8 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

you’ve got this B 

this wave will lift 

xxx 

Thanks @Its-me-Rosie very much appreciated, I hope you have lifted and are doing OK.🤞

Yes I am in the wave from hell again, the worst I have hit up to now. This year is starting off a

LOT worse than last year. So for me, not looking good in any way yet. Onwards I plod.

Take great care Rosie, wishing you all the very best.        B.🤞🌷

3 hours ago, skamen said:

But we don't have a choice, B., we must endure this horrific journey. This terror has to stop one day, hasn't it??????

Svetla 

Hi @skamen and thanks, very much appreciated, I feel every bit of your pain. But yes we have to dig deep

for our strength and endure this until it releases it's grip, we are stronger than any drug, we stick together and

beat it. So Svetla we are ALL with each other on our way to full recovery. God Bless.

Take great care, and please stay safe.            B.🙏🙏🙏🌷

Hi all, well another horror of a day on a -0 all day, in the dreaded wave from hell. 2026 is turning out

to be a right stinker. No motorbike, no car, in the wave from hell, what next? the bloody bungalow burning

down? So yes it's been a truly horrible day, apart from a 2.45am walk in the dark, I am then wave mind

grounded. Housebound. An inner FEAR so strong as to be literally in hiding.

 

Mentally destroyed by a poisonous effing drug, reducing grown adults to fearing our own shadows. What

sort of maniacs invent poisons like that? in the 21st century. That's where I am at 14 month OFF.🤬 

SO ALL we can do is KEEP PLODDING. 

Take care all,         B.

6 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

reducing grown adults to fearing our own shadows.

I developed monophobia...like what on earth, who even knew this was a thing. My husband had to be in the same room with me even...if he took.thr garbage out, I was pacing looking out the window....

It got better but I am still not back to myself yet on that symptom. I used to be so independent and happy with my alone time....these drugs make us unrecognizable. Despite the despair, I have gotten better.... it's those waves that erode our confidence. Try to remember your body is recalibrating during this horrible time. 

 

I find this short video reassuring 

https://youtu.be/KQtO6HXJfjw

❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏

 

Yes, B., these drugs are a crime against the humanity. Plus, you did a very slow tapering from this poison, and all you endure now is profoundly unfear and cruel. I share your suffering,

Svetla

Edited February 23Feb 23 by skamen

@NT1100B Its the pure pits isnt it. You've done all you can do, now its hurry up and wait for the wave(s) to be over and gone forever. Wishing you a peaceful night, I know how hellish it can be lynig awake alone at 2 a.m. 

 

Question: what village or town are you close to. I looked up the location of Cumbria on the UK map and see its in the NW not far from Scotland to the north?? Do I have that correct? I thought it might be nice to know from what neck of the woods some of us come from.

I live near Columbia, Missouri. Missouri is smack dab in the center of the USA. Columbia is in the smack dab center of Missouri

 

@Chippywhere is your abode located if you care to share. Cheers

 

Pokey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You got this Mr B , this isn't going to last forever . This is just a storm and you will get through to the other side . 
keep plodding my friend ❤️

 

8 hours ago, LostinCanada said:

Try to remember your body is recalibrating during this horrible time. 

 

Thanks @LostinCanada I hope you are keeping well, yes I was feeling down and dejected typing that

last post, 2am now and after 4 hours broken sleep I am a bit lighter of mood now, but 2am!!!!! don't think

any chance of any more sleep now. I did grab an extra hour yesterday but had only had 3 hours.

 

So yes this re-calibrating sure takes some time, the vicious wave thinking distorts our expectations and

convinces us falsely that we are stuck like this permanently. We just have to work through it slowly the

best way we can. Thanks for your support though LIC, you are fantastic and it helps a LOT. WE will beat

this and with time recover to a life of peace and tranquillity.

Take great care,         B.🙏🙏🙏💙

7 hours ago, skamen said:

Yes, B., these drugs are a crime against the humanity. Plus, you did a very slow tapering from this poison, and all you endure now is profoundly unfear and cruel. I share your suffering,

Svetla

Hi @skamen Thanks, your kind words mean SO much, together we will beat this evil, we have been harmed

by the very people we have trusted to care for us, as you say, a CRIME to humanity, it truly is. But we all on here

stand together, and with each others help we will in time rejoice as we fully recover from this evil. So Svetla please

keep gently taking each second, minute, hour and day, and we will succeed and finally turn that magical corner.

Stay strong Svetla, we are with you ALL the way, WE WILL WIN.

Take great care,        B.🙏🙏🙏🙏🌷 

5 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

I live near Columbia, Missouri. Missouri is smack dab in the center of the USA. Columbia is in the smack dab center of Missouri

Hi @Pokey449 I live Near Windermere Pokey, and here I am after 4 hours sleep typing at 2.20am on the dot at this

minute. Madness. But I am feeling slightly less rattled that my post last night. Horrific day yesterday. So how you 

doing now Bud? I know you are having some nasty problems with Mirt and Doxepin, my heart goes out to you. A lot

of it is a very careful guessing game. But stability is what the BRAIN is searching for. HOLD until it finds it.

Then micro taper.....OR if comfort is found....leave it at that??  I am wishing you all the best Pokey, please take it slow.

Take great care,         B.🤞  

 

2 hours ago, cheeky said:

You got this Mr B , this isn't going to last forever .

Thanks @cheeky for your kind words, it means a LOT. Yes I understand, it's just the vicious wave mind

distorts our thinking, yesterday was one of my worst, and it just felt like my world was caving in on me,

hard to describe, but it just at times feels like a continuous wave cycle that seems fixed by brain damaged

memory. As though the wave has been memorized and just replaying on a memory loop? All I can do is 

keep plodding. 2.47am now in the UK, so I am now going for my crazy early morning walk. I hope you are

doing better now Cheeky, you are a fantastic strong person, to continue working through the living hell you

are in, I am in awe of you. 

Take care, and wishing you all the very best.      B.🤞🌷

13 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Thanks @cheeky for your kind words, it means a LOT. Yes I understand, it's just the vicious wave mind

distorts our thinking, yesterday was one of my worst, and it just felt like my world was caving in on me,

hard to describe, but it just at times feels like a continuous wave cycle that seems fixed by brain damaged

memory. As though the wave has been memorized and just replaying on a memory loop? All I can do is 

keep plodding. 2.47am now in the UK, so I am now going for my crazy early morning walk. I hope you are

doing better now Cheeky, you are a fantastic strong person, to continue working through the living hell you

are in, I am in awe of you. 

Take care, and wishing you all the very best.      B.🤞🌷

Your thoughts in a wave aren't true . When it happens to me I tell it to f..k off and leave me alone , I'm stronger then you . I pretend I'm a superhero  🦸‍♂️even though I'm this tiny 5 foot 2 petite lady🤪

Your going to get through this and you better come back to help us out 💕

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

WE will beat

this and with time recover to a life of peace and tranquillity.

We have to because the alternative isn't acceptable. Try to find some glimmers every day.... ✨✨✨✨✨✨ No matter how small. ❤️🙏

22 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

We have to because the alternative isn't acceptable. Try to find some glimmers every day.... ✨✨✨✨✨✨ No matter how small. ❤️🙏

Spot on @LostinCanada Yes my thinking this morning, back off my 2.50am walk, is much clearer, negative thinking 

gone. So dare I think the wave has lifted?? Yesterday was one of my WORST, sorry if I am repeating myself, going

bloody barmy as well🤣but no, I am feeling more positive this morning👍 and having friends like your good self

help MASSIVELY. Together we will beat this horrible, horrible situation we have been deceptively put in. Thanks

LIC your kind words mean a lot, I am wishing you all the best.

Take care,       B.🙏💙

36 minutes ago, cheeky said:

When it happens to me I tell it to f..k off and leave me alone

Thanks @cheeky you have lifted me already 🤣 I do the same many times, but the f****r takes no notice,

but yes you are 100% right, I think yesterday was the lowest point I have ever been, so to be feeling better

this morning is sheer bliss in comparison. BUT is it going to last? only time will tell on that one of course.

 

I see it's 26c ☀️ in Aus, so nice for your tea out on the balcony, I hope you are doing good Cheeky, and yes

when I do escape this horrific living hell nightmare, I will continue helping as much as I can👍 Please stay

strong, and keep safe, wishing you all the best,          B.☀️🤞🌷

Hi again, So back off my 2.50am walk 9c out so feeling warm, misty and damp though. So definitely 

feeling better than yesterday this morning, just 4 hours sleep but on a 3 this moment...let's just hope

it lasts🤔.  Time will tell I suppose, but yes less negative thinking, yesterday was the LOWEST I have

ever been, not far off ending it to be honest. 

 

But here I am, STILL here, different day same s**t, but with a different head on it, so yes I don't know

how many days like yesterday I could survive? not many one thinks, anyway it's coming up 4.15am and

I am going back to bed to watch some meditation on youtube, I have been awake since 1am and it's one

hell of a long day. Catch you all later.

Take care,       B.🤞

8 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

@Chippywhere is your abode located if you care to share. Cheers

I’m in Northumberland Pokey

50 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Hi again, So back off my 2.50am walk 9c out so feeling warm, misty and damp though. So definitely 

feeling better than yesterday this morning, just 4 hours sleep but on a 3 this moment...let's just hope

it lasts🤔.  Time will tell I suppose, but yes less negative thinking, yesterday was the LOWEST I have

ever been, not far off ending it to be honest. 

 

But here I am, STILL here, different day same s**t, but with a different head on it, so yes I don't know

how many days like yesterday I could survive? not many one thinks, anyway it's coming up 4.15am and

I am going back to bed to watch some meditation on youtube, I have been awake since 1am and it's one

hell of a long day. Catch you all later.

Take care,       B.🤞

He’ll B I hope you don’t get more days like yesterday. It’s sounds awful mate. 😞

 

So glad you’re a bit better so far today. That’s good. Your no1 and only job at the moment is to survive this, stay alive. This is what Angie Peacock says and she’s right. Just survive it. Your body is doing the rest. 
 

I hope things calm down for you a bit more soon. Enjoy your meditation videos. You need all the creature comforts you can get and anything to calm the nervous system can only be a good thing. 
 

Chippy

Well back again folks, dozed a tiny bit but it downed my mood again, maybe on a 2 now. Not really any

more solid sleep, just loosing track of 40 minutes or so. Still better than yesterday though so lets see how

it pans out, but knowing how bad it can get, I aren't hoping for too much yet. With how 2026 has started I

have one hell of a journey ahead of me yet, just what my pessimistic mind was predicting a year ago.

Take care all,        B. 

 

19 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Well back again folks, dozed a tiny bit but it downed my mood again, maybe on a 2 now. Not really any

more solid sleep, just loosing track of 40 minutes or so. Still better than yesterday though so lets see how

it pans out, but knowing how bad it can get, I aren't hoping for too much yet. With how 2026 has started I

have one hell of a journey ahead of me yet, just what my pessimistic mind was predicting a year ago.

Take care all,        B. 

 

I dont know what it is about sleep that does this. Something happens doesnt it and it can make things worse. Frustrating. Im sure the nap as little as it was will be good in the long term but I hate it dropped your mood. Hope it lifts 🤞

36 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Frustrating. Im sure the nap as little as it was will be good in the long term but I hate it dropped your mood. Hope it lifts 🤞

Thanks @Chippy yes sleep disrupts something, no idea what....my logical thinking would say we ALL should

be sleeping 12 hours a night to HEAL!!!!  But, that isn't the way, which is strange. WE have seen people ill with 

things other than drugs, Flu, colds and various other ailments where extra sleep hugely benefits the healing process.

NOT PWD....no a different animal is this one, EVIL to the extreme, so yes WHY sleep isn't the main healing factor is an

absolute mystery to me. We just have to accept and keep plodding.

Take care,      B.🤞

Hello B. I have read along in your thread and I am really moved by your struggle. You are very brave and strong.

I would have some thoughts about insomnia and nightly cortisol, but I do not want to stress you with additional good advice that you do not need or not want to hear about. It is just that I have been struggling with these nightly cortisol problems that wake one up after four hours and prevent going back to sleep for years, even without withdrawal, because of trauma. Different reason but same effect. So I have been experimenting a bit and I could tell you my thoughts on it. But only if you’re interested, I know that sometimes one is not really open to other people‘s “good ideas”, I have been there.

take good care!

Nemina 

 

3 hours ago, Nemina said:

So I have been experimenting a bit and I could tell you my thoughts on it. But only if you’re interested, I know that sometimes one is not really open to other people‘s “good ideas”, I have been there.

take good care!

Nemina 

Hi @Nemina Thanks very much for taking the interest. I am sorry you are suffering similar. Yes it's horrible 

as you know, but I think when I have recovered PWDs and then get more energy back and start work again

if this happens before I retire, then I am thinking sleep will come back naturally. But Nemina I am open to

any suggestions of course. Thanks again and wishing you all the best.

Take care,      B.🙏🤞

Hi all, well my better morning went pear shaped after a late for me breakfast at 9am. The food which

was just my normal, sent me back to a 0, now not as bad as yesterday but bad enough. The same thing

happened at lunch time, just same diet as always but could instantly feel the affect. SO it looks like I am

going to have to go on a starvation diet, that will be one way of getting this excess weight off.

 

So yes another horrible day, I honestly this morning thought I was lifting out of this wave, but food

very soon put paid to that. So another day wasted on this PWD living hell of a journey. I just aren't

seeing any positive lasting improvement of any kind yet. Just keep plodding is all I can do.

Take care,        B.

Morning all, here I am yet again at 1.10am!!!!!!  this is beyond belief at 14 months off, awoke after

3 hours broken sleep, I am GETTING WORSE. I just cannot believe what is going on, we should be

getting gradually better, NOT worse. This is getting beyond even survival.🤬

Take care all,      B.