1 minute ago, mars said:

@Pokey449.  Ah, loneliness.  The bane of my existence.  

 

In the shower I was wondering to myself if anyone would be interested in a Zoom call. I'd be willing to host...but not sure I have the Brain clarity to facilitate! Lol

 

Perhaps @Luke. And @Chippy can comment on past attempts to connect beyond the forum.

 

But the loneliness,  disability,  and isolation are real and not ideal. 

 

I feel fortunate in that I'm an introvert who loves to read.

 

So thank you for your honesty 

Hi Mars I’m afraid I have no experience with zoom or anything like that outside of the forum I’m afraid. 

No worries @Chippy. I was just curious.  Thanks!

28 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

Hi B. How do you deal with the aloneness of this misery? When I wake up in the dark & quiet of night in an empty house feelng miserable it can be overwhelmingly foreboding. There’s no way “normal” people can relate to what this is like. Even when describe it to friends or family I know they just can’t/don’t get it. The loneliness of it all eats at me 😢

I’m sorry pokey. We are here for you mate. 

1 minute ago, mars said:

No worries @Chippy. I was just curious.  Thanks!

Pleasure Mars 

@NT1100B @Pokey449 @mars jumping on the loneliness bandwagon here.

I’m not the most gregarious of folk but between a part time job and my outdoor hobbies I had something on most days and got out and about meeting friends so valued my alone time at home.

Now I’m stuck here day in day out it’s cripplingly lonely to be honest.

Edited February 14Feb 14 by Emsy

@Emsy. Thank you for adding your experience.  The isolation and counter cultural nature of our healing approach adds another LEVEL  of suffering, IMO. 

 

PERHAPS, if enough people show an interest in a zoom call...or even regional identification (when I got off benzos, there were 2 other people who lived in the same area as me. We met up and it really changed our perception of being alone,)  we can come out from behind the screens a bit. 

Not everyone wants this. But for those of us who might...who knows? 

 

 

Sorry about your sleep B, sleep experts always say the same thing. Get out in sunshine for as long as possible each day to teach the brain that it’s daytime. It does something to the brain. Shame we don’t have much in the UK this time of year. But yeah, sunrise like I said before. Go out no sunglasses or hat on, minimum 30 minutes and then as much daylight all through the day. 

i don’t know if it helps in Mirt WD but I have two books on sleep I bought in a panic and both have interesting tips with that sort of thing in it. 

 

it can’t hurt? I can post them to you when I get home just message me your address on here privately or share your telephone number.  I think we basically have to retrain our brains 🧠 somehow that it’s safe to sleep, and that sleep is good. 

 

I don’t think it’s a cure but all the sources I’ve read (including the coaches) say it helped them to follow basic insomnia guidance and daylight exposure seems to be the big one. 
you probably know it all already, sorry if im repeating stuff.

i do think it helped me but i was on Prozac not Mirt and Prozac is activating not sedating so a different thing obvs.

 

devil drugs!

sending hope 🙏 

Rosie 

 

Ps. Did you see this guy on the tv? Not SSRis but interesting, poor guy 

was on good morning Britain, 

 

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18pZYb6F3G/?mibextid=wwXIfr

21 hours ago, Chippy said:

These guys are chocolate teapots mate. 

This is a terrifically spot on description. Got to remember that one.

8 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Any dozing after that

amount, throws me into horrific negative dark thoughts.

Yes, I used to have this after toxic naps. Absolutely wiped out but afraid of sleep because I'd wake up in hell. Awful.

7 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

When I wake up in the dark & quiet of night in an empty house feelng miserable it can be overwhelmingly foreboding.

I remember well waking up alone in the middle of the night, feeling like I was the only person alive on the planet. Horribly isolating. 

 

I feel like I can relate to all of you when I'm in the throes of withdrawal. I'm so sorry we're all having to experience this. Folks will marvel at our fortitude one day. They will be standing on the shoulders of those of us who survived this hell and came out the other side. Faith and hope, friends. ❣️🌻

8 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

The loneliness of it all eats at me 😢

Hi @Pokey449 Well in this horrible state it suits me perfect, I just can't face other people. I just need my solitude.

PWD has done this Pokey, although I have always been happy with just my own company. The thing is the UK is

that packed with humans, 80 million I would guess now, never get an accurate answer but wherever you go you 

are never far from someone else.  So yes loneliness is never my problem. I hope you are doing OK Pokey, take it

easy, and remember WE are always with you.

Take care,       B.🤞

Morning all, Well another very early awakening  1am after 4 hours broken sleep and on a 1, just had to get up and

out of bed, mild Akathisia. Looked out and see it's snowing, then just as I think things can't get worse, I switch

the heating on and silence, bloody combi boiler broke down now. MORE bloody expense. Sunday today so I won't

be ringing anyone today. Now I have a Calor Gas fire, but that will be ready to run out any time very soon.

 

So a cool one for me. 9.9c inside the Bungalow, now I do have a mains Gas fire as well, so not all is lost and strangely

the boiler is heating water??? BUT MORE money whichever way you look at it. The problems just keep on coming.

So not sure if I will go for a walk this morning with it obviously slippery underfoot, I have anti slip devises that slip

over your shoes, and they are brilliant, but to be honest I just can't be arsed.

 

So yes when I was born there was no central heating about then. Coal fires was all we had. This was in an old stone

built farm house up in the Cumbrian hills. So I am well used to a cold house, in gales the carpets used to flap with the

wind coming under the door. Ice on the milk jug and dish cloth frozen solid. Yes the good old days, but when you 

hadn't seen nothing else it was just the norm, adapt to the seasons, more clothes on. Aways plenty of wood to burn.

 

So yes no stranger to that, the expense is the kicker under my present circumstances, MIRT just keeps on giving.

Compensation off BIG PHARMA is what each and every one of us should have been getting. BUT NO it isn't even

RECOGNIZED. SO let's see how things go today, it's even worse when you can't sleep, zero escape.

Take care all,         B.🤬

Oh gee I just read your good morning post @NT1100B,

 

No heating and more expense, I so relate to that. Heatwave a few weeks ago and my water pump died so no running water in house. These sort of life stressors just add insult to injury while tapering or in CT or protracted WD. 

 

I hope you can warm up somehow. I could tolerate the conditions you mention in your stone farm house as a younger person, but during withdrawal everything is so so much harder and more challenging. At 9 degrees in my house I am really struggling to function even with layers, thermals and ugg boots. 

 

I hope you can find some creature comforts somehow. You need to be warm enough. 

 

 

55 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, Well another very early awakening  1am after 4 hours broken sleep and on a 1, just had to get up and

out of bed, mild Akathisia. Looked out and see it's snowing, then just as I think things can't get worse, I switch

the heating on and silence, bloody combi boiler broke down now. MORE bloody expense. Sunday today so I won't

be ringing anyone today. Now I have a Calor Gas fire, but that will be ready to run out any time very soon.

 

So a cool one for me. 9.9c inside the Bungalow, now I do have a mains Gas fire as well, so not all is lost and strangely

the boiler is heating water??? BUT MORE money whichever way you look at it. The problems just keep on coming.

So not sure if I will go for a walk this morning with it obviously slippery underfoot, I have anti slip devises that slip

over your shoes, and they are brilliant, but to be honest I just can't be arsed.

 

So yes when I was born there was no central heating about then. Coal fires was all we had. This was in an old stone

built farm house up in the Cumbrian hills. So I am well used to a cold house, in gales the carpets used to flap with the

wind coming under the door. Ice on the milk jug and dish cloth frozen solid. Yes the good old days, but when you 

hadn't seen nothing else it was just the norm, adapt to the seasons, more clothes on. Aways plenty of wood to burn.

 

So yes no stranger to that, the expense is the kicker under my present circumstances, MIRT just keeps on giving.

Compensation off BIG PHARMA is what each and every one of us should have been getting. BUT NO it isn't even

RECOGNIZED. SO let's see how things go today, it's even worse when you can't sleep, zero escape.

Take care all,         B.🤬

Morning B

 

Ah mate!!!!!!! What is going on!!!!!! You DESERVE way more luck than this!

 

If the boilers heating water it’s doing its job. Must be some other component in the system or perhaps in the boiler that’s stopping feeding the rads. Hopefully it won’t be too bad cost wise to fix. Just need a guy to come see you Monday don’t you. Not good. 
 

I loved your story about your early years. What an amazing way to grow up. Must have been great. But I suppose you don’t know it at the time and like the cold in the house it was just what you knew. Great little insight into your early years. 
 

Sorry this damm wave wont leave you alone. Up to a 5 yesterday so still pushing through for you. Just so steep the wave/window pattern. Keep up the good fight mate. Better days are coming. It’s just a matter of time I’m sure of it!

1 hour ago, Tracey said:

I hope you can find some creature comforts somehow. You need to be warm enough. 

 

 

Thanks @Tracey much appreciated. Yes I will survive, let's face it if we can survive PWD we can survive

ANYTHING. I am sorry I haven't yet been through your thread, but I can see what you are on and the horror

that you are still going through, so you get what I mean. These drugs are poisons like nothing else, hence a

lot ending up on a psych ward. CRAZY.

 

I was watching a DVD the other day and an old person was in the clip, now I know this is acting....but they 

were in a permanent state of agitated distress.....and my instant thought was psych drugs!!!! HOW many

poor souls have had their lives thrown into turmoil by non clued up ignorant Doctors, unaware of the poisons

they are pedalling? the strengths of said drugs are WAY beyond  what they are defined as.

 

I hope you are taking it slow Tracy, it apparently is the only way. So yes in this game it's the tortoise that

wins the race. So yes so slow and gentle so as your brain can barely tell it is disappearing. Well that's the

theory. So yes wishing you all the best.

Take great care,            B.🙏🤞🌷

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

Keep up the good fight mate. Better days are coming. It’s just a matter of time I’m sure of it!

Thanks @Chippy Appreciated mate. Yes tested to the VERY limit now. Now it's my own fault with 

the boiler, not been serviced mate. So only myself to blame. I just hope it isn't a new boiler needed.

£2500!!!!! So anyway been an inch of snow here, I have had a walk out, and it's cold and miserable

like me.

 

Rain and sleet now but as it does slowly warm up it gives a wet day. Was slushy underfoot and brolly needed

but I stayed upright and  did not seem too slippery, I think because of it thawing, about 1c, but with being wet

just that raw feel to it. Surprising though how it gets the blood flowing ready to come back to a cold Bungalow.  

 

So yes I might not even bother with it yet, as I have too much other stuff on my mind, and might need to be at

other places with the car problem and motorbike. For the boiler repair it needs someone at home. I will

decide this afternoon if my mind becomes clearer. I am still on a 1 now so wave thinking.

Take care,       B.🤞

 

11 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Now it's my own fault with 

the boiler, not been serviced mate. So only myself to blame. I just hope it isn't a new boiler needed.

£2500!!!!! So anyway been an inch of snow here, I have had a walk out, and it's cold and miserable

like me.

For you mate. Yeah that’s the issue. Probably some filter blocked or small part failed. If it’s heating water I doubt it’s a new boiler. Only thing is getting spares sometimes for older units. Got it crossed it a cheap fix. 
 

Glad you got your walk in still. 
 

you're right mate. Gotta prioritise atm haven’t we. One thing at a time. Hope you catch a lucky run soon mate. You are owed it BIG time. 

Thanks @Chippy yes Boiler about 7 year old, so not old old. Last one was over 20 years old.

Yes one thing at a time, it's not -20c so I am just praying I get a break, PWD mainly.

Take care,      B.🤞

9 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

praying I get a break,

Praying for you too bud

13 hours ago, mars said:

Perhaps @Luke. And @Chippy can comment on past attempts to connect beyond the forum.

 

I'm not sure whether you are aware of this or not, but this forum is only a small number of weeks old.

 

  

12 hours ago, mars said:

PERHAPS, if enough people show an interest in a zoom call...or even regional identification (when I got off benzos, there were 2 other people who lived in the same area as me. We met up and it really changed our perception of being alone,)  we can come out from behind the screens a bit. 

Not everyone wants this. But for those of us who might...who knows? 

 

Some might want to do this, yes. You might have some interest if you set up a zoom call.

  

10 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

Sorry about your sleep B, sleep experts always say the same thing. Get out in sunshine for as long as possible each day to teach the brain that it’s daytime. It does something to the brain. Shame we don’t have much in the UK this time of year. But yeah, sunrise like I said before. Go out no sunglasses or hat on, minimum 30 minutes and then as much daylight all through the day. 

i don’t know if it helps in Mirt WD but I have two books on sleep I bought in a panic and both have interesting tips with that sort of thing in it. 

 

it can’t hurt? I can post them to you when I get home just message me your address on here privately or share your telephone number.  I think we basically have to retrain our brains 🧠 somehow that it’s safe to sleep, and that sleep is good. 

 

I don’t think it’s a cure but all the sources I’ve read (including the coaches) say it helped them to follow basic insomnia guidance and daylight exposure seems to be the big one. 
you probably know it all already, sorry if im repeating stuff.

i do think it helped me but i was on Prozac not Mirt and Prozac is activating not sedating so a different thing obvs.

 

The low-risk stuff is worth trying, yes.

 

Mirtazapine does just do this to people though. A huge proportion of people I'm in touch with in Mirtazapine withdrawal have insomnia, and it even usually follows the same pattern: they can usually fall asleep, but they always wake up in the early hours no matter what.

1 hour ago, NT1100B said:

Thanks @Chippy Appreciated mate. Yes tested to the VERY limit now.

 

Life doesn't stop happening while we're in withdrawal, and often these things mount up because we're not capable of being ontop of things and THEN you get the random, shitty luck you always get in life from time to time.

 

This can really lead to everything piling on when it all comes together.

 

Your description of your childhood did remind me of the old monty python yorkshiremen sketch, even though you weren't really complaining. It's the last thing you need- if the boiler is heating water, as @Chippy says it's more likely to be a smaller issue not allowing it to switch to feed to radiators rather than a new boiler needed.

 

As always, the main thing is your health. When you get out of this, everything else will be secondary.

Morning B. When it rains it pours doesn’t it. No heat today!!!! Bummer !!  I lived with a boiler 25 years when I lived in Alaska. So have limited experience. Sounds like your boiler is heating but the hot water is not circulating through your radiators. I’m guessing your circulation pump is out.  If your current boiler is 7 years old that’s about the lifespan of a pump. 7-10 years. A pump is way cheaper than a new boiler. Fingers 🤞🤞for you. 
I learned some worrying information about my taper yesterday. I’ll post that on my thread after my 2nd cup of coffee. Take care and stay as warm as you can. 

Pokey

7 hours ago, Luke said:

forum is only a small number of weeks old.

Lol. I am, but many of you seem to have been together a long time from SA. Wondering if it was tried over there.  Sorry I didn't clarify. 

8 hours ago, Luke said:

As always, the main thing is your health. When you get out of this, everything else will be secondary.

Thanks @Luke Yes you are spot on with ALL that mate, health is number 1 though, getting that back is 

PRIORITY. I hope you are doing better Bud, stay strong, and remember, we are ALL waiting for you writing

your recovery success story, it WILL happen Luke.

Take care         B.🤞

2 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

I learned some worrying information about my taper yesterday. I’ll post that on my thread after my 2nd cup of coffee. Take care and stay as warm as you can. 

Pokey

Oh hell @Pokey449 sorry to hear that Bud, I will jump over to your page and catch up with you there. My day 

is below.    Take great care Pokey,        B.🤞

Hi folks, well another day of gradual lifting again, a cold start and as you know a broken boiler. Well I don't

know for sure yet, but after a bit of learning on the internet, at first my boiler water pressure was a bit low,

so I upped that to 1.4 bar, and away she went for about an hour, stopped again. Next bled all the radiators,

tried again, nothing. 

 

But spotted it saying room stat off.....So it's a wireless thermostat connected to the internet by wi-fi linked

to the boiler, now this is on the wall separate and is powered by batteries. Still life in them but for some

reason wasn't connecting, so removed the batteries, back in and let it boot up again and reconnect and

bingo, away she goes again. That was 5 hours ago, I have just tried it again now and it's still working.👍🤞

 

But, after my car and Motorbike are sorted, a boiler SERVICE has to be done, false economy not to. So 

pleased that it won't be major, though it might cost quite a lot, but it's still serviceable. Good stuff. So yes

feeling more normal today, maybe a 5.5 now, Tinnitus low, mind clear, other symptoms low, eyes itching

a bit....so histamine maybe still a problem, MIRT a massive Histamine blocker. 

 

Now I am trying not to eat the wrong foods, but with T2D as well it's a bloody minefield, but anyway pleased

how my day has gone, it's just an ass kicking killer waiting for tonight's  usual sleep reset back to zero. A

killer punch is that one, then another 20 hour day.....

Take care all,       B.🤞😁

It is great, B., hat you can feel at 5,5, even after a reduced sleep. 

All the night I was torture by the cortisol spikes, and from the beginning of the morning my brain fog is awful. What a nightmare,

Svetla