18 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

my parents forced me to the doctor onky to tell me the only way to get out it through meds bc muadrenaline downt break, i dont even know where i am or who i am like 247 but like rlly strong as if im noy on the world anymore i can barely go on my laptop its literally torture and helll, genuinely fear this is gonna be my death

cause i genuinoely cant live likebthis :(

This is all a panic response. Its not who are and not who you will be. Address your immediate physical symptoms first so your mind can settle. Start simply. Try slow breathing exercises to calm your system. Bring your mind back to the present by naming five things in your room and describing them in your mind. Try thought replacement. Instead of reminding yourself how scared you are, tell yourself "I'm scared but I know that's not me. I can get through this". There is nothing permanently wrong with you. You can get through this.

have u guys had that everything looked SOO intense 4k that it feels extremely fake and then not knowing who u are and where u are? Anyone had this? how did u cope with it? and then seeing ur body extremely 4k onderneath u feeling like ur brain cant comprehend anything at all and then freaking out bc u feel like u have eyes and have a concious and u speak but u can not recognize urself and it completel y freaks u out ur human with conious and u can see and everything around is weird en 4k. i cant deal with this intense

1 minute ago, caitlinnathanie said:

have u guys had that everything looked SOO intense 4k that it feels extremely fake and then not knowing who u are and where u are? Anyone had this? how did u cope with it? and then seeing ur body extremely 4k onderneath u feeling like ur brain cant comprehend anything at all and then freaking out bc u feel like u have eyes and have a concious and u speak but u can not recognize urself and it completel y freaks u out ur human with conious and u can see and everything around is weird en 4k. i cant deal with this intense

like u wanna run away from urself and ur body, how did u cope? am i just being so so scared or?

Dear @caitlinnathanie I am so sorry for your immense suffering. You are in a terrible place.

I do not know if you are up to reading encouraging success stories. I know, no one feels exactly how you are feeling now. And I know you’re very confused and desperate right now.

Here is somebody who has been in hospital, absolutely rock bottom. If you’re not able to read, just ignore it, I just was thinking of you.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/9863-irishwill-2015-extremely-positive-and-long-overdue-update/

6 hours ago, caitlinnathanie said:

have u guys had that everything looked SOO intense 4k that it feels extremely fake and then not knowing who u are and where u are? Anyone had this? how did u cope with it? and then seeing ur body extremely 4k onderneath u feeling like ur brain cant comprehend anything at all and then freaking out bc u feel like u have eyes and have a concious and u speak but u can not recognize urself and it completel y freaks u out ur human with conious and u can see and everything around is weird en 4k. i cant deal with this intense

Everyone has a wide range of differing symptoms, we just have to try to not give them so much volume, as much as is possible and give it time for things to calm down. Windows and waves the windows will get better and clearer over time.

my biggest trigger is grieving my old self and genuinel believing my life is over for good.. thats my bigest trigger and i can not help it

6 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

my biggest trigger is grieving my old self and genuinel believing my life is over for good.. thats my bigest trigger and i can not help it

cause every time i think about my memories iget like a feeling in my stomach like ill never get that, like thinking going out with my girlfriend doing fun stuff. ive never been in a situation like this before its so bad.. never thought i would have to be in a kinda life death situation damn.

52 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

cause every time i think about my memories iget like a feeling in my stomach like ill never get that, like thinking going out with my girlfriend doing fun stuff. ive never been in a situation like this before its so bad.. never thought i would have to be in a kinda life death situation damn.

I know what you mean, the loss of the old you, identity crisis that we all go through at one point or another in the process, but still significant part of you remains, it's just covered by a very pessimistic mindset that blinds, the rest will be built as you go.

In the end, with the strength you gain, you'll be even better version of yourself.

Just believe in it.

but what if its above what u can bear or take? i think its getting now above a point i can genuine handle. i know i said this for weeks but now im being very deadly serious. Nothing makes sense not even looking at 1 thing or looking at my computer im completely desoriented and dissociated.

39 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

Nothing makes sense not even looking at 1 thing or looking at my computer im completely desoriented and dissociated.

You're not as disconnected as your anxious mind is telling you. You are able to express yourself here and you intuitively know what you should be feeling and thinking. You're not lost.

42 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

but what if its above what u can bear or take?

Playing the "what if" game is taking you down a road you do not want to travel. What ifs aren't reality, but your anxiety wants to make them real. All it does is increase your anxiety. Create a soothing mantra, like "I'm scared but right now I'm safe and I know where I am. Its okay to let myself calm down. Nothing bad will happen if I stop worrying". Keep saying it to yourself. If the dark thoughts creep in, just go back to the mantra without judgement. You will be okay!

Hi @caitlinnathanie

I just read through your posts and I feel you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I can relate to some of your experience because when I am in an intense wave my DP/DR gets to a point where this world feels so strange, alien and creepy to me. Like I am not in my world. I am not sure what timeline I am in. I also feel like a ghost and can't connect to myself and who I used to be. Just a complete disconnect from the world, myself, God... It's also very hard for me to distract with anything in that state because everything feels over-stimulating and disturbing. It's an unbearable feeling.

But - it will pass! I can attest to that. I suffered for months and months in that state but recently I finally had a window where it subsided and I felt basically normal. I was able to feel and perceive myself and the world in a normal manner. Sadly, I am back in a wave again and the bad feelings are back, but the good news is - a window will open and it will get better.

I know the unbearable feeling very well (I just had it this morning) but it will ease with time. You have to stay strong. ❤️

Hi, Caitlin. I don’t have any advice for you but I know exactly how you feel. When I quit my Prozac CT I went through the same thing. DPDR was so severe I didn’t know what was happening. I thought and felt as if I was being erased from existence. I felt like a jellyfish under the sun, melting away. I know how horrible it feels. But, please, hold on in there. If not for yourself, do it for me. I am crying my eyes out reading your posts. Please hang on. We love you!

9 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi, Caitlin. I don’t have any advice for you but I know exactly how you feel. When I quit my Prozac CT I went through the same thing. DPDR was so severe I didn’t know what was happening. I thought and felt as if I was being erased from existence. I felt like a jellyfish under the sun, melting away. I know how horrible it feels. But, please, hold on in there. If not for yourself, do it for me. I am crying my eyes out reading your posts. Please hang on. We love you!

Thank you so much for your very kind and thoughtful post to Caitlin @Dnepr1234 , if you are doing to post here, we ask you introduce yourself first in the intro forum. Thanks!

had a panic attack and my mom slapped me and my dad said he hope i kill myself so yeah

Please realise, they are hurting with you. Their hearts are broken. Unfortunately most people in this world are not equipped to handle pain. So they will do and say almost anything to avoid it. It’s not you that caused them to do and say those things. It’s their pain. I’ve encountered similar with my wife of 25 years. Hang in there. And keep us posted.

3 hours ago, caitlinnathanie said:

had a panic attack and my mom slapped me and my dad said he hope i kill myself so yeah

I'm sorry and it may not be my place to say, but it's not appropriate in any way, let alone in your current situation.

Please don't take their frustrations on yourself.

It may be best to avoid interacting with them for a while until things calm down.

Edited May 24May 24 by Fullhealing

31 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

I'm sorry and it may not be my place to say this, but it's not appropriate in any way, let alone in your current situation.

Please don't take their frustrations on yourself.

It may be best to avoid interacting with them for a while until things calm down.

yes i wanted to do this but hekeeps coming upstrairs and scream at me ugh im trying to get me placed outof the house soon so that i can try and stabilize

Hi @caitlinnathanie. I’m sorry you’re going through this incredible stress at home. I know this must be so difficult on top of all the symptoms you’re experiencing. Please do what you think is best to keep yourself physically and emotionally safe. We’re thinking of you.

28 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Hi @caitlinnathanie. I’m sorry you’re going through this incredible stress at home. I know this must be so difficult on top of all the symptoms you’re experiencing. Please do what you think is best to keep yourself physically and emotionally safe. We’re thinking of you.

As @SarahMc noted do what is right for you and keep yourself safe, that's the most important thing for now, if you have the option to be in a more enabling place with less pressure then of course it is better.

Hang in there, we are all with you!

Thinking of you @caitlinnathanie I agree with @Fullhealing what your parents have said and done is simply not acceptable, not in any circumstances can they justify this. I would strongly advice you remove yourself if possible from the situation and find a safe place to recover. I hope this morning is a little easier for you.

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

Thinking of you @caitlinnathanie I agree with @Fullhealing what your parents have said and done is simply not acceptable, not in any circumstances can they justify this. I would strongly advice you remove yourself if possible from the situation and find a safe place to recover. I hope this morning is a little easier for you.

its not, i feel so scared, completely detached from mysel and i feel like a complete stranger in this body its making me sick, it feels like im genuinely trapped

@caitlinnathanie Hang in there! ❤️

Find a safe place for yourself now. But you will be better in time.

21 minutes ago, caitlinnathanie said:

its not, i feel so scared, completely detached from mysel and i feel like a complete stranger in this body its making me sick, it feels like im genuinely trapped

Very cruel but temporary wd trap indeed.

Just keep surviving the sec as far away from stressors as possible and you'll get through it .

We are with you.

please, being a human and a complete stranger i dont want this to take my life, im only 24 but im so scared bc being a human makes me freak out so bad today