I genuinely feel so fucking weird.
Just the fact that I’m a human being and I don’t recognize myself at all, and I’m in a body and nothing makes sense anymore — not life, nothing. I recognize absolutely nothing, especially not myself. And when I move or turn around, I genuinely think like wtf, who am I and where the fuck am I?

And the fact that I’m alive and moving and have a body…
it’s driving me COMPLETELY insane.

Things are really not going well.

And I haven’t even been shaking, but it’s getting SO bad like I have 0 connection to who I am.
Literally just 0. but yea trying to hold on <3 thank u guys

You got this @caitlinnathanie !

These are all very common sensations and things to go through in withdrawal.

That doesn't take away from how difficult they are though. Many find that after some months, they are out of the "acute" phase where it is like this. Hopefully in time you will be too.

yesterday was ok, today i saw the world completely different and myself and i cried and screamed the whole day. i was all alone today too, maybe that's why idk. trying to push through but damn this feels extremely supernatural, it seems soooo weird like this can not be happening.. i remind myself a lot that the brain is so strong and it can make u believe anything, that keeps me sometimes from going insane

11 hours ago, caitlinnathanie said:

yesterday was ok, today i saw the world completely different and myself and i cried and screamed the whole day. i was all alone today too, maybe that's why idk. trying to push through but damn this feels extremely supernatural, it seems soooo weird like this can not be happening.. i remind myself a lot that the brain is so strong and it can make u believe anything, that keeps me sometimes from going insane

This pattern of being better and then being worse, as we have said, is very common and tbh a good sign of healing. It is good you can retionalise this process, cultivating a good mindset (which is hard!) is a very good thing to do imo. More healing coming Caitlin!

Having ok days is a good sign.

In time, it's likely that you'll have more, and perhaps the bad days will also become less severe.

33 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

yesterday was ok, today i saw the world completely different and myself and i cried and screamed the whole day. i was all alone today too, maybe that's why idk. trying to push through but damn this feels extremely supernatural, it seems soooo weird like this can not be happening.. i remind myself a lot that the brain is so strong and it can make u believe anything, that keeps me sometimes from going insane

Amazing work on challenging catastrophic unreal wd mind, more work there more relief.

Remember the windows, not everything is a hellish sequence, try to draw strength from there.

Things will continue to improve over time.

Edited May 18May 18 by Fullhealing

7 hours ago, Chippy said:

This pattern of being better and then being worse, as we have said, is very common and tbh a good sign of healing. It is good you can retionalise this process, cultivating a good mindset (which is hard!) is a very good thing to do imo. More healing coming Caitlin!

but i don;t have it t all anymore, normally the evening settles down but since yesterday somethng has shifted and i don't know anything anymore.

its getting hardeer and worse guys

im in the deepest state of dpdr, i genuinelty don;t know where i am anymore

Its going to vary from one day to the next. You had good days, now you're having not so good ones. But they won't last. Try to distract yourself

8 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

im in the deepest state of dpdr, i genuinelty don;t know where i am anymore

You are where you are. Your anxious mind may be telling you that you've lost your sense of place and of self, but the real you is right here and you physically occupy a real location in space. Try calming your system: breathe in for a four count, hold for four, and breathe out for four. Concentrate on your breathing rhythm.

im genuinely grieving my old self 9/10 times of the dat bc i feel like she is never coming back, did anyone had that before?

35 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

im genuinely grieving my old self 9/10 times of the dat bc i feel like she is never coming back, did anyone had that before?

Yes, that's a very common feeling. Here is my take; You will not be the same person after you've gone through this. But that's not a bad thing. None of us are the same person we were just yesterday. Everyday life experiences change us. You can find you are stronger and more resilient than you were before. Look forward to recovery and you'll see how strong you can be.

16 hours ago, caitlinnathanie said:

its getting hardeer and worse guys

Remember part of the healing process is the non-linear windows and waves, the ups and downs. Things can worsen too, but that doesn't mean it is getting worse, just that it feels like it is. Really the body is busy fixing all this for you. You are not going backwards.

have u guys ever felt severe desoriented? so that ur symptoms become so bad u don't know where u are or what u were doing and who u are like at all? like even a human being? and walking seems weird and u don't know where u are

Edited May 19May 19 by caitlinnathanie

2 hours ago, caitlinnathanie said:

have u guys ever felt severe desoriented? so that ur symptoms become so bad u don't know where u are or what u were doing and who u are like at all? like even a human being? and walking seems weird and u don't know where u are

Too common, I get it a lot, I can only say that when a decent window comes it disappears like it never existed which reinforces that it's all wd hell.

You also have good moments, hold on to that, things will get easier with time.

Edited May 19May 19 by Fullhealing

For what its worth... I am just existing.. very blank mind.. poor memory.. cant remember stuff from few hours ago.

I am stuck in a fishbowl and cant wake up... So yeah I have it as well. Keep going!

4 hours ago, caitlinnathanie said:

have u guys ever felt severe desoriented? so that ur symptoms become so bad u don't know where u are or what u were doing and who u are like at all? like even a human being? and walking seems weird and u don't know where u are

You might want to try some simple movements to help reconnect with your body. There are several free beginner Tai-Chi exercises on You tube that take less than 10 minutes and you can do them in your room. They're not strenuous or complicated, just very simple and slow, and they help you focus on following the movements instead of your ruminations.

32 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

You might want to try some simple movements to help reconnect with your body. There are several free beginner Tai-Chi exercises on You tube that take less than 10 minutes and you can do them in your room. They're not strenuous or complicated, just very simple and slow, and they help you focus on following the movements instead of your ruminations.

Excellent idea, gentle movements that don't activate too much, I'll try it myself, thanks @mstimc60

16 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Excellent idea, gentle movements that don't activate too much, I'll try it myself, thanks @mstimc60

guys!! I didn't know you all had symptoms too. I am so sorry..

21 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

guys!! I didn't know you all had symptoms too. I am so sorry..

Oh yes, we are all here navigating our way out through all kinds of symptoms and we will succeed.

Keep pushing, you may not feel it but you're coping great.

Edited May 19May 19 by Fullhealing

9 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Oh yes, we are all here navigating our way out through all kinds of symptoms and we will succeed.

Keep pushing, you may not feel it but you're coping great.

I am so so sorry. I did not realize you all are dealing with this at this moment i thought u have recovered. Do you think this is only because of meds or also my fear? Sometimes im scared its just bc of the severe panic attack i had while on the meds and sometimes im like do i just need to sit this out? Or do i need to like push myself to do things, has it gotten so bad because i am sooo scared? Or has it gotten so bad because my brain is fried because of the medications?

7 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

I am so so sorry. I did not realize you all are dealing with this at this moment i thought u have recovered. Do you think this is only because of meds or also my fear? Sometimes im scared its just bc of the severe panic attack i had while on the meds and sometimes im like do i just need to sit this out? Or do i need to like push myself to do things, has it gotten so bad because i am sooo scared? Or has it gotten so bad because my brain is fried because of the medications?

All of the above. WD destabilizes your nervous system, which activates the amygdala, the primitive "flight or fight" part of the brain. The physical and nervous energy that produces has nowhere to go because there is no real threat, so it just makes your nervous system more sensitive. That anxious part of the brain demands attention and needs to control your thoughts because its in full alert mode 24/7. Then it starts with the "what if" ruminations. "What if I have a panic attack"? "What if I never get better"?

Your brain isn't "fried"--its just overly sensitized right now. It needs to be brought back into balance slowly and gently. That's why we advise acceptance, distraction, and patience for recovery. Instead of looking at it as pushing yourself, tell yourself you're going to "allow yourself" some space to do things that are good for you, and for that time the dark thoughts will have to wait.

1 hour ago, caitlinnathanie said:

Do you think this is only because of meds or also my fear?

Mainly the drugs @caitlinnathanie. Accepting this is drug injury removes the chance we add to it with second fear responses. It’s seems very real as it’s projected through our mind and our stored experiences and worries etc

1 hour ago, caitlinnathanie said:

do i just need to sit this out? Or do i need to like push myself to do things,

Do what ever keeps your nervous calm at this stage. X

1 hour ago, caitlinnathanie said:

has it gotten so bad because i am sooo scared?

No, absolutely not. The drugs have caused all this. As I said. Acceptance keeps the added fear at bay, but mostly this is drug injury.

1 hour ago, caitlinnathanie said:

Or has it gotten so bad because my brain is fried because of the medications?

It’s not fried it’s just a bruised. It will heal. Xxxx

i havent slept for 2 nights, i have standard night routine which helps always so good and i always sleep between 2 am and 10 am and now i slept only at 7 am and i woke up every hour, im so scared bc my symtpoms have been crazy and more freaky and it makes me almost believe i am actually dead or something