11 minutes ago, Kahran said:

You guys are really encouraging. People do still see things in me. I was basically volunteer'ed into running an event for a local club last night.

Today has been tough with the ruminations. I've been trying to keep busy but little things through out the day pop up that remind me of the past year. There's times where I don't really think I can blame withdrawal for my actions but I'm not sure. My work was trying to accommodate me at times but I didn't budge through. I guess I still need to accept things though. If I was feeling alright, it wouldn't have transpired the way it did, right?

You are making wonderful progress @Kahran acceptance and staying busy as you are doing so good volunteering are the way to go but most importantly is not give in to wd mind, let the wave of chemical thoughts be, don't hold and they will pass on their own, difficult is not a word, I know, I am trying to work hard on it myself..

Edited April 22Apr 22 by Fullhealing

20 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Today has been tough with the ruminations. I've been trying to keep busy but little things through out the day pop up that remind me of the past year. There's times where I don't really think I can blame withdrawal for my actions but I'm not sure. My work was trying to accommodate me at times but I didn't budge through. I guess I still need to accept things though. If I was feeling alright, it wouldn't have transpired the way it did, right?

What difference does it make now? As we've said before, the past is the past and needs to be left behind. Evolutionary scientists say we remember five negative things for each positive thing because back in the cave man days it was important to remember what plants not to eat and what pointy-tooth cats not to pet. We still carry that impulse in us; I can tell you every stupid thing I've done since the 5th grade but can hardly remember the stuff I got right. That's just nature in action. The reality is we make decisions based on what we know at the moment, and we usually give it our best shot. Sometimes it doesn't work out as we'd like, but the important thing is we move past it and try again. There is no blame and no judgement, and no "what ifs". Letting go of the past isn't denial, its embracing the fact you have the power to determine your future.

I was going through my documents folder out of bored where I found a doc called "Prozac.docx" dated back in 8/16/2021. I think these were notes to my psychiatrist.

Funny how some things never change.

Today, I did taper the Ambien by 25% (10mg to 7.5mg) and managed to sleep what seemed a good straight 7 hours today. Still had trouble waking up though. I know I'm supposed to accept the past with my job. The withdrawal effects probably made me not realize somethings about being appreciated or just felt like everything as negative. I remember back in February of 2025, I got a $75 reimbursement for a meal for work I apparently did. Funnily enough, the two days after are where I barely did any work after being given days not getting assigned cases. I had so many I didn't know where to start and didn't think to ask my manager for prioritization.

The stress of it made me want to avoid it constantly by going on my phone or going for a walk. I remember doing the walks in vain to just TRY to get back into the mood but nothing could change. I know if things weren't so shitty, that wouldn't have happened. This went on for months after I came back for leave. I barely hung on by a thread during the PIP. I know they wanted to extend it by 2 weeks and sometimes I wish I just took it but who really knows if my mind would've changed at that point. My feelings were just to please get the fuck out of there and get that unemployment check. I had planned to go on a roadtrip but it never came to be. I wonder if that was the reason I denied the extra 2 weeks...

It just sucks to lose all the nice perks of that job. It was very flexible (though that meant it followed you everywhere), remote options, paid well, decent office location. I fear I may not get those things back in the future. This next job, if I do get it, will not pay as well.

9 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Today, I did taper the Ambien by 25%

You should really aim for no more than 10%. You might be ok but it’s a risk.

17 minutes ago, Kahran said:

I know I'm supposed to accept the past with my job.

I think you have been doing so well recently Kahran. I’d stick to this principle.

17 minutes ago, Kahran said:

This next job, if I do get it, will not pay as well.

That’s ok. If you do get, I hope it works out for you. Money isn’t everything, and it only needs to be a start, who knows what will happen in the future. 😀

24 minutes ago, Chippy said:

You should really aim for no more than 10%. You might be ok but it’s a risk.

The guide on SA did say that you can do Z-drugs by 25% without issue.

9 minutes ago, Kahran said:

The guide on SA did say that you can do Z-drugs by 25% without issue.

From what I can see on SA it’s suggested you split the dose throughout the day to stop interdose wd and taper 10%.

“The Tranquilliser Recovery and Awareness Place (TRAP) in the UK (now closed) suggests using diazepam to go off zolpidem http://www.non-benzodiazepines.org.uk/zolpidem.html (Diazepam, a benzodiazepine, can also be difficult to taper.)

 

HOWEVER, rather than risking a drug switch, we recommend a direct, gradual taper from Ambien and other Z-drugs. As they all have very short half-lives -- meaning they wear off during the day -- some people are able to taper by a 25% reduction per week, especially if the z-drug is combined with a benzo, according to some of the benzo forums. This may be far too rapid a taper and instead of tapering quickly, splitting the z-drug out into several doses throughout the day may help with the interdose withdrawal and allow a safe, harm-reduction of 10% or less per month. 

 

If you are dealing with z-drugs, please ask for guidance in your intro thread before trying to taper off quicker than the harm-reduction method of 10% or less per month. ”

Might be worth checking in with Benzo buddies and seeing what they think too.

As with all these things you might be ok, but if you have gained dependence of a psychoactive substance, I think no more than 10% drops are sensible. With Benzos and z drugs perhaps dropping more frequently is fine/advisable. Say every 2 weeks instead of the normal 4.

As your nervous system is fragile, cautious I think is best.

@Kahran , just a quick note to tell you how much I admire you for helping other member’s with their struggles. Hearing from someone who’s experiencing the same thing and holding out hope will mean so much to them, and it’ll help with your own perspective as well. Well done!

10 hours ago, Chippy said:

From what I can see on SA it’s suggested you split the dose throughout the day to stop interdose wd and taper 10%.

“The Tranquilliser Recovery and Awareness Place (TRAP) in the UK (now closed) suggests using diazepam to go off zolpidem http://www.non-benzodiazepines.org.uk/zolpidem.html (Diazepam, a benzodiazepine, can also be difficult to taper.)

 

HOWEVER, rather than risking a drug switch, we recommend a direct, gradual taper from Ambien and other Z-drugs. As they all have very short half-lives -- meaning they wear off during the day -- some people are able to taper by a 25% reduction per week, especially if the z-drug is combined with a benzo, according to some of the benzo forums. This may be far too rapid a taper and instead of tapering quickly, splitting the z-drug out into several doses throughout the day may help with the interdose withdrawal and allow a safe, harm-reduction of 10% or less per month. 

 

If you are dealing with z-drugs, please ask for guidance in your intro thread before trying to taper off quicker than the harm-reduction method of 10% or less per month. ”

Might be worth checking in with Benzo buddies and seeing what they think too.

As with all these things you might be ok, but if you have gained dependence of a psychoactive substance, I think no more than 10% drops are sensible. With Benzos and z drugs perhaps dropping more frequently is fine/advisable. Say every 2 weeks instead of the normal 4.

As your nervous system is fragile, cautious I think is best.

I’d echo this bro, z drugs are a bit gnarly cause they’re gaba-b drugs (benzos are gaba-a) and the results of tapering are a little more hidden until they build up and knock you on your ass (i, know, i did it a while back, completely forgot to add that to my sig) went from 7.5mg zolp a night to zero over like 4 months, too fast, and got shit slapped for it. Thankfully that mess sorted out (i think gaba was a little faster to come back than my serotonin stuff) but i would say way better to be slow, especially cause you’re basically getting interdose WD with z drugs every day automatically because the half lives are so short. Power to ya though you can do it

3 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

@Kahran , just a quick note to tell you how much I admire you for helping other member’s with their struggles. Hearing from someone who’s experiencing the same thing and holding out hope will mean so much to them, and it’ll help with your own perspective as well. Well done!

Have to second this. 😀

I wonder if that interdose withdrawal is why I'm worse in the mornings. Right now, I got an interview in about an hour and I just can't get myself to prepare for it. I just want to stay in bed until the last possible moment.

How would I split the dose up? This sounds like another pain in the ass. I feel for @ALonelySoul12 cause times like now, I feel like I'm on the same boat. Just need to have faith and hope we'll heal...

31 minutes ago, Kahran said:

I wonder if that interdose withdrawal is why I'm worse in the mornings. Right now, I got an interview in about an hour and I just can't get myself to prepare for it. I just want to stay in bed until the last possible moment.

There's a coping toll called "Do What You Came to Do". For the time you spend in the interview, focus just on that. When other thoughts and fears try to intrude, tell yourself "I'm here for the interview and nothing else. For the next half hour, none of the usual negative thoughts get a voice. I'll deal with them later, but for now its just the interview". You can do it!

28 minutes ago, Kahran said:

I wonder if that interdose withdrawal is why I'm worse in the mornings. Right now, I got an interview in about an hour and I just can't get myself to prepare for it. I just want to stay in bed until the last possible moment.

Its completey possible. Could be the large cut. Best to not change too many things at once. Do you feel the cut could be a factor here?

32 minutes ago, Kahran said:

How would I split the dose up?

Easiest way is to convert to a liquid. Then as Zopidem has a very short half life it might be best to split it into several doses, not just 2.

It's all doable. Can talk you through options.

First though, you need to think about your current dose. If the drop is messing with you, I'd updose back up and sit it out for a few days. If you think the drop isn't a factor, id hang here for a week, then we can transition you over to liquid and then once that is done, start to split your dose up.

It may be the cut, it's only been two days.

How many doses a day are we talking about though? Half-life is about 2 hours with it leaving blood in 12. Would this be a dose of like every 6 hours or something?

Incredibly irritable today, but I'll do what I came to do for this interview then go back to crashing in bed.

1 minute ago, Kahran said:

It may be the cut, it's only been two days.

How many doses a day are we talking about though? Half-life is about 2 hours with it leaving blood in 12. Would this be a dose of like every 6 hours or something?

Incredibly irritable today, but I'll do what I came to do for this interview then go back to crashing in bed.

Your call on the cut, depends how bad you are.

As you say, the medium half life is 2.4 hours, and a duration of action of 6. So 3-4 times a day.

Sorry Kahran, quite the journey all this.

Interview went okay. I feel like some answers I gave were not the best. We'll see how it goes.

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

As you say, the medium half life is 2.4 hours, and a duration of action of 6. So 3-4 times a day.

So, assuming if I up dose to 10mg, I'd be taking a 2.5mg of Ambien every 6 hours or so? Sounds wild to me.

20 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Interview went okay. I feel like some answers I gave were not the best. We'll see how it goes.

I can't think of an interview I did where I thought I did everything right. I'm sure you did better than you think.

16 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

I can't think of an interview I did where I thought I did everything right. I'm sure you did better than you think.

Eh, yeah. Sometimes I feel like my answers were too verbose when they needed to be simple. Too many moments where I was stuck thinking back to the past.

I do have another intro interview at 2:30. But I just feel extremely tired despite sleeping well.

52 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Interview went okay. I feel like some answers I gave were not the best. We'll see how it goes.

Good. I’m sure you did your best. Good luck hope you get it, if it’s the job you want!

53 minutes ago, Kahran said:

, assuming if I up dose to 10mg, I'd be taking a 2.5mg of Ambien every 6 hours or so? Sounds wild to me.

Essentially yes. It’s pretty normal to do this with a benzo. Not with a z drug. As they are for sleep. But they are only supposed to be taken for short periods. Once you take them for a long time they build up a lot of tolerance and stop working. So the split dose is just to even the drug out to stop interdose wd, whilst you taper off.

7 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Good. I’m sure you did your best. Good luck hope you get it, if it’s the job you want!

It should be alright. A good distraction at least. Makes me wish I kept my old one despite wanting nothing but to be out of it for the last 3 months. It's funny how that works.

1 minute ago, Kahran said:

It should be alright. A good distraction at least.

Sounds ok to me then! Let us know if you get it!

My second interview today went okay too. Was set up for another one on Tuesday. It would make the same amount of money as I did in my last job so it would be nice to get that. Then, maybe this could just be a year long break or something.

Sounds like its going very well for you!

We can only hope so. That would help solve one issue. The other though is tricky. Anhedonia has got to be the worst symptom imaginable. Even when you force yourself to do something and try to stick through it, it's really disheartening to just not feel anything out of it. Or at the very worst feel bored.

You'd think with all the time of a NEET, it'd be a great time to just play games and watch movies all day. But, it still just really sucks. I can't focus on anything and nothing grabs my interest. I guess I could use whatever money I have left to buy a piano and try that. Music is probably the last thing I can really enjoy.

Trying to stay positive but the mornings are truly the hardest. I never want to wake up. It's a reminder of what I've done and what I am.

Sometimes I really wonder how much of this is withdrawal and how much is circumstance.

52 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Trying to stay positive but the mornings are truly the hardest. I never want to wake up. It's a reminder of what I've done and what I am.

Sometimes I really wonder how much of this is withdrawal and how much is circumstance.

I feel you so much brother, I'm on the same boat right now. Every day I wake up wanting to throw the towel and give up. Ever since month 7 came, it's been a downhill roller-coaster. Just yesterday I got a little bit of respite, just a little bit. Where my libido returned and felt a bit bearable and positive, although a bit irritable so I got into an argument with my dad for no reason. But today I'm back in the dumps, many symptoms returned and my brain isn't working like usual, feeling very anxious and jumpy for no reason at any sound.

Try to stay positive, at least you can make it to interviews, even if it's a far cry of what you used to do! 😅 I can't even bring myself to work (not even from home), go shopping or function like I always did half a year after quitting. Whether I bounce back or keep spiraling down developing new and stronger symptoms, only time will tell. At this point I console myself that if I make it, I'll be the best version of myself. And if I don't make it, I'll be free of this torment.