible mental state, yesterday and this morning almost like a different person, I conducted myself

yesterday as normal, talk with strangers NO problem. So yes this PWD is the most horrible and weirdest thing

a human can ever go through. Eventually there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Let's keep plodding on.

Take care all,      B.

Good to see you on a 4. It's giving you a dam hard time this last couple of months. Understatement that. Im glad you are getting at least some relief! More to come. 🤞

 

It is mate. Worse thing anyone can go through IMO. Utter hell on earth. Plod on we must. We WILL be victorious mate.

 

Chippy

On 2/18/2026 at 8:15 AM, Luke said:

Before experiencing this, I let things get to me, worry me, stressed about them, became frustrated etc. Now, none of it matters at all, other than health and wellbeing. I believe that you will recover, and all of the other stuff is just life. We now know full well how wonderful it would be to only have the regular worries in life, and that really compared to true suffering, they're not worries at all.

Cheers @Luke yes very well put mate. Yes that's the thing, OUR eyes have been opened like never before in

this true state of HORROR. WHO could ever contemplate suffering the unknown like what it is, beyond imagination or 

explanation, barely even describable. Traumatic enough to land lots of poor souls onto psych wards in drug induced

confusion, then even worse coming out of said establishments loaded with MORE poison.

 

Now my life has been roller coaster right through, always employed and working though until stopping Mirt, never

been in jail, and worked hard throughout. But had some very rough times. WELL or so I thought. THAT was before

MIRT. NOW I know the true meaning of being in a living HELL, the past however bad, pales into insignificance in 

comparison, a world apart, an absolute leisurely walk in the park on a warm sunny day in comparison to this nightmare.

 

So like you say, getting our health and normality back is PRIORITY above all else. Yesterday I was blessed to experience

that normality, not 100% but 75% at least, so it's still thankfully there, today now on a 5 so not bad at all, car problem

back of my mind, but not worried really, it's sortable. Our health is paramount above ALL else.

I sincerely hope you have lifted again Luke, and are getting nearer that full recovery. Keep plodding Bud.

Take care,         B.👍

 

 

Morning B. Sounds like you are doing a bit better this morning. That’s good news. A little bit better hopefully day by day assuming that yes there will be peaks and valleys  Sounds like good news on your car and sorry you had to sell your motor bike but understand why you did. It’s hard to let go of some of the things that were important parts of our lives. I use to play regularly in community orchestras & bands but dont anymore. I have 3 French horns I don’t play anymore. I should sell them but cant bring myself to let go of them yet. Guess I’m hoping I’ll play again some day , if this drug poison doesn’t kill me that is. 
Hope the day keeps going well for you. I got an appointment with Horowitz in an hour. I better get ready for that. 
Cheers,

 

 

3 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

Hope the day keeps going well for you. I got an appointment with Horowitz in an hour. I better get ready for that. 
Cheers,

Hey @Pokey449 thanks mate, yes a bit better again today, car still in the garage though, heard nothing yet mate.

Oh yes right Pokey, how you doing? I am keeping🤞 that your appointment goes WELL with Horowitz, and he can

advise on a way out of the drug nightmare for you. I am wishing you all the best on that one Bud🤞.

Yes hang on to your French horns Pokey, you just NEVER know mate, none of us do, change CAN happen FAST.

Take great care Bud, and all the best for your meet.        B.👍

Onwards and upwards b Im seeing progress. 
 

❤️👌👊

Edited February 19Feb 19 by Richie

Hi folks, not a lot to say really, lifted to a 5.5 today, so not too bad really, not as good as yesterday but

not bad either, one of my sisters called this afternoon, and we got caught up on a lot of news, so that

made a nice change to my day. Still not heard about the car, so I will be ringing tomorrow to see what's

going on. Keep plodding it is.

Take care all,       B.🤞 

4 minutes ago, Richie said:

Onwards and upwards b Im seeing progress. 
 

Cheers @Richie Appreciated my good man. I hope you are doing OK, Stay strong and safe🤞

Take care,      B.

Hi B,

back from my holiday today and just checking in.

general trend seems to be one of small improvements and chinks of light over the last 10 ish days?

 

withdrawal being weird is an understatement. I felt like a 9 one day whilst away, then the next morning wake up on a 1….how is that not weird!!!

 

The inconsistency is unbearable and it makes working impossible as I’ve since realised having had to quit my school pudding serving job.  

Sorry about the bike and the money worries. Lots of grief coming up for me around the one year mark!

it’s also lent and I was asking @HopePerseveres2.0what she might be giving up and she very thoughtfully reminded me that we’ve given up a heck of a lot this past year. I don’t even eat choccy anymore so can’t even give that one up!! 
 

plod onwards B, I think the sun may have helped me whilst away. Anxiety very high at times with agitation BUT I must admit some sunshine did seem to lift my mood a bit. Mostly feel a bit lighter.  Spring is coming and then summer is set to follow and give us a boost.  It won’t be a magic pill but it may help regulate sleep more and just give a small boost to those neurotransmitters. We can only hope. 
 

fingers crossed for another 5 hour plus sleep for you on the horizon!

 

 

hugs 

Rosie X

 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Hi folks, not a lot to say really, lifted to a 5.5 today, so not too bad really, not as good as yesterday but

not bad either, one of my sisters called this afternoon, and we got caught up on a lot of news, so that

made a nice change to my day. Still not heard about the car, so I will be ringing tomorrow to see what's

going on. Keep plodding it is.

Take care all,       B.🤞 

Lovely news @NT1100B glad for you, Keep being strong!

6 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

fingers crossed for another 5 hour plus sleep for you on the horizon!

 

 

hugs 

Rosie X

Thanks @Its-me-Rosie  (((((((((hugs)))))))) back. I hope your holiday was good. Yes I can VERY easily believe

going from a 9 back down to a 1, NOTHING surprises me now with this horror. I am back to 3 hours sleep last night,

well, 2.20am now and NO chance of any more sleep. So anyway let's hope this is the year Rosie, I am sure you will

get back to full recovery, you are doing brilliant to get to a 9👍a sure sign of healing.

 

But yes I understand you on the up and down of it, as you say it makes planning things very difficult, as we don't

know our mental state from 1 day to the next. But hopefully Rosie, this will get less and less pronounced and we 

just keep getting better and better, time is the one, we just keep plodding.

Take great care,       B. 🙏🤞🌷

Morning all, well awake again on a 2 after 3 hours sleep, tried getting more, but NO chance. The 5 hours I

got the night before has made up for the shortfall. My pessimistic mind knew it wouldn't last, I can see poor

sleep lasting years. Very dangerous drugs.

 

So yes still no word of the car, and from what I have read about it, I do need to get shot if it does get fixed, bad

reputation after a certain age. End up costing £££££££ so yes just my bloody luck, not even done 40000 miles yet.

So yes poor electrics on them apparently. Anyway something will get sorted, but the main one for me is to get recovered

and get my health back, that's the main one. I have done my shopping online this morning, Saturday delivery again

so that's sorted, because I am certain I WON'T get my car back this week. So nothing planned other than keep plodding.

Take care all,        B. 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, well awake again on a 2 after 3 hours sleep, tried getting more, but NO chance. The 5 hours I

got the night before has made up for the shortfall. My pessimistic mind knew it wouldn't last, I can see poor

sleep lasting years. Very dangerous drugs.

Morning mate. Sorry you’ve not managed to get more sleep this morning. Frustrating isn’t it. But as you say when you're up your up and i certainly recognise that NO chance of anymore feeling. You deserve better. Glad you’re at least on a 2 this morning there’s something for first thing at least. Hopefully you’ll lift soon. 
 

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Anyway something will get sorted, but the main one for me is to get recovered

and get my health back, that's the main one. I have done my shopping online this morning, Saturday delivery again

so that's sorted, because I am certain I WON'T get my car back this week. So nothing planned other than keep plodding.

That’s it mate. Something will get sorted. 👍

Main thing is your health for sure. 
We’ve got our Friday delivery coming this morning. Handy that for sure. 
 

Hope you lift some more mate. 
 

Keep plodding my friend.