3 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

So yes, back off my walk, going back to bed was a waste of time, I didn't sleep or get settled none. So I am now

on a 0, and feeling totally crap, the statistics show I am getting worse. Yesterday was a reasonable lift but not

like the lifts last year. I cannot remember when I was last on the Motorbike, months ago I just have motivation for

nothing. I am just an empty shell. No way to live whatsoever, just a continuous nightmare.

Take care all,         B. 

I’ve got it all crossed this lifts today mate! Look at yesterday it happens. 
 

The wave mind speaking here for sure. You are improving hence the better days just slow and the waves are deep. Hang in there my friend. 

3 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, so here I am again typing at 2am, awake on a 1 at 1am after 4 hours broken sleep. Sleep reset in

action yet again. It goes on and on and on. I was hoping after lifting yesterday that I might be lifted out of the

70 day wave, but again it's just been a short respite. This means finding a new job is still no longer possible yet.

 

This is wearing one down the longer it goes on, normality is what we are striving for, and it just seems impossible.

Now I know this is wave thinking because my outlook yesterday was stronger. Nausea back today, Tinnitus loud,

bowl movements still very irregular, twice already from midnight, it's just insanity.

 

Never in my life have I experienced anything as horrific and long lasting as this horrible nightmare. This tests a person

to the very limit. Survival is all it is, the brief spells like yesterday are good, but knowing it's almost like an illusion and

won't last, becomes more obvious every time we are knocked down again. Is it a pointless battle?

 

The wave mind does view it as pointless, with no chance of escape, I really do hope I lift again because at the moment

I am very flat and negative, no sign of escape. Reading my SA thread yesterday, July last year I was in a better state 

than I am now, THAT doesn't look good.

Take care all,        B.

Withdrawal mindset is awful isn't it? how easy it is to dive there, I feel you so much but it's a big chemical lie.

I wish we could freeze ourselves in this process and wake up healthy.. obviously that's not the case /: I just know that the survival skills you are gaining will serve you well later even if it doesn't feel that way now.

So sorry that the window was short-lived and I really hope that a long and bright window will come soon, you deserve it so much.

In the meantime we keep moving and sweating all the way but we will get there eventually.

Wishing you an easy day today, take care!

Edited February 2Feb 2 by Fullhealing

6 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

So sorry that the window was short-lived and I really hope that a long and bright window will come soon, you deserve it so much.

In the meantime we keep moving and sweating all the way but we will get there eventually.

Wishing you an easy day today, take care!

Thanks @Fullhealing that means SO much. I hope you are not in any distress, and not in the thick of a nasty wave.

So yes I am just 🤞starting to lift a bit now. The morning has been one though to match the very worst, hate it with a

vengeance. But as you know, we are almost powerless against it. Take it very slow Fullhealing, hold until you find comfort,

then continue your micro taper off. WE WILL HEAL.

Take care,          B.🙏🙏🤞

32 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

So yes I am just 🤞starting to lift a bit now.

Glad to read this B

Dear B., we have to continue our struggle and hang on. Yes, yesterday your posts sounded differently... But you know that you have experienced better days, they will come back. 

Svetla

Hi B. Sorry you’re having another crappy day. I know how it feels to think this will never end, but it will. The horror is not knowing when given how it wears a body out day after day. The good thing is you’re off the mirtazapine FOREVER !! Now you just got to get over this next hump and you will !! Hang in there. 

1 hour ago, Pokey449 said:

The good thing is you’re off the mirtazapine FOREVER !! Now you just got to get over this next hump and you will !! Hang in there. 

Thanks @Pokey449 very much appreciated mate. How are you doing Bud, I hope you are better than you were.

Take it slow and easy my good man, and please stay safe.       B.🤞

Hi all, well one of the worst mornings that I have had. I have lifted this afternoon, a 2 maybe not horrible,

but not that good either. Onwards I plod.

Take care,      B.🤞

Thanks for your kind words on my page:

you are so brave and I’m here cheering you on too.

im only on day 12 of my wave and it feels like forever, AND Saturday was decent and lifted to a window by late morning so I really shouldn’t be complaining as much as I am.

 

I’ve got battle fatigue! I saw a video on it, saying as time goes on you just feel so drained and like ‘it should be over by now’ so you get very tired and fed up.

 

Ive booked a coaching session  tomorrow with Joanna who’s an American coach so I can cry and vent.

 

sending love and hope

Rosie x 

Hey @Its-me-Rosie thanks, that means a lot. Yes Battle fatigue Rosie, tell me about yes. I truly have been in some

horrible low states. Just wondering how I am going to carry on. THIS is wave thinking, SI and all the other negative

thoughts. This is when we have to remind ourselves of a good window. Next good window take a selfie on your mobile.

 

Then in a wave you can look at how happy you look and that will remind you we are still IN THERE. So yes I have been 

70 days and counting in a wave, but when I see a smiling face in my photos, it gives me some encouragement.

I am praying you very soon lift into you next window Rosie, then on to a full recovery. It WILL happen.

Take care,         B. 🙏🙏🤞🌷

Morning all, Back off my 2.50am walk, 4c and feeling cool in a brisk NE wind. So awoke on a 0 after 3 hours

broken sleep and am on a 1 now, slightly more energy, which is surprising with the tiny amount of poor quality

sleep. Strangely I just thought, well my BRAIN knows how to sleep, it obviously doesn't need it. How else can

you sum it up????

 

So yes it does Bug you waking mega early, then walking in the middle of the night, BUT it is what it is....It's my

PWD routine. Basically that's what it has become, recovery routine. I am still not comfortable among other people,

especially in a nasty wave, but at 3am that's the one good thing. very few others around. I sometimes see 2 or 3

others out at about 4.15am, a jogger and another 2 walkers.

 

So yes earlier I was debating whether or not to cancel my car recall, THAT'S how bad I felt, but lifting slightly now

I will ring later today to double check they have the part needed, then tomorrow if I was horrendous, I would cancel

last minute. It has been knocked back once, their fault for not getting part needed, so I want it done and dusted really.

 

Then depending on my Appeal result, the motorbike will be sold, or if I am keeping it MOT.d  this month. 95% chance

it will be sold. We just could never have foreseen the havoc caused by a poisonous pill. Psych drugs want BANNING.

So let's see how today pans out then, it's keep gently plodding.

Take care all,       B.🤞  

26 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Next good window take a selfie on your mobile.

 

Then in a wave you can look at how happy you look and that will remind you we are still IN THERE. So yes I have been 

70 days and counting in a wave, but when I see a smiling face in my photos, it gives me some encouragement.

Hey @NT1100B, this is very encouraging if you can have some good selfie pics in windows! It is a good idea. For me, I haven't liked any pic, whether window or wave, since my CT! I feel so much more haggard through this. Scary! Even parrot is afraid! 🦜😱 Looking forward to the reverse aging our healing will bring! Woohoo!🎉

@Its-me-Rosie is right, you are very brave and have been such an example to all. You will get through this, you will have an amazing success story to share! 

11 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

Ive booked a coaching session  tomorrow with Joanna who’s an American coach so I can cry and vent.

I agree with @Its-me-Rosie on using withdrawal coaches too. I have also personally used Joanna, as well as utilized both her and Angie for groups. It really helps to speak with those who CT'd and have healed. There are alot of stories out with many that had long waves. Everyone does heal. You definitely will too B!

4 minutes ago, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

There are alot of stories out with many that had long waves. Everyone does heal. You definitely will too B!

Hi @HopePerseveres2.0 Very nice to see you. Yes thanks it's sometimes very hard to see any escape, especially

when in a very long wave. Now to me 70+ days wave seems long, but I think Brassmonkey had one for over a year!!!!!!!

so maybe not that long really. But my bank balance is going down, I just need to heal to get back to work, WELL I am

afraid that's my mindset. I do have other ways and means, but I need a healed mind to conduct such affairs. Know what I 

mean. What a spin it puts us in. So I hope you are doing good hope, it's a pleasure seeing you on here.😁

Take care,         B.🤞😺👍 

15 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, Back off my 2.50am walk, 4c and feeling cool in a brisk NE wind. So awoke on a 0 after 3 hours

broken sleep and am on a 1 now, slightly more energy, which is surprising with the tiny amount of poor quality

sleep. Strangely I just thought, well my BRAIN knows how to sleep, it obviously doesn't need it. How else can

you sum it up????

Hey Bud. 
Glad you’ve lifted from that 0 but a 1 still not what we want for you. Once you’ve kicked clear of the morning Cortisol I hope things get a bit better 🤞

I know what you mean about sleep. Why do we seem to need so little. Pre Mirt my brain would be screaming at me for more sleep if I woke early. Now I’m very unlikely to get more after a time. It’s so weird. But as you’ve seen with me it’s does improve in time. 
 

19 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

It has been knocked back once, their fault for not getting part needed, so I want it done and dusted really.

I get mate. Be good to just get the thing done and out the way!

 

20 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Then depending on my Appeal result, the motorbike will be sold, or if I am keeping it MOT.d  this month. 95% chance

it will be sold. We just could never have foreseen the havoc caused by a poisonous pill. Psych drugs want BANNING.

So let's see how today pans out then, it's keep gently plodding.

Take care all,       B.🤞  

I hope the appeal goes in your favour mate. If the bike has to go, fear not you’ll get one back when you’re ready. Once a biker always a biker!

 

you’ll get no argument from me about these drugs mate. 😡

 

Hope today improves 

6 minutes ago, Chippy said:

I hope the appeal goes in your favour mate. If the bike has to go, fear not you’ll get one back when you’re ready. Once a biker always a biker!

 

you’ll get no argument from me about these drugs mate. 😡

 

Hope today improves 

Thanks @Chippy Yes I am pessimistic about the appeal, but it is what it is, sick note runs too 3rd March so just

irritating in that way. Yes another bike is only a maybe Chippy, all down to money. The amount of money lost on a

sale IS making me THINK very hard about it. I just don't want to be too hasty. BUT it's down to his damned PWD, at

the moment it's NOT GETTING USED.

Take care,      B.🤞

8 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Thanks @Chippy Yes I am pessimistic about the appeal, but it is what it is, sick note runs too 3rd March so just

irritating in that way. Yes another bike is only a maybe Chippy, all down to money. The amount of money lost on a

sale IS making me THINK very hard about it. I just don't want to be too hasty. BUT it's down to his damned PWD, at

the moment it's NOT GETTING USED.

Take care,      B.🤞

Well we shall see mate. 
 

Yes I get you about the bike. I’m not do sure I’ll be getting on in the same way as before. Think I’d like a little mt07 or something just to scratch the itch. Missed it. But I’m not so sure. Not a question for now but hey ho. One day at a time. 

23 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Now to me 70+ days wave seems long, but I think Brassmonkey had one for over a year!!!!!!!

I hope yours is not a year!🙏🙏 Think you are overdue for a long window like you had last fall... except it will be permanent!

 

26 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

But my bank balance is going down, I just need to heal to get back to work, WELL I am

afraid that's my mindset. I do have other ways and means, but I need a healed mind to conduct such affairs. Know what I 

mean. What a spin it puts us in

Yes, it's a crime withdrawal is not recognized. So many of us have had to quit jobs and scale back. Looking forward to be more healed and back working part time again. In the meantime parrot should be able to help you out and get a job. Maybe teaching advanced vocabulary classes at a local university. If he doesn't start pulling his weight, you might have to auction him off, birdfood adds up! 🦜🤑

58 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Morning all, Back off my 2.50am walk, 4c and feeling cool in a brisk NE wind. So awoke on a 0 after 3 hours

broken sleep and am on a 1 now, slightly more energy, which is surprising with the tiny amount of poor quality

sleep. Strangely I just thought, well my BRAIN knows how to sleep, it obviously doesn't need it. How else can

you sum it up????

 

So yes it does Bug you waking mega early, then walking in the middle of the night, BUT it is what it is....It's my

PWD routine. Basically that's what it has become, recovery routine. I am still not comfortable among other people,

especially in a nasty wave, but at 3am that's the one good thing. very few others around. I sometimes see 2 or 3

others out at about 4.15am, a jogger and another 2 walkers.

 

So yes earlier I was debating whether or not to cancel my car recall, THAT'S how bad I felt, but lifting slightly now

I will ring later today to double check they have the part needed, then tomorrow if I was horrendous, I would cancel

last minute. It has been knocked back once, their fault for not getting part needed, so I want it done and dusted really.

 

Then depending on my Appeal result, the motorbike will be sold, or if I am keeping it MOT.d  this month. 95% chance

it will be sold. We just could never have foreseen the havoc caused by a poisonous pill. Psych drugs want BANNING.

So let's see how today pans out then, it's keep gently plodding.

Take care all,       B.🤞  

Good morning @NT1100B so sorry to hear that your sleep continues to be the same withdrawal sleep, right there with you unfortunately, not nice /: but it does sounds like you are relatively ok mood wise now, which is encouraging.

Wishing you as easy a day as possible and hopefully long lived window is just around the corner.

Edited February 3Feb 3 by Fullhealing

2 minutes ago, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

If he doesn't start pulling his weight, you might have to auction him off, birdfood adds up! 🦜🤑

No @HopePerseveres2.0 I will keep hold of Percy, still too many gasslighters about, he put's them in their place.

Take care Hope,        B.😺👍

2 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Wishing you as easy a day as possible and hopefully long lived window is right around the corner.

Hey thanks @Fullhealing very much appreciated, yes it's funny how we can pick up on another's mood

with our writing, I suppose we are letting our feelings flow. I am just sorry to hear you are very similar with

wd sleep. It's truly horrible beyond words. I am truly hoping and praying you very soon get a break, and lift

into a good long window.

Take great care,       B.🙏🙏🙏🤞  

14 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

will keep hold of Percy, still too many gasslighters about, he put's them in their place.

Excellent point @NT1100B. You're right, he is good at this job! I think Angie needs to do her next interview with him...he's a true advocate!

2 minutes ago, NT1100B said:

Hey thanks @Fullhealing very much appreciated, yes it's funny how we can pick up on another's mood

with our writing, I suppose we are letting our feelings flow. I am just sorry to hear you are very similar with

wd sleep. It's truly horrible beyond words. I am truly hoping and praying you very soon get a break, and lift

into a good long window.

Take great care,       B.🙏🙏🙏🤞  

Thank you! Amen to that for all of us 🙏🙏

Hi just a short one, I was lifting a bit on here until 7am and the had breakfast, as soon as it was down 

my mood crashed, back down on a 0 and I had lifted to a 4, stomach brain connection at major play.

I will see how long this lasts.

Take care,      B.🤬 

Hey, @NT1100B! 
 

I registered here to be a part of your journey. Hold on! Keep moving! 💪

12 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Hey, @NT1100B! 
 

I registered here to be a part of your journey. Hold on! Keep moving! 💪

Thats amazing @HopeOfHealing thank youf for supporting B! 🙂 

 

If you get a minute perhaps start and intro thread for us and say hi! 🙂