3 hours ago, Raymond said:

Update.....the loooooongest window ever in 18 months. I believe I can say that I'm at 90% better....

Another update.....

I am drinking my first decaf coffee with milk as I used to drink it. It's being 18 months with no coffee and today it's my first time. I have had this desire back about two months ago, but I have never tried it until today...

My great grandmother was the one who gave me my first coffee with milk or should I say milk with coffee because it's actually more milk than coffeebat age 7, and I have continued drinking it as she gave it to me....

Oh wow! This is like a ratatouille momentum.....

All we can do in this journey is to try and see what happens...

My parents did the same thing. Milk with a hint of coffee. I still need my two cups of Java every morning.

You’re making great progress, @Raymond !

Tomorrow if God's permits, I am starting a new beginning. A new me will rise again...

10 minutes ago, Raymond said:

Tomorrow if God's permits, I am starting a new beginning. A new me will rise again...

Godspeed, @Raymond I’ll lift my first cup of morning coffee to you!

06/01/2026- woke few times during the 3, but deep sleep breathing continues.....

Last night, I woke up couple of times between 10pm to 600am, but felt back to sleep. No cortisol spike, only minor intrusive thoughts, but I still feels good overall and getting ready to work.

I think eating a lot yesterday on my son's birthday contributed to the multiple times waking up. I did eat junk food that I not usually eat, but I enjoyed celebrating my son's birthday, so it's fine....

Overall, my energy seems to be better in the last two months. My sleep is better and napping so far seems more natural in the afternoon hours.

Today, I start walking again with my son who is supporting me to loose few pounds. Due to my journey, I kind of stopped the exercises I used to enjoyed, but I just feel better and will start walking longer miles in the afternoons after work.

Let see how I end up today and I hope in the name of Jesus, these improvements continues....

13 hours ago, Raymond said:

06/01/2026- woke few times during the 3, but deep sleep breathing continues.....

Last night, I woke up couple of times between 10pm to 600am, but felt back to sleep. No cortisol spike, only minor intrusive thoughts, but I still feels good overall and getting ready to work.

I think eating a lot yesterday on my son's birthday contributed to the multiple times waking up. I did eat junk food that I not usually eat, but I enjoyed celebrating my son's birthday, so it's fine....

Overall, my energy seems to be better in the last two months. My sleep is better and napping so far seems more natural in the afternoon hours.

Today, I start walking again with my son who is supporting me to loose few pounds. Due to my journey, I kind of stopped the exercises I used to enjoyed, but I just feel better and will start walking longer miles in the afternoons after work.

Let see how I end up today and I hope in the name of Jesus, these improvements continues....

Update...

Ok after a stressful day.... also, I found out that my doctor moved to somewhere else. Now, I need to find a new doctor. I'm glad that I have medication for another six to 8 months. Doing an appointment for next month

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

Update...

Ok after a stressful day.... also, I found out that my doctor moved to somewhere else. Now, I need to find a new doctor. I'm glad that I have medication for another six to 8 months. Doing an appointment for next month

FWIW, I decided to switch doctors a few months ago. My previous one was okay but I could tell he didn’t listen much. I did some research on my provider’s website (Kaiser) and found an osteopath who stressed treating the whole person. She turned out to be so much better than the first guy! So you might want to consider an osteopathic doctor.

8 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

FWIW, I decided to switch doctors a few months ago. My previous one was okay but I could tell he didn’t listen much. I did some research on my provider’s website (Kaiser) and found an osteopath who stressed treating the whole person. She turned out to be so much better than the first guy! So you might want to consider an osteopathic doctor.

What I have been doing is laying to my doctor about my medication. Every year I go I tell him that I'm still on medication at 20mg so he can continue giving me the prescription.

I will look into the osteopathic doctor

8 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

FWIW, I decided to switch doctors a few months ago. My previous one was okay but I could tell he didn’t listen much. I did some research on my provider’s website (Kaiser) and found an osteopath who stressed treating the whole person. She turned out to be so much better than the first guy! So you might want to consider an osteopathic doctor.

My doctor was an internal medicine doctor. I just found one osteopathic doctor and made an appointment. Thanks for the information....

06/02/26- manageable bumpy ride, sleep continues to be better despite today's early awakening....

Yesterday was a stressful day for me due to some personal issues, but it was manageable. Anxiety is my main symptom. The good thing is that it seems that when I'm getting a stressful situation, my anxiety doesn't high rocket anymore. It's stays in a manageable level.

I went to sleep very early around 945pm and woke up with the head mild Head anxiety again. It always fades away after I wake up, walk for five minutes and go back to bed. The good thing is that my sleep continues to be very deep breathing sensation and able to stay in bed.

So, main symptoms are anxiousness, muscle pain, and headache so far. Fear sensation is being away so far, but it's one of those symptoms that when it comes back. It is weaker.

Overall, after my two drops, I have felt better despite the usual bumpy rides which are weaker so far....it stills bothers, but I thanks God, they are not nearly strong symptoms.....

I'm almost at 19 months journey.....I think I'm few more months, I should be feeling almost normal based on my journey so far.

Let see in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ can still heal, but we need to have patience...I'm learning to have a lot of it I guess...

6 hours ago, Raymond said:

06/02/26- manageable bumpy ride, sleep continues to be better despite today's early awakening....

Yesterday was a stressful day for me due to some personal issues, but it was manageable. Anxiety is my main symptom. The good thing is that it seems that when I'm getting a stressful situation, my anxiety doesn't high rocket anymore. It's stays in a manageable level.

I went to sleep very early around 945pm and woke up with the head mild Head anxiety again. It always fades away after I wake up, walk for five minutes and go back to bed. The good thing is that my sleep continues to be very deep breathing sensation and able to stay in bed.

So, main symptoms are anxiousness, muscle pain, and headache so far. Fear sensation is being away so far, but it's one of those symptoms that when it comes back. It is weaker.

Overall, after my two drops, I have felt better despite the usual bumpy rides which are weaker so far....it stills bothers, but I thanks God, they are not nearly strong symptoms.....

I'm almost at 19 months journey.....I think I'm few more months, I should be feeling almost normal based on my journey so far.

Let see in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ can still heal, but we need to have patience...I'm learning to have a lot of it I guess...

Update....

Weaker fatigue symptom for few minutes. Overall, I continue to feel better with minor normal weaker waves so far....

Best last two months ever.....

12 hours ago, Raymond said:

Best last two months ever.....

Great to hear Raymon!

06/03/2026- things continue to look good. Minor and weaker issues.

As time passes by, I continue to feel my sleeps a lot better. It's being the last two months in this 18 months journey. I still get psychological symptoms but they are continuing to be mild and weaker. I noticed that I still react to few work emails, but I no longer react in panic or fear. I just react like only mild anxiousness symptom. No panic thanks God. I also noticed that I only get certain mild fear in some stressful situations, but not in all of the stressful issues as I used to feel. Now, it just random and short periods feeling anxious...it seems that my mind is getting a lot better and I'm not reacting with those exaggerating symptoms.

I'm not getting angry anymore and when I see something like I don't like, I just feel normal and can have normal conversations. This is a big change because angry symptoms was one of my issues and I have to swallowed a lot so I don't hurt people with my reactions. Thanks God that it's being months I am not reacting to anger .

Another change was the love for my job. It came back recently. I can concentrate more. I can read court documents and understand the meaning of it. I can do many different tasks and be able to function with a clear mind. I do sometimes get mild pressure on my brain, but it doesn't prevents me to do a task and understand what I'm doing...also. Thinking about my Boss doesn't create major anxiety or fear symptoms. Iy has improved a lot more. Now. I just feels annoying by it which I hope this symptom will disappear too.

Napping being more normal since last week. After work. I go to bed to relax my mind and I just fall asleep naturally for an hour. I used to jump into panic and in 18 months, I probably napped only few times and forcing myself to nap.

The other day while I went to office, I told my wife that going back home, I was going to take the bus. I felt like I wanted to walk in downtown area and just catch the bus back home. I sat at the back of the bus by the window and I just felt to look outside and enjoy the ride. It felt great just to see people and felt nice to feel connected to everything around me.

Overall, I am still dealing with few psychological and physical symptoms, but not as bad as it used to be and not every day. I have seen weaker symptoms.

My advice to everyone.....don't loose hope. Things does changes for good and healing does happens. I'm still a long way to go. But these small progress are what makes me going. Now. I'm focusing more in my positive symptoms rather than negative ones. I know on this journey, we spend so much time thinking more about negative symptoms than positive, but try to switch thoughts and focus on the progress you all have made. even if you only had a window for few minutes,it's a progress. During this 18 months journey, I have cried so much because the pain is real, the lost of hope is real, and life feels like no end to all of it, but trust me, it will get better. Now, I cry because I see hope and I see myself one day out of this nightmare.

Prayer and my family are my encouragement during this journey.....we will all heal from this.

Take one day at a time...... God heals..

Edited June 3Jun 3 by Raymond
Adding comments

5 minutes ago, Raymond said:

The other day while I went to office, I told my wife that going back home, I was going to take the bus. I felt like I wanted to walk in downtown area and just catch the bus back home. I sat at the back of the bus by the window and I just felt to look outside and enjoy the ride. It felt great just to see people and felt nice to feel connected to everything around me.

This is such a great sign, @Raymond ! Connecting to the world around us defeats the selfishness our anxious minds need to stay in control.

7 minutes ago, Raymond said:

know in this journey we spend so much thinking more in our negative symptoms than positive, but try to switch thoughts to the progress you all have made. even if you only had a window for few minutes,it's a progress. During this 18 months journey, I have cried so much because the pain is real, the lost of hope is real, and life feels like no end to all of it, but trust me, it will get better.

Great advice for those still on the recovery journey. Refocusing on positive signs builds resilience for the waves that always seem to come when we least expect it.

Thank you for sharing!

06/04/2026- missing my first dose.....

I just realized that I missed my dose yesterday....oh boy! I felt good all day long...

3 hours ago, Raymond said:

06/04/2026- missing my first dose.....

I just realized that I missed my dose yesterday....oh boy! I felt good all day long...

Update....

This morning, after I realized that I did not take my dose yesterday, I took it right away at 6am when I woke up. I prepare my pills every day and put it next to my night stand so I can just reach out and take it. So, when I woke up today. I reach out to get the little container to put my pill and I found that it had one. I take my dose at 730am now since I have been sleeping a lot better and increasing it by 15 minutes until I reach 9am.

Apparently, I got distracted yesterday that I forgot to take it.

Currently. I fell good with very mild anxiety. I did felt mild burning sensation on my stomach and i think it was because of my missing dose which was more than 21 hours...but so far no big deal.

I continue to feel better despite the missing dose. I will say that part of the missing dose probably confirms that I have been doing well that I just totally forgot. It might be a sign of healing as well.

Let see what the day will bring me today...

I hope in the name of Jesus to continue healing and the miracles comes...

That's a great update, @Raymond ! Its good you were able to skip a dose without even realizing it (and good you taking steps to make sure you're taking it at a regular time). Your nervous system is getting more resilient and flexible!

2 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

Your nervous system is getting more resilient and flexible!

I think so. I think my system is actually getting resilient to appoint that I might not going to have big issues as I go down on the medication, and the symptoms I get, they are not really strong....Fingers cross. Thanks for your support.

3 minutes ago, Raymond said:

I think so. I think my system is actually getting resilient to appoint that I might not going to have big issues as I go down on the medication, and the symptoms I get, they are not really strong....Fingers cross. Thanks for your support.

I think there's always a touch of anticipatorily anxiety as we get close to zero. Many of us have been on meds for so long, its hard to picture life without them. But you're approaching getting to zero with the right attitude!

06/05/2026- mild burning sensation, 530 am woking up, mild right neck pain

Yesterday was another good day and celebration of my 21 years anniversary. I experienced mild muscle pain and mild anxiousness on and off.

This morning, I woke up at 530am with a mild burning sensation that went away as I opened my eyes. My left side neck pain now moved to the right side but also mild symptoms. Mild stomach anxiousness sensation. All so far weaker symptoms..

I continue having deep sleep although I woke up few times during the night for a second or so.

Let see how I continue today. In the name of Jesus Christ, healing is happening.....

6 hours ago, Raymond said:

06/05/2026- mild burning sensation, 530 am woking up, mild right neck pain

Yesterday was another good day and celebration of my 21 years anniversary. I experienced mild muscle pain and mild anxiousness on and off.

This morning, I woke up at 530am with a mild burning sensation that went away as I opened my eyes. My left side neck pain now moved to the right side but also mild symptoms. Mild stomach anxiousness sensation. All so far weaker symptoms..

I continue having deep sleep although I woke up few times during the night for a second or so.

Let see how I continue today. In the name of Jesus Christ, healing is happening.....

Update....

So far few mild muscle pain, but overall. All looking good. Longest time feeling good and better. Two months straight with very minimal same symptoms...

Next cut will be .0004 instead of .0002g. looking for my sweet spot ..

5 hours ago, Raymond said:

Update....

So far few mild muscle pain, but overall. All looking good. Longest time feeling good and better. Two months straight with very minimal same symptoms...

Next cut will be .0004 instead of .0002g. looking for my sweet spot ..

Oh my goodness.....I just realized that I forgot to take medication again...I think it's because I'm falling asleep again after I wake up and I just forgot and start working...

Should I take it now? Or wait until later or tomorrow...

Edited June 5Jun 5 by Raymond
Adding comments

20 minutes ago, Raymond said:

Oh my goodness.....I just realized that I forgot to take medication again...I think it's because I'm falling asleep again after I wake up and I just forgot and start working...

Should I take it now? Or wait until later or tomorrow...

I just took the dose at 530pm....I guess, tomorrow I can take it at 730am as regular schedule or 8am

9 hours ago, Raymond said:

Oh my goodness.....I just realized that I forgot to take medication again...I think it's because I'm falling asleep again after I wake up and I just forgot and start working...

Should I take it now? Or wait until later or tomorrow...

Hey Raymon have a read

Missed Dose? Took Your Dose Twice? What Now?

06/06/2026----better consecutives days continues...

Despite my two days forgetting about taking my dose, I continue to feel better in the last two months. It seems that I have reached my baseline I think...

Now spending time with wife and two of my children eating ice cream....

God is good. Everyone will heal. Best two months in 18.months journey....